


Set Me Free

by Emeli_Thorne



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Abel is being adorable, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Gemma is not the bitch she was on the show, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con in Chapter 6, Jax and Tara fall in love, Physical Abuse, Physical Abuse mentioned and described in some chapters, Substance Abuse, supportive female friendships and relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-07
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2018-02-16 11:58:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 55
Words: 101,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2268843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emeli_Thorne/pseuds/Emeli_Thorne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tara Knowles is a History professor who comes to Charming in the hope of escaping her violent past. At her new job she meets a boy who starts to intrigue her. And then she meets his father, the notorious, good-looking local MC president, Jax Teller. After all that she has been through, will she be able to trust him and let him into her life?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Head Is Not My Home

**Author's Note:**

> Hi :D So, for the last month and a half I've been hooked on Sons of Anarchy. I've read some Jax/Tara fanfiction and decided to try and write one myself. This will be a multi chapter fanfiction and the events will probably deviate from those that are in canon. Hope you like it. Beware, this is only my second attempt at writing fanfiction, so style and storytelling might be a little off in the beginning.
> 
> Originally published: 7th September, 2014 on ffnet
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Sons of Anarchy nor anything related to it. My characters are my own.

As Tara Knowles walked into the ER with a broken arm, a broken nose, and an officer by her side, she made a silent promise to herself she would never again let any man lay a hand on her.

She sat on one of the chairs in the waiting room, as Officer Rickards gave report to a nurse about what happened. The nurse gave Tara a sympathetic smile and told her to wait while the doctor arrived.

  
The smile made Tara sick. She hated when people made her feel the victim even though she was one. Tara hated everyone; the police, the nurse, Josh, but most of all she hated herself for even letting something like this happen. A tear threatened to come down her cheek and she felt a scream die in her throat as she looked at the waiting room lights.

  
_How did it come to this? Why did I let this happen?_

  
Those were the questions she often asked herself when she was alone in her apartment, praying Josh decided not to come.

  
As she kept the pressure on her nose, she recollected her life in Chicago... Just a year ago, everything was fine. She managed to graduate in History and was thinking of moving to a smaller town since the living expenses in Chicago were enormous. Some elementary and high schools have offered her a position and she was glad to have that many opportunities to choose from.  
And then one night, while coming back from a girls' night out with her friends, she was almost mugged.

  
_A tall dark figure approached her just as she was nearing her street and pulled out a knife, demanding her purse and everything valuable she had. Tara panicked, but decided to comply since she didn't have a death wish nor did she want to play the hero. Just as she was giving the guy her bracelet, she was startled by a man's voice who came out of the shadows, carrying a gun._

  
_"Stop! Police!" - the man yelled._

  
_Apparently, that was all it took for the thug to dump Tara's things and run as fast as he could. Tara was still in shock when the man in his late thirties with slightly greying hair approached her and started helping her get her things of the street and in to her bag._

  
_"Thank you so much," - Tara said, her hands shaking, her voice almost cracking._

  
_"That's ok. Are you alright? He didn't do anything to you, did he?" - the man asked with a concerned look on his face._

  
_"No, he didn't do anything, save for scaring me to death."_

  
_They finished collecting her things and he helped her get up. Tara put the purse on her shoulder just as the man offered his hand to introduce himself._

  
_"Joshua. Joshua Kohn."_

_He smiled at her and Tara couldn't help but smile back, -"Tara Knowles."_

  
_They shook hands and Joshua offered to walk her to her apartment building, claiming that one could never be too careful, especially this late at night. Tara accepted even if it was just a five-minute walk._

  
_They walked in silence, and when they got to her building, she thanked him again and said good night before climbing up the stairs. Before she entered, he grabbed her wrist gently making her turn in surprise._

  
_"Listen, what do you say we go out for a drink? Sometime later this week?"_

  
_Tara contemplated the offer for a few moments, the curious way of meeting him making her act cautiously before saying:"Yes, I'd like that."_

  
_She gave him her number and he promised to call her._

  
_That night, lying in her bed in her favourite T-shirt and pyjama pants, Tara Knowles felt happy. In spite of the terrible event from just a few hours ago, Tara felt good things coming her way soon. She smiled and went to caress the bracelet that was on her hand. Only, the bracelet wasn't there._

  
_She frowned, asking herself if she might have lost it in all that panic or if the thief had taken it with him. She wanted to go back and try to see if she had dropped it but decided against it since she was still scared that the guy might come back. Still, tomorrow morning she promised to go back to find it._

  
#############################################################

  
_Unbeknownst to her, Joshua Kohn sat in a bar, drinking double scotch and playing with the silver bracelet in his hands._  
_"Tara Knowles..." - he muttered, looking entranced at the bracelet and imagining the beautiful brunette it belonged to._

  
#############################################################

  
She touched the bracelet on her hand, asking the universe for at least one more shot at life, a shot at a normal life. The way it was before all hell broke loose, destroying her in the process. Tears started pooling in her eyes, but she blinked a few times, not wanting to seem weak.  
A moment later, the same nurse the officer spoke to earlier called her name, and she took a deep breath before standing up and walking into the doctor's office.

  
#############################################################

  
That night was the last one Tara Knowles spent in Chicago.

  
After the doctor adjusted her nose and arm, and saying she had to wear a cast for at least a month, he gave her some painkillers and she was yet again escorted by officer Rickards to her apartment, where she packed all her clothes and few valuable possessions she had, and checked in a motel next to a bus station.

  
The next morning, she bought a ticket to Charming, a place she'd never heard of (hoping Kohn hadn't heard of it either) and vowed to never come back again. As the driver started the engine, Tara looked at the city which was her home for the last seven years for the last time, before taking a seat.

  
Leaving her past, Tara closed her eyes, looking forward to, what she hoped, a much safer future.

 

 


	2. Welcome to Charming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: The beginning of the chapter contains a scene of physical violence. The scene is relevant to know Tara’s mindset and what motivates her to act the way she does in the story. However, you do not have to read through the scene to know what happened since it was partially hinted in the first chapter and it will be discussed in one of the later chapters as well. ### Indicates a change of scenes, and if you do not want to read the first scene, you can just skip to that part.

_The doorbell rang, startling her. It was followed by a loud knock on the door, after which a man's voice that seemed pretty angry yelled:_

_"TARA, OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR! TARA! OPEN THE DOOR!"_

_Tara was frightened. She was unsure what to do. If she let him in, there was a great chance he would do something to her. If she didn't open the door, he would just keep yelling and unsettling her neighbours, and the one that was going to have a problem with them afterwards was going to be her._

_She contemplated calling the police, but that proved to be fruitless in more than one occasion. Josh would just show his credentials and make up some shit story of how he was working on a case and she was his informant and the idiots would always buy it._

_So, she did the only thing left: she opened the door and faced her ex-boyfriend, who was looking at her with a murderous glare. He walked into the apartment slamming the door behind him._

_He wore a white shirt which was half unbuttoned with traces of sweat underneath his armpits, and dirty black suit pants. His breath smelled badly of alcohol. If anyone had seen him on the street, chances were he was mistaken for a crazy drunk._

_As he approached her, Tara kept backing away, stealing glances at the kitchen and thinking how she should have taken something to defend herself._

_"YOU BITCH! HOW DARE YOU! HOW DARE YOU KILL MY CHILD!" - he cried out, grabbing a vase that was on the living room's table and throwing it at her._

_Luckily, it missed her by an inch and it fell on the floor next to her feet, shattering in hundreds of pieces. Tara screamed  in shock which only seemed to anger him more._

_"Josh, stop please!" - she pleaded, but he didn't seem to have heard her._

_He walked over to her, grabbing her by the same wrist he had grabbed her a year ago. Only this time, it wasn't a tender gesture, but a sign that things were about to get worse. He pulled her to his side, shaking her and repeating, - "HOW DARE YOU? THAT WAS MY CHILD!"_

_Tara tried to fight him off, but it was futile. Josh tossed her against the doorframe and she fell, wincing in pain. Not stopping to catch his breath, he kept hitting her and she kept screaming at him to stop._

_Grabbing her by the hair, he slammed her face into the floor; she stopped screaming when she saw the blood dripping from her nose. It hurt like hell. Tara was certain it was broken._

_Pulling herself to her feet, she turned around and came at him full force, wrath circulating her body. Pushing him with all her strength, he hit the coffee table and fell on it. Soon, his shirt was tainted with blood droplets and pieces of glass were peeking out of his hand._

_"BITCH!" - he screamed again, lifting himself of the floor._

_He used his good hand to slap her, causing her to fall again. Then, he took the wooden table leg and kept hitting her in the arm which was already hurt from the first time he hit her a few months ago. His actions were followed by Tara's curses and screams._

_At that moment, the police came slamming the door and four officers pulled out their guns, yelling at Kohn to move away from Tara. Quickly however, she fell unconscious, unable to fight anymore._

################################################################

She woke up screaming, just like every other night for the past two weeks.

The motel manager was barely tolerating her. She could only imagine what he was going to say this time. But, how could she explain to him that she wasn’t purposely having nightmares and waking up soaked in sweat, her heart thumping against her chest like it was going to jump out any moment now.

Instead of staying in the motel any longer and running the risk of being kicked out of it, Tara decided it was high time she found a place for herself.

She took a shower, washing away at least some of the tension collected in her body. After that, she got dressed and combed her long brown hair.

Her arm was healing nicely, as the kind doctor from the local St. Thomas hospital said. Tara was looking forward to taking of the damn cast. The bruises on her face were all almost gone and her nose was looking pretty good too.

Walking out of her room with her purse on her shoulder, she locked the door and went exploring the town.

################################################################

The town wasn't as small as she thought it would be, which actually made her smile. There was now even smaller chance of Kohn finding her here (if he's ever let out of prison).

She crossed the street and walked down the main street, soaking in all the beauties of the town and its residents; twenty minutes later, after asking some older gentleman, she found herself in front of a real estate agency. This would be her first, well technically second, step towards her new and safer life.

Opening the door, she was greeted by a tall redhead in high heels wearing a pink dress, who instructed her to wait for Mr. Adams. Tara glanced around the office as she did so, wondering just how much she would have to pay for her new accommodations.

Five minutes later, a man in his early thirties wearing a grey suit, with moustache and stylized black, offering his hand, "Good day, ma'am. I'm Hector Adams. Please, step into my office."

Tara shook his hand and gave him a weak smile, before following him into his office situated on the left side of the agency, overlooking the street. He gestured for her to sit on the chair in front of him.

"Would you like some refreshment?" - he asked, reaching for the phone.

"No, thank you," - Tara said as she sat down, dropping her purse on the floor next to the chair.

Mr. Adams eyed Tara curiously before asking, "How may I be of assistance to you, Ms.-"- he stopped, remembering that she hadn't introduced herself yet.

"Tara Knowles."

"...yes, Ms. Knowles."

"Well," - Tara started with her story which she had come up with that morning, - "I came to the town couple of weeks ago and I've been staying at the motel. I-I had an accident and I really need some time for myself, but that is not possible with so many people coming in and out of the rooms and all the noise..."

She wasn't lying about the noise. The truth was, it drove her crazy, because with every thump and every scream (even if it was the scream of pleasure), she would jump out of fright, remembering that night. And her nightmares weren't helping her either.

"Completely understandable"- he said, then continued, -"So, you are looking for a house for yourself?"

Tara didn't miss the subtle insinuation in his question that she was single, and by the spark in his eyes, ready to mingle. It was a very uncomfortable situation for her, but one she had to endure if she wanted to finally stand on her own two feet (so to say), without worrying that her nightmares were annoying the motel guests.

"Yes, a one bedroom house. And if possible not far from the police station."  _Better safe than sorry,_  she thought.

Tara's odd request was met with a frown by Mr. Adams but he still managed to stay professional. He cleared his throat before he spoke again.

"Well, we have several houses that are available for rent. Two of them are in close proximity to the police station. Would you like me to take you there so that you can choose?"

Smiling politely, Tara answered, - "Amm, no. I'll take whichever is the cheaper."

Adams nodded and said he would go get the documents for her to sign and the key to the house so that she could move in as quickly as possible. He exited the office, leaving Tara alone in her thoughts.

A few minutes later she was brought back from her reverie by a loud roar of the motorcycles. She turned her head towards the window and saw at least five bikes with fierce looking bikers riding towards the town border.

They were led by a blond biker with a cigarette in his mouth and dark shades. They all wore leather kuttes with  ** _Sons of Anarchy_**  patched at the back.

Tara scowled. She had no idea the town had a motorcycle club...

 


	3. Home

It took her a week to paint the house, buy some new furniture and a new bed but finally, Tara Knowles had a place she could call home in Charming.

The house wasn't all that big: it had a small bedroom with a bathroom, a kitchen adjacent to the living room and another bathroom. It was enough for Tara. She never did enjoy lavish life and luxury. She had learnt from a very young age to appreciate everything she had, because it could be taken away from her in a blink of an eye.

The backyard was what she loved the most about the house. It was surrounded by a wooden fence so it was shielded from possible intrusions by the neighbours, and it had a swing set.

For the past week, after a hard day's work, she would come to the backyard, sit on the swing and pretend she was still a child. She played with her imagination in which her mother was still alive, pushing the swing, making her giggle with pleasure. Her father was not a drunk; he was sitting on the garden chair, looking at the two with love and adoration in his eyes.

But the beautiful images always dispersed too soon, leaving an unbearable emptiness in her heart. Emptiness, sadness, disappointment, and, in the end, the feeling of endless loneliness.

She was sitting on the swing pondering what her next move should be, when she heard the roar of a bike. Standing up, she approached the backyard door and opened it slightly.

Yet again, she saw the blond biker.

He was on his bike which was parked a few houses down, talking to some petite brunette with shoulder length hair. They seemed to be very friendly, and after the two spoke for about five minutes, they hugged and the blond took off on his bike, leaving the noise of his bike engine as the only trace of his visit.

The brunette went into the house and Tara felt ashamed for intruding on other people's privacy. Locking the backyard door, she glanced at the swing, sighed and went into her new home.

################################################################

Mornings in Charming were amazing for Tara. After noisy and hectic Chicago, this quiet little town seemed just perfect for her and her psyche. She was finally getting a full night's sleep without any nightmares or images of Josh popping into her head.

After four weeks in Charming, her physical wounds had already healed; she could only hope that the emotional ones would, with time, heal too.

They removed her old cast and put a new one, which was suppose to stay on her arm for another month; thank God there was no nerve damage. Her nose looked normal again and all the bruises were almost completely gone. Now, she was finally able to go look for a job.

The thing was, they only had one elementary school and one high school. Chances of them needing a history teacher were very slim. Still, she had to try.

So, taking a shower and putting on dark jeans, a white buttoned shirt, and jacket she hoped looked professional enough, Tara made her hair in a ponytail and nodded in approval at her reflection in the closet mirror.

"Time to conquer the world... well, Charming Elementary at least."- she laughed at her own words and headed towards accomplishing her next goal: getting a job.

################################################################

Tara couldn't believe she got the job. Not that she doubted herself, although she thought it unlikely that they would hire a stranger to the town and not a local. Though her CV was indeed better than Mrs. Jones's.

She decided to treat herself with an ice cream, so she went to a local ice cream shop she saw on multiple occasions while passing by.

The bell rang as she opened the door, indicating to the employees that they had a customer to serve. The shop was kind of cute, with dark brown booths on the left side and light paint on the walls. Tara looked around in wonder; she was surprised the shop was empty since the day was hot and people usually loved these kinds of places.

A short bald man came out from the door behind the counters and grinned at her, -"What can I get you, ma'am?"

"I-"

She stopped mid-sentence when she saw that the man had no fingers. Well, not human at least. Instead, he had prosthetic fingers. Shocked, she gaped but quickly collected herself.

"One scoop of apple flavoured ice cream, please."

He nodded and scooped the ice cream in a cone and handed it to her.

"Here you go," - he said, again with a grin.

"How much do I owe you?" - Tara asked, pulling her wallet out of her purse.

Just as the man started talking, the wooden door in the back opened, and both she and the short man turned their heads in that direction, to see a group of men walking out, all wearing leather kuttes. They lifted their gaze towards her and that's when she saw him again: the blond.

This was the first time she could actually see his face.

He had blue eyes, the colour of the ocean. His beard was short, the same colour as his hair. It suited him so well. He wore jeans which hung low on his hips, with a knife attached to his right side, a white T-shirt with a word SAMCRO written on it, and the kutte.

His whole appearance screamed danger and despite that, Tara felt the need to caress his beautiful face, which seemed to have been etched with worry.

When their eyes met, Tara felt something stir in her belly. She got nervous. Dropping the gaze, she turned back to the man behind the counter and repeated her question.

"It's on the house."

Tara turned towards the voice, only to realise it was the blond that spoke. He had a wide smirk on his face and a playful spark in his baby blue eyes.

Feeling uncomfortable around so many men and especially the blond who seemed to have some kind of an effect on her, she wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.

She saw that the blond wanted to say something, but she quickly pulled out a five dollar bill out of her wallet. -"There is no need for that. Here, five dollars. That should be more than enough."

She gave the short man the money and practically ran out of the shop. Just as she was about to cross the street, she heard the blond yell after her.

However, she didn't turn. She just kept walking, afraid that he might come after her.

He didn't.

################################################################

Later, when she was on her swing in shorts and tank top, she wondered why she had acted the way she did. Why did she get so scared?

Was it because of Josh and what he did to her? The dangerous aura surrounding those men? Or the blond guy in specific?

No. She didn't want to think about anything tonight.

The day was wonderful, she finally had a job and she did not want to allow anyone or anything to spoil that for her.

In spite of her firm resolution, that night, a certain blond with ocean blue eyes managed to sneak into her dreams, caressing her face and telling her that she was safe. It was weird and thrilling at the same time.

A smile played on her face, for the first time in three weeks loving the dream she was having.


	4. New Day

 

Tara loved her new job.

Even though the kids were sometimes disobedient and they lacked concentration, they were all kind to her, so in matter of days she grew attached to them. Remembering what it was like for her at that age, she couldn't help but cut them some slack.

She became very fond of the female co-workers. They were all very nice to her, and she valued their efforts to make her feel welcome in their community. The male co-workers were a different story. Since she was "new meat", they were all inviting her for dinners and dates, wanting to get into her pants.

Yet again, Tara felt appalled by men. Were they all like that?

It seemed to her that there were only two types of men: they were either obnoxious in their attempts to seduce her or violent enough to make her run away from them.

She hated men. Hated the way they looked at her, the way they talked to her like she was stupid enough to fall for their pretentious asses, the way they tried to make some physical contact with her, by say, touching her arm or her back. If her relationship with Josh taught her anything, it was that you can never feel safe enough around men.

So, in her first days at work, she caught herself flinching every time a man spoke to her or brushed against her, even if it was involuntary. Over time, she managed to get her paranoia under control, but there was still a little voice in her head warning her not to trust anyone.

On her second week of working in Charming Elementary, one of the teachers, June, asked Tara if she could help her with the preschool kids since her co-worker Anne couldn't come that day. Tara had only two classes for the day, so she gladly accepted.

It had been quite a while since she had been around children of that age. They were all too cute and Tara felt quite happy around them. By the end of the day, even though she was pretty exhausted, she was glad to have accepted to help her colleague.

Around three o'clock parents started coming to pick up their children and Tara watched a parade of toddlers walking out of the class, telling their parents what they had done that day. They spoke loudly, laughing and jumping around to take their belongings from their little lockers.

The entire time she was in that classroom, she couldn't help but notice a boy, about five years old with blond hair and a sad look on his face which he had almost the entire day. Tara tried to cheer him up, but the kid wouldn't budge.

He kept to himself, barely speaking to anyone. He held his little blue book close to his chest and opened it from time to time, looking at the pictures and every once in a while he would smile.

It was a tiny smile, so tiny it almost couldn't be classified as a smile, but Tara noticed that it was the only thing that made the little man show any emotion, so smile it was.

The boy, whose name she found out from June was Abel, now stood close to the door, expecting his parent.

"Where is my favourite grandkid?" - a voice cooed and Tara lifted her gaze from the boy to find an older woman, probably in her late forties with brown hair and washed out highlights, tight black jeans, and leather jacket standing at the door, looking at the boy with obvious adoration. Abel squealed and ran to her, hugging her tight.

"Grandma!" - he screamed in delight as she started to tickle him.

Tara approached them wanting to introduce herself, but the woman noticed her and before Tara even had a chance to speak the woman asked in surprise:

-"Who are you?"

Her tone was not friendly at all and her question was full of suspicion and mistrust. Tara felt offended, but opted not to show it. The woman was glaring at her like she could set her on fire just by looking at her.

"My name is Tara Knowles. I was a substitute teacher today since Anne got sick,"- said Tara, lifting her head and straightening her spine. She didn't want to look cowed.

The woman still eyed her warily, but her stand eased a bit after Tara's introduction.

"Oh. I'm Gemma Teller. I'm Abel's grandmother," - her voice was raspy and she pouted her pink lips.

"Nice to meet you. I was wondering if we could talk for a second. I just have a few questions."

Tara wanted to talk about Abel's behaviour, but the woman cut her off immediately, -"Sorry. Now is not a good time. We have to go."

She took her grandson's hand and they left the classroom, leaving Tara in complete confusion and annoyance. Tara never liked being interrupted so rudely, especially when she had something important to say.

Like now.

She wondered why the woman - _Gemma_ \- acted so defensive.

################################################################

When she got back from work, Tara was met by an almost empty refrigerator and two rotten apples in a bowl on the kitchen table.

"Shit!"

The last thing she wanted was to go shopping so tired, but her stomach was already growling, indicating she was famished.

The store was luckily not far from her house and she could easily carry grocery bags. Luckily, because she had yet to find a car.

The store was relatively large, very bright and its aisles were filled with all sorts of beverages, instant meals, fruits, vegetables and toiletries. All in one, one might say. Tara took the shopping cart and started looking around to see what she might need.

After a forty minute shopping and a cart full of groceries, she was standing at the registry.

A blonde in her twenties was at the cash register looking bored to death. She had a cigarette in her hand and was working slowly. Tara crossed her arms and waited another five minutes before the blonde finally said: "$50,45."

Tara was giving the girl the money when a familiar voice coming from behind her said, - "I'll pay for it, Shelley."

Tara turned to him, looking pretty aggravated at the blond biker in front of her.

"H-Hi Jax. Sure thing."

The girl didn't look so bored right now. She adjusted her bra and pouted her lips in a, what Tara thought looked like, fuck-me-right-now face.

Tara glared at the blond, taken aback by their re-encounter and his intrusion, -"I don't need strangers to pay for me."

Tara tried to give the girl the money but she just looked at the blond with wanting eyes as if she wanted to dry hump him there and then. It was a sick sight to look at.

The blond laughed and Tara flinched, surprised by the beauty of that sound. She turned to him and looked at him in wonder, not believing that that sound could actually belong to a badass biker she saw him as.

His eyes were fixed on hers, and she saw something in them... It froze her; she couldn't move. She just wanted to look into his eyes, those amazing baby blue-

She shook her head breaking their trance, shoved the money to the blondie, grabbed her bags and went for the door.

The biker, Jax, caught up with her though. He opened the door for her, but by the look on his face, he didn't miss how she winced when he accidentally grazed her hand.

"Let me help you with those bags, darlin'. You're wearin' a cast," - Jax said, reaching for one of the bags.

"As I said before, I don't need the help of strangers," - she said, but added not wanting to seem impolite, -"Thank you anyway."

After they broke their gaze at the store she never looked at him again, she just pushed past him and started walking home.

_Can't she have a break from this guy?_

That was the third time she saw him and it pained her that he even managed to creep into her dreams, just because he was full of false chivalry. It pained her that the blond stranger made her feel safer in her dreams than any of her boyfriends ever did in reality.

_Was she really that easy?_


	5. Am I Getting Attached?

_Two days after their initial encounter, Josh called Tara and they arranged to meet in some fancy cafe Tara had never heard of. It seemed to her that Josh was trying to impress her, which was unnecessary. She was already somewhat smitten by his chivalry from the other night._

_Her wardrobe consisted mostly of jeans and shirts; she owned one dress that she had worn on her father's funeral and she figured it was hardly the occasion to wear it again. So, she called her friend Beth and they met at the mall where Beth helped her find a new dress. One that was not too inviting but that was also not too conservative. They found one and it suited Tara's figure. It was teal, knee length with thin straps. Beth made her hair in a bun and did her makeup._

_Josh picked her up in front of her apartment at eight p.m. with a bundle of damasked roses. Tara couldn't remember the last time she was that excited._

_They spent the evening chatting about their lives. Apparently, to Tara's great surprise, Josh actually was police. Well some sort of. He was an ATF agent and was hoping to get a better position soon, since the case he was currently working on was a high profile one. Tara told him about her passion for history and why she had decided to study it in the first place._

_They talked about all sorts of topics, but the only one they didn't even touch upon was regarding their families. For Tara, it was a sore subject, one that she gladly avoided telling people about. Save for few members of extended family, no one knew about the Knowles household and what went down._

_She had a few happy memories of her family, and that was it. Everything else was sunk in dirt, cheap alcohol, sad love songs, and rotten smell of vomit. Just thinking about it made her stomach twist. No. She did not want to remember. She did not want to relive those painful moments._

_She especially didn't want to remember the coldness of her mother's body as they took her to the morgue, the drunk shouts of her father who became a shadow of his former self, her own screams when she found her mother dead on the kitchen floor..._

_"I found something the other night on my way back home..."_

_Josh took out a familiar silver bracelet out of his jacket pocket and handed it to Tara. She gasped, looking at the bracelet and then at him in shock._

_"Josh! Oh my God! I cannot believe you found it! Thank you so much."_

_She held his hand as she thanked him and he felt satisfied to have provoked these kinds of feelings in a woman like Tara. He only hoped that the next time it would be easier to get to her..._

_Much later in the evening, he accompanied her to her door and gave her a light peck on the cheek, not wanting to rush things, and Tara was thankful for that._

_She was now even more enchanted by that man, not knowing that she was starting to feel exactly what he had wanted. And soon, he expected her to be completely dependent on him._

_Walking down to his car, Kohn smiled, thinking how easy this had been. Much easier than the previous times..._

################################################################

A few days had passed and Tara was called in three more times as a substitute teacher. Apparently, Anne was going on a maternity leave and had all kinds of bureaucratic nonsense to settle.

Tara didn't mind. Thanks to the principal's help she managed to arrange her schedule as not to disturb her students'. Honestly, she didn't mind at all. Being with those kids in a way helped her with her general discomfort around people. She enjoyed being with them, drawing, even playing with Barbie dolls and toy trucks.

However, in all those occasions, there was one child that intrigued her more than any other. Abel still kept himself to himself, either playing on his own or flipping through the pages of the book he always brought with him. Tara managed to make him open up to her just a little, but she could still see that it was going to be a difficult task.

_Unless she found some kind of help..._

She really wanted to talk to child's grandmother who always came to pick him up, but the woman would instantly shut Tara down without even letting her finish her sentence.

It became a very frustrating situation for Tara. _How come offering one's aid is so hard to accept?_

The other thing that bothered her greatly was the fact that the only face she ever saw was Gemma's. No mother, no father, no siblings or some other relative. Tara was concerned for child's mental well-being. She knew from personal experience just how dangerous social isolation could be.

When his wife died, instead of looking after his daughter, her father began drinking, opting for alcohol as his coping mechanism, forgetting that he had a child he was suppose to be a father to.

Tara practically raised herself. Her high school years had been, in her own words, hell. The classmates would pick on her, the popular girls would make fun of her, and the boys thought that just because her father didn't care about her, she was promiscuous and ready to jump from bed to bed.

Her college years were somewhat better. Just like in high school, she had buried her head in books, rather than partying and doing whatever people her age did. She wasn't a stuck up. It was more like she feared, that because of the tragedy in her family, people would judge her and expect her to fail.

And she didn't want to let that happen. She wanted to prove to everyone, especially those shitheads from her high school that Tara Knowles was better than that. Better than them. It was a matter of pride.

She was in quite friendly relations with her colleagues at the college, but the only person she thought of as her real friend was Beth Anders. Tall, dark haired beauty was the only constant in Tara's life during her college years. Boyfriends came and went, but Beth was always there and Tara was immensely grateful to have such person in her life.

Today however, Tara decided she won't let Mrs. Teller ignore her. When the clock marked three, Tara stood on the threshold, expecting Mrs Teller.

As always, Gemma came wearing high heels, tight pants and a V-neck shirt which showed a scar on her chest. She walked with her head held high like she owned the place. A frown appeared on her face when she saw Tara.

"Well, hello teach. Didn't expect to see you here again." Her voice seeped with venom.

Tara didn't let the woman's behaviour intimidate her. At least, she didn't want to show that. She braved herself, and then said, "You'll be seeing me around here more often now. The other teacher is going on a maternity leave and I'll be filling in her place."

Tara smiled, and Gemma eyed her from head to toe with a disapproving look.

"I thought you were a professor, not a preschool teacher. Isn't this a little below your pay grade?"

Tara could see that the woman in front of her was in for a fight and Tara wouldn't let it get that far. She immediately cut to the chase.

"Mrs. Teller, I really need to talk to you about your grandson. This is important."

"Did he get hurt?" - she asked with a worried tone.

" No. But I think we ought to have this conversation," - Tara insisted.

"Well, I have to go make lunch. I don't have the time to chat with you. Now if you'll excuse me..."

She moved pass Tara and a few moments later she was holding Abel's hand and walking out, leaving Tara in a state of complete anger.

The woman seemed to think she was above all. And Tara Knowles was set to prove her just how wrong she was.

################################################################

Tara knocked on the door of the principal's office, determined to finally get to the bottom of whatever was going on with Abel and his family.

After polite and pleasant greetings, Tara sat on the chair in front of the principal's desk and began elaborating her worries regarding the little boy. The principal was reluctant to do anything because they all feared the boy's family - something Tara did not understand.

Not that she knew much about them. Just that they belonged to the local MC and that no one ever dared to defy them or mess in their business. However, Tara kept pushing the subject, claiming that the child's mental health was more important than anything else.

Finally, the principal agreed to call Abel's father and arrange a meeting with him and Tara. Tara felt relieved.

Hopefully, pretty soon she'll meet the mysterious father.


	6. I Will Survive... Hopefully

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: The chapter contains mentioning of past physical violence/abuse and implied rape. The scenes are relevant to know Tara's mindset and what motivates her to act the way she does in the story. However, you do not have to read through the scene if you feel uncomfortable by that. You can skip the scene after the sentence Tara shuddered at the memory... You can deduce what happened from everything mentioned before that sentence. ### indicates a change of scenes, and if you do not want to read about the abovementioned event, you can just skip to the next part.

 

 

Sundays were always special to Tara when she was a child.

Her family would have a barbeque and they would invite the neighbours. It was always very loud and the street would echo with their laughter and chatter.

Tara would play with her friends, exchange doll outfits and play dress up. Her mother would exchange recipes with the neighbour ladies, make lemonade and ice tea for the children and entertain everyone with her joyous attitude and witty remarks. Her father would talk football with his friends while cooking the stakes and the manly laughter and quarrels would rang out the Knowles backyard.

After her mother's death, the barbeque parties were long forgotten, the laughter was replaced by shouts and curses, gentle caresses with slaps, the smell of juicy freshly cooked steaks with that of vomit and urine. The image of a kind and caring father gave way to that of a filthy drunk who spent his days drinking himself into oblivion.

If only Tara could have been like that, act like she had no care in the world. It would be nice to constantly live in the past, without thinking of the consequences for the future.

It is easy to only think of oneself, one's own needs and desires. But one is not alone in this world and one has to learn to coexist with others. Otherwise, bad things start happening. Especially if one forgets the important things, such as family.

The first time he hit her, she was ten years old. She accidentally dropped a bottle of whiskey she was carrying for him. He stood up from the couch at record speed and slapped her hard.

Little Tara had that bruise for two weeks before it started to fade away.

As the bruises became more frequent and the shouts louder, Tara started to pull herself away from everything and everyone, even her own father. He would, of course, have sober days when he would regret everything he had said and done, begging for her forgiveness.

With time, Tara became more resilient and much braver in her dealings with her father. However, no matter what he did, no matter what he said, the images of him teaching her to ride a bike or swim were what helped her get through the day and all the insults.

After she had left for college, she hoped never to set foot in Ranville again. Chicago was supposed to be a new start. But her father's death made her come back.

His funeral was the most pitiful event Tara had ever witnessed.

_Since the moment she crossed the town's border, it rained nonstop. The air was filled with some horrible scent of burned flesh, ash and acid. Tara couldn't explain how she could possibly smell that, but she would swear she had smelled just that._

_Save for her, the priest and the gravedigger, there was no one there. And even the two seemed glad to wrap it up as soon as possible, leaving Tara alone with her father yet again._

_She smiled then started laughing hysterically until her laughter became a choked scream. Sobbing, her thoughts immediately went to her childhood and it hurt her to feel the same way she did then: alone and frightened. Just like when she was a child, there was no one to help her cope with her pain and suffering._

_When she felt calm enough, Tara put the flowers she had brought with her on the fresh mound and drove away not once looking back._

_That town was her past. Her most cherished and the most horrendous memories originated there. Now, there was nothing else, no one else for whom she would consider coming back there._

_Past is past. Here future awaited her in Chicago..._

################################################################

Sundays in Charming for Tara consisted of doing the house chores: cleaning, vacuuming, ironing...

After completing her tasks for the day, she would go to the park and watch the kids play.

There wasn't anything creepy behind it. It was just her way of coping and torturing herself with what could have been...

As a young girl, Tara always imagined what it would be like to have a child. A part of your being, someone you'd have an eternal connection to.

She knew her relationship with her child would be nothing like that of her father and her. Tara would love her child with every atom of her being. She would protect it from everything and everyone. She would give it all the best

And when she got pregnant by Josh, she knew this child wasn't it.

No. This was not a child conceived in the process of gentle and yet passionate lovemaking.

There was no romantic setting, no scented candles, no I love yous, no moans of pleasure and no feeling of safety in the arms of her loved one.

Tara shuddered at the memory.

...

_Josh came to her apartment late at night, even though they agreed it was all over between them._

_Tara didn't want to open the door, but upon seeing just how miserable Josh looked, she invited him in. The moment he got into the apartment he kept saying how sorry he was, that he wanted, no, needed her back._

_Tara just stared at him, waiting for him to finish his monologue, praying he would leave soon. She did not feel safe._

_But when he noticed that she did not have the slightest wish for them to get back together, he got mad. His face looked like that of a mad man. He reached for her hand, but she quickly stepped back. That surprised him, so he reached again only to face the same action from Tara as before._

_She was his woman. He had every right to touch her. He didn't know what she was playing, but he would prove to her that she couldn't get just toss him aside when she was done with him._

_No. He ought to teach her a lesson..._

_He grabbed her arm and pulled her into her bedroom while she tried to free herself from his grasp. He pushed her on the bed and climbed on top of her, holding her hands above her head with one, and trailing her body with the other hand._

_Tara screamed and he slammed his fist into her face, making her dizzy. He unzipped his pants and pulled down her shorts and panties._

_As she came to her senses, she tried to fight him off, tried to scream but he hit her again, then put a hand on her mouth preventing her from disturbing him._

_..._

_Tears streamed down her face as he made the final thrust and came inside her. She was exhausted from his fist hitting her, his hand keeping her from crying for help, his violent abuse of her body..._

_After he finished his "job", Josh kissed Tara's cheek, dressed himself and left._

_When she heard the door close, Tara rushed to bathroom and vomited. Tired, pale and unstable on her feet still she somehow managed to get into the shower and wash herself._

_She rubbed the sponge violently against her body, scrubbing his scent, his cum, his kisses... She felt as if she could scrub off all her skin and she would still feel filthy._

_The next morning she went to doctor to make sure he hadn't contracted her with something. Also, she hoped..._

_However, deep down, she knew..._

_She never thought for a second of keeping it. Immediately upon finding out, she booked an appointment at the abortion clinic and a few days later, it was done._

_That thing would have been her eternal connection to him. That thing was not made with love._

_It would have been a constant reminder how weak she had been, how poor her choice of men had been, how yet again history was repeating itself: no one came to her rescue._

################################################################

Tara kept her eyes on Abel who was looking at the door. He had told her earlier that day as they were playing, that his daddy would come to pick him up.

In matter of seconds, the child went from indifference to complete excitement as he ran towards the door. He cried "Daddy!" and jumped in a man's arms.

"Hey buddy! How was your day?" - a voice all too familiar asked.

Tara gaped in shock as the man let Abel down and turned towards her.

He was surprised all right. Still, he recuperated sooner than she did and spoke with a smirk on his face:

"We meet again. But I don't think you can run away this time."

And he winked.


	7. Well, Hello, Mr. Teller

Tara was still in disbelief.

Of all people, all the freakin' bikers that could have been the notorious Mr. Teller, it had to be the blond Apollo.

_Did she just refer to him as the Greek god?_

Swallowing the lump that formed in her throat, she recovered and managed to put on a brave face, though this guy genuinely scared her. Or was the fact that she didn't know him, but still found him attractive enough to be in her dreams what scared her?

But she had to keep it professional. Her personal feelings towards the blond biker had to be set aside. After all, he was here as a father of one of the kids.

"I assume you're Mr. Teller."

She mentally slapped herself. _Of course he's Mr. Teller, Abel just called him his father._

"I'm Ms. Knowles, a substitute teacher."

He gazed at her, still keeping the smirk on his face, drawing Tara's attention to his lips.

They were full, and that beard only made them look more perfect. Tara lifted her gaze to his eyes only to be drowned in their depths.

"Hi. I'm Jax. Does Ms. Knowles have a name?"

 _Oh, he was cocky!_ Tara wished nothing more than to wipe that stupid grin off his face. _Well two can play that game, Teller._

Rolling her eyes, she almost said something obscene, but remembered that Abel was right there.

"She does, but Ms. Knowles will suffice," - Tara smiled.

"Abel, honey, will you do something for me?" They boy looked at her and nodded.

"Can you go play over there for just a few minutes? Your daddy and I need to talk."

She pointed towards the area of the classroom with dozens of toys scattered all over the floor. Abel obeyed, trotting toward his favourite toy truck, leaving his daddy alone with his teacher.

Tara gestured for Jax to sit on the couch by the window while she sat on the chair opposite him, crossing her legs. Jax's attention was immediately drawn by the move, his eyes following her long legs until his gaze reached the edge of the skirt. He cussed internally, wishing she'd worn something shorter...

Jax sat as close to her as possible, leaning against the couch and caressing the armrest, looking at her with those baby blues...

"You know, there's enough space here for both of us."

Tara gulped, looking at his hand. _Can one be turned on by someone's hands?_

His long fingers trailed up and down the arm rest and Tara started imagining all sorts of things he could do with those fingers... _What is wrong with you?_

"I'm fine here, Mr. Teller. I called you here because I wanted to talk to you about your son."

At the mention of his son, Jax leaned forward, eyes wide, "Did somethin' happen?"

"No, Abel is fine. I just... I wanted to talk to you about your family status."

Jax visibly relaxed, returning to his previous position.

"Why?"- he asked, narrowing his eyes.

Tara felt uncomfortable, like she was intruding their privacy. However, she had to do it for the sake of the child.

"I ask because I've notice some things about Abel. He is not very social. He keeps to himself mostly. Hardly ever interacts with other children. He doesn't speak much. I'm worried about him,"- Tara said honestly.

Jax didn't know what to say.

Being completely truthful, he wasn't around much to notice those things. Being the SAMCRO President wasn't easy and it took a great tool on his family life. He felt ashamed for not paying better attention to his son. But in most cases, by the time Jax came home, Abel would already be asleep and Jax didn't want to disturb him.

"I didn't know that. What can I do?"

Tara sighed, "for starters, tell me about your family."

Jax rubbed his beard in a nervous manner before he spoke.

"His mother's a junkie and he doesn't see her much, and his father is... something. His grandma looks after him most of the time."

Tara realised that it was hard for him to talk about his family. His brows furrowed as he spoke, and a look of embarrassment passed his face before he put his mask on again.

"I'm the President of MC Sons of Anarchy. Maybe you've heard of us? Anyway, that takes up a lot of my time."

Jax wanted to excuse himself, but it seemed that he only made things look worse.

Tara arched her eyebrow at him, "Mr. Teller, that is no excuse to neglect your own child!"

Jax watched her with wide eyes. He was not used to people calling him on his bullshit.

He knew very well that it was a shit of an excuse, but he wanted to, for some unknown reason, look good in her eyes. He didn't want her to think he was a dick of a father, even though he was.

Tara continued, feeling like she just got started.

"You are his father. Abel needs to have a healthy relationship with you. He needs to know that you are there for him at all times. Your parenthood can't be based on seeing your son in passing or talking to him for five minutes a day. He needs to see you as a constant in his life.

Since his mother is not present in his life as much as she should be, it is on you to step up and work twice as hard to make his life as normal as possible. And a grandma is no replacement for a mother.

See if you can integrate your wife in your son's life, at least to make him feel that he is not alone. Talk to him, read him stories before he goes to sleep, ask him about his day... These might seem as trivial things, but believe me; they will make an immense change for him."

Jax listened to her, mesmerized. He felt like a child being scolded by his teacher for his bad behaviour. A _hot_ teacher for that matter, but still. It would've been embarrassing, hadn't it involved Abel.

His son meant the world to him and he was prepared to do whatever it took to assure his son of his love. Ms. Knowles was right. He needed to become more involved.

"I will do whatever I can on my part to integrate him in this little society. He needs to play and interact with children his own age."

Jax nodded. In that moment his cell rang. Taking it out of his pocket, he took a quick glance before he said he had to go.

They both stood up.

Since they sat close to each other, when they stood up, Tara almost bumped into him. She could smell cigarettes, motor oil, and some other scent which she couldn't place. She found herself inching closer to smell him better, but quickly realized what she was doing so she took a step back.

Jax took notice of what she was doing and wished she would just come closer. But then she stepped back and he found himself disappointed because of that.

_It was better that way, anyway. Who knows what he might have done had she been just an inch closer..._

She bit her lower lip and his little friend twitched. Who could have imagined that this pretty teacher could be such a challenge. And such a turn on...

He moved, wanting to make some distance between them before he did something stupid...

"Abel, we have to go now," - Jax called and the toddler came running towards them.

"Bye Tara. See you tomorrow." - Abel said and hugged her legs.

Tara felt overwhelmed by this. She laughed and hugged him back. Abel went to fetch his jacket and his backpack, and then came back to them.

Jax offered his hand to Tara and she shook it. Though it wasn't a normal handshake. Jax casually brushed his fingers on the inside of her hand, as if he had somehow read her previous thoughts.

She blushed and Jax gave her a wide grin with that mischievous spark in his eyes,"until next time. Tara."

He turned and left with Abel, leaving Tara even more blushed.

Her name sounded so beautiful when he spoke it. He pronounced it in a very different way than everyone else did.

Somehow, it made her smile.


	8. Naughty Boy/Girl

 

_Tara was woken up by a loud noise coming from her kitchen. Stretching in her bed, she was reluctant to get up._

_The previous night, Josh took her to theatre to see 'Hamlet'. It was his gift for their four-month anniversary. He knew very well how much Tara loved the theatre and all that was related to it._

_Tara was of course thankful for his gesture; she was amazed by the play itself, the costumes and the power the characters had over the audience. Even though Hamlet was performed numerous times and even though she had read it many times, there was always an element of surprise to it._

_After the play had ended, they went to her apartment and made love._

_In those four months, they had made love plenty of times, but Tara never really managed to experience an emotional connection during the intercourse. Of course, she had attributed it to her emotional scars. Truthfully, she never felt it with any of her boyfriends. For a while, she dwelled on it, thinking how broken she must be. After that, she just learnt not to over-think things and to give herself time._

_The other problem was that she never truly gave herself to any man. It is not that she did not want to; she just couldn't. Tara wanted to be with someone with all her being, body and soul connected to that one person that makes your heart skip a beat. But it was something much stronger than her, something deep inside her that had never allowed her to feel safe enough to let go. To let go of her control, the very little she had and surrender herself to the love of a man._

_None of her boyfriends knew her. Not really. They all knew the Tara she introduced them to: smart but shy, polite but private. She only let them see the parts of her that were easy to control._

_None of them had ever met the Tara that hit her father on the head with a beer bottle for which he later needed stitches after he got too drunk and got too aggressive._

_Or the Tara that beat the crap out of Lindsey Channing after she had cornered her with her possy in the girls' toilet at their high school._

_Or the Tara that went to her mother's grave every day for four years, begging her to send some help because she couldn't take her father's beatings anymore._

_No. They only saw what they wanted to see in her- how she wanted them to see her. And she let them, hiding her true self from fear that her dark side might overshadow the little light she had in her._

_Was she feeble? No. But her insecurities made her painfully aware of all the baggage she was dragging behind her, that at one point she just stopped fighting against the windmills and grew accustomed to this knew Tara that was emerging._

_She didn't have it in her to go against anyone anymore for whatever reason, so she just embraced the mask that was forming, using it as her shield against the world._

_Josh came into the room carrying a cup of freshly made coffee for her. He leaned and gave her a peck on the lips, handing her the cup. She smiled and his gaze fell on her wrist._

_"Will you ever tell me about that bracelet? What's the story behind it?"_

_Tara felt like screaming. This was the tenth time in the last three days that he had asked her that. Couldn't he take the hint?_

_She never spoke about her family, her past or anything too close to her heart. Why did he think that each time he posed that question the answer would be any different?_

_She rolled her eyes, "Josh, please. We've talked about this. There are certain things you can't ask me about. And the bracelet is one of them."_

_He frowned, deciding to drop the subject, for now at least. Nevertheless, Josh was very keen on finding out what the fuck was up with that shitty piece of jewellery._

################################################################

"Fuck!" - Tara mumbled opening her eyes. Turning to her left, she saw that the digital clock on her nightstand showed 2:43.

She was having a nice dream about a certain blond - _shirtless and spread on her bed with her on top of him, trailing kisses over his chest. His hands caressed her backside and Tara felt comfortable warmth spreading all over her body. His fingers trailed her hips until they came to the inside of her thighs._

_His fingers brushed against her clit and-_

That's when she woke up. She felt guilty and embarrassed to have wet dreams about a stranger, that handsome yet vicious looking biker; it bothered her very much.

Maybe she wouldn't feel as bad as she did, but the fact that he was also the father of one of her students made her feel even worse.

For all she knew, he might be married, but she doubted it. The way he talked about Abel's mother and also the fact that she didn't see a wedding ring on his finger (not that she looked... she totally didn't), made her feel just a tiny bit better.

And now, here she was, awake at (she glanced again at the clock) 3 a.m. all hot and bothered, dreaming about some guy she just met and whom she knew almost nothing about.

It was wrong on so many levels. She had just survived a brutal beating by her ex-boyfriend, just moved into a new town and got a new job. No distractions were welcomed and she was mad at herself for indulging her imagination.

Tara tossed and turned for another hour, unable to sleep because her own brain had tricked her into a perverse fantasy. Realising that she won't be having any sleep until she was satisfied, she threw aside the covers and started taking care of her business, the image of Jax floating in her mind.

################################################################

"The mountains and seas surrounding Greece led to the rise of city-states. Each Greek city-state was run by its citizens, or members of the political community. The growth of Greece depended on establishing colonies and trade throughout the Mediterranean region... A direct democracy involves all citizens in voting and making laws. Most modern democracies are representative; people are elected to represent a group of citizens..." - Tara spoke for another half an hour, teaching her fifth graders about Ancient Greece and its social and political development.

Glancing at her wristwatch, she saw there were only two minutes left, "Ok class, your assignments for next week will be outlining the differences between Sparta and Athens; what did each city state focus on developing, their culture and relationship between the two. Also, read chapter nine about Peloponnesian War. Have a good day."

Just as she said the last sentence, the bell rang and students rushed on their break.

That was her fourth week working there and the initial excitement still hadn't ceased. Being around new people, new kids did her well.

She was packing her textbook and papers when someone knocked. Thinking it was probably one of the students who forgot something, she said, "Come in."

"Tara."

Tara stopped breathing for a moment. She lifted her head, and tried to compose herself before turning towards him.

"Mr. Teller. What are you doing here?"

His eyes travelled from her legs up her body, over her breasts, stopping on her face, slowly soaking in every inch of her, making Tara very self-conscious.

All of a sudden, her sleeveless knee length purple dress felt too short and too revealing.

When his eyes met hers, she felt her cheeks were on fire. The images from her dreams invaded her mind and she could swear that Jax knew what she was thinking about because he grinned wide in an almost teasing kind of manner.

He was dressed in his usual attire: the kutte, jeans and unbelievably white sneakers, but this time instead of white T-shirt he wore white undershirt and Tara could practically see his abs. His biceps were huge. Her throat became dry and she almost reached out her hand to touch him.

He still had the stupid smug grin on his face and Tara really wanted to hit him just to wipe it off.

"And it's _Ms. Knowles_ to you."

"I'm sorry, Ms. Knowles. I came here to give you back your money."

Tara frowned. _What money was he talking about?_

He reached into his pocket and took out a five dollar bill, offering it to her, "As I said before, the ice cream is on the house."

Tara shook her head.

"No. That is highly unprofessional. Besides, if you're giving free ice cream to everyone, how do you make any money?"

Jax chuckled and stroked his beard and Tara felt like melting at the sight. He was too adorable for his own good.

"You are not everyone, Tara,"- he said simply.

_Aw, that is so sweet. Get your shit together, Knowles._

"Mr. Teller, what are you really doing here? I doubt that a five dollar bill kept you up at night," - she crossed her arms, in what she thought was an intimidating gesture, and arched her eyebrows.

"What if I told you I came to see you?"

She was taken aback by his words. Gulping, she said, "I'd say that is highly inappropriate, Mr. Teller."

Jax sighed.

"Can't you just once call me by my name? Mr. Teller sounds like an old man's name."

"And why would I do that?"

"Come on," - he said playfully. "Say it. Just once."

He cocked an eyebrow looking at her, coming closer. Tara's breathing hitched at his proximity.

"Mr Teller, I-"

"Tara. Just say my name. Where's the harm in that?"- he said in a low, seductive voice.

Their eyes were locked on each other, but just then, after an immense internal battle Tara forfeited; before she knew it, his name breathily left her lips.

"Jax, I-"

He closed his eyes and smiled to himself, satisfied. When he opened them, again his gaze dropped to her lips. She was chewing on her bottom lip and it took every ounce of strength he had in his body not to kiss her. Once again, his friend pushed hard against his zipper, just like the last time he was this close to her.

Tara's chest was rising quickly from the lack of oxygen. She felt like that proximity was suffocating her. She held tight against the table behind her, afraid that her hands might do something wrong. _Like grab his blond hair and kiss him senseless, or trail down his abdomen..._

Just then, his cell phone rang, breaking their trance. Jax almost grunted as he took it out and answered.

It gave Tara time to collect herself, straightening her dress, all of a sudden finding some creases. She felt her body ready to combust and she was more than glad that he obviously had a busy schedule.

"Ok, Chibs. Be there in five."

He ended the call and turned towards her.

"I have to go. But we can continue this next time."

Smirking, he went for the door when Tara spoke.

"There is no _this_."- she stated firmly.

"Oh, but there is."

He winked at her and walked out.


	9. Boys, Boys, Boys

T _ara went out with her best friend Beth to unwind and get her mind off some things. And by things she meant Josh. And yet, somehow, her thoughts drifted to Josh, their relationship and the way she felt about everything._

_The two went to their favourite bar, sat at their usual booth and order their drinks. Beth noticed Tara's bushed expression, hunched posture and overall crappy mood. Worried about her friend, she knew she had to make Tara open up and speak about whatever was bothering her._

_"What's goin' on, hon?" - asked Beth, playing with a strand of her curly black hair._

_Tara brought her beer bottle to her lips and took a sip, looking at the pub's entrance. Beth noticed she was jumpy, even scared._

_"Hon, what's up with you? I can tell somethin's botherin' you."_

_Tara looked at her friend, not sure if she should say anything. But her head and chest felt like exploding from all the pressure and misery she felt. Somehow, talking to Beth had always been so easy, and liberating._

_"Beth, I think I need to break up with Josh."_

_The sentence was present in her mind for three months now. However, saying it out loud kind of meant the end, a genuine end of whatever she felt for Josh._

_"Why? Did he do somethin' to you?" - her friend was concerned._

_Tara took a deep breath and started explaining Beth all that had happened in those three months._

_After that night, when he took her to the theatre, Josh started acting overly possessive towards her._

_He would call her every single day, supposedly to check on her and see how she was. At first, it was nice to know someone cared for her. But when those calls started happening ten, fifteen times a day at random times, it began to piss Tara off._

_She tried talking to Josh, tried to explain that there was no need to check on her constantly and he admitted he had exaggerated in his actions._

_Tara thought that was it, until about a month after that she noticed his car following her when she was on her way to meet Beth. The next day, he followed her to her doctor's office. Tara saw him sitting in his car the entire time she was in the waiting room._

_Then, the week she and her colleagues went on some four-day conference in Utah, he followed her there, even took a room at the same hotel she was staying in. When she came back, he didn't say anything about it and she didn't mention it. His behaviour was like a giant elephant in the room threatening to bring down the house._

_However, after he started following her to the market, grocery store, even when she was taking out trash, Tara decided she had had enough._

_They talked and Tara asked him to stop with his foolish behaviour because it wouldn't bring anything good. Josh apologised, agreed to stop and make everything like it was before. He said that he felt insecure in their relationship because Tara refused to talk about her past, her family and that damn bracelet._

_Again, she told him that her past was her past and that no one and nothing would persuade her to talk about it if she didn't want to. As far as the bracelet thing was concerned, it was a cherished gift from someone from her past and she made it clear that the topic of the bracelet was closed for good._

_In his mind, Kohn was aware that the fucking bracelet was from some guy. A guy she must have loved very much to keep that shit present after all this time. He feared that Tara might break up with him and find someone else; he could already see that she was distancing herself from him._

_She didn't call him as often, so he called her in desperate attempt to hold onto her. He saw how some of her male colleagues, and even some female, looked at her. But she was his._

_Tara Knowles was unlike any woman he had ever met. She was gentle, but not as fragile as most of his previous girlfriends had been. She was smart and accomplished. He feared she might realise how beneath her he was. She was a queen and he was her servant. He didn't know what would happen to him if she left him. At least, that was his reasoning._

_"Not just that you need to break up with him; you have to. He sounds like bad news, honey. Break it off before it's too late," - advised her Beth._

_And Tara did._

_The break up was messy, loud and it almost got physical. Thank God Beth was there. Josh said some mean things, trashed her place and left only when Beth rang the police._

_The following months he would just randomly show at her place, insult her, hit her, search through her things. Tara called the police, but they would always turn the blind eye leaving her to her own fate._

################################################################

Tara's relationship with Abel progressed nicely. The child started opening up more, and even began playing with some of his classmates. He was still withdrawn, but small things like these were nice to see. Tara figured her advice to Jax –Mr. Teller- paid off.

Since their... Whatever that was in her classroom a week and a half ago, she hadn't seen him nor did he come for Abel.

Honestly, Tara was glad for that. She didn't like what his presence did to her. It made her feel pathetic. All the control she had enforced upon herself since she came to Charming went to hell when he was around. Barely keeping herself in check the last time, she wondered what might happen if they were to find themselves in the same situation again.

Tar did not want to seem easy or slutty. She had a feeling Jax was used to that kind of girls. He was probably used to getting what he wants.

Well, Tara Knowles was nothing like that. She loved her job and she was not about to lose it because some darn biker got horny for her.

Besides, he probably had a ton of women lining up to serve him in this town. Why should he cling to her?

This was just another one of her stupid arguments which she knew was a crappy one.

She knew that because she would not cease to his ways, is why he would try even harder.

################################################################

Too tired to make launch, Tara changed her clothes, made a messy bun and went to the local diner.

Two days ago, they finally took off her cast. Everything was fine but the doctor was concerned about the damage her arm had suffered in the past and he feared that the next time Tara wouldn't be that lucky.

 _There will be no next time_ , she thought to herself.

She sat at the only free booth and waited for Ruby, the owner's niece who worked as a waitress, to come and take her order.

Gazing outside the window, Tara wondered what Beth was doing. She missed her so much. Her heart ached knowing that she would probably never see her again. It was too dangerous to call her or arrange to meet her.

Tara didn't know what happened with Kohn, but somehow she guessed he managed to talk his way out of the assault charges. The man seemed to have a fairy godmother that looked after him.

Too bad growing up Tara hadn't had one too.

"Excuse me?"

Tara turned to see a tall man with buzz cut in a police uniform looking at her. She panicked, thinking Kohn had found her and somehow managed to convince the local law enforcement to help him get to her.

"May I sit with you? It's just that all the other booths are occupied..." - he offered her an apologetic smile.

Tara relaxed and smiled back.

"Ahm, yes of course."

The man sat, taking off his jacket and placing it beside him. He turned to her and introduced himself, "I'm David."

"Tara."

Ruby came and took their orders. Several minutes later, she brought the food and the two dug in, famished. Later, David ordered them coffee and they spent the entire time talking about anything and everything.

He was a pleasant company and for a while, Tara forgot all about the blue-eyed biker.


	10. Bad News? More Like Deadly News

David was a surprisingly pleasant company. He was the local Sheriff's deputy, married to the town's tailor, Jennie. They had two kids, six-year-old twins Sam and Frenkie.

To Tara's great surprise, she did not feel uncomfortable one bit around him. The aura of calmness that surrounded him, in a way, started surrounding her too the moment they began talking. Another upside was that she felt safer knowing she had met a local police officer who was that kind and responsible towards his job and his family.

He spoke with adoration about his wife, who was now six months pregnant. His eyes had some kind of special glow and Tara wondered if a man would ever speak of her the way David did about his wife. Also, he seemed extremely proud of his sons while talking about their accomplishments, no matter how trivial they seemed.

Tara was pretty vague when talking about herself, opting to talk about her life before Charming as little as possible. Instead, she focused on her new job and the kids. Then she remembered Abel and Jax. She blushed at the memory before saying to David:

"You know, there this kid in the class, Abel Teller. I was wondering if you could tell me anything about his father, Jax?"

Tara played with her thumbs, nervously looking at the Deputy who took a sip of his coffee before speaking. It seemed as though he was thinking whether or not he should say anything. But he did, and he looked dead serious, a scowl forming on his face.

"The guy is bad news, Tara. He is the president of local Sons of Anarchy charter. He has more blood on his hands and more deaths on his conscience than any criminal I've ever arrested. That kind of life is dangerous. Those people don't care about anything or anyone but themselves and their own gain. Guns, drugs, escort service, porn industry... You name it, they have their hands in it. If I were you, I'd stay as far from them as possible if you don't want to end up tangled up in that kind of life."

"I was just asking because of the kid. I am not planning on getting myself involved in that sort of thing," - somehow, Tara felt like she was lying. She couldn't explain why she felt like that, but she thought that might have something to do with Jax and their classroom meeting.

"Hope so, because sadly, most people get involved whether they like it or not. You seem like a decent person, Tara. I'd hate to see something happen to you because of that damn MC. You don't need that shit in your life."

David gave her his serious look and hoped that she had received the message. Jackson Teller was someone to fear of, not play nice with.

The two spoke for another half an hour before David had to go to work. He gave Tara a lift and they said polite goodbyes.

She locked the house and went to take a shower. It had been a long day and her body definitely sensed it. Hot water eased her tense muscles, washing away the stress she felt after her talk with David.

################################################################

Tara couldn't sleep. This time it wasn't because of sexual frustration. Though it did have to do with Jax Teller. To say that David's words frightened her would be putting it lightly. She was petrified at what she had found out.

She thought they were just a motorcycle club, not an actual gang. Let alone that they had their hands in such dangerous businesses.

Porn and escort was nothing. But arms and drugs? No. That was too much.

It had become clear to Tara why the principal was so reluctant to call Jax. Who knows what he was capable of. Who knows what he had done during his lifetime to scare people that much...

How many have died of his hand? How many have died because he was the one to provide them the poison they destroyed themselves with? How many have died because he was the one to put a bullet to their head?

The questions and doubts started piling up, giving Tara an awful headache.

...

The next morning she woke up more tired than she was when she went to sleep. She could hardly eat, sicken by the thought that she had to meet with Jax that day.

How would she look him in the eye when all she could see was him holding a gun to her head, with that smirk of his?

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying but failing to erase that image from her mind. She got up from her kitchen table and went to her bedroom to get dressed.

#############################################################

"This was good, class. I'm glad you took these assignments seriously. Next week, we're going to talk about Greek mythology, one of my favourite subjects. Come prepared. Have a nice day."

Tara packed her things and headed towards the other side of the building, where the preschool classes were held. She left her things in her locker and went to the classroom. The kids rushed towards her, telling her about their fights and what the other had said or taken from them. Another group was at the desk, drawing something.

Tara glanced up and saw June by the window, talking to Abel. Well, she seemed to be the only one doing it. Abel was just holding his book and looking straight ahead, never making an eye contact with her.

Tara scowled. _Something was wrong_.

She walked towards them, her head filled with all sorts of scenarios, none of which she liked. She crouched next to him and touched his hand, making him turn.

"Abel honey, what's wrong?"

He looked at her for a few moments before wrapping his little arms around her neck. Tara felt her heart sink at the gesture. She could hear him sob in the crook of her neck, wrapping his arms around her even tighter.

"June, what happened?" - Tara asked her colleague.

June shrugged, "I honestly don't know. He's been acting like this since he came this morning."

Tara returned her gaze to the child in her arms, lifting him then telling June, "I'll talk to him."

She took him to the teacher's room at the end of the hallway. Sitting on the black couch opposite the door, she sat him in her lap and caressed his soft blond hair. When he was finally calm enough, he lifted his head and looked at her. Tara wiped the tears off his face with her thumb.

Speaking in a low voice, she asked him, "baby, what's wrong?"

He sniffed, speaking in a broken voice, "d-d-daddy's not home."

Tara felt her heart clench at the boy's words. He was so young, and yet, he seemed so damaged. Even more than she was when she was a child, and she was older than he was now. No child should ever feel that kind of emotional pain inflicted by its parents.

She will have to have a word with Jackson Teller if he even decides to show up. For now however, she focused on the tiny human sniffing and sobbing in her arms.

"Oh, baby. I know that it was not ok of him to go. But he is supposed to come to pick you up today. And he'll take you to the ice cream shop and you'll choose whichever flavour you want. Then, he'll take you to the park and play with you. You two are going to have so much fun together."

At Tara's words, Abel stopped crying. He smiled a shy smile.

"He will?"

He was obviously unsure. Probably because his dad never did these sorts of things with him. Tara was pissed off, but pushed that feeling down.

Jax Teller was an ass but now she had a child to take care of. Dealing with his sorry ass will have to wait.

Putting on her widest and most sincere smile she said:

"You bet! And if he doesn't, I promise I'll take you, ok?"

He nodded, hugging her tightly and kissing her cheek.

_Oh, Teller. You are so done._


	11. Fuck You, Tellers!

 

It was already 5:30 p.m. and still, no sign of Mr. Teller.

All the children had already left with their parents, June went home, and Tara and Abel were the only ones in the classroom. Tara was getting crankier by the minute, hating Jax Teller with every ounce of her being.

Standing her up was not ok, but she was an adult and those kinds of situations were common. But standing up his own kid? That was the one thing she could never forgive him.

The poor child was looking forward to spending time with his father, and the jerk didn't even show up. He could have at least called his mother to come pick up his son.

That only showed Tara that Mr. Teller was a dick who only thought of himself.

Coupled with the lack of sleep and the fact that she had barely eaten anything that morning, Tara's body felt as heavy as a rock and her head was thumping like someone was drilling a hole in her brain.

Sick of everything, she took Abel, went to the principal and said she was going to take Abel home because she was too exhausted to stay and wait for Mr. Teller to arrive, if he ever intended to.

The principal gave Tara Gemma's address and Tara left the school with the toddler holding her hand.

################################################################

"Where are we going?" - Abel asked as they approached the ice cream shop.

"Remember when I said that if your daddy doesn't buy you an ice cream today that I'm going to?" - Tara smiled opening the door.

The boy's eyes scanned the place, and when he saw the ice cream chest with all sorts of flavours, he squealed with delight. He turned to Tara and asked, wide eyed with hope in his voice, "You're gonna buy me ice cream?"

Tara laughed and ruffled his hair, "Well, I did promise, didn't I?"

He looked indecisively at the chest until he finally spotted the one he wanted. Pointing at the apple flavoured one, he said, "I want that one. My favourite."

Tara smiled. That was her favourite flavour too.

The man from the previous time Tara was there came, and when he saw Abel he grinned widely.

"Hi, Abel. Aren't you suppose to be home?"

"Chucky! Tara wants to buy mean an ice cream! The apple-flavoured one!" - he said with childlike delight.

The man, whose name Tara just now found out was Chucky, looked at her with a frown. Tara already knew what question was coming.

"I'm his teacher. Mr Teller failed to show up today. I couldn't wait for him so I decided to take Abel home myself. This is just a slight detour."

Chucky smiled and gave them their ice creams, refusing to charge them. They said their goodbyes and Tara and Abel headed towards Gemma's. Abel licked his ice cream satisfyingly, every once in a while stealing glances at Tara and smiling his trademark shy smile.

"I'm sorry your dad didn't come. And I'm sorry about the park. I'll take you some other time, promise."

Tara said, feeling guilty that she had promised him something earlier, but couldn't fulfil.

"That's ok. This is great too," - he grinned widely.

################################################################

When they got to his grandma's house, Tara knocked. A few seconds later, the door opened and Gemma appeared. She was surprised to see Tara at her doorstep, but more so when she saw that Abel was with her.

"Abel honey, what are you doing with Ms. Knowles?" - Gemma hugged him, keeping her eyes on Tara.

"She bought me ice cream!"

"Did she now?" - Gemma eyed Tara with slight disdain, before letting Abel into the house, telling him to go wash his hands while she spoke with his teacher. The boy complied, heading towards the kitchen.

Gemma looked at the brunette in front of her, who for some reason irritated the hell out of her. Putting her hand on her hip, she glared at Tara.

"What is this? Are you a nanny as well, _teach_?"

Tara looked at the woman, anger boiling in her. Fuck you, old lady! - "No, but unlike your son, I actually care for this child. Your son didn't come to pick him up, and neither did you. That is very irresponsible behaviour. Tell Mr. Teller that if he doesn't show up tomorrow at three o'clock straight, I'll start handling this situation."

"Watch what you say, _teach_."

"I'm not afraid of you, Mrs Teller or your son. Tomorrow, three o'clock sharp. Good day."

Tara turned and went her way, leaving Gemma with her jaw dropped.

################################################################

The next day, three o'clock sharp, Jax Teller and his mother stood by the door, waiting for the other parents and kids to go before they came in. Ten minutes later, after everyone was gone, Tara appeared and invited them in. Abel held his backpack as he ran towards them.

"Daddy! You came!"

The surprise in the boy's voice broke Tara's heart. _Poor child._ Her anger towards the Tellers grew even bigger because of that.

"Yeah buddy. Listen, grandma's gonna take you to uncle Opie's, ok? Daddy's gotta talk to Tara, but I'll come later, ok?"

He hugged his son and kissed him on the temple.

"Bye, Tara. See ya tomorrow," - he waved at her.

"Bye, sweetie," - she waved back.

Abel went with his grandma, who gave Tara a venomous look before heading to her car.

Tara turned her attention to Mr. Teller, who had his hands in his pockets, nervously shifting from foot to foot. He could barely look her in the eyes and Tara was glad that for the first time, he was the one looking uncomfortable.

"Please, sit," – her voice was cold and stern.

She gestured for the couch, and just like last time, she sat at the chair opposite it. This time she made sure there was enough distance between them so that the situation from the last time didn't repeat. Also, this time she wore jeans, not a skirt. She met with him with a clear goal in her mind and there was nothing that could mess that up.

Not his beautiful eyes, not his handsome face nor his charm.

Jax on the other hand, sensed that this time, he shouldn't try anything with Tara. Somehow he knew she was pissed and saying or doing anything like the last time would only do worse. He just sat on the couch, waiting for her to start talking.

"Mr. Teller, I must say that I did not expect this. I did not expect that we would have to have this conversation again. I told you the last time: Abel is still very young. He needs a stable male role model in his life. He needs his father to be there for him. You agreed, saying that you weren't aware of his behaviour. And then you said you will be paying more attention to him."

With each sentence Tara's voice became louder.

"Where were you yesterday, Mr. Teller? Or better yet, where were you for the last two weeks? Abel cried the entire day yesterday because you failed to show up. Because you forgot you were a father first. I can't see what could be more important that your own child!"

Now she was practically yelling. Jax blushed, feeling like he should at least defend himself.

"I had some business to take care of for the club."

He wanted to sound casual, but his voice was strained. Again, he felt like he was just digging a deeper hole for himself. And in two seconds he knew for sure he had said the wrong thing because Tara was fuming with wrath. She stood up abruptly.

"The club? How do you even dare say something like that?! This child is your son, your own flesh and blood. Nothing can be more important than him! Nothing! Do you have any idea what you're doing to him? That poor boy is asking for you, your love and you keep ignoring him! You keep choosing something else over him. You are being irresponsible towards him!"

Oh, now she hit a nerve. Jax stood up to defend himself.

"That club is the way I provide for him! I'm not choosing anything over him. I'm doing this _for_ him!"

The next second, the argument turned into a full blown screaming match.

"Is that what you tell yourself at night so you can sleep better? This is abuse! You are abusing your son!"

Jax was starting to lose his patience. And that sentence was the last drop. - "I have never laid a hand on him!"

"Well you might as well do just that. Because the emotional and mental scars he's going to have because of you are far worse than that. I told you this was a serious matter! I told you not to ignore him! I told you a grandma cannot act like his mother! I told you to be there for him! And you didn't listen! "

Tara felt bad for telling him all of that, but she just couldn't control herself. Somehow, Abel's situation seemed to reflect her own, when she was a child.

"I did! But this was something I couldn't delay. If I could've, I wouldn't have left in the first place. Because I did listen to you! Because I love my son! Because I care for him!"

Now they were both fuming, fire burning in their eyes as they looked at each other.

"This is the last time I'm telling you this, Mr. Teller. Get your shit together. You are a father. Act like one. "

Jax was done. He couldn't argue with her anymore because he didn't know what else to say. Somehow, he knew she was right. Jax just nodded then headed out, when Tara said:

"And Mr. Teller? It's Ms. Knowles to you." She smiled bitterly.

He gaped at her, jaw dropped, before smirking and shaking his head. He turned towards the door.

"Good day, _Tara_."

And left.

_Damn him. Does he always have to have the last word?_


	12. A Love Like War

One of Tara's last memories of her mother was when they had gone to the beach together.

_Her father had to work, so it was just the two of them and a whole day of sand, water, the sun and her beautiful mother. Her mom had packed sunscreen, food and drinks; they sat in their car and drove to the nearest beach._

_Thankfully, it wasn't very crowded and they had managed to find a nice place in the shades. Tara had immediately run to the water and her mom had gone after her._

_They both loved summer, the sense of the sun on their skin, the sea. Most of all, the loved sunsets. Those beautiful colours that appeared while the sun was saying its goodbye for the day kept them entertained until it was time to go home._

_Tara would take dozens of pictures, capturing the memories they were creating. Her mom lying on a towel, in a navy blue swimsuit, turquoise pareo wrapped around her, with her long brown hair tucked safely under a big sun hat. The waves as they crashed against the shore and the nearby rocks. The two of them, as her mother gave her a kiss on her cheek, while Tara grinned broadly._

_Tara loved her father dearly, but the moments she spent alone with her mother were so rare, that she cherished them even more than the time they spent together as a family._

_They talked, laughed, ate their favourite ice cream (apple flavoured for her mother, and strawberry flavoured for Tara), then headed back home._

_Her mother made her husband's favourite dish: stuffed chicken breast, Tara made salad and her father set the table. Again they laughed, sharing stories about the day they had. Her mom told him about a prank Tara pulled on people at the beach; how Tara convinced everyone she saw sharks in the water so the people started charging off the beach scaring the lifeguard. Tara was the only one left in the water, laughing like there was no tomorrow._

_Her father laughed at the story, pulling her by her ear in a playful way, and saying:_

_"You little devil..."_

_That was the last family dinner they ever had. The next morning Tara found her mother dead on the kitchen floor. The pathologist said she had a stroke. Just like that, she was no more._

_For little Tara there were no more sunsets, no more laughter at the dinner table, and no more a mother to take care of her._

_From then on, she was on her own._

################################################################

Since their meeting two weeks ago, Jax came to pick Abel up almost every day.

Tara was glad to see Abel happier. She was sure that if she ever saw that child cry again because of his father, she was prepared to kick his sorry ass. Not that she would be capable of, but still.

A curious thing started happening too. Whenever Jax came for Abel, he would also steal casual glances at Tara which for her were anything but casual. She felt her cheeks burning every time their eyes met, his cold blue to her warm green.

Tara knew the attraction was there. However, she decided to ignore it, fearing what might happen if she eased up and let him enter her life.

He was a dangerous man. Almost everyone she spoke to said that. And Tara didn't need danger in her life. What she had been through growing up and her relationship with Josh... It was enough for a lifetime.

 _He was killer. A stone cold killer_. Then why the hell did she have wet dreams about him?! Wouldn't that be a turn off?

Lately, she had them every night and every time she would wake up just before things got too serious. The result: she had to take care of her needs on her own.

She started running into him more frequently. At the store, at the diner, though she could have sworn he hadn't come there before (a fact later confirmed by Ruby), outside the school when he would drop Abel off. And every time he would look at her with hunger in his eyes. Hunger that Tara herself started to feel.

She fought her urges. She did.

But it didn't help that Jax was a good looking man, especially with his hair slicked back. His beard... God he looked so good with that beard, so fierce. And his eyes seemed to be hiding many secrets, dangerous ones, but also painful ones. And those freakin' hands. Tara loved imagining them on her. And those rings...

He didn't scare her as much anymore. More like, everything on him turned her on all the time.

She seriously didn't know what was happening to her. This was the first time she was so interested in a man. This was the first time a man like that had crept into her dreams. She was sexually frustrated and the fact that the man responsible for her state was in her vicinity almost every day, looking so fuckable, drove her mad.

Tara knew very well that she should not get involved with him. It would be life threatening, messy and so much more. Also, it wouldn't be professional at all. She might lose her job, the respect of her co-workers and her students' parents. She felt so stupid for even considering having something with him when nothing even happened.

She shook her head, unable to think about him and any kind of possibilities related to him without having a killer headache. This was occurring on regular basis, that Tara feared she might be going crazy.

################################################################

As soon as the parents started coming, Tara excused herself and went to the toilet. Splashing some water on her face, she tried to calm herself. Her heart was beating fast, her hands were trembling, and her throat was dry.

She knew why that was happening. Tara was no fool. Whenever Jax Teller was near, her heart felt like exploding in chest, her stomach made double flips. The anxiety she felt rose to a completely new, unfamiliar level. _Why did this man affect her so much?_

She was sick of feeling like this. It wasn't normal. It would never be normal. Those kinds of feelings were unlike anything she had experienced.

That was what scared her; that those feelings might ruin her completely. She had barely spoken to him, hardly knew him, but the depth of whatever she started to feel was what made her want to scream. Scream from the top of her lungs.

All that just to make the feelings go away. She wanted him gone. Maybe if she never saw him again, if she avoided him at all cost, if she stopped coming to the preschool area, maybe... Just maybe...

The door suddenly opened and Tara turned quickly.

"Tara," Jax said, looking concerned. -"Tara, are you ok?"

 _No, no, no!,_ Tara thought.

"Mr Teller. This is women's toilet. You have no business here," - Her tone was harsh.

“I saw you running. I thought somethin' happened."

He came closer.

"Don't!" – she raised her hands in front of her.- "Just don't come any closer."

A hurt expression appeared on Jax's face. -"Are you afraid of me? I'm not going to hurt you. I would never hurt you."

His words sounded so honest, making it hard for Tara to keep the walls she had to build around her heart up.

"What? No, I'm not afraid of you," - she said it matter-of -factly, being completely sincere.

In her mind, she knew she should be afraid. _He was a killer_ , she repeated in her head like a mantra, knowing that should keep her on high alert.

Jax's face relaxed, a small smile appearing.

"Then what is it? Why do you act like that around me? "

Tara frowned, "act like what?"

"Like you are genuinely scared of me. I told you, I'd never hurt you, Tara."

Tara's hands were still shaking so she held onto the sink, not wanting Jax to notice it. She was looking at the small pool of water swirling down the drain.

"I am not scared of you. And stop calling me Tara. I'm Ms. Knowles."

He laughed. _Oh, how she loved that sound._ It made it even more difficult for her to control her quickened breathing.

"Why are you so keen on me calling you Ms. Knowles? Is that some sort of a fetish?"

 _That idiot._ Tara giggled. _Stop it Knowles!_

"No. It is not a fetish. I just need us to stay professional; that is all."

"And you didn't answer my question. If you're not scared of me, then why do you run away every time you see me?"

She could sense there was something else he wanted to add, but didn't. Like he already knew the answer, but asked her anyway. What could she say to him? How could she explain that every time she saw him, she yearned for him. She wanted him, wanted him to want her.

How could she logically explain that to him, without sounding like a nymphomaniac?

"I-I.."

She couldn't say it. _Calm down_ , Tara, she willed herself.

Jax approached her, putting his hand over hers on the sink. She made a move to remove her hand, but he took it in his and turned Tara towards him.

...

They were now face to face. Gazing into her eyes he saw the same thing he knew she could see in his eyes.

Lust. Pure, undeniable lust.

Her lips were parted, as if inviting him to come closer, much closer... _What the hell was she doing to him?_

He saw her chest rise and fall like she was desperately gasping for air. But he knew it wasn't air she wanted. He knew because he was acting the same.

He couldn't control himself anymore. He didn't want to.

So he did the one thing he wanted to do since he saw this brunette in his shop.

He kissed her.

 


	13. Powerless

Jax was kissing her!

That was the only thing Tara Knowles could register at that moment.

Their lips locked and she felt the rush of adrenaline coursing through her body. She pushed her hands into his hair, kissing him violently, pouring every single desire that had appeared in her mind from the moment she met him into it.

He pinned her against the wall, holding her hips. Jax kissed her the way he never kissed anyone before.

Sure, there was lust. But there was something more as well. Something neither she nor he recognised. It didn't matter at that moment anyway.

At first, there were only their lips, but then Jax pushed his tongue into her mouth. Tara welcomed it with her own, loving the taste he was leaving in her mouth: tobacco, mint and Jax. Their eyes were closed, enjoying the sensation of having the other surrender with all their being in that one kiss.

Tara drew his face closer to hers, not wanting to waste any second of what was happening. The kiss was all consuming; her body reacted to it. She pushed herself against him, wanting to quench that wild thirst that had been keeping her up at night. She felt him react too.

He pushed his groin forward and Tara smiled, pleased to know that he wasn't immune to her either. He bit her lower lip and she moaned. He let out a growl and pushed his hands underneath her shirt. Her flesh burnt at the touch.

When he got to her breasts, her conscience kept yelling that he was a killer; she remembered the image that had appeared in her mind the first time she found out what he did for living: him holding a gun to her head.

She pushed him away, breathing heavily. She looked at him, not believing what actually happened.

_She was an idiot. How could she let this happen?_

She pushed pass him and ran. Tara heard Jax call out for her but she wouldn't stop. Taking her things from her locker in the teacher's room, she took a few seconds to compose herself. She felt tears burning in her eyes, but this wasn't the place to cry.

Taking a deep breath, she opened the door and made sure Jax wasn't there. There was no chance in hell she could see, let alone talk to him right now.

################################################################

She got home in record time and immediately went for the bathroom. Emptying the entire content of her stomach, Tara leaned her back against the cold tiles, sensing another wave of nausea coming up.

After ten minutes kneeling before the toilet, she got up and rinsed her mouth which tasted like acid. Washing her face and neck, Tara felt a bit better. Avoiding the mirror, she took off her clothes and put on her pyjamas, lay in bed and started crying.

First, the tears just came streaming down her face. Next, she started sobbing only to erupt in choking wails.

Tara felt like the craziest person in the world. She escaped one violent relationship by a hair's breadth, and what did she do? She got herself involved in another one.

It seemed like she had a death wish. Her father almost killed her once when he had beaten her up; the situation repeated several times with Josh; and now this.

 _How could she let her emotions cloud her judgement?_ Tara resented herself because for the first time, she did feel weak.

Weak because of Jax Teller. Weak because she let herself be seduced by him. Because for the first time she felt her heart beat faster. Because for the first time, after that first kiss, she did want more. She did want to go further. Because for the first time she felt alive.

When Jax kissed her, it was like seeing a whole new world. Desire, lust, the will to surrender.

There was no mistake about it. She would have given herself to Jax hadn't her conscience screamed at her.

Tara almost cursed at herself, before remembering that it was for her own good. She was looking after herself when no one else did. Tracing her lips with her fingers, she hated herself for enjoying the damn kiss. For wanting to taste his lips again.

She knew she was probably one of many women who had fallen for his charm and flirtatious ways. That was probably the worst thing of all: now she was like all the other women who couldn't wait to spread their legs for Mr. MC. God know how many of them he had slept with. She would probably be one of his conquests.

The next morning she called in sick. She couldn't bear to see Jax again. Her head was filled with all sorts of horrible ideas and Tara just needed time for herself. She needed to rationalise whatever she had experienced the previous day.

################################################################

When Jax came for Abel, most of the children had already left. He was hoping to see Tara that day.

"Daddy, daddy!" - Abel ran to him.

Jax knelt and hugged his son. Noticing how tightly the little boy held onto him, Jax knew something was wrong.

"Hey little man. Did you have fun today?" - Jax asked.

"No," - Abel said in a sad voice.

Jax scowled. He lifted Abel's head from his shoulder so that they were face to face.

"Why not? Somethin' happened?"

 _If one of those kids did something to Abel..._ Jax would have to have a talk with their parents. No one made his son cry.

Even though it sometimes didn't seem like that, Jax loved his son. The boy went through so much shit since he was born. Jax only hoped that he won't ever have to relive those moments from the hospital when he found out that his mother had found his junkie ex wife overdosed while still pregnant with Abel.

The doctors fought to keep Abel alive, in spite the slim chances the boy had. With a tear in his stomach and a congenital heart defect, no one expected him to survive.

However, thanks to a doctor who flew in from Dallas to treat Abel, his son lived. The doctor said the little man was strong and that because of that strength, a full recovery was expected.

Jax spent every minute he could with him. Watching his son so defenceless, so little, made him want to kill Wendy. It was all her fault. Abel was born ten weeks premature because she was a fucking coward. She knew that her child's life would be in danger and she still got high. Jax couldn't even look at her without wanting to strangle the bitch.

He shook his head, returning to present time. He was still waiting for Abel to tell him what happened to make him look so sad.

"Tara didn't come today. She didn't come yesterday. Does that mean she won't ever come back?"

 _Oh,_ Jax thought. _This was about Tara._

He didn't come for Abel the previous day so he didn't know she wasn't there. That surprised him because Tara didn't seem like the type of a person to leave without a goodbye. She wouldn't do that to these kids.

"Let's ask."

He got up and taking Abel's hand, the two walked to the administrator's office.

The woman they found there was in her thirties with short ginger hair and brown eyes. She eyed Jax warily before asking what he needed.

He asked about Tara and the woman told him that Tara had called in sick two days ago. Still, she refused to give him any more information.

Smiling, Jax used his charm to persuade her to give him Tara's address and phone number. It was for a good cause. Three minutes later, they were walking out of the building, the post-it note with Tara's information placed securely in Jax's pocket.

"Daddy, are we gonna go see Tara?" - Abel asked excitedly.

Jax laughed, turning on the engine of his car.

"Yeah buddy. We're gonna go see Tara. What do you say we bring her some soup? I'm sure she'll be happy to see we care for her."

The boy nodded.

"Yeah!"

The boy and his father drove in his father's jeep for about five minutes, before stopping at the diner. Jax ordered some chicken soup to take and waited for Ruby to bring it.

Then, they drove to Tara's house and knocked on her door.


	14. Perfect Stranger

Tara opened the door in some old pyjama pants and a black hoodie. Her nose was puffed, her lips pouted, her eyes swollen. She had tied her brown hair in a messy ponytail. She eyed Jax with surprise, unable to speak for a few seconds.

Jax was in awe that he could find a woman in this state beautiful. And yet he did. He had no idea why.

He had women at his feet since he was fifteen years old. When he lost his virginity to some random croweater in the back room of the clubhouse, suddenly, a whole new world opened up to him and Jax Teller was more than glad to embrace it. Everyone knew who he was. The guys feared him, the girls wanted to fuck him. Jax Teller didn't complain. He was the prince of Charming, the prince of SAMCRO, the future president of Sons of Anarchy. Everything was laid on the silver platter for him. He could have any girl he wanted. And he did.

As he grew older, he got bored of it all. He met Wendy in a dingy bar and it seemed to him that he might have something serious with her. She wasn't stupid like the other croweaters.

Two months after their "dating" he proposed and they got married a week after that. There was no ceremony, no bride walking down the aisle in her snow white dress, and no wedding vows. There were just him and his bride, Gemma, and the guys along with a shady official at the clubhouse.

It did not last long - as Jax's responsibilities to the club increased, he spent less and less time with Wendy. She started shooting up, he started fucking random chicks. The marriage broke apart not five months after the wedding.

After Wendy got cleaned, they tried one more time. It didn't work and both turned to their old ways. A month after they had last seen each other, Wendy called to tell him she was pregnant. She promised not to use and Jax promised to take care of her. 

They both failed at their tasks.

After that, Jax promised himself he wouldn’t ever let Wendy near Abel. But she begged and begged and Jax had to agree that she was no longer the same girl. She got clean for real this time, had a steady job and a place of her own.

Three years after that, they called him from a hospital to let him know she was received to ER with an overdose. From then on, Wendy was officially dead to him and Abel. He raised his son thanks to the help of his mother. He knew Abel was her surrogate for Thomas, but it didn't matter much. She offered her help and Jax was more than glad to accept it.

But ever since he talked to Tara, he had a feeling... well, he knew she was right. Gemma was great with Abel, but she wasn't his mother or his parent. He was the one who was supposed to step up and be the parent.

He really did try harder, just like Tara advised him, but he had to go to Nevada on an MC business and by the time he wrapped things up, two weeks had passed. He did phone Gemma and ask about Abel every day. But sometimes club matters were more pressing. Jax was ashamed to say that, ashamed to admit that yes, sometimes, club seemed more important than his family.

He knew Tara was pissed at him and in some perverse way he liked it. He liked how she was one of the few people who called things as they were, who had the metaphorical balls to go against him and not to give in to his ways. Unlike other people, she made him face himself – the part of himself he hated the most – and accept that he was failing as a parent yet again. Though he hated to admit that, doing so made him feel so relieved because he could finally make the first step towards being a better father to his son.

Strangely enough, Tara’s feisty nature and no-nonsense attitude really turned him on. He recollected all the times he ran into her and how his opinion of her changed over time.

When he saw her at the shop for the first time, she seemed like any other chick. When she didn't succumb to his charms and ran away, he wanted to go after her, but figured it was a lost cause. There was plenty of fish in the sea. Later, at the store, the way she talked to him and refused his "kind" gesture (that line always worked and always got him pussy), he knew she wasn't someone to mess with.

Then, the surprise he got when he realised she was his son's teacher... _Mind blowing_.

The two times he ran into her, she managed to escape. And there she was now, unable to utter a single word. Oh, the happiness he felt knowing that this time she would actually have to talk to him. He had wondered what happened to her. She had probably broken her arm, 'cause it was in a cast. But he could have sworn he saw some bruises on her the first time he saw her, though he might've been mistaken.

When he sat on that couch opposite her and she crossed her legs... That _alone_ gave him a boner. And then she started talking. He liked the way her lips moved... And every word that came out of her mouth was spot on. She knew what she was talking about. She put him to shame, to be honest. 

And though he was paying attention to what she was saying, he was at the same time struggling with that wild side of himself – the one that couldn’t stop thinking of every dirty scenario possible involving the two of them on whatever flat surface was available with good Ms. Knowles screaming out his name as he brought her to her climax. That was another thing about her that turned him on – the fact that she kept insisting they stay "professional" and that he call her "Ms. Knowles". Oh, he would like very much to have some fun with Ms. Knowles. 

But, she was something else. Defiant, proud and stubborn.

That moment they shared in the classroom was interesting on so many levels. He noticed something in her eyes, like she was trying to hide something from him. However, by her red cheeks and the way she looked at him, he concluded it must have been something naughty.  And her fucking dress! The way it fitted her, accentuating each curve of her body just perfectly... Jax wondered what kind of bra she was wearing because her tits looked _so fucking_ good.

It seemed like every time he was with her, all he wanted to do was joke around and tease her, because her cheeks would become so red of embarrassment and she struggled so hard to hide it; her chest would rise and fall drawing his attention to it, making him imagine some things he would do to her...

And, when she finally gave in and spoke his name, Jax took it as a small victory, but a victory nonetheless. If the fucking phone hadn't rung, he would have done something crazy. The fact that at any given moment someone could have entered turned him on even more. The thoughts that awoke in his mind just by looking at her were so sinful, he wondered why he hadn’t ended up in Hell already.

"Jax? I mean Mr. Teller. What are you doing here?" - Tara asked, seemingly not glad to see him. It hurt him. Jax didn't know why, but it did. Abel jumped in before Jax could answer.

"Tara! We brought you soup!" - he said, hugging Tara. She smiled hugging him tight.

"Thank you so much for thinking of me, sweetie. Come, I think I have some chocolate inside."

She let them in, careful not to make any contact with Jax. That was starting to piss Jax off. _Why was she acting like that?_

She led them to her living room which was painted mint green, with two bright brown sofas and a coffee table in between. The television was turned on, and a headless guy in a strange attire appeared with an axe in his hand.

"Please, sit. I'll be right back. Abel, you wanna come with me to find that chocolate?"

"Yeah."

They both smiled. Abel took Tara's hand and they went to the kitchen, separated from the living room by a dark green curtain.

Jax sat on the sofa, unsure what to do or how to act. It wasn't like he had insulted Tara. He really did not get why she avoided looking at him or why she winced every time he grazed her arm.

 _Unless she was married._ At which point all his effort was futile. But, by the way her home was arranged, he seriously doubted a man lived there. It was super tidy and organised, even more so than Gemma’s.

 _Maybe she was gay?_ No, that was a stupid assumption. She wouldn't have kissed him the way she did if that were the case, for sure.

 _I wasn't violent when I kissed her_ , Jax thought to himself. He was just led by lust and his cock which got excited whenever she was around. And it wasn't like Jax acted on his own. He saw signs which made him believe she wanted the same. _So, what the fuck was going on?_

Not long after they had gone, Abel and Tara appeared again. Tara changed from her pyjamas and hoodie into black leggings and a very long grey sweater. Her hair was made into a bun at the nape of her neck. She sat at the sofa across from him.

"Can I offer you coffee or something else?"

Jax cocked an eyebrow, a perverse idea making its way into his mind at the mention of "something else". Boy, was he glad they weren't alone.

"No, thanks. I'm ok."

He looked at Abel who sat beside him, eating cereals at the table. Jax smiled and turned to Tara with a questioning look.

"I seem to have eaten the chocolate last night," - she said apologetically.

Jax just stared at her, unable to think of anything to talk about. He wanted her to like him for some reason, but he just couldn't open his mouth without something dirty coming out. It was like he was horny and dirty minded all the time, which in fact wasn't the case. Yes, he was a man and yes, he always had a croweater ready to make him happy, and yes, he always, always finished his 'business'. However, he never got that horny just by looking at a woman. Let alone a woman dressed in a sweater so wide it seemed as though it had swallowed her whole.

"So... What's wrong? Did you get food poisoning or somethin'?" - Jax finally asked, genuinely concerned about her.

Tara dropped her gaze and played with her fingers in a nervous manner. It seemed odd to Jax that a normal question could make her that anxious. Something was off.

"I-I must have eaten something spoilt. But I'm recovering already."

"Here. Abel and I thought we should bring you some soup."

Jax gave her the container with soup. Their fingers touched and Jax felt some kind of current run through them before they broke the contact.

"I'm finished," - Abel said, putting the spoon in a now empty bowl.

Tara smiled at him and gave him a peck on the cheek, "Good. Do you want some juice?"

Jax didn't hear Abel's response because his mind went elsewhere. His heart clenched in his chest.

He never saw any female interact with Abel the way Tara did. His mother was the only woman Abel had a steady contact with. Wendy was in and out of the picture; Abel never called her his mother.

Tara's eyes were kind and they almost sparkled when she was looking at or talking to Abel. His son gazed at Tara with adoration. 

Jax was out of breath. The sight of Tara and Abel interacting took him to a dark place. He felt guilty for not providing his son a steadier environment, an actual family. A mother that would look after him, protect him. Sure he had Gemma, but it wasn't the same. Tara seemed so natural with Abel and the little guy obviously loved her. He missed a mother figure in his life.

"Jax, are you ok?"

"Ha?" - Jax realised he was gaping at them the whole time.

"Yeah. Listen, I'd like to talk to you. Can I come by tomorrow morning?" - Jax asked abruptly. The words were out before he even had the time to think. Tara was surprised, but said yes.

"Come on buddy, we gotta go. We’ll leave Tara to rest."

Jax stood up and Tara walked them to the door. Abel kissed her cheek and she kissed him back hugging him.

"Bye Tara. Get well soon, pwease. I-I miss you at school. It’s not the same without you."

"Thanks baby. I'll do my best. And, I missed you too, a lot actually," – she said, pinching his chubby cheeks gently and giving him the widest of smiles.

When she looked up, Tara noticed Jax watching her, his gaze dropping from her eyes to her lips. The memory of their kiss came rushing back to him. Tara must have noticed that because she was chewing on her lower lip. Jax was certain she remembered the kiss all too well, just like him.

"I'll see you tomorrow then?" – Jax asked hesitantly, just to make sure. She nodded.

He contemplated for a second then leaned and gave her a kiss on the cheek. The moment it took to do that, he managed to smell a musky scent on her.

Grasping Abel's hand, they walked to the car. When the engine roared, Abel waved at Tara and Jax smirked, still smelling Tara's musky scent. Tara waved back smiling at Abel. At the last second she glanced at Jax and smirked at him too.


	15. I Think of You, You Think of Me...

Tara was more than flabbergasted when she opened her door that day to find Jax and Abel outside. She must have looked like hell. The nonstop headaches and stomach ache coupled with constant crying definitely took a toll on her.

Her old hoodie was the only thing she liked to wear when she felt that bad. It was soft and kind of comforting. Under Jax's gaze however, she detested it. Tara was convinced she looked horrible. He was probably used to having beautiful women looking their best before him. And here she was, sniffing, with her nose looking like a giant eggplant, her lips cracked and her uncombed hair looking like a crow's nest. Tying it in a ponytail didn't help much.

However, when she saw Abel, all thoughts of her current appearance were pushed aside. The child was a ray of sunshine in those cloudy days she was going through. She had definitely missed him.

After she had left Jax in the living room and gave Abel some cereals, she went to sort herself out. She didn't want it to seem like she was overdoing it or that she had changed her clothes just because Jax came. Though, that was definitely the case.

When Jax asked her what was wrong with her, she was a bit taken aback. _How was she supposed to answer it? What was she suppose to say?_

_Well, Jax, you are what's wrong with me. I've been crying for two days because I think I like you. Because, I want to kiss you again. But I can't because you are who you are and I cannot go through another relationship which could destroy me completely, now that I have finally started to piece together the parts of my broken mind and soul._

Thankfully, Jax offered her a way out with the suggestion it could be food poisoning.

When he asked to talk to her, she started to panic internally. If they were to stay alone again... But she couldn't avoid him forever. Nor did she want to seem rude.

...

Tara couldn't sleep, her thoughts revolving around the conversation they were supposed to have. What did Jax want? Talk about the kiss? If that was the case, what should she say? How should she act? Was it obvious how she felt?

The headache started to kick in again and Tara realised she was stressing herself over nothing. Whatever was supposed to happen, would happen.

################################################################

When Jax came to his mother's house, he took the grocery bags out of the trunk and carried them into the house. Abel was right behind him, carrying his backpack and a big smile on his face, skipping his way to the kitchen.

"Hi baby. How was your day?" - Gemma asked kissing his forehead and ruffling his hair.

"Boooring. But then we went to see Tara!" - Abel said smiling widely. He bypassed his grandma and ran upstairs to his room.

The boy really bonded with his teacher, much to Gemma's dismay. She feared that Abel would get hurt if he got too attached to someone outside his family. He was a sensitive child.

"Oh, yeah? And how is the good teach?" - Gemma turned and asked Jax, who was taking a beer bottle out of the fridge. He rolled his eyes, already knowing where his mother was headed with that.

"She got food poisoning."

He didn't want to get into it. Somehow, talking about Tara in front of Gemma always resulted in a fight, and Jax was too drained to keep his eyes open let alone have a yelling match with his mother.

"I don't understand why you had to go there. Didn't know you were a doctor..." - Gemma continued sarcastically, apparently in mood for a fight.

Jax cursed internally. He should have known his mother wouldn't back down that easily. Taking a cigarette pack from the front pocket of his shirt, he sat at the kitchen table, took out a cigarette and lit it. Exhaling, he opened the bottle and took a sip of cold beer.

"Ma, what's your deal with Tara?" - he asked, leaning over the table.

"I just don't think Abel should spend any more time with her than he has to. She's a stranger."

Her face was rigid, her voice solemn. Jax laughed.

"Are you serious? You don't mind him being at the clubhouse, surrounded by fucking croweaters. But the minute a decent woman appears, you act like this. She' not a stranger. She's his teacher."

Jax felt overly protective. Tara was a good person. Although he didn't know her all that well, he had a good vibe about her. The way she behaved with Abel... Jax was glad she appeared in Abel's life, and his too. The brunette had something in her which drove Jax crazy horny but also made him respect her more than any other woman in his life.

Tara was the kind of person who wouldn't take someone's shit. She was brave. He got that from the two serious talks they had about Abel. She cared for him and his well being. Gemma could never understand that because for years she was the only motherly figure Abel knew. Jax assumed she feared that this new person, a stranger, would take her part in Abel's life.

Jax would have liked to say that something like that couldn't happen, but he was starting to doubt it himself.

"Oh, baby. You are so naive. I don't trust her. And neither should you. I don’t want either of my boys to get hurt by this newcomer. We know nothin’ about her before she came to Charming. We have to be careful who we bring into our lives, Jax. You know that more than anyone else."

Gemma took his hand, looking straight into his eyes. Her voice was stern as if wanting to carve her words into his mind, making them a sort of foreboding of some disaster Tara would bring upon their family.

Jax sighed at her words. He finished his beer and cigarette, then stood up, tired of trying to make his mother understand his feelings about Tara. Whatever they were. "I'm going to bed."

He followed in Abel's footsteps to his room upstairs.

Gemma watched him go, a frown etched on her face showing a clear displeasure Jax didn't take this Tara thing as seriously as she did. Lighting a cigarette, she reflected upon her life.

She always looked after her family. That was the one thing that had kept her going in this life. Gemma loved her grandson to death and to think her little boy could get hurt made her heart clench in her chest. 

################################################################

Back in his room, Jax took off his clothes then headed for the shower. The day was tense and his muscles definitely felt it. He leaned with his hands against the tiles, letting the warm water wash away the sweat.

The club was in deep shit with guns; Jax was seeking a way out, trying to find some other gang to take over the gun business. And even though he thought it would be easier, somehow the shit got more complicated because of the Irish and their dissatisfaction with Jax's recent decisions.

Taking the sponge, he rubbed some soap in it and started washing himself. He closed his eyes, trying to think of something else, something better than the fucking mess that surrounded him.

The image of Tara appeared in his mind, with her hair down, and some sexy lingerie. He sighed again. What she was doing to him, even when she was not present...

Jax had no idea why he felt the need to talk to her or what he wanted to say. He wanted to talk about the kiss among other things, of course. And why she had been avoiding him. He definitely felt something for her. Jax wasn't stupid. He figured that out after she had yelled at him upon his return from Nevada and days-long contemplation. However, the emotions were so mixed, that it was hard to differentiate between desire and something more serious.

################################################################

His thoughts were running in all directions, making it impossible to sleep. Sometime around 3 a.m. he finally fell asleep, only to wake up four hours later. He showered, got dressed and went to the kitchen. Abel was already awake, eating his breakfast.

"Mornin', daddy," - Abel smiled at him and Jax smiled back, tousling his hair.

"Mornin' buddy. Sleep well?"

Jax poured himself some coffee and sat across from Abel.

"Yeah. I dreamt of bikes. When will you take me for a ride? You said you was gonna take me when you come back from your trip. You’re back now. So, when?"

Jax laughed at his boy, who reminded him of himself at his age. He too pestered his old man about bikes, asking all sorts of questions and tagging along whenever John had to work on one.

"Soon. How about you came to TM with me today after school and you can help me and the boys repair some bikes?"

Abel stopped his spoon mid air. His eyes widened in surprise. -"Really?"

Jax nodded, smiling, "Yeah, really. Grandma will drop you off at school and I'll come to pick you up. We'll go to TM and you can see some of the new bikes we've got."

"Yes, yes, yes!" - Abel jumped with glee, his blue eyes shining with happiness.

Watching his son get so excited over such a small thing, made Jax's heart hurt. He could have given him these kinds of moments more often. There was so much of parenting he missed and so many of Abel's childhood moments he never witnessed because of SAMCRO.

"I gotta go, buddy. Be good, ok?" - Jax hugged him tightly.

"I will, daddy. Bye," - Abel hugged him back.

Jax took the keys to his bike and left the house. Putting his helmet on and turning on the engine, he felt his insides spin. He was nervous and excited at the same time. Excited to see his beautiful brunette ( _did he just call her his?!_ ), nervous because he knew that this conversation will probably determine what the thing between them was and how they would act in the future.

################################################################

Remember the whole "Whatever was suppose to happen, would happen"? Well, it hadn't worked. Tara spent another restless night. Frankly, she was getting sick of it.

Stepping into the kitchen, Tara made coffee and sat by the kitchen window overlooking her backyard. The flowers that she planted a month ago were blooming nicely. They were of various colours and they transformed a once cold and dark yard into a warm sanctuary for Tara.

Tara contemplated how much she had changed since she came to Charming.

She used to be much more insecure. But her dealings with Gemma and Jax Teller in a way made her more aware of her own voice. The woman could truly make you hate her because of her oh so sarcastic nature and a habit to suspect everyone. But somehow, Tara felt that Gemma disliked her more than anyone else. True, she spoke to her just a few times, but it was clear that Tara was annoying the shit out of Gemma. Maybe because Tara dared to stand up to her, something she hadn't done before to anyone.

Just as she was going to take the last sip of her coffee, the doorbell rang.

Tara glanced at herself in the hall mirror on her way to the door. No makeup, gray leggings and scarlet t-shirt. It will do. _Not like she wanted to look nice or anything..._

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before opening the door and greeting Jax.

"Mornin', darlin'."

Oh, that grin of his...

"Morning. And, do not call me _darlin'_. Come in."

Jax sat at her kitchen table, pulling out a pack of cigarettes. He offered it to Tara. She didn't smoke, but since she was so angsty, she figured one for the nerves wouldn't hurt. She took the ashtray from the cupboard and put it on the table, then sat across from Jax. He lit her cigarette.

They didn't speak for a few seconds, just looked at each other.

"So..." - Jax spoke.

 


	16. We Gonna Talk ‘bout This?

"So," Tara returned, exhaling the cigarette smoke, "what exactly did you want to talk about?"

Jax stretched one leg beside the table and leaned back on the wooden chair. Taking a smoke then exhaling, he put his hands in front of him. He looked straight into Tara's eyes.

"Tara. Let's not act like children. We both know somethin's goin' on between us."

Tara let out a heavy sigh. Obviously, they weren't going to be avoiding this topic forever. However, her nervous stomach made her even more anxious.

She didn't know how to start, what to say. Not like she could guess Jax's thoughts or reactions. Instead of denying it or making up some silly tale, Tara decided to be honest. After all, that was probably the reason he wanted to talk in the first place - to settle this like adults, not play around the situation.

"You're right. I just don't know how to approach it. My head is filled with all sorts of stories about you. They might be true, they might not be."

Jax gulped. He already knew what she was referring to but asked anyway, "What stories?"

"About you, your club and what you guys do. I know you're involved in gun and drug trafficking. Among other things."

 _Well, someone was obviously very forthcoming._ Whoever told her about that wanted to scare her off.

Jax knew that people in Charming were aware of MC and what they did, but most of them didn't care as long as MC's work didn't backfire on them. And, Jax always made sure that it didn't. Even Clay, the previous SAMCRO president, cared about keeping the MC dealings away from Charming and its inhabitants. Nevertheless, he understood Tara's worries.

"Is that what's botherin' you?"

Tara took another smoke, wondering just how open she should be with Jax. Frowning, she answered, "Honestly? Yes. I've been in this town for four months now. I have a job I love. I have co-workers who are quite friendly. I..."

Tara inhaled deeply, not prepared for what she was about to say. It meant remembering all those moments she'd much rather forget. However, if she expected Jax to understand her behaviour, she had to explain it somehow, better sooner than later.

"I have been through a lot in my life. This-" Tara paused, then continued, "situation, what happened between us... I liked it for some strange unexplainable reason."

Tara gave Jax a small smile which resulted in him grinning at her, the sight getting too cute for the serious things she was about to confess. Her voice became stern, though a bit shaky as she gazed into Jax's eyes, wishing he could somehow understand her internal struggles.

"But I don't know you. You could end up being like-" - she swallowed the damn lump that had formed in her throat before mentioning him, "like my ex boyfriend. The relationship didn't end well. When I found out about your club's dealings, it just returned me to that place, that time when I didn't feel safe. If I get involved with you, I have no idea what might happen."

Jax finished his cigarette and put it down in the ashtray. Honesty had to be implemented by both of them if they meant to move this conversation in the right direction. Leaning forward and entwining his fingers, he said, "Look, I understand that club business is somethin' that scares you. It scares me too sometimes, and I've been involved with  it  since I was a teenager.

I won't lie to you. Yes, we're involved in that shit. But ever since I became the president I've been trying to get us out of it. It's not easy and I have no idea how this will play out.

I have no idea what happened to you in the past. I'll take a wild guess that's the reason you've been actin' so strange."

He raised an eyebrow and continued, "But, you don't know me. You only heard other people's opinions about me.

I want you to set aside whatever they told you, ok? I want you to get to know me. And that I get to know you. When we've spent enough time together, then I'll accept whatever opinion you have of me. But now, it only means you're judgemental."

Tara listened intently, her eyes never leaving Jax's. When he finished, she had to admit he had a point. She had only heard one side of the story. Still, her inner demons wouldn't leave her alone. They kept on poking at her insecurities and doubts, waking up her fears.

"I get your point. But I can't shake this feeling that if I come close to you in any way, something bad is going to happen. I might be wrong, but I'm afraid to take that chance. I don't think I have it in me to fight anymore, to defend myself. I can't go through the same thing over and over again."

She ran her hand through her hair, shaking it slightly. Her eyes wandered to the flowers in her backyard, stopping at white lilies. Tara kept her eyes fixed on the flowers, unable to speak about her past while looking at Jax. She gripped her coffee mug. "I've had enough violence in my life. I'm afraid that if I let go of myself, of this last part that is left unharmed, that I've somehow managed to keep intact, I'll lose it completely. I'll end up broken, but this time I'll have no strength or will to get back up. I'm afraid that it's too soon to start anything new when my previous wounds haven't healed properly."

Her words resonated through Jax's mind. He wondered what happened to her. Who harmed her? Who broke her to this point, that she's so frightened to live normally, to give herself a chance?

She mentioned her ex, and Jax felt an uncontrollable urge to find out who the guy was and beat the living crap out of him. He must have hurt her badly. But it couldn't just be him. There was something much deeper, darker in her confession that led him to believe another man was involved. Another man who made her think that way, who along with her ex made her doubt men.

Jax knew he had to think very well of what he would say to her. She needed reassurance. A genuine reassurance. He reached forward and cupped her cheek with his right hand, and took her hands with his left one to draw her attention.

She was startled at first, but soon relaxed, letting the warmth of his skin spread through her body and melt a bit of that horrible sense of loneliness that she had carried with her since her mother died. His tone was serious, as were his words.

"Remember what I told you back at the school? I'm not gonna hurt you. I wouldn't do that. I don't know what kind of shit happened to you. But if I could, I'd take all that pain away. I don't want you to be scared. I don't want you to be scared of me."

Tara felt like crying. These were the most sincere words she had ever heard. No one ever cared enough about her to say anything remotely similar to what Jax had just said. And he didn't know her story.

It saddened her even more. Was her life really that empty? Had she never encountered a person who would feel the need to reassure her of their love, commitment, even fondness?

Jax sighed as if braving himself, "I did some bad things in my life. Don't think I liked it. I hate most of the stuff we do.

The fact is, doing what we do, it sort of becomes natural to lose yourself, to lose the person you were before the club.

It's all I've known my whole life. The one thing that never changed.

I realise that we've gone down the wrong path and I'm tryin' to get us back on the right one. I want to get us out of this mess. I'm sick of buryin' my friends, my brothers. I'm sick of washing blood of my hands. I'm sick of not sleeping. Of dark thoughts that invade my mind." -  He could barely speak now, his voice strained. He held onto her hands, as if afraid she might run away like those times before.  - "When you said I was neglecting Abel, that was like the last drop. I wanted to yell at you, to tell you that you were wrong. I felt like you were attacking me for no reason. But as much as it pains me to say, as much as I want to assure you that 'not the case, it is. Don't you think it irks me to leave my son because I have to deal with fucking cartel and gangs? I've missed out on the most important events of his childhood because I was somewhere dealing with club shit."

Tara wanted to hug him. How could this man, tattooed, armed and dangerous be in so much pain? She felt horrible for judging him. He might seem cold hearted; still, he was anything but. Tara could see by his body language, the way he held her hands, the way his throat constricted, by the sad and hurt look in his ocean blue eyes, that his conscience was eating away at him.

She pondered just how much he could take before he snapped, losing himself. Losing that little piece of his soul that cared for his son, which knew that what he was doing with his club was not ok and that fought so hard to find a way out of the abyss he had fallen into.

It was her turn to reassure him. To show him that he is not alone in his pain and that she understands his struggle, no matter how different their lives might seem.

"Jax-"

Before she could say anything, Jax interrupted her, "We can be friends. I'm not asking anythin' more. For now, let's just stick to that. Over time, when you start feeling more comfortable around me, then we can try for more."

His words were full of hope. Tara feared she would not be able to reciprocate that. She was too damaged to hope, too damaged to let someone else hope when it came to her. "I'm not sure-"

Jax kept insisting, not wanting to back down. He already realised Tara had built giant fucking walls which she was hiding behind. Still, he wanted her to break those walls. He wanted her to heal. Jax knew that they could heal each other.

"What do you have to lose with a friendship?"

Tara smiled. "You know, it's hard to say no when you make your reasoning sound rational."

They both laughed.

"I won't drag you into the club business if that's what's worrying you. You won't have any contact with the members or anything related to the MC. If along the line you do wish to meet them, I promise they’ll be on their best behaviour. They’re not all that bad."

The words seemed to do the trick. Tara tilted her head and, closing her eyes for a second, she tried but failed to find any words with which she could spite him."Fine. We can try your way."

Jax's eyes lit up and his gorgeous smile made her heart skip a beat. "I have to go now."

He stood up, and Tara followed. She was unhappy he had to go so soon. Jax took her hand and gave her a reassuring squeeze. "Just, don't over think it. Go with the flow."

They both chuckled. Tara walked with him to his bike. Jax straddled the bike, put on his helmet and started the engine.

"See you around, Ms. Knowles."

He said in a playful manner, wiggling his eyebrows. Tara crossed her arms and cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Seriously? Of all the times you should have stick to that, _now_ is when you decided to call me Ms. Knowles?"

He laughed."You're right. I much prefer Tara."

She rolled her eyes.

"Bye Jax."

"See you, Tara."

He flashed her one last grin before turning his bike leaving.

Tara was still smiling when she came into the house. And even though she said she had a bad feeling about all this, a tiny piece of her geld onto Jax's words.

Hope.

That's what they were both trying to find. What they both needed. Maybe together they could find it.


	17. Family Issues

Gemma Teller Morrow stood in her kitchen with her phone jammed tight against her ear. She was fuming.

Two minutes ago, she'd received a call from one of her town's "snitches", a middle aged woman named Janice. She and Gemma went way back and were on good terms. Gemma had once helped her with a problem she had, and for that Janice was eternally grateful. Therefore, whenever she could, she made sure to lend a helping hand to Gemma. This time, that help meant letting Gemma know that her son Jax visited her dear neighbour, Tara, earlier that morning. He stayed about an hour at her house.

"Thanks for callin', Janice. I owe you one," Gemma ended the conversation and closing her eyes, took a deep breath to calm herself.

Gemma was the kind of woman who demanded attention; she demanded to be listened and obeyed. Lately, however, her son seemed to have forgotten that.

What was with that teach? How was it possible that she had drawn Jax to her in such a short time, when so many women before her had failed? She had Jax running after her like some lost puppy. Not even Wendy succeeded in getting the kind of attention Ms. Knowles was getting.

Since she was new in town, Gemma didn't know anything about her. As frustrating as that was, Gemma had to admit she had been careless. Ms. Knowles didn't seem like a threat when she had met her. Ever since Jax talked to her however, something in him changed. It was as though he turned the page and she didn't like it. He started questioning her parenting skills, which was preposterous. Gemma knew she was more of a parent to Abel than Jax ever was or ever will be.

His role in the MC was too important and Gemma did as best as she could to relieve him of the many responsibilities parenthood demanded. She took it upon herself to raise Abel and she was doing a damn good job. Ms. Knowles seemed to have created doubts in Jax regarding Abel's upbringing. In return, Gemma started to question her son and his connection to the newcomer. She had no idea what was going on between the two, but she was bound to find out, one way or another.

################################################################

Following his talk with Tara, Jax went to the ice cream shop since TM was still under construction after the Irish blew up their clubhouse with a bomb concealed in a beer keg a few months ago. Miraculously, their table with the reaper carved in it survived. They moved it to the shop's backroom and new chapel was formed.

There is a saying within the MC: "Home is where the Reaper is."

Lately, Jax didn't feel like it. Although he loved his brothers to death and would die for every one of them, he began doubting the reaper's power and comfort.

When his brother died, Jax felt like someone had ripped his heart out. Thomas was his favourite person in the  whole world aside from their father. Losing him was one of the worst things that had ever happened to him.

If only he knew that was just the beginning.

Not long after Thomas's death, their father John and their mother Gemma started becoming more and more distant. Gemma sought solace in Thomas's room, reliving the memories of her son. John, on the other hand, found his way out of the town which brought him so much pain, in Belfast.

John Teller died in a motorcycle accident when Jax was only fifteen. The event took an even greater toll on the young boy who had hardly recovered from the previous death in his family.

When Jax was sixteen, his mother married Clay Morrow, his father's best friend and the new president of Sons. Jax never got along with Clay and the change he brought to the Teller family angered Jax. It seemed as though Clay was taking the place that was righteously his father's. The teenager couldn't understand why his mother had to bring a new man into his life. Granted, Clay had been present in their lives for a long time, but this time it was different. It felt different.

The Clay Jax knew was his father's best friend and he could tolerate him. The stepfather Clay was a whole other story. The anger and resentment Jax felt for his mother and Clay reflected his grades. If any fight happened at school, you could bet that Jax was part of it. He did all sorts of shit: drinking, drugs, fighting, and robbery.

Gemma couldn't deal with him because he wouldn't listen to her. It was only thanks to Piney, the father of Jax's best friend Opie and the club's vice president that some sense was knocked into Jax. Ever since then, Jax had been dreaming of becoming one of the Sons – deep in his bones, he knew it was his calling. But before he could officially become a part of this brotherhood, rules had to be followed.

He had to be at least eighteen. Firstly, he would be a prospect for a year, doing all kind of shit for the members. Then, after a year, the members would take a vote whether or not he should be let into the club. That of course was never a problem, since his father was the club's founder and Jax's future in the club was guaranteed. Those were just formalities he had to go through.

The kutte, the Harley, the gavel. All he ever wanted. Now, he had it.

However, Jax did not expect that his kutte and his hands would be covered in blood all the time; he did not expect his Harley to be his faithful companion when chasing his enemies only to gun them down; he wasn't ready to make life and death decisions.

Yet, he did just that. For a while he liked it. The rush of adrenaline that came from holding a gun rose to a new level the first time he fired it. Growing up in that kind of world, he grew accustomed to the more black than grey area SAMCRO operated in.

Abel's birth opened his eyes for a while, and he began doubting Clay and his way of handling club business. The journals of his father also led him to believe SAMCRO lost its way. What it had become... It wasn't the vision his father and Piney had when they founded the club.

Jax wanted to make a change. However, certain events pushed him further into the club and he forgot about that. 

When he became the president, he promised his brothers and himself that he would get them out of the illegal business. He did his best to fulfil the promise, but they weren't playing a child's game. People they were involved with were serious players who couldn't care less about killing someone or doing something heinous just to get their cut.

What he said to Tara was true. He was tired of unnecessary deaths, of guilty conscience that was eating away at him, of sleepless nights, of regrets. So many things he wished he had done differently, so many decisions he wished he could change, so many he wanted never to have made.

For awhile he forgot about Abel. But now, he found himself wondering what his son's life was going to be like if the club stayed in these shady waters. 

Eventually, all of them were going to drown. Drown in their own blood, probably in some ditch or in prison, stabbed to death.

Violence was all Jax knew. He had been waking in it, living it since he was born. If he had to live like that, his son most certainly didn't. Abel needed normalcy. Jax wanted to give him just that.

Finishing the meeting with the strike of the gavel, Jax and the other members went to take care of the shipment of guns that came late last night. It had taken them three hours to assemble the guns. Tomorrow, Sons were supposed to meet up with another gang to sell them the guns for further distribution.

After they got back from the warehouse, all Jax wanted to do was shower and go to bed. However, he had more pressing matters at hand.

It was half past three when Jax and Abel drove in the TM parking lot. Three mechanics were working on a car, and two on a bike. Abel looked up at his father.

"Where're the new bikes?"

"In the garage. We had to leave them there because we still haven't finished building the fence. Come."

Jax headed towards the back of TM, Abel right beside him. When he opened the door, Abel gasped. Three bikes stood parked next to each other. Abel still had no clue about bikes, but he had to admit, they were better than his father's.

"Wow! They're so cool!"

Jax grinned, content that his boy enjoyed bikes just like his old man did. Even though he knew nothing about bike's engine, brakes or speedometer, Jax saw clearly that the boy took pleasure in being around bikes. He loved coming to TM and watch Joe and other mechanics work. When they asked him to help them by handing them the tools, Abel couldn't be happier. He felt a part of their group.

################################################################

Four hours later, they were back at Gemma's.

Since his fall out with Wendy years ago, Jax and Abel moved back in with her. His mother was beyond content.

When Clay and she separated, Gemma was left all alone in that big house. Abel and Jax being with her, made her solitude more bearable. Besides, Abel was home from three o'clock onward, so she just had to find something to do until she had to go get him.

Gemma was sitting on the couch reading a novel when she heard the door open.

"Hey, ma," Jax went to his room without even glancing at Gemma.

"Grandma, daddy took me to see the new bikes and he let me help them at TM!"  - Abel yelled as  he ran towards her, a wide grin plastered on his face.

She couldn't help but smile back. Gemma loved Abel like he was her own son.

"Oh baby. I'm so glad you had fun. I bet you're hungry."

"I am."

She caressed his cheek and kissed his forehead, "Go wash your hands. I'll set the table."

Abel went to bathroom and Gemma stood up and walked to the fridge. Taking out the casserole with mashed potatoes and meatballs, Gemma put them in the microwave and set the timer, then pushed the button, letting the food warm while she set the table for her and her two boys.

She still needed to have a talk with Jax.

...

After dinner, during which Abel kept talking about the shop and how he wanted to be a real mechanic so that he too could work at TM, Gemma and Jax listened to him, indulging in his childish dreams.

However, both Jax and Gemma knew that Abel's life wouldn't revolve around bikes.

When he grows up, he would be the next SAMCRO president, just like his father and grandfather. He might do some mechanic's work, but all his life will ever be was SAMCRO.

His brothers will be his family; his job will be providing a steady income to the MC by any means necessary; he will live and breathe The Reaper's life.

The thought of his son doing the same things he does, he did... Jax wouldn't wish that to anyone let alone his own son. He was sure his father didn't want the outlaw life for him either. And yet, here he was.

If Jax really, genuinely wanted to change his life, his son's life, there were certain moves he had to make, certain decisions to make in order to insure their future.

"I'm exhausted. I'mma go to bed. I’m glad you had fun with me today, little man. I’ll take you there again soon."

Jax kissed Abel and his mother, wishing them good night before climbing up the stairs and locking the door.

He took a quick shower, put on clean white boxers, turned off the light and lay on the bed, crossing his arms behind his head as a support.

Gazing at the shadows on the ceiling, thoughts swarming in his head, Jax closed his eyes trying to push them away. Lately, Tara's smiling face was the one thing he actually welcomed in his mind.

The scene with her and Abel seemed to have been etched into his mind. So beautiful, so innocent. Whoever hurt her must have been a damn son of a bitch.

Opening his eyes abruptly, he took his phone which he had previously placed on the nightstand, and dialled Tara's number.


	18. Date Night? This Is Not a Date! – Part One

"Hello?" Tara answered the phone in a chirpy manner.

"Hi, Tara," said Jax's voice on the other side.

"Oh, Jax." She placed the phone between her ear and her shoulder.

When Jax called, she was peeling a banana to make a smoothie for her movie night.

Tara thought about her talk with Jax the entire day. Contemplating what each of them said, she was frankly prepared to say that she was content with how things went. Moreover, she was amazed by the amount of understanding and compassion she felt for a man she just yesterday labelled a cold-blooded killer.

He _was_ that, and no matter what they talked about yesterday, that is a fact that remained unchanged. But it took an hour of normal, lust free, heart-to-heart conversation for her to see that Jax Teller is more than just a pretty face or a vicious biker. There was so much more to him; so many layers which one couldn't see at first sight simply because Jax wasn't the kind of person to show his true self to just anyone. In an utterly weird way, he reminded her of herself.

Tara hated letting people in her life. Hated having to pretend just for the sake being liked by people. Not that she wanted to be alone. God knows loneliness had never brought her any comfort. But Tara felt that every time she opened the door to her sad and pathetic life, something bad always happened. Almost always, she got hurt. After a while, she just lost the hope of ever finding someone with whom she could be herself without any fear. The thing with Jax was anything but a fear free relation.

"Whatcha doin'?" - he asked, forcing his voice to sound casual. For some inexplicable reason, Jax desperately wanted to be there with her, near her.

"I'm making a smoothie," Tara answered. She wanted to stop herself but her mouth was quicker than her brain because next thing, she knew she was inviting him over, "If you want, you can come over."

_ What? How is this taking things slowly? _

Jax on the other hand, was beyond excited. Somehow, it seemed as though Tara had read his mind. "Sure. Be there in ten."

He felt like a freakin' school boy. Finding some decent jeans and a shirt, he quickly dressed, putting his kutte on and tucking his phone in his pocket. Jax almost jumped stairs on his way down.

"Ma, I'm leaving," he yelled to Gemma, who was watching TV in the living room. Abel was already asleep.

"Where you going? " Gemma asked, turning to face him.

Jax knew better than to tell her the truth. Gemma would flip if she knew he was on his way to see Tara. He didn't want to waste time arguing with her.

"It's somethin' for the club. I won't be long."

"Ok, baby. Take care."

################################################################

Jax rode as fast as he could. It was stupid to get so excited just because some girl invited him over. He felt like a teenager all over again, going to see his date. He didn't know Tara long, but something in him pulled him towards her. He totally felt like a dumb teenager and frankly, didn't mind much.

...

Tara opened the door, dressed in almost the same attire from yesterday: pyjama pants and a hoodie, except this one was red. She was smiling and her eyes had the strangest shade of green he had ever seen. Her hair was tied with a clip. Jax felt a warm feeling in his stomach and couldn't help but smile back, flashing his widest grin.

"Come in."

Jax went to the living room, taking off his kutte, placing it under one of the cushions. Somehow, being with Tara... It didn't seem right to wear the kutte.

It looked like the club was with him at all times, everywhere he went. Of course, he had to wear the kutte, but with her, he opted to take it off because for the first time, he wanted to feel free. Free of the chains The Reaper had put him in, free of SAMCRO and anything related to it. He didn't want to involve Tara in that poisonous environment, that blood-thirsty soul sucking world of endless bloodshed. Jax felt he needed to be alone; alone with Tara without the weight of the kutte reminding him just how wrong he was for her.

Tara followed him, carrying a big bowl in one and a tray with two glasses in the other. -"I thought we might watch a movie. I made popcorn," Tara said, placing the items she was carrying on the coffee table.

"Sure. What’re we watching?" Jax asked, internally praying it's not one of those romantic comedies.

"There's this movie with Patrick Swayze and Keanu Reeves I really like. It's called _Point Break_."

Tara sat at the other end of the couch, not trusting herself in Jax's presence. _Better safe than sorry._

"Oh, great. Just as long it's not some romantic shit. I can't bear to watch those."

Jax stopped himself before saying anything else. He bit his tongue, thinking he must've hurt Tara's feelings 'cause chicks dug that shit. But then, taking him by complete surprise, Tara laughed. Like, really laughed. Jax looked at her wide eyed, not understanding whatever was going on.

"I know, right? Those movies are so unbelievable. They're more pathetic than funny."

"Glad we're on the same page," Jax grinned, stretching his legs and crossing his arms on his chest.

"Are those our smoothies?" he asked pointing at the glasses.

"Yeah. I put kiwi, banana and an apple."

Jax took a sip from one of them. -"Mmmm. It's good."

"I know."

Tara took the remote and pressed play. Tucking her legs under her, she put the bowl with popcorn on the couch between them.

It was all going great until halfway through the movie they both reached for popcorn at the same time. Jax's fingers brushed against hers, making her shiver.

Tara willed herself to act as if nothing happened, because nothing really happened. For the rest of the movie, she took great care not to let the same situation repeat itself. It seemed somewhat immature to behave like that but, what other choice did she have? Every other option that she could think of, involved entwining their fingers, pulling Jax closer and kissing him senseless.

Jax on the other hand, squirmed on his side of the couch, truly trying to focus his attention on TV. But a strand of Tara's hair fell on her face and Jax's fingers itched to tuck it behind her ear.

And not five minutes before, their fingers brushed and that current he felt the first time their fingers grazed (Jax reminded himself it was only yesterday?!) shot through his body and yet again he was unable to control his friend to react.

So there he was, sitting on Tara's couch, watching some guys from Swayze's crew skydive, desperately hoping his erection would subside by the end of the movie.

To Be Continued...

 


	19. Date Night? This Is Not a Date! – Part Two

As the end credits started rolling, Jax let out a satisfied breath. All was well in his pants; luckily, there were no loose cannons.

"So, what do you think? It's a good movie, right?" - Tara asked as she cleared the empty bowl and glasses, taking them to the kitchen.

"Ha? Yeah, it wasn't bad."

Tara put the dirty dishes into the sink. The movie ended and she had no idea what to do next. It would seem rude of her if she asked him to leave. Truth be told, she didn't want him to leave.

After so many nights alone in that house, having someone over was quite refreshing; especially when that someone was Jax.

Tara observed him from the corner of her eye during the movie, and she noticed he was quite restless. He kept shifting from one position to another, turning his body away from her. At one point he even took one of the cushions and placed it in his lap, clenching it ferociously.

She wanted to laugh the entire time, but managed to keep a straight face. He would probably feel embarrassed if she had started laughing, thinking she was making fun of him. Poor Jax. If only he knew Tara was also just seconds away from combusting from the pent up sexual tension.

Still, she opted to ignore it. They were still getting to know each other. It was only that morning that they had struck a deal of friendship. It would seem silly to immediately stomp on it and act on impulse with the possibility of regretting it later.

So, trying to avoid creating an awkward silence, Tara decided to ask him some personal questions, because she wanted to know more. Jax was right when he said that if she believed everything people said without letting him tell his side of the story, she would be judgemental.

She knew for sure there was much more to him than people said or thought. More than anyone else, she should know how bad of an image people can create of someone, because she had experienced it herself.

Tara came back and sat on her spot on the couch. She turned towards Jax, leaning her head on her arm which was propped against the couch.

"So, Jax. If we are going to do this," she gestured back and forth between them -"shouldn't we get to know each other?"

Jax turned so that he was facing her. Living room light cast a glow on her face, and Jax couldn't help but notice certain features of her face which he hadn't noticed before. These were some small things, like little wrinkles around her mouth or the sharpness of her jaw line, but they made her look even more attractive than she already was.

"What do you wanna know, darlin'?" - he said, smiling a crooked smirk.

Tara raised her eyebrows in a surprised manner and blinked a few times before pointing a finger at him and saying, "Jackson Teller, do not call me darlin' ever again. I understand you're used to flirting and calling your girlfriends and women you associate with that sort of names. But I'm not one of them. Understood?"

Jax eyed her cautiously, then shook his head, realising what she meant. - "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it as an insult. It's a force of habit."

Tara's features softened, "I get that. But we are not on that level of acquaintanceship for you to feel free to call me nicknames and use terms of endearment when referring to me. I don't like it."

She was of course right. Jax understood what she wanted to say. He knew well she wasn't one of those croweaters that hung around the TM or one of Collette's girls from the brothel. She was, plainly and simply, Tara. She deserved all the respect.

"It won't happen again. Now, what do you wanna know about me?"

Glad that they had overcome their first obstacle, Tara dared to ask a question that had been bugging her since that first conversation they had at school.

"Firstly, you're not married, are you? I mean, I don’t see any wedding band, and you did ask me to give you a shot. I assume you’re at least being honest with me about it."

Jax bit his lower lip. His history with Wendy has always been a touchy subject for him. He wasn't sure if he wanted to talk about it. And yet, he wanted to connect with Tara, and if opening up and being honest was a way to achieve that, Jax most certainly wanted to try that way.

"I was. Abel's mom and I were married, but it didn't last long."

Tara was curious. Her instincts warned her it was probably because of Jax's lifestyle, but she ignored them. _No judgements_ , Tara reminded herself. "What happened, if you don't mind me asking?"

"It's a... "- Jax paused to take a breath before continuing, "She started using. We split, she got clean, we reconciled, and then she started using again. Then, about a month later, I found out she was pregnant. I was supposed to look after her; she was supposed to look after herself. But she used while she was pregnant with Abel."

Tara gasped, clasping her hand over her mouth. - "Oh, my God! Is Abel ok? Did it have any effect on him?"

Jax was deeply touched by Tara's concern for his son.

"He was born ten weeks premature with a tear in his stomach. He also inherited a heart defect from my side of the family."

Tara's eyes were filled with tears which threatened to fall down any second now."My poor baby."

Jax's throat clenched when he looked at Tara. She was obviously thinking the worst and Jax hurried to reassure her that everything was ok now.

"He had undergone a surgery and he spent a few months in hospital. Thankfully, he recuperated. He is fine now, but he has to take his medication every day."

Tara let out a breath of relief, wiping off a tear that had streamed down her left cheek. "That's good to know. Does she, I mean Wendy, ever visit Abel?"

Jax nodded, repositioning himself. He tucked his left leg under him, stretching his right one beside the couch. His face was etched with hurt, remembering all the bad things his son and he went through because of Wendy.

"From time to time. Wendy tries to form some kind of relationship with him, but Gemma won't let her. Neither will I. I know I'm not guiltless myself. Some of those things happened because I turned my back on her when she needed me. I should have checked on her more often. I shouldn't have been so passive about my own kid. I realise I'd put too much responsibility on Wendy's shoulders.  
However, she should've been smarter. It's not like she was some stupid croweater or a teenage girl who couldn't comprehend what having a child meant. That's why I'm so angry with her.  
That kid has gone through so much because of her irresponsibility and immaturity. I can't risk leaving her alone with him or anything like that. I'm too afraid of what might happen."

Tara nodded, giving him a comforting smile. "I understand. But don't you think Abel needs a mother? I told you, your mother is your mother, not his. You can't put the responsibility that's Wendy's on Gemma. Abel needs someone to call a mother, someone he can confide in. Gemma raised you. It's not her job to raise Abel too."

"You're right. So far, I haven't met anyone who fulfils the necessary requirements for the position," - he said in a joking manner.

"Jax, I'm being serious. I think you should let Abel meet Wendy, if she's been trying to get clean again. You know, Abel could be her motivation to move forward and leave drugs for good. Also, Abel would have another female in his life who could give him a new perspective. He can't grow up having only Gemma as a reference."

"I agree with you. But Wendy is not a good choice. She's not even in consideration," - Jax said with determination in his voice that Tara decided not to push with 'Wendy situation'. Instead, she asked him about his family.

"Do you have any siblings?"

A shadow of pain crossed his face. His eyes were already filled with tears. Tara wondered if she had said something wrong or invoked some sad memory.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-" - she started but Jax interrupted her, seeing a hurt look on her face.

"Tara, don't worry. It's not you. I'm just... not used to talking about my family. Abel yes, but my dad and" - he paused, closing his eyes, making a great effort not to cry. Tara gave his hand a gentle squeeze, and Jax opened his eyes, meeting Tara's gaze. After a few moments, he continued. - "I had a brother. Thomas." When he said his name, Jax's face lit up. -"He was a few years younger than me. He loved doing shenanigans and playing pranks on our parents. Or the guys from the club," Jax smiled, as if remembering a particular memory. - "One night, my mom found him on the floor in his room. She called 911 and they rushed him to the hospital. I remember us spending the whole night there: mom, dad, me, Clay... Even Unser showed up."

Tara shifted a bit, so that she was closer to him.

"The doctor said he was lucky mom found him when she did otherwise... There was a problem with his heart. He inherited a heart defect. Just like I did, and Abel. My mom had an open heart surgery. Anyway, he spent almost a week in the hospital, fighting for his life, but in the end..."- Jax took a deep breath, preparing himself to utter those words - "In the end he didn't make it."

Tears streamed down his face and he rushed to wipe them off with his palms but Tara stopped him. She hugged him and held him tight, her hand caressing his back in a soothing manner while her other hand rested on his neck.

"It's ok, Jax. I understand. It's ok to cry," she whispered in his ear.

Jax let out choked sobs; his arms wrapped around Tara so firmly, like his life depended on her proximity. He closed his eyes, letting go of the pain he had held in him for more than ten years.

After awhile, they let go of each other and Jax let out a nervous laugh. -"I'm sorry. This wasn't the kind of image I wanted you to have of me."

Tara was a bit confused. What kind of an image did he want her to have of him? This image compared to that of a murderer was far better, in Tara's opinion. This was a normal human reaction.

"Jax. It is ok to feel pain. It is ok to cry. Losing someone important is bound to leave a mark on you."

Her words resonated with a kind of personal ache.

"You don't have to talk about it anymore. I think that what happened with Thomas had a great effect on you and remembering certain memories you tried to repress... It's not easy losing someone. You feel like a part of you is missing. A part you'll never recover."

She bowed her head, looking at her crossed fingers. Jax noticed how her demeanour changed after that last sentence. Her posture was hunched; a painful expression passed her face.

"Did something like that happen to you?"- he dared to ask.

To be continued...


	20. Date Night? This is Not a Date! – Part Three

Tara forced a small smile. "That obvious, ha?"

Jax took her hand and gave her a reassuring squeeze. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

She held onto his hand unconsciously when he tried to pull it back. Jax thought he overstepped the boundaries they had established that morning. But when Tara clenched his hand, he realised the subject was indeed too painful for her.

"I think I avoided the subject for too long. My entire life to be exact. "- Tara said after a few moments of silence. The memories seemed to be sitting on her chest, pressing it with all their weight, preventing her from breathing.

"Listen, if it's too hard for you to talk about it-"

She shook her head, now holding Jax's both hands.

"It's fine. I think I should talk about it. I need to talk about it."

Jax smiled encouraging her. "I'm listening."

"I was nine when my mom died. She had a stroke. I found her dead on our kitchen's floor," - her voice sounded forced, like she was willing herself to say those words. Jax caressed her knuckles with his thumbs, not breaking their eye contact. - "When I saw her, just lying there... I-I couldn't move. It was like my feet were glued to the floor. I felt as if I was choking. My lungs burnt because there was no oxygen. I guess the shock made me stop breathing.

And I remember I kept looking at her, waiting for her to stand up, to say she just tripped or something like that. At one point I just screamed... My... father. H-he came downstairs and when he saw her, he pushed me aside and went to check on her breathing. Then, he called the ambulance. He was beside her the entire time: when the ambulance came and established her death; when they took her to mortuary; when they buried her."

"He left me home, alone and frightened. He didn't let me come to her funeral. I couldn't even say goodbye to her. I knew he blamed me for her death even though I couldn't have anything to do with it." - Tears streamed down her face and Jax could barely watch her struggle with her emotions. He was angry with himself for invoking these memories.

Tara took a few seconds to compose herself then continued speaking, "After that, he started drinking. Like really, really drinking. Sometimes it would get messy."

Jax's heartbeat raced like crazy, thoughts swarming in his head. "Did he do somethin' to you?"

Tara bit her lip. -"The usual. He would beat the crap out of me because I didn't do something or just because he felt like it. It was so damn hard to remember he was my dad. The person who was supposed to protect me, not hurt me. Later I learnt to deal with it, I learnt to strike back. I'm not very proud of that."

The words choked her. Jax reached up and gently wiped her tears. His hand cupped her cheek and she leaned into it.

"You were defending yourself. It wasn't your fault. Nothing was your fault."

They looked into each other's eyes, and Tara felt a sense of calmness washing over her. His eyes were the lightest shade of blue. Tara felt she could gaze at them for hours, watching them change colour, from piercing blue to almost grey. She cleared her throat, focusing on the story.

"Anyway, after I graduated, I moved to Chicago on scholarship and studied history."

"What made you choose history?"

Tara grinned. She loved when people asked her that. "I'm fascinated by it. I'm fascinated by the fact that one decision, good or bad, one feeling, one event can drive people to do the strangest, most dangerous or most noble things and with it, influence an entire nation.

Take Henry VIII, the English king from Tudor dynasty, for example. He lived in the 16th century and was married to Catherine of Aragon but she couldn't give him any children no matter how hard she tried. Meanwhile, the king fell in love with Anne Boleyn and decided he wanted to marry her, but he couldn't because he was already married. The Pope wouldn't grant him divorce because it was against the rules of the Catholic Church. So what does Henry do?"

Jax chuckled at her eagerness and fervour. "What does he do?"- he asked playfully, though he was honestly interested to know what that king did.

Jax never paid much attention at school. Probably because his professors were never this enthusiastic.

"He forms a new church, the Church of England and proclaims himself the Supreme Head of that church. And because of that, because of his desire for Anne, the entire England had to succumb to him and this new church, rejecting the Pope and Roman church. That's how Protestant church was created."

"I didn't know that."

"Well, now you do. And after that, he issued a whole bunch of laws which prohibited any interaction with the Roman church and if anyone dared to break those laws, they were considered a traitor. He seized the land from monasteries; everyone who wanted to work for him on court had to swear an Oath of Supremacy by which they reject the Pope and any authority he has, accepting only the king as the Supreme Head of the church and the state. Though, Anne wasn't the only reason for his craziness but rather the reason served to the public. He envied the Pope for having greater power and more influence over people than him. He wanted it all for himself." She was gesturing with her hands the entire time, enveloped in the words she said.

-"Ms. Knowles, I might even ask you to give me classes on history."

Tara laughed, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. "We'll see where our classes of 'get to know me' lead us. Then we can talk of history,"- she said seriously, Jax nodding.

"I'm all in." He grinned.

"Are you an only child?"

"Yes. Though, during the time I lived in Chicago, I had a friend who was like a sister to me. She was the only person I could trust. I really miss her." - Tara smiled, Beth's face still fresh in her mind.

"Why did you come here?" Jax asked.

A shiver passed through her body. "I-I can't talk about it yet. I'm sorry, but I can't."

Jax remembered her broken arm and some nagging feeling in the back of his mind told him it had something to do with her ex. He remembered what she said that morning, how things didn't end well. Putting two and two together, he started to get a clearer picture of what might have happened to Tara. Since she obviously didn't want to say anything else on the subject, Jax dropped it for now.

"It's alright. I think we've talked about our past enough."

Jax started talking about some funny situations he and the guys had over the years, wanting to brighten the mood. Tara realised that, and was grateful for it. With the memory of Kohn constantly poking her mind, she seldom had opportunities to relax.

For the next three hours they spoke of nothing and everything, careful to avoid painful subjects. They laughed, surprising each other with weird and funny memories from their childhoods.

Before they knew it, they fell asleep. Tara's back was against the couch, her head on Jax's chest and around his waist and Jax's arms wrapped securely around her.


	21. The Morning After - Part One

Tara yawned opening her eyes slowly. She was enveloped in someone's arms. Lifting her head slightly, she was faced with Jax, who was still sleeping.

Somehow, after talking for hours last night, they ended up sleeping on her couch. Not that Tara minded. They weren't covered with any blanket, which surprised Tara since she felt too warm. Then she realised it was because of Jax. His body warmed her up, and his arms held her tight.

Another thing that had happened during the night was that Tara's right arm somehow found its way around Jax's waist, her left was placed on his chest. It felt odd and nice at the same time.

It was unlike anything she had experienced with Josh or any of her boyfriends. Jax's arms were strong and were wrapped around her firmly, however not in a smothering way. The embrace was gentle, like he was afraid she'll break if he held her any tighter. She could hear his steady heart beat and shallow breathing. Her throat clenched. Her emotions were mixed and overwhelming. She inhaled his scent, smiling. She felt safe, protected.

Tara bit her lip and slowly traced her fingers down his abdomen. She could feel his abs. The same ones she wanted to touch since he came to her classroom in that damn undershirt. She gasped when he opened his eyes abruptly. When he realised she was looking at him, her hand on his abs, he flashed her his signature smirk.

"See somethin' you like?"

His voice was hoarse, but it still resonated through Tara's body. Rolling her eyes, she tried to get up, which was in vain since Jax still had his arms secured tightly around her.

"Ammm, Tara? Could you please not make any sudden moves?" - he asked, looking up. Tara gazed at him with furrowed brows, confused.

"Why? Is something wrong?" - her voice was etched with worry.

"I-I..." - Jax couldn't meet her eyes. He never thought having a boner would be embarrassing for him. _Guess there's a first time for everything._ He closed his eyes, willing himself to relax. _Come on, man. Not like you haven't been in this situation before. Just relax._

"Jax? Are you hurt?" - Tara sounded scared which only increased Jax's embarrassment.

"What? No. I'-I... You now that men sometimes have this... Ammm..." - he was about to explain himself when Tara interrupted him, slightly jumping.

"What the..." - Tara yelped, looking down where their midsections met. Her eyes widened as the realisation hit her. - "Oh. Is that what you were trying to tell me?"

This was an awkward situation; Tara fought hard not to burst out laughing. Jax heard her chuckle and his cheeks burned red. Tara put her hand on her mouth in an attempt to muffle the sound, but her eyes were filled with tears.

"Do. Not. Say. Anything," - Jax warned, though he had an amused look on his face.

"Can I help you with... you know..." - Tara said gesturing with her eyes towards his groin, still trying to control her giggling.

"Well, there is one way you can help," - Jax said in a playful, yet hopeful tone.

"Jax, we are not having sex,"-Tara said firmly, her hand on Jax's chest.

"Well, you're not helping with that hand on my chest. Or rubbing my six pack."

It was Tara's turn to blush. -"What? I did not...Get up, Teller! Go to the bathroom and sort yourself out."

Tara pushed him off the couch and stood up, straightening her hoodie and tying her dishevelled hair in a bun. Jax headed towards the guest bathroom, his back towards the door, his hands covering his groin. Before he entered the bathroom he cocked an eyebrow and dared to ask.

"You sure about us not having sex?"

Tara shot him a deadly look.

"I'm joking, I'm joking!"

He went to the bathroom and Tara went to prepare breakfast. Having no idea what Jax liked to eat, she decided to make scrambled eggs. She poured some orange juice and turned on the coffee machine.

Three minutes after, Jax walked out. He leaned on kitchen doorframe.

"Hey, Tara?"

"Yeah?"

Tara was reaching for the coffee mugs that were on the second shelf in the cupboard. She had to stretch a bit so her hoodie pulled up and revealed her lower back. Jax watched her, his eyes following up her legs, lingering on her ass before moving up, when he noticed something. It seemed to be a tattoo but Jax couldn't tell for sure.

If it was a tattoo, it was on a very intimate place on her body. Meaning, she didn't want to show it off. The fact that it could be a tattoo on Tara's body, made her look even hotter in Jax's eyes. He was sure it wasn't some shit like a butterfly simply because Tara didn't seem like a girl who would have a tramp stamp or some random unimportant thing drawn permanently on her body. So, it must have been something personal, dear to her.

He wanted to ask her if that indeed was a tattoo, but didn't. If they achieve a greater level of trust between them, if they come to be more than friends, Jax was sure Tara will open up to him and tell him whatever interested him. Insisting on anything at this point would mean being too pushy and annoying, and he had a feeling Tara wouldn't like that.

So, keeping his mouth shut about that, he preceded with the question he intended to ask before being distracted by her ass and possible tattoo.

"Could I use your shower?"

She turned and stood silent for a few seconds, flushed. She was totally not imagining him naked. No. Totally not. -"Ammm, sure. Let me get you a towel."

Since her bathroom was the only one with the shower, Tara led Jax to her bedroom.

It was spacious. Her bed with wooden heading and purple covers was pushed against the wall just across from the door. The grey nightstands were placed at either sides of it. The walls were painted bright purple and were adorned with simple paintings. The closet was placed between the doors of the room and bathroom. Her white dresser held a hairbrush and some makeup. The wall that faced the bed held three shelves filled with all sorts of books.

It was clean and neat. There was no unnecessary junk or stuff that chicks usually liked to clutter their rooms with. This room and Tara's entire home screamed simplicity. That didn't make it any less homey. It was very much like Tara, which made Jax smile.

Tara opened the closet and took out two white towels, handing them to Jax, "Here you go. There's spare toothbrush in the bathroom."

He thanked her and headed for the shower, while Tara turned back to her closet and took out clean underwear, navy green pants and black tank top. She combed her hair, tying it in a ponytail then went to the other bathroom to change. She brushed her teeth and washed her face.


	22. The Morning After - Part Two

Tara made breakfast and set the table, then poured them both coffee. She guessed Jax drank black; it didn't seem like him to drink anything but.

She went to the bedroom to tell Jax the breakfast was ready. Just as she walked into the room, Jax walked out of the bathroom with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. He was drying his hair when he saw Tara standing by the door.

Her gaze trailed down his body, noticing ‘Abel’ tattooed under his left collarbone. She gulped, cupping her throat which seemed to have a damn lump she just couldn't swallow. Her breathing quickened and when she met Jax's eyes she felt the same pull from the last time. Only this time it was much stronger, as if he was calling for her with his eyes, his body.

His eyes darkened and a mischievous grin appeared on his gorgeous face.

"Tara-" - was all he managed to say before she ran towards him and kissed him passionately. Her hands grabbed his damp hair, pulling him towards her. Jax held her by her hips doing the same.

The kiss was much more powerful, more consuming than the one they shared just a few days ago. Their eyes were closed, giving in to their emotions completely. Their hearts were beating like crazy from sheer lust. Jax's hands crept beneath her tank top and moved up slowly. Tara felt her skin burn at his touch. She moaned, enjoying the sensation his fingers left on her back.

Wrapping her hands around his neck, she rubbed against him. Jax cupped her face then tilted it, tracing wet kisses from her jaw to her neck. Tara breathed raggedly trying to catch her breath.

Sordid thoughts were running round in her head, making her desire for Jax ever greater. To think this would be easy was foolish. They can't be just friends. Not if this was going to happen every time they were around each other.

Jax pulled up her shirt and tossed it aside, breaking their kiss just to look at her. His gaze trailed up her body. She was standing before him in her bra, her lips swollen. Jax's chest rose as he soaked in the sight before him.

"Jesus, you're just... you’re fucking beautiful," - he said, his eyes hooded. 

Tara wanted to laugh. Jax Teller giving a compliment without cursing wouldn't be nearly as satisfying as it was now. The sentence boosted Tara's confidence in their next step.

Jax gave her a small smirk before pulling her to him and kissing her hard on the lips. She wrapped her legs around his waist. Tara tossed her hair aside, kissing Jax just below his ear while his hand went behind her back, unhooking her bra, the other caressing her ass.

She smelt her shower gel on him and smiled against his neck. It was satisfying to know he'll be smelling like this the whole day. Somehow it felt like she was marking her territory involuntarily. Nevertheless, she didn't mind.

Jax carried her to the bed, taking her bra off. His mouth immediately went for her nipple, nibbling and gently sucking it. Tara closed her eyes and whimpered, pulling Jax's hair slightly.

"Jax-" - she said between breaths,"Fuck!"

Jax lifted his head, hovering over her, his eyes meeting hers. His face was flushed, his hair a mess, courtesy of Tara.

"Are you sure about this?" - he asked, trying to mask how badly he wanted her.

If they were going to do this, he wanted to be sure she wants it, and not that he was pressuring her.

"I was the one who started it, remember? You?"

She was trying to sound careless and hide the possible disappointment in her voice, afraid he might say no. Her insides were already burning from Jax's mere proximity.

Jax laughed. -"Are you fuckin' kiddin'me? I wanted you since I saw you at the shop."

And that was true. The images of her, standing before him so confident, telling him things as they are and not sugar-coating them; her in that fucking purple dress he wanted to rip off and have her there in the classroom; the way she held herself when listening to him talk about his life, and later, when she talked about hers. There were many things about Tara Knowles which Jax found fascinating. That was one word he never used to describe a woman, and yet he just did.

Tara rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, right. Just shut up and get on with it!"

"Oh, bossy much, Ms. Knowles? As you wish."

Jax kissed her lips, cupping her breast, gently teasing her nipple with his fingers. Tara shuddered. She hadn't been with a man in a long time. She wasn't ready for this sensation, but with Jax it just felt right. Especially after so much foreplay that happened since their first official meeting.

He teased her mouth with his tongue. First, he kissed her slowly, enjoying the sensation their lips and mouths did together. And then he couldn't control himself anymore. He sensed Tara couldn't too. Their desire for one another was too great to go slowly. As the kiss became more passionate, their bodies went full mode, already prepared to combust. Their teeth clashed but it didn't matter. Their tongues played a wild game.

His hands were gentle, tenderly caressing her body that it seemed to her he was afraid he'll hurt her if he gets just a little rougher. The truth was, he wanted to remember the feel of her soft peach-coloured skin under his hands. He didn't know why, he just did.

He trailed wet kisses down her jaw, her throat, her breasts. His beard tickled her and turned her on at the same time. Tara closed her eyes as to savour the moment. She kept thinking this was very much like her fantasies. Except this was better, way better.

Jax was kissing her belly, his hands caressing her calves and travelling up lazily, igniting her skin with every contact his fingers made. It was like small shots of current that kept her nerves on high alert, waiting for something more, something much stronger.

He massaged her inner thighs, his thumbs drawing slow circles, every so often brushing against her sex."You smell so good," - Jax said, kissing the apex of her thighs.

The mere words could have led her to climax. His voice was hoarse; his breath sent another wave of shivers all over her body.

He lifted his head and their gazes met. They were both already flushed. Jax gave her his naughty grin and Tara felt a bit embarrassed that Jax could have this effect on her.

It was surreal to Jax that he finally got to be with Tara. She was so... out of his league. She wasn't easy and he was glad she was the one who made the move. It made him think that maybe she too felt the intensity of that amazing connection between them.

"Jax," - Tara said between breaths and the look of her boosted his ego.

She said his name in what sounded to him the most erotic way possible. And seeing what he did to her, how it affected her... He knew he wanted more. He wanted to hear her say it again and again until it became her personal mantra. He wanted to see her unravel beneath him. He desperately wanted her to want him.

It seemed crazy to him to think this way. She was just a woman, like Collette or one of many he'd been with over the years. But just as he thought of the comparison, he knew that wasn't true.

Tara was Tara. Incomparable to anyone else. The effect she had on him was something he had never experienced. The fact that he wasn't immune to her struck him hard.

-"You. Are. Stunning," – he said between kisses he left on the sensitive skin of her sex, before he pushed two fingers inside her and as a moan escaped her lips, he preceded with satisfying her.

...

Tara and Jax lay side by side on Tara's bed, hands entwined, catching their breaths. They were both naked, Tara's clothes and Jax's towel somewhere on the floor.

Tara was pretty confused. With the events from just a few minutes ago still vivid in her head, she pondered how to behave now. They couldn't go back and act like friends. Friends don't do what they did. She smiled, blushing at the memory.

Jax's phone rang breaking her reverie. He jumped of the bed and searched his pockets. Finding the phone, he answered it.

Tara propped on her arm, admiring his physique. He had broad shoulders, a ‘Sons of Anarchy’ tattoo on his back and his ass was mighty fine. Tara noticed how his muscles immediately tensed when the person who called said something.

"Jesus fuckin' Christ. I'll be right there."

He ran his hand through his hair in an annoyed manner. Turning towards Tara, his face gave out a worried look. -"I'd love to talk and continue our little session," - said Jax with a crooked smile -"but somethin' happened and I have to go."

Tara was a bit distracted with his front, again blushing at the thought of what they did, what she did with Jax. A pang of disappointment clutched her heart, though there was no reason for it, she reminded herself. This was purely physical or at least it should be. This was only the beginning of their...

Again, Tara was confused as to what this between them is. It wasn't a relationship, it wasn't a friendship, they weren't mere acquaintances but they didn't know that much about each other to be classified as anything more.

"Don't worry about me, Teller. I'm a big girl." She smiled, wondering if she succeeded in sounding as if him leaving didn't sadden her.

"I know that."

Jax finished dressing himself, then headed to the living room to retrieve his kutte. Tara followed him soon after, dressed in the clothes she'd worn before walking into her room to find half naked Jax.

They stood facing each other. His hair was still tousled so Tara reached up to slick it back. The act was intimate, they both realised that as their gazes met.

Jax took her hand and kissed her palm, not breaking their stare.

"Tara," he started as Tara felt shivers pass through her body from the kiss and the sound of his voice saying her name.

Tara interrupted him, wanting to avoid any awkwardness that could come out of their morning session. She was aware of his reputation and just because she was who she was, Tara didn't want him to feel any kind of obligation towards her.

"Jax, you don't have to say anything. We're both adults. I get that this isn't what taking things slowly looks like. And I also know that I rushed things this morning."

Jax grinned, still holding her hand. - "You don't see me complaining."

"Jax-"

He didn't let her finish.

"Tara, what happened, happened. I'm glad it did. I'm not gonna expect us to be exclusive all of a sudden. You are free to do whatever you want. I know that we're on shaky grounds here. But I'd really like us to rekindle this."

Tara gave him a half smile.

"I thought you had to go."

Jax laughed at her words, realising she was trying to change the subject.

"Very subtle."

She walked him to the door.

"I'll call you," - he said, and kissed her softly on the lips before driving away.

Though some of her fantasies came true, Tara didn't feel as well as she should have.

Things were moving too fast, which she knew was her fault. She scolded herself. She shouldn't have been so impulsive, so easy. It seemed foolish that she was the one who broke their agreement, when she was the one who insisted on Jax giving her time.

Thinking about her situation with Jax gave her another headache. Pushing those thoughts aside in order to relax, she called the school to let them know she would be coming to work tomorrow.


	23. There Have Been Some Changes

 

Two weeks later

Since she came back to work, Tara returned to her regular position of a history professor. She didn't go back to work in the preschool area since the school managed to find a permanent teacher. Nevertheless, she still visited regularly and stayed awhile talking to the kids. She missed them all very much.

Abel was the one who insisted on using all that time to be with her, pushing other children out of his way. Tara found it sweet, but still agreed with Abel that his behaviour towards his friends wasn't nice and that he should try to be more polite.

The most interesting twist that happened during this period was that she formed some kind of a friendship with Gemma.

It was during her first week back, when she came to visit Abel and the other kids. She was playing with them when she noticed Gemma leaned on the doorframe, arms crossed, looking at her.

At first, Tara was a bit frightened, thinking Gemma came to argue with her. But then the woman smiled at her, taking Tara by surprise. The weirdest thing was that Gemma actually said 'Hi' to her, with a genuine grin on her face.

Tara didn't know how to act. Since Gemma was nice to her, Tara figured she's supposed to be nice too.

The next time she saw Gemma, Jax's mom invited her for a coffee. Tara weighed pros and cons, deciding to accept the invite.

Surprisingly, they spent a pleasant hour talking mostly about Abel. Gemma told her about his early childhood and shenanigans. Tara couldn't help but ask her about Abel's birth and health. It wasn't that she didn't trust Jax. She just wanted to hear Gemma's opinion and feelings about the whole situation.

Gemma was pissed at Wendy and judging by the way she spoke about everything, Tara didn't doubt Gemma was capable of hurting Wendy for everything that had happened to her grandkid because of the 'crack whore'.

When Tara asked Gemma about Jax's father, Gemma told her he died when Jax was just a teenager, which had affected him deeply; though she quickly dismissed the subject, telling Tara that when he feels more comfortable, Jax would tell her everything himself.

Tara couldn't help but think that whatever happened was hard for Jax and his family; Gemma avoiding the subject only confirmed Tara's thoughts. Tara could only hope that Jax will eventually trust her enough to share his burden with her. She also hoped she would be able to do the same.

Tara hadn't seen Jax in all that time, though she did talk to him on the phone every other night. He was away from Charming on some club business and didn't know when he was coming back.

At first it was pretty weird talking to him after that morning, because she was still uncertain of her feelings.

It was more than 'I like you', less than 'I love you'. Tara had never said those words to anyone simply because she never felt the need for it. Then again, she never felt the need to jump some guy and she did just that. After a few awkward sentences, they established a certain pace.

Jax would usual call at ten or eleven at night so Tara struggled to finish all her chores by the time Jax phoned her. Sometimes, the calls would came much later.

They would talk about everything and nothing. Tara would usually talk how her day went and Abel. She'd tell him how Gemma and she had taken him to the park and even had coffee together, making Jax gasp in shock the first time he had heard it.

He'd never imagined Gemma being able to talk to Tara without snarkiness and sarcasm in her voice, let alone spending time with her. Certain suspicions poked his mind.

Jax knew his mother well. She wasn't the kind of woman to make haste friendships; she wasn't the kind of woman to make friends with other women because she was used to being the centre of attention.

Always surrounded by the guys from the MC who adored her; croweaters who respected her; having Unser on the palm of her hand and numerous Charming residents who knew her life story and most of whom she had helped many times over the years so that they would now do anything for her. She raised thousands of dollars for the local elementary school, high school, clubs, the homeless...

Still, she kept her distance from people because her place in the MC was what she prided herself on. As the queen of SAMCRO, the wife of two former presidents, Gemma Teller Morrow didn't want to mingle with those she considered below her.

She had made it very clear to Jax in their many discussions, that she didn't like Ms. Knowles's attitude towards her nor the woman's interference in the lives of her son and grandson. So the sudden change was more than enough to make Jax suspicious of Gemma's intentions with Tara.

Jax on the other hand didn't have much to tell her about.

His day consisted of enforcing violence, shooting at people and tending to the mess the drug business had become. He didn't want to burden Tara with the filth of MC dealings.

He would just tell her that he misses her and how he hopes he will come back soon.

And he did miss her, like he never missed anyone before.

Sure he missed Abel. He was his son, after all; the kind of love he felt for him was unconditional and eternal. The little man was all Jax had. He was the only innocent, pure and untainted part of his life. Jax was afraid that he too will be drawn into the outlaw life lest Jax puts this whole drug deal with the cartel and the Mayans to rest.

However, his feelings for Tara were something else.

Wendy never made him feel physical pain just because he was away from her.

Whenever he called Tara, during those few seconds it took her to answer, he would hold his breath, fearing she might not answer. And when she did pick up, he would start breathing normally again.

Hearing her voice made him forget all the shit that went down that day. His heart would skip a beat just by hearing her say his name.

Sometimes he'd purposely steer their conversation in the more naughty direction.

He would tease her and try to start phone sex, but Tara would just laugh and threaten to hang up. Jax wanted to talk to her for as long as possible, so he would shrug it off as a joke, though that wasn't true.

Ever since their little sexy time from couple of weeks ago, he just couldn't stop thinking about Tara.

The image of her soft peachy skin, her perky tits and her jade green eyes gave him something to think about while he was alone in his bed at night.

Hearing her voice, remembering how she moaned and screamed his name was satisfying beyond measure. And he wanted it to happen again and again.

He really wanted her, wanted to spend time with her, but his usual methods didn't quite work on her and he had no idea what to do. His charm proved ineffective since Tara saw right through it.

The only reason their sexy morning happened was because she wanted it. No matter how bad he wanted her, if she had said no, he would have backed away. Reluctantly yes, but there was no why he would have done anything if she didn't want to either.

Jax couldn't wait to go back home and spend some time with Abel and Tara. Being with two of them made him feel normal. The worries of the day and all that shit disappeared from his mind when he was with them.

It was what he needed; to not think when the next shipment would come and if everything was going to happen according to plan, or if the Feds or some other fucking agency would find some way to get them.

Jesus, Jax really missed them.

 


	24. Gemma, What Are You up to?

Sorry for typos and mistakes.

 

-"Wayne, I need you to do this for me. What harm can it do? I just want to know what her deal is." - Gemma insisted, like she had been doing for the past five minutes since she came to Unser's trailer, which was parked at TM's parking lot.

Gemma was pretty restless for the past couple of weeks since Jax left for San Francisco, leaving her taking care of Abel as was always the case.

She knew Tara stopped being a teacher in her grandson's class, but she still visited him there. Abel was pretty excited every time he saw her and he talked about her nonstop.

That didn't irritate Gemma. Over the course of those weeks she became friendlier with her and realised Tara was a nice person. In more than one thing she reminded Gemma of herself when she was younger.

Tara was a fighter. She was brave, she wasn't afraid to speak her mind to anyone, Gemma included.

That was a great surprise because people usually feared Gemma.

Since the day Tara brought Abel home, pissed at her and Jax for not coming to get him, Gemma noticed Tara's attachment to Abel and the fact that she cared for him enough to yell at his father for being irresponsible.

At the beginning, Gemma seriously disliked Tara, to the point she was ready to go to the school and threaten them into firing her. But after seeing how she treated Abel and how happy he was around her, she softened a bit towards her, even invited her a few times for coffee at her house.

They managed to have civilised conversations.

Tara inquired about Abel and, truth be told, Gemma was glad to have someone other than men from MC to talk about her grandson.

She didn't have any female friends because most of the town's women were either stuck up bitches who thrived themselves on false purity and innocence or croweaters and whores who did everything they could to get the Sons' attention.

Donna was the only woman aside from Gemma who was in the MC's inner circle and who was fully aware of the burden this kind of life held for an old lady.

Since her best friend Luanne was killed, Gemma felt herself withdrawing more and more from everyone.

Somehow, Donna managed to bring her back from her depressive state by talking to her, taking her to manicure or encouraging her to make fund raisers for various causes.

These days, whenever she came for Abel, she would find Tara there, playing or talking to him, making him burst in uncontrollable giggles. Gemma saw that Tara treated Abel with great care, hugging him and kissing him. Gemma couldn't deny the bond that had formed between the two.

In the last few days, however, Gemma noticed that Tara became jumpy. She would frantically look around her when they were out in the park or on the parking lot in front of the school.

The behaviour was quite suspicious, so Gemma decided to do what she had intended to do weeks ago but didn't because of her growing fondness towards Tara.

She went to Unser to find out more about Tara. However, Unser was reluctant to help.

-"Gemma, why do you need that? I can see she's a nice person. Why would you want to dig dirt on her?" - said Unser, taking a smoke.

-"That's not what I'm doing. Believe it or not, I actually started to like her. That's why I'm asking you to investigate her. I can see something’s bothering her and she won't say anything. I'm worried."

Unser swallowed his pills which he had been taking for a month now. Apparently, they were some new shit on the market that ought to help with his cancer. Of course, he didn't believe it, though he still took them. He proceeded to take another smoke, his eyebrows lifting in obvious surprise at Gemma's words.

-"You? Liking her? Why do I doubt that?"

Gemma pouted her lips.

-"Believe me, I'm surprised myself. I honest to God thought I hated her. But when I saw her with Abel... It just... He never had a mother. That crack whore never cared for him. She says she's recovering, but I don't know if I should trust her.

Wayne, he gets so happy when he sees her. He talks about her all the time. Tara this and Tara that. Remember how he used to be all shy and kept to himself? He's not like that with her. And I see that she cares for him."

Pausing, she lit a cigarette.

-"I'm old, Wayne. No matter how hard I try or how much I want to, I'll never be his mother. I hate to even say that, but it's the truth. If anything should happen to me, I want to know that Abel and Jax will be taken care of. I love that boy like he was my own child, but I know he's not. And if there's someone who is capable of being there for him, I feel it could be her.

I know there's something goin'on between her and Jax. Maybe he's thinking of getting more serious with her, I don't know. The point is, she looks like a good person and since she's already in my son's and my grandson's life, I think I should at least know about her. And if there's anything I should be worried about."

Unser sighed, scratching his balding head and Gemma knew she had convinced him.

-"Ok. I'll see what I can do, but no promises."

Gemma smiled and kissed him, then exited the trailer. She was supposed to meet with Donna and her kids to go to the park.

Contemplating for a few seconds, she tossed the remainder of cigarette and stepped on it with her heel to put it out, dug her phone out of her oversized purse and dialled Tara.  
......................................

Wayne Unser was a police officer in Charming PD for thirty five years. Born and raised in this small and anything but 'charming' town, he could honestly say that he has seen it all: kidnappings, hits, retaliations, drug busts. Those were just the usual happenings here. Not much could surprise him anymore.

Or so he thought.

Since he was a local plus a cop, he knew everything and everyone, including Gemma Teller Morrow.

He remembers her as a gorgeous girl who had John Teller wrapped around her finger.

He remembers her as a grieving mother who slept in her son's bedroom for three months before accepting he won't ever come back.

He knows her as an angry old lady who was ready to kill any croweater that dared to come near her man.

He knows her as a loving grandmother who would do anything for her grandkid.

Wayne Unser knew and understood Gemma.

He saw her become the woman she was today. He knew her tricks, her white lies, her half truths.

If you'd ask him what he thought of Gemma, he would probably say that she was a good person who had been through some difficult, life changing things which made her become this tough and occasionally dangerous person.

Her family was sacred to her, the clubhouse was her shrine, her husband was her king and she was his queen, standing on the pedestal of the MC, defiantly looking at her subjects, the croweaters and passers-by who wouldn't ever stick around long enough for her to remember their names let alone their faces.

Unser knew well that Gemma hated competition.

She had to be the centre of attention, the queen bee, the one everyone sought, wanted and obeyed.

She didn't like other women; never liked their company. Gemma preferred hanging with the guys, tending to their injuries like a mother; that is what she was to those guys.

There was a reason none of the ex wives of the members stayed more than a year or so in Charming next to their husbands.

Gemma always argued with them, getting on their nerve. She saw them as nothing more than pathetic losers who had no balls to be strong and stand by their men.

Not three weeks ago, Gemma talked shit about the newcomer, saying she'll do whatever it takes to get rid of her.

So one can comprehend Unser's reluctance to accept what Gemma said.

How could it be possible for her to change her opinion on Tara all of a sudden?

As it's always been, Unser had a soft spot for Gemma. In spite of all of her mistakes and her lies, he just couldn't say no to her.

He decided he'll get to work first thing in the morning.

Today he needed to rest. The new therapy was making him sick.


	25. The Old Ladies Meet

Tara agreed to meet with Gemma and Abel at the park, though she was more excited to meet Donna.

Gemma had mentioned her before, saying that aside from her, Donna was the only old lady left. Since Tara was curious as to what the life of an old lady looked like, meeting Donna and getting a chance to talk to her about it might help her sort her thoughts out about all of it.

Aside from her interaction with Jax, Gemma, and Abel, for the past couple of weeks Tara didn't have much going on in her life.

She was too absorbed in her job, grading papers and overseeing a school play she volunteered to direct, that she just didn't have the time to go out with any of her colleagues or accept David's wife's invite for dinner at their place, though she very much wanted to.

Also, she had been receiving phone calls from an unknown number, which would end abruptly as soon as she'd pick up the phone. 

That wouldn't have been some big of a deal, hadn't those calls been happening at random times, mostly during the night when any normal person was asleep.

The calls irritated her and made her cranky. She couldn't remember having a good night sleep since the bastard obviously wanted to play with her nerves.

Tara quickly showered and combed her hair, then put on some clean clothes and rushed to meet with Gemma and Abel.  
........................................................

The sky was coloured with the brightest shade of blue, cool breeze bringing much needed fresh air. The sun was shining brightly. 

If it weren't for some puddles and fallen leaves scattered all over the street and pavement, one could think it was a spring morning, rather than an autumn afternoon.

Tara wore her most comfortable jeans and navy blue sweater. 

Yesterday evening she made a blueberry cheesecake, one of the few cakes she knew how to make because it didn't require baking. 

She intended to bring it over to Gemma's house since she made it for Abel. It was a nice coincidence Gemma invited her to go to the park today.

Tara packed the cake in a basket, along with freshly made lemonade and plastic cups. She hoped Donna and the kids would like the cake.

During Jax's absence, Tara visited several car dealerships, looking for a cheap, and yet good car. She came upon an ad in newspapers where an older woman was selling her husband's old car. It was a 67 Chevy Impala which looked amazing. It needed some furbishing, but Tara was pleased.

After bargaining with the woman for more than ten minutes, they settled on seventy-five hundred dollars. The price made an enormous hole in Tara's savings, but she really needed the car, so there was no use crying about it. 

Arriving to the largest park in the area, Tara parked next to a red sedan and turned off the engine.

She took the basket from the backseat and her purse than slowly walked to a picnic table where Gemma was already sitting crossed legged, puffing out cigarette smoke. 

There were some red apples on the table, along with a bag of candy.

Looking around, she saw Abel chasing after a much older boy, probably about nine or ten years old. A girl stood by the slide, pointing her finger at them and laughing.

Tara placed the basket on the table, then sat next to Gemma.

-"Hi" - she said to Gemma.

Gemma grinned widely, placing her cigarette on an improvised ashtray made of aluminium foil wrapper, then drawing Tara into a tight embrace.

-"Hi, sweetheart. How are you?"

-"A bit tired."

Tara was still caught off guard by Gemma's change of behaviour towards her. 

Gemma's attitude went from hate and disdain to I-like-you-lets-hug-all-the-time-and-braid-each-other's-hair in matter of days, which was odd and suspicious.   
Tara's senses were on high alert all the time, waiting for her new BFF to show teeth at any moment. The moment never came and Tara didn't know whether to be glad or afraid.

-"Didn't get any sleep?" asked Gemma worriedly, furrowing her eyebrows and taking another smoke.

She was dressed in her usual attire: black shirt, black jeans, black leather jacket and black heels. Tara wondered if Gemma ever got hot under Californian sun, since she the only colours she ever saw on her were black and beige.

Tara ruffled her hair. She fought back a yawn.

-"Barely. It's these calls. One day everything's fine, no calls. The next, I feel like screaming out of pure anger and annoyance. I would turn the damn thing off, but during the day the kids and the others that are working on the play call me, and by night..."

Tara paused, blushing. Gemma smirked, already knowing what Tara meant to say.

-"Jax calls. I get it. But honey, I'm worried. Shouldn't you talk to the police?"

Tara's eyes widened in surprise at Gemma's words.

-"If I remember correctly, you were the one who told me never to involve police. Also, what would I say to them?"

She took one of the apples, wiped it with her hand and bit it hard. Chewing slowly, her gaze followed Abel and his friends as they played in the sandbox.

A woman, whom Tara recognised from that time she saw her talking to Jax a few houses down her street, was sitting at the edge of the playground, talking on the phone.

-"Tara-"

Gemma started but Tara shook her head.

-"Can we please forget about this? It's a beautiful day and the only thing I want to do is enjoy it."

Gemma pouted her lips in her usual fashion, but nodded.

-"Fine."

Pointing her finger at the woman who was now standing with her back to them, Tara asked:

-"Is that Donna?"

-"Yeah. She's talking to Ope."

Just as Gemma said that Donna turned (apparently finished with the conversation) and walked towards them, a smiled plastered on her face.

Tara stood up to greet her, extending her hand but Donna ignored it and enveloped Tara in a friendly embrace.

-"I'm so glad to meet you, Tara. I've heard so many wonderful things about you."

Taken aback, Tara hugged her too though she didn't know how to react.

-"Nice to meet you, Donna. What did you hear about me?"

She genuinely wanted to know since she herself knew little about Donna.

-"That you’re a nice, decent woman who has Jax Teller on the palm of her hand." - said Donna jokingly.

-"Am, what? No! I-" Tara tried to defend herself but Gemma jumped in.

-"No need to deny it. We all know it's true."

Tara turned to face Gemma thinking she was trying to start a fight. 

The look on Gemma's face and a warm smile she offered to Tara, without any trace of malice made Tara feel... She didn't know what. Accepted? Like Gemma really gave up on trying to mess with Tara and her 'relationship' with Jax and Abel.

-"Ope says he talks about you nonstop. It's nice to see him act like a school boy." Donna giggled, followed by both Tara and Gemma.

-"I honestly have no idea how to respond to that."

Donna laughed, sitting opposite Tara. Gemma went to check on the kids.

-"You don't have to. Your face says it all."

Once again, Tara blushed. Was it that obvious, she thought. Only, instead of thinking she actually said it out loud.

Donna took one of Gemma's cigarettes and lit it. Smiling fondly at Tara, she said:

-"Well, yes. Don't be shy about it. I for one am glad Jax found a nice woman and not some fucking croweater. Those whores don't know where their head begins and their ass ends. They're all just a sad twist on gold-diggers."

They both laughed at Donna's words, though Tara was more than curious to see those oh-so-often-mentioned croweaters.

What did they look like? Was Jax ever serious with any of them?

She knew well it was stupid to even think about that since Jax and she were just getting to know each other and asking around about his ex girlfriends or women he had slept with over the years went totally against her 'we shouldn't move too fast' policy.

-"Jax mentioned you on the phone a few times. He really loves you and Ope. I'm happy to know he's not alone in this world."

Tara's words were honest ones. The way Jax talked about Donna, Opie and their kids was the same as when he talked about Abel or Thomas. There was certain warmth to it.  
Not like when he talked about the club. 

Tara knew his feelings for his MC brothers were strong, but he himself admitted that thinking about the Sons and their safety sometimes overshadowed his feelings towards Abel's safety and he hated it.

He hated that when he was with these guys, he was only supposed to think of them and club business because then there was no place for thinking of his son.

And when he was with Abel, the thought of something going wrong during some job while he was away just nagged at him.

Tara understood the burden was too heavy for one man alone. A man who had other things to worry about not just the club.

-"Yeah. Ope, Jax and I have known each other since diaper days. We went to school together; Opie and I started dating our second year of high school, got married when we were seniors. Jax and Ope dropped out and became prospects, but I stayed and graduated."

The last sentenced was spoken with certain degree of pride, and Tara smiled at Donna. In that moment, Tara knew she liked this woman and would like to be her friend.

Something in Donna's voice, the way she said that she graduated, gave Tara an impression that people didn't expect her to get far because she was involved with guys like Opie and Jax. It reminded Tara that people saw her like a failure too, just because her father was a dead beat drunk.

-"I hope you don't mind me asking, but... How do you manage to live this kind of life? I mean, don't get me wrong. I was judgemental at first, but if anything, my talks with Jax taught me to listen first and judge later. And I don't want to offend you or anything like that. But, the constant danger, not knowing if everything will be ok..."

Donna finished her cigarette and tossed the cigarette bud in the nearby bin, then turned to Tara.

-"It's fine. I ask myself the same questions sometimes. The answer is simple. I love Ope. I love my kids. I know we're not the perfect family, but we love each other and that's what matters. I've talked to Opie about moving away, starting somewhere fresh, but... " - she sighed, picking at her nail polish.

-"It's hard to get out of something you've dedicated your life to. But, we've been saving some money, and soon... Jax is trying to lead SAMCRO in the right direction before he steps down. That's hush hush for now, but he wants a normal life too. He wants Abel to be safe and grow up without having to look back and be scared something bad was going to happen to him. The three of us, we have a plan. We just need time."

Donna looked full of hope, hope of something better and Tara wished with all her heart that it would come true.

-"How about you? Why did you come here?" - Donna asked Tara.

Tara stiffened momentarily. Every time people asked her that, she knew she had to lie. The risk of Josh finding her just because someone was curious about her...

She breathed out slowly, calming her nerves before saying anything.

-"Let's just say, I had some bad experience and needed to get away."

There. Tara hoped her sentence gave Donna a hint that she didn't want to talk about it.

Donna understood what Tara meant and didn't push the subject further.

Instead, they talked about high school years of the three friends, Kenny and Ellie, about Gemma and her status as the Queen of MC. 

Their talk returned to the MC orbit and Jax. Then Donna said:

-"Jax cares about you. He likes you. I can see you like him too. Please, don't let his role in the MC overshadow who he real is. I know it's hard. But, please, don't leave him."

Tara was surprised by Donna's plea. Before she could say anything, Abel ran towards her and gave her a tight hug.

-"Tara! I missed you!"

Tara laughed, hugging her little boy.

-"I missed you too, baby."

Thoughts of Jax, the MC and everything else aside, Tara spent the whole day with her new 'friends' and the boy whom she cared about more and more each day. They ate the cake, drank lemonade and played.

Unbeknownst to her, not far from the place where she parked her car, sat Josh Kohn, planning his next move. 

( Let’s just pretend for the sake of the fanfic that Tara has enough savings to buy a Chevy impala :P)


	26. Babe, I’m Home

Sorry for typos and mistakes.

These were seventeen long days Abel Teller spent without his daddy. 

One would think that he would have felt sad and lonely just like the last time Jax was away. 

But unlike the last time, his daddy called him every night and talked to him and asked him how his day went and where he'd gone and what he did with grandma.

Abel was happy to tell him everything. Every single detail of his day. He was glad his daddy cared about him and listened to what he had to say.

Abel also told him how much he liked Tara and how she took care of him sometimes while grandma was at the office. 

She would take him to the park or make popcorns and watch cartoons with him at her house. He even stayed at her house a few times and she'd tell him bedtime stories and kiss him goodnight.

It was fun. He always imagined that's what having a mommy was like.

He was going to ask his daddy if Tara could be his mommy.

##################

-"Hi, babe."

Hearing Jax's voice immediately put a smile on Tara's face. She was lying in her bed waiting for him to call her. She imagined this was how high school girls felt when their boyfriends called them.

Imagined, because she never experienced it.

Honestly, she never cared about boyfriends that much. Until Jax that is.

During all this time and their long phone conversations, they talked about serious things too. One of which was 'what now?' after their steamy morning and the growing attachment to each other.

Even though Jax said not to read too much into the whole thing, Tara did just that.

She liked Jax. 

All their conversations proved to her that there was more to him than he let on.   
She liked how he made her feel just by saying 'babe'. 

That didn't seem as derogative as some other nicknames he used, as he himself admitted, when referring to girls. 

There was certain amount of intimacy and actual affection in his voice and the way he said it. In more than one of their phone conversations he hinted he wanted more, even though he said they'll give each other time.

The funny thing was, during those seventeen days away from each other, Tara also realised she wanted more.

Sure, she was cautious with people after the whole Josh debacle. But for the first time in a long time she liked how a man made her feel, both physically (she shuddered, remembering the sensation of his lips on her body) and emotionally. 

She still had some doubts, but pushed them aside in favour of something better, sweeter.

Jax was a nice guy once you got to know him. And like everyone else, he had his own burden to carry. 

Tara felt nice, warm feeling spreading through her body just by thinking of him. 

He made her laugh and a bit turned on with his naughty comments and suggestions. He made her smile and happy like she hadn't felt in a long time.  
And his little boy also found his way into Tara's heart.

She loved Abel. The little boy, just like his daddy, started to fill the void in Tara's heart that had been present since her mother died and which only grew bigger after the mistreatment from her father and Josh.

He had that childish innocence and curiosity in him which made him all the more irresistible. All that he went through in his short life made him a fighter. He was smart and Tara was more than proud of him. 

She felt as though he was her own kid which was ridiculous, she thought. How can she feel such a connection to a child she met a few months ago?

Gemma and Donna were decent companions, in spite of Gemma's sudden change of heart towards Tara that still kept her worried.

It wasn't natural for Gemma, of that she was sure. 

Even Donna stated just how out of character the behaviour was for Gemma. 

Tara hated having to be on guard all the time, even when the care and 'love' Gemma showed her seemed honest.

Gemma even let her take care of Abel when she had to stay at the TM which was, as Donna said, something Gemma had never let anyone do, save for her (Donna) and the MC family. 

Tara would have felt 'honoured' to be off the hook, so to say, hadn't she known Gemma and her ways with people. 

Still, Tara was glad she could spend some time with her little friend who seemed to like her too.

Returning to the present time, Tara replied:

-"Hi, stranger. How have you been?"

Jax sighed.

-"Not so well. Mind opening the door? It seems your doorbell is not working."

The sentence made Tara jump of her bed. With a clear surprise in her voice, she almost yelled:

-"You're here?"

Jax laughed.

-"Are you gonna keep me standing here or-"

Tara tossed her phone and ran to the door, opening it abruptly to find Jax standing there, his phone still pressed against his ear. When he saw her, he quickly ended the call and shoved the phone in his pocket.

His heart really felt like exploding. Seeing Tara after so long... She was more beautiful than he remembered. And when she smiled at him, he was done.

-"Jax-" She began to say but he stopped her, wrapping his arms around her waist and crashing their lips together.

The kiss was passionate and firm.

Jax felt like the absence made him forget the taste of her lips, that thing she did with her tongue just to tease him, and the way she gave in to him even though he knew how much she fought it.

-"I missed you so much."

The words were out before either of them even realised the spoke at the same time. 

Jax leaned his forehead on Tara's, cupping her face and enjoying the light in her eyes which seemed to scare away the darkness within him.

Tara brushed her fingers along his cheek, not believing he was there, finally.

His clothes looked dirty and his hair was dishevelled, probably because of the helmet. His beard was a little longer and Tara couldn't help but think of the way it tickled her the last time they...

-"Why are you blushing?"

Jax's words interrupted her thoughts. Was she really blushing?

-"What were you thinking about?"

He cocked an eyebrow with a playful grin on his face.

Tara's first instinct was to shy away, deny her thoughts and feelings. And she was sick of it. 

Leaning forward, she whispered into his ear. Her breath was warm and her words were more than enough to turn Jax into a sex maniac.

-"I was thinking about how you felt inside me."

She stepped back, gauging his reaction with a satisfied grin. The flash of emotions that crossed his face and the raw, animalistic look in his eyes let her know she had accomplished what she wanted.

Jax's eyes widened and it took only a moment before he smiled and tossed her over his shoulder making Tara yelp in surprise. 

He took her inside and locked the door. Tara giggled. When they reached the bedroom, Jax tossed her on the bed, kissing her and pushing his hand inside her pants.

-"Funny thing. I was thinking the same."

#########################

-"Babe?"

Jax and Tara lay on their fronts next to each other. 

Tara was still recovering from her climax while Jax traced his fingers up and down her back and behind, sending shiver down her spine. Her eyes were closed as she smiled.

-"Mmm?"

-"I didn't want to ask earlier, but... I was wondering about this tattoo..."

Jax was really curious about her tattoo. And even though he promised himself that he won't ask her anything until she herself felt comfortable enough to tell him, he couldn't help himself.

The tattoo on Tara's lower back was a small dream catcher. The feathers were colourful, ranging from bright red to dark blue.

She turned and lay on her side, resting her head on her right hand.

This wasn't the first time a man asked her about her tattoo. Up until now though, she had never answered the question. It was too personal for her to share it with anyone else.

But with Jax, everything seemed so different. It didn't feel strained, awkward nor overly possessive.

Was she ready to share her life stories with him?

The look in his eyes was telling her that she didn't have to answer, she didn't have to say anything to him.

He wasn't pressuring her.

-"When I was little, every night before I went to sleep, my mother used to tell me stories. Most of them were ancient Native American legends. She would lie beside me and gently comb my hair with her fingers. I loved her voice. It was so soothing. And the stories were beautiful, though sometimes scary. I'd let her voice lull me to sleep, and I'd dream about the vast plains, horses, and starry night sky. I’d see my mother there, dressed in Pocahontas like attire."

They both chuckled.

-"Funny, I know. I'd run around the plains, laughing. It felt so good to feel so free. Anyway, she'd often tell me about dream catchers and how they protected us from bad dreams."

Tears pooled in her eyes as she continued.

-"When she died, it was like my worst nightmare came true. I never again dreamt about the plains. The only thing I ever saw in my dreams was her lifeless body. I'd wake up screaming then cried myself to sleep. My father never came to check on me."

She started crying and Jax drew her closer, enveloping her in his arms. He kissed her temple and caressed her back in a comforting manner.

He felt angry. How could anyone let his child suffer so much, not caring what happened to it and the pain the child was into?

He wasn't an ideal parent, but he'd rather die than let Abel suffer if he knew he could fix it.

-"When I was fifteen and had enough money, I went and got this tattoo. I wanted the bad dreams to go away forever. It didn’t work every time, but it got me through some difficult times. This way, she was close to me. I didn't feel as lonely as I did before."

Now Jax was crying too. He lifted her head and looking into her eyes, he said:

-"I won't let you feel lonely ever again. I'm here as long as you want me to be. I care about you. I like you. And I won't let you get hurt ever again."

He kissed her softly.

-"Do you still have bad dreams?"

Tara cupped his face.

-"Sometimes. But not when you're with me."

They kissed again and lazily made love. Tara liked that with Jax nothing was forced. 

He was gentle with her.

Jax wanted her to feel safe with him.

He wanted to drive away the ghosts of her past.

He wanted her to know that he'll be there for her no matter what.

Later, they fell asleep, Tara's back pressed against his front and his arms wrapped securely around her.


	27. It's a Beautiful Day (And a Bit Steamy)

**Sorry for possible typos and mistakes.**

**WARNING: This chapter contains smutty scenes. Beware!**

-"Tara, can I have some waffles too? Pleeeese?"

Abel was sitting in his pyjamas at the table in Tara's kitchen, rocking his legs because the chair was too high for him. His dad was sitting next to him in his white SAMCRO shirt, his hair damp from the shower he took just a few minutes ago. He was drinking coffee.

Tara, on the other hand, was standing next to the cooker, making waffles. She was wearing Jax's SAMCRO hoodie that reached her mid-thighs and leggings.

-"Sure, baby. Anything you want."

She turned to him for a second and gave him a peck on the cheek.

...

Five minutes later, all three of them were sitting at the table, enjoying their breakfast.

Jax really enjoyed this time he spent with his son and Tara.

Abel seemed comfortable around Tara. It made him think that  _that_  is how his son's life, his life was supposed to be: carefree and happy.

He glanced at Tara and his insides just melted.

 _How could one woman make him feel like this?_ All mushy, ready to obey her every command, unable to close his eyes without seeing her beautiful face. She swept him off his feet, made him feel like everything was possible, everything was reachable.

His little boy was swept off his feet too, Jax knew that.

Not just because of the way Abel looked at or spoke to and about Tara. He realised that because of the drawings Abel showed him the minute he came back from San Francisco.

The drawings were of him, his grandma and Tara at the park; him playing with Tara.

Those were some childish drawings, but they still made Jax feel like utter shit of a father. Gemma really wasn't enough.

Abel needed a mother. And by the looks of it, he seemed to have found her.

Jax couldn't complain because he was getting (or was he already?) attached to Tara.

What she did to him, awakening the feelings he didn't even know he could feel, was out of this world.

Just being with her, made him want to be a better man, a better father. It made him want to be more responsible towards his family.

He wanted to earn her, her love.

And that's when he realised: he loved Tara. And he wanted her to love him back.

Because now, she was his family too.

He felt satisfaction at the sudden realisation.

-"What is it? Jax?"

Tara shook his shoulder lightly.

-"Ha? What?"

-"You were staring at me. Is everything alright?"

He grinned fondly.

-"Of course. Can't I look at my woman?"

Her eyes widened.  _Dear God, did he just say that?_

Tara's heart banged against her chest.  _Calm down, calm down_ , she willed herself.  _Don't read too much into it._

She gulped looking at Jax while trying to come up with something to say. Then she decided not to say anything.

She just smiled shyly and bowed her head, continuing with her breakfast. Her mind was swarming with crazy thoughts of Jax and her, and unbelievable future they could have together.

_It's stupid, Tara. Stop thinking about it._

-"So, since it's my day off, if you don't have anything planned, we could go to the carnival." - Tara suggested.

She wanted something else to think about other than Jax's words and those darn phone calls.

It had been a week since Jax came back.

Since then, he spent four nights at her place and surprisingly, there had been no calls when he was around.

The other three days, Tara felt like her head was going to explode. It was insane.

Because Jax was back, she would turn off her phone at night and managed to get some sleep. Though, when Jax slept with her, she felt much safer.

During the day, it was a whole nother story _._  Tara was seriously thinking of throwing away the damn thing. She was going to have to get a new number.

-"Yes, yes! Please, daddy, please, please!"

Abel begged Jax with the best puppy face he could make. Both Jax and Tara chuckled, then shared a glance before Jax said that they will indeed go to the carnival.

-"But first, you have to finish your breakfast."

Abel frowned.

-"Don't you have to finish your breakfast too?"

Abel asked them. The laughed and nodded, finishing their waffles before they got dressed, sat in Tara's Impala, and drove to the carnival.

######################

Set in the outskirts of Charming, the carnival attracted the residents who were looking to have fun and not to worry about their problems, at least for a while.

The noise of people, arcade and other means of entertainment were heard from miles away.

Tara, Jax and Abel got out of the car and walked towards the ticket booth.

Tara wanted to pay, but Jax just took out the money, paid for the tickets then took both Abel's and Tara's hands and guided them in.

There were a lot of people there, but mostly children. The signs on game booths flickered, attracting one's attention. The smell of popcorn, candy, sandwiches and beer was in the air awaking one's hunger.

Jax intertwined his fingers with Tara's, while Abel walked in front of them, looking around and admiring the immensity of it all. A huge smile was plastered on his face as he observed the roller coaster, merry-go-round, and go cart areas filled with people of all ages.

-"Where do you wanna go first?" - Jax asked his son.

Abel turned to him, a finger on his mouth making a loud  _mmmm_ while he was thinking. His eyes lit up as he pointed to carousel.

-"Let's go then."

They walked to the ticket man and Jax bought a ticket as Abel mounted on one of the horses.

Jax and Tara moved aside, leaning on the fence to watch over him. The carousel started turning and Abel giggled.

Jax drew Tara closer and she leaned her head on him, his arm around her shoulders as they watched Abel waving at them excitedly. They waved back.

-"Jax?"

-"Yeah, babe?"

-"What you said this morning... About me being your woman... Why did you say that? What did you mean by that?"

Just as she asked, she regretted it. She covered her face with her hand. This was definitely a stupid thing to ask.  _What about not reading too much into it, Tara?_

Jax turned so that they were facing each other.

He took her hands in his and after looking at the ground for a while to brave himself, he lifted his gaze. Tara looked at him with trepidation.

-"In these last few weeks, I feel like we've connected on a much deeper level. I feel... better, calmer than I've ever felt before with anyone. You are an amazing woman and I'm glad you came into my life when you did. I like you. A lot. And I want more."

Jax's words were music to Tara's ears. A wide smile spread on her face as she looked at Jax. As always, his eyes almost hypnotised her. She loved the way he looked at her. And she loved what he was saying more.

-"I know I said I'll wait for you to be ready-"

Tara reached up and kissed him softly, interrupting whatever Jax was going to say.

-"I'm ready. I want more too."

Jax's eyes lit up and Tara was so happy she was the one that made them like that.

-"Daddy, look!"

Abel's voice broke their bubble and they both turned to watch him. Tara's back were pressed against Jax's chest as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her cheek.

-"We're watching you, buddy."

...

Two hours, one merry-go-round ride, two go cart drives, three sandwiches, one cotton candy and a bottle of juice later, Jax Teller along with his son and his new girlfriend arrived home.

After watching Cars, they had dinner then watched Cars two, before going to bed.

Abel slept on the couch in the living room, refusing to sleep in the same bed with Jax and Tara, stating that he was a big boy and didn't need to sleep with his parents.

It took him all but five minutes to be sound asleep.

...

Tara went to the bathroom, and after taking off her clothes, stepped into the shower. She adjusted the temperature and let the hot water stream down her tired body.

As she began to soap her chest, firm arms wrapped around her waist and Jax nuzzled her neck, sending chills down her spine.

-"What are you doing?"

He gently sucked at the skin of her neck and Tara's breathing quickened. Jax's hand moved slowly down her body, until he cupped her sex. Tara shivered, dropping the strawberry scented soap. He pushed one finger inside, then proceeded easing it in and out slowly.

His finger brushed against her clit making Tara jolt. He eased another finger in, then withdrew them both, then repeating the whole process again, teasing her.

Tara pushed against herself against his hand to create greater friction. At the same time, his other hand teased her breast, his teeth nibbling her earlobe.

Tara quickly lost herself in the sweet sensation of Jax's hands on her. She wrapped her hands around his neck, her lip caught between her teeth as she did her best to stifle the moans that threatened to escape her lips.

Water dripped on them and the hot steam enveloped them as Jax suddenly pushed her against the wet tiles, his arms at either sides of her head, his eyes locked on hers.

-"Tara."

It was a plea. He wanted her so bad. The entire day was just perfect, but he could wait to get home and make love to her.

With Tara, sex was never just sex. It was  _more._ Passion, lust, desire and love combined.

Tara's gaze fell on his glistening chest then his already full-grown erection. Her hands cupped his neck and she beamed before wrapping her legs around his waist.

Their lips locked, and Tara felt the same current as before run through her body. Jax bit her lip tenderly, then slowly eased himself into her.

Their breathing, already ragged, became even heavier as Jax tried to go slow. But as is desire for Tara grew, he lost the little self control he had and thrust harder.

Tara yelped but Jax stifled the sound by covering her mouth with his and kissing her ferociously, matching the moves of his tongue with those of his body.

Tara's hands pulled at his hair as she threw her head back fighting not to scream of pure pleasure.

Jax's pace became more forceful. Tara pushed her hips forward meeting his with every thrust.

The sensation soon became too much and Jax felt her coming. She bit his shoulder as she climaxed. He joined her mere seconds later.

As her orgasm ceased, Jax eased himself out of her slowly, then lowered her legs onto the shower floor. Her arms were still wrapped around his shoulder.

-"That was..." Tara began, but had no strength to end the sentence. She was utterly spent.

Jax gave her his cocky grin, his hands skimming down her body.

The water was almost cold, the fact they began to realise just now.

-"Let's wash before you catch a cold."

They took a quick shower, washing the sweat of their lovemaking.

###############

Lying in their bed, her head on Jax's chest and their legs tangled, Tara let out a satisfied sigh.

-"I liked doing it in the shower with you." – said Jax, kissing her behind the ear.

-"Me too. We should do it again sometime."

They both chuckled and Jax wrapped his arms tighter around Tara and she scooted closer to him.

-"You know, that bite will leave a bruise."

-"Good. That way you'll remember me and what we did." Tara answered sleepily, already drifting to sleep.

As she travelled to the dreamland, Tara contemplated about the day.

 It was, indeed, a beautiful day, spent with the people she cared the most about.

 


	28. Something Wicked This Way Comes

Sorry for possible typos and mistakes. Promise I’ll edit it as soon as I can.

 

_Three and a Half Weeks Before_

 

-"We've got your test results back, Mrs. Teller." - said the doctor as she leaned forward and opened Gemma's file.

By the look on her face, Gemma knew the news wasn't good. She already suspected it, but for her doubts to be confirmed...

 She braved herself, clenching her purse ferociously, still having some hope.

 -"I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you.” –the doctor started. -“The tests came back positive. You have breast cancer."

 Gemma swallowed the lump in her throat and fought off tears. _She's Gemma Teller. She doesn't cry._ Her fingers played nervously with the handles of her purse. Giving her best to sound stern, unaffected, she asked:

 -"How serious is it?"

 Gemma being Gemma, she already researched everything online, but hearing a doctor explain it wouldn't hurt.

 -"Well, good news is that it's stage two. Early detection is vital for this kind of cancer, and thankfully, that's what happened here. It’s a smaller tumour that hasn’t spread to distant parts of the body, yet. Operation is needed though. I suggest we do lumpectomy instead of mastectomy."

 Gemma frowned.

 -"What’s that? English, doc."

 The doctor smiled mildly and proceeded explaining.

 -“Lumpectomy is a surgical procedure by which a surgeon removes the tumour and some surrounding tissue, but a great amount of breast tissue is kept intact. Mastectomy would mean removal of the cancer and the entire breast.”

 Gemma’s throat was as dry as bone. She just couldn't wrap her head around this.

 -“And you recommend lump-lumpectomy because...”

 -“Well, the latest research shows that patients who undergo this kind of surgery, which is coupled with radiation, tend to live longer than the ones that undergo mastectomy.”

 -“Please, explain. What will happen when I get the surgery?”

 The doctor and Gemma talked for another half an hour. The doctor was very friendly and she explained Gemma the entire procedure, the surgery itself, the radiation, possible side effects and everything related to it.

 Gemma listened attentively, fearing that she might forget something.

 After she finished with the doctor, Gemma barely remembered getting in the car, let alone coming home.

 This was all a shock to her.

 She, Gemma Teller, the indestructible queen of SAMCRO, had a cancer.

 Not in a million years would she have thought that something like this could happen to her.

 She just sat at the kitchen table, took out her cigarettes and tossed the purse aside.

 As she smoked, the tears that she had been fighting pooled in her eyes and started streaming down her face. Quiet sobs escaped her lips.

 Gemma thought of calling Jax, or Unser or one of the guys, but she quickly dismissed the idea. This was already too much. Burdening someone else with this, when she herself wasn't clear on how she should be feeling...

 Later, she thought what her life would be like from then on. The surgery, later radiation... She’s already too old to care about Abel. After the procedure, she would be exhausted and wouldn’t have the time or the will care for her grandson, as much as she loved him.

 And her son... Her Jax. Even though they had been fighting lately, she only wanted what's best for him. The shit with Wendy and her calls and everything that was happening with the club were taking a toll on him, she could see that.

 He worried about Abel and what Wendy might do next, since she was stubborn in her decision to see Abel. Her current state was anything but normal, and Jax feared she might harm his son.

 Then, Gemma thought of Tara and how the young woman became a sort of constant in Jax and Abel’s lives, how she cared for them more than anyone before her. How, in spite of her dislike for Tara and her behaviour towards her, Tara never backed away.

 She stayed. She stayed there for Abel and Jax. And Gemma appreciated that, no matter how weird it sounded. Not many women want to raise a child of another woman.

 She was nice to Gemma, even though Gemma was a stuck-up bitch towards her. But Tara also knew when to show her teeth, and it made Gemma think of her own protectiveness over her family, and she realised that maybe Tara wasn't as bad news as she thought at first.

 Maybe Tara was the right person to lead her son and her grandson into a better life.

 So, that night Gemma Teller Morrow made a decision. She would stop being a fucking bitch and accept Tara and do whatever she could to keep her in the family.

 ¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥

It was late Tuesday afternoon.

 Jax and Tara lay in her bed, her on top of him. Her head was on his chest, her eyes closed as she listened to his heartbeat.

 His hands skimmed up and down her body, waking her senses and her ever growing desire for him.

 It'd been two months since they began their relationship.

 For Tara, it was like time didn't exist when she was with Jax. They were in their own bubble, away from the MC, away from people and problems.

 There was just the two of them, doing what they did best: they loved each other. With their bodies, their words, their hearts and souls.

 Even though neither of them said it, they knew they were in love.

 What they felt for each other was more than 'I love you'. Their feelings were much deeper, purer than anyone would give them credit for.

 Whenever they went out together, people would just gape at them, as if wondering what a girl like her was doing with a guy like Jax.

 Everyone was aware of his reputation and that was why everyone was so keen in knowing what a school teacher could possibly find in a guy known for his notorious affiliations with gangs and cartel.

 Most girls gave her the stink eye. Tara would just wink at them and kiss Jax just to spite the venomous bitches. Jax would gladly play along, putting on quite a show, passionately kissing Tara while his hands squeezed her butt or his arms wrapped around her waist in a possessive kind of way.

 Jax was aware of the looks Tara received from the guys. He wasn't blind. It made him want to beat them up, teach them a lesson not to look at his old lady.

 Jax would occasionally hint at them officially renting a house of their own and moving in together.

 As much as she'd love that, Tara’s insecurities and fears still nagged at her.

 She still feared that this bliss and happiness were short lived and that the bubble they lived in was going to pop any moment now.

 Both Jax and Abel spent almost every night at Tara's. They watched movies together, coloured the colouring books that Tata had bought him and just enjoy their time together as a family.

 Because for Tara, that's what Jax and Abel had become: her family.

 She couldn't imagine being away from the two of them, even if she wanted to. Jax became her anchor, someone she trusted fully, and Abel her favourite person in the whole world.

 Even Gemma patched in, to Tara's utmost surprise. The woman who once looked at her coldly and used every chance she got to insult her, was now acting very affectionately.

 She'd call Tara every day to check on her, invite her for coffee of to make cookies for Abel. Gemma would talk how she's sorry about the way she acted before, how she realised that her behaviour was uncalled for and that she hoped Tara would forgive her.

 Tara did.

Not because she felt obliged to forgive Gemma, but because her current behaviour and words were honest.

 Tara felt the change in Gemma and as much as she wanted to question it, she just couldn't. She couldn't find it in her to be mean and ignore Gemma's efforts.

 Donna and Gemma soon became Tara's closest friends. It was good to have someone whom she could talk to freely.

 She, of course, had her female colleagues and most of them were quite pleasant company, especially Margaret, whom Tara met a month ago when the lady came from her sabbatical.

 She was about Gemma's age, though softer in her approach to people and certainly more likeable in the beginning.

 She'd give advice to Tara regarding her job and how to handle some unpleasant parents. And also, she'd give her advice about her relationship with Jax.

 Margaret was happy for Tara, but warned her more than once not to fall into the false security she was experiencing now, because the MC business was not safe and blowbacks could be lethal.

 Tara was well aware of that and was very grateful to Margaret for even caring to give her advice.

 In short, during her time in Charming Tara found not one, but two motherly figures and a family she loved more than anything in this world.

 -"Babe, your phone is ringing."

 -"Hmm?" - Tara murmured, still not willing to separate from Jax, not even to answer a call.

 Jax chuckled then kissed the top of her head, leaning to the side to take the phone that was on the nightstand.

 -"Here." -he gave her the phone and Tara reluctantly got up, wrapping a sheet around herself and answered it.

 -"Hello?"

 -"Did you have a good fuck, bitch?"

 Tara froze. She felt the blood drain from her face. Her hands became numb. Her heart raced a thousand miles per hour. She couldn't utter a single word.

  _No, no, no!_

 -"I'm coming for you."

 Tara threw the phone and it hit the wall. The screen cracked.

 She sat on the bed, not moving. Her breathing became ragged and she felt sick.

 She jumped of her bed and went to bathroom. Jax yelled after her, asking her what happened. Tara fell on the floor, hugged the toilet and vomited.

  _This wasn't happening. No, no!_

 Jax knelt beside her, pushing her hair out of her face and holding it in a loose ponytail.

 -"Babe? Tara, are you ok?"

 She threw up again. Jax didn't know what to do. He had no idea what just happened. _Who the fuck called her?_

 Tara took a deep breath, recovering herself slowly. Tears streamed down her face and she just couldn't make herself stop. It all came rushing back to her.

 All the painful memories she wanted to forget. And she almost did.

  _God, she was stupid. How could she ever let herself believe that Josh would leave her alone?_

 She leaned against the tiles and cried. Choked sobs echoed the bathroom. Her whole body was trembling of fear.

 -“No, no, no, no, no!” – She kept repeating. –“This can't be happening! No, no, no!”

 Jax stood up and took a towel, then wetted it under the tap. He knelt beside Tara again and gently wiped her face, whispering –“Babe, don't cry.”

 She hugged him, taking him by surprise and held onto him, like she was afraid he'll leave.

 He hugged her even tighter, kissing her cheek.

 -"Shh, I'm here, I'm here."

 -"Jax, please don't leave me."

 He pulled away only to take her face in his hands and look into her eyes.

 The pain her saw was overwhelming. It cut straight through him. _What the hell was happening?_

 -"I love you, Tara. I'll never leave you. I love you."

 She stopped crying and looked at him wide eyed.

 -"I love you, Jax. I love you so much."

 Jax brushed the strands of her sweaty hair off her face.

 -"Baby, what happened? Who called you?"

 Tara felt her chest burn. She didn't want to taint her relationship with Jax with dirt like Josh.

 But Jax deserved some explanation. And she wanted to finally be honest, completely honest with him and herself.

 -"Let me just clean up."

 Jax nodded and left her in the bathroom to shower while he went to get dressed.

.............

Ten minutes later, Tara walked out with a towel around her body. She dressed and stood in front of Jax who was sitting on the bed. She was tense and didn't know how to begin her confession.

 Jax took her hand and pulled her to his lap, wrapping his arms around her. He smiled at her, wanting to ease a bit the tension that was enveloping them.

 -"Tara, you can tell me everything. I won't judge. I'm here for you." He caressed her face.

 And so, Tara started her confession. She told him everything.

 From meeting Josh, their dates, to his possessiveness, stalker tendencies, their breakup and finally, the rape and how he beat her up just before she escaped to Charming.

 The most difficult thing was to talk about the rape and abortion, since she never told anyone about that.

 Jax listened carefully, his eyes never leaving Tara's face.

 He never said a word, he just listened.

 However, inside he was boiling. The anger he felt when he saw her crying was nothing compared to the wrath he felt when Tara told him how her ex raped her and beat her up.

 He remembered the cast on her arm, the way she shunned from him whenever he approached her.

 No wonder she was scared. The sick fuck messed her up.

 He could kill the guy. And if he was ever given a chance to do it, he was hundred percent sure he wouldn't give a fuck.

 Tara was still trembling and Jax didn't know what to do to make her feel better. So he did the only thing he felt was right.

 -"Tara, I love you. I will never let anything like this happen to you again. Do you hear me?"

 She kissed him, then hugged him, placing her face on his shoulder.

 -"I trust you Jax. I never trusted anyone. But I trust you."


	29. I Have a Name and It's Tara

Sorry for any typos and mistakes.

 

Jax was sitting at the head of the table, his brothers sitting at their usual seats.

They all noticed that Jax was anxious. He kept clenching and unclenching his fists, his eyes fix on a spot in front of him, his jaw tense.

-“Jax, what’s goin’ on?” – spoke Tig from his seat.

All eyes were fixed on Jax. He lifted his head and met them with a darkened and determined look on his face.

-“Tara, my old lady.” 

He still felt odd saying that since they never spoke of it officially. Nevertheless, it seemed right to him. She was his old lady and so much more.

-“What about her?” – asked Chibs with a worried look on his face.

-“While she was living in Chicago, she was in a relationship with this guy... He-he-”

The words choked him. He was full of rage; he couldn’t even speak of the bastard. But he knew he had to. They guys needed to know what this asshole did. 

Jax was going to do whatever it took to protect Tara, but he knew he needed the club’s help.

He had asked her if he could disclose this to the club, since they would need all the man power possible. 

Reluctantly, Tara accepted. Jax said he’ll tell them only the most pertinent parts of the story so they know who they’re up against.

-“He stalked her, raped her then beat her up. She managed to escape and came to Charming, and he was supposed to end up in prison.”

There was a collective gasp in the room and a few of the guys shared glances with each other, clearly plotting how to deal with the son of a bitch.

Even though they didn’t know Tara, they were all aware of the effect she had on their President. They all agreed she must be some serious lady to have been able to tame Jax and they all respected her already.

Jax continued, his voice strained.

-“But apparently they let him go and now he found her. He’s been playing some mind fucking game with her. I want us to find him and make sure he stays away from her for good.”

Happy spoke first.

-“Whatever you guys need, we’re here.”

-“Aye. We gonna teach that fucker not to mess with our family.”

The SAMCRO brothers nodded at Chibs’s words. Jax’s heart swelled with love and pride for his brothers. 

None of them knew Tara, but here they all were, calling her their family and already looking after her.

Tig broke the short silence: -“When do we start?”

#####################################

A FEW DAYS LATER

 

-"Darlin', you feel ok?" - Unser asked Tara.

They were standing at the hot dog stand.

The clubhouse was finally finished and Gemma decided to organise a party in that honour. Tara and Donna, along with some older croweaters helped her with everything; from food stands to games for children.

The MC parking lot was now crowded with Sons from, as Gemma explained, various charters. Most of them were older men, though there were some younger in the crowd as well. Old ladies, daughters and girlfriends were either at their side or helping Gemma around.

Abel, Kenny and Ellie were at the bouncing castle along with dozens of other children, most of whom were Sons' offspring.

The Charming charter was still absent because they had some business to handle.

Tara was glad for once that she was surrounded by these bikers, whom she would fear any other day. She’d hate to have to be alone. 

When she wasn't with Jax, she made sure to be surrounded by people or to at least have some company with her.

Kohn's phone call really messed with her head and Tara wondered if she would ever be rid of this feeling of helplessness.

The day after she’d received the call, a bouquet of damasked roses was delivered to her doorstep. The same as the ones Josh brought her on their first day. She was terrified because she didn’t know where Josh was headed with all that.

Obviously he wanted to play with her, with her mind. He knew just how much he damaged her, both physically and mentally and he was nowhere finished with her.

After that, the flowers kept being delivered for a week before Jax put a fear of God into every flower delivery service in town and surrounding areas and threatened anyone who tried to sell them.

Tara still found a fresh bundle of pink roses at her doorstep every morning which she’s throw away immediately before Jax could notice. She felt like he was already doing so much that she didn’t want to burden him anymore.

Gemma immediately noticed the change in her and asked her if she was alright. Tara almost spilled the beans, but opted not to say anything, at least for now. But she was still jumpy and scared so Gemma gave her one of her guns, for protection.

Even though Tara didn’t say anything, Gemma knew something’s wrong ever since those calls started. That gut feeling never betrayed her. She just hoped that whatever it was, Tara told Jax.

Tara smiled at Unser, pushing the thoughts of Kohn aside.

-"Yeah. I'm just a bit exhausted. And this smell is making me sick."

Unser smiled back and offered to move to the nearby bench. They sat and Unser started eating his hot dog while Tara drank water from her bottle. Lately, that was the only thing she could drink. No smell, no taste. Perfect.

Since Kohn called and decided to mess with her newly recovered psyche, she lost her appetite. She could barely stomach anything. And even if she managed to, her meal would found itself in the toilet in matter of minutes.

-"I see you've become a bit jumpy lately. Is everything all right?" - asked Unser between the bites.

Tara didn't feel like sharing.

It hurt her to know Kohn had it in for her and that she had no way of defending herself. 

She would have spent her nights restless and awake, if Jax hadn't been there for her. Just being near him gave her the strength not to completely lose it. He also assigned one of his prospects, a guy named Kip, to look after her.

Kip was really nice and funny and most of the time he managed to cheer Tara up with his crazy stories.

Tara felt safe enough and she trusted Jax with her secrets and dark past, but telling them to someone else? She hadn't got to that part yet.

So, she just shrugged at Unser's inquiry, looking, around the TM lot to see if she would spot Jax.

-"I just feel tired. I'll be fine. How are you, Wayne?"

The old man wasn't a fool. He could see that Tara was hiding something, but he didn't want to be nosey.

Still, he kept thinking about the information he gathered on her past and couldn't help but feel great sadness for the woman sitting next to him, but also admiration. To have survived all that happened to her...

Four trips to the emergency room by the age of 11; the death of her mother, the history with her alcoholic father, the abuse she suffered through her childhood and later with her ex boyfriend, including the abortion.

Unser's contacts had been quite productive in getting all the 'dirt' on Ms. Knowles.

However, he knew well this 'dirt' wasn't on her. It was on her father and her ex. She wasn't to blame for the sick fucks they proved to be.

She was just the victim of two miserable shits.

After his contacts provided him with all the information on Tara, he wondered if he should, in fact, give it to Gemma. He was still sceptical regarding her intentions. What he couldn’t ignore, however, was that Gemma did change. 

Her change was so great, that it made him wonder if she was hiding something too. It just wasn’t natural for Gemma.

He gave her the information, hoping she wouldn’t use it for some ulterior motive. Something told him she wouldn’t.

His thoughts then returned to Tara. He was aware that something must have happened because she looked like hell. She was pale, and refused to eat anything. Her eyes darted to the parking lot every few minutes. 

She is probably waiting for Jax, he told himself. However, his cop instinct told him there was more to it.

Unser wondered what could have happened to her recently to be like this.

They chatted for awhile and Tara felt a bit at ease.

She got up and went to check on Donna, who was currently at a face-painting booth. 

A boy, probably about seven years old, was sitting in front of her with his eyes close as Donna painted tiger stripes on his face. Donna was teasing him about a girl he liked and the boy giggled; his face blushed even under the paint.

-"Done. Let's see if you like it."

Donna took the small mirror from the table and turned it towards the boy. He assessed his face and smiled widely.

-"And?" - Donna asked grinning.

The boy nodded, then thanked her and ran off to his friends.

Donna started cleaning the brushes. She smiled at Tara when she saw her approaching.

-"Hey. Are you having fun?"

Tara nodded. She sat beside her and started helping her clean the brushes.

-"Actually, I am. These past few days were a bit hard for me and this party is just what I needed."

Even though she loved spending time with Jax, sometimes all she needed was some girl time. 

In a short period Donna became her close friend. She reminded Tara of Beth, with her stubbornness and easy attitude. Also, Donna was talkative, unlike Tara, which suited her just fine.

-""Wanna talk about it?" - Donna offered, but Tara seriously didn't want to let Kohn ruin things for her. Not today at least.

-"No. It'll just ruin my good mood. How are Kenny and Ellie doing? Have they recovered from the flu?  
Donna sighed.

-"Yes, though Ellie is still coughing. But they're all better now."

-"I'm glad."

They were talking about Kenny's latest hobby (swimming), when Donna's gaze suddenly froze. She was looking behind Tara, her face sombre.

-"Donna, what's wrong?"

When Donna didn't answer, Tara turned in the direction Donna was looking.

There, by the Elvis tent stood Gemma, arguing with some woman.

The woman had a long washed out blonde hair, too much eyeliner and some pretty tight clothes.

Tara could see from Gemma's posture and the exasperated look on her face that she had had it. 

Fearing that the argument might escalate, Tara and Donna quickly got up and as they approached, Tara heard 'junkie whore' and 'old rat' being exchanged.

-"Gemma, what's going on?" - asked Tara with a confused look on her face.

The blonde turned and pouting her lips, assessed Tara from head to toe.

-"Is this the bitch?" – she nodded her head towards Tara.

Tara flinched. Who the hell was this woman?

-"Excuse me?"

The woman smirked and raising her voice, repeated:

-"I said, is this the bitch who's been messing around with Jax?"

Tara was now thoroughly pissed off. Who the hell does she think she is to have the audacity to behave like that to her?

Straightening her back and lifting her chin, Tara cocked a smile meant to overthrow the stupid confidence the blondie seemed to have.

-"First of all, do no ever call me a bitch again. Second, what's it to you?"

-"I'm Jax's wife."

-"Ex wife. And don't you forget that." - Gemma interfered loudly before Tara could say anything.

Tara gazed at the woman, not believing that it was the notorious Wendy.

She thought about Jax's ex a lot, wondering what kind of person she was. And every time, Tara would give her some benefit of the doubt, because she didn't want to base her own opinion of the woman on that of Jax or Gemma.

But standing here, face to face with Wendy, Tara was almost left speechless.

This was not the woman she imagined. She seemed far worse in both her appearance and her attitude.

Tara could see the marks on her arms and the yellowish colour of her skin. Her hair was greasy, tangled at the ends. She had dark bags under her eyes and a heavy coat of eyeliner which was smeared around her eyes. Her nose was puffed and her lips cracked.

-"Wendy, you should go. Like now." - Donna almost pleaded, fearing what might happen if Jax came and saw her.

-"Why is she here?" - Wendy asked Gemma, completely ignoring Donna.

Gemma sighed in I-am-so-done-with-her way. 

Tara could see that Gemma was barely holding up, probably for the sake of the children, especially Abel.

-"Because I wanted her here, and so did Jax and Abel. Now, I'm gonna say this one more time: Go."

Wendy turned to Tara, her eyes filled with abomination which Tara knew well was uncalled for.

Pointing her finger at Tara, Wendy spat:

-"Don't think you'll take my husband or my son away from me! You're just a filthy whore Jax's using to warm his bed-"

Tara slapped her.

Wendy gasped on shock, her hand covering her burning cheek. No doubt there would be an imprint of Tara's hand left on her face.

-"I.Am.Not.A.Whore. I'm not some random bitch Jax fucks. My name is Tara and you better remember it the next time you decide to talk to me. I'm his girlfriend, not a harlot and you'll give me the respect I deserve as a woman first, and his girlfriend second. As for your accusations, I'm not trying to take Jax and Abel away from you. From what I've heard and what I see, you've done a pretty good job on your own. I suggest you sort yourself out first, before Abel sees you like that."

Tara's hands were trembling from the altercation, but her voice was stern and decisive. She wouldn't let anyone humiliate her or talk to her the way Wendy just did.

Wendy gave her one last glance before storming off, presumable to the bathroom.

Tara took a deep breath to calm herself. When she looked at Gemma and Donna, both women had huge smiles plastered on their faces.

Gemma enveloped Tara in a tight, motherly embrace.

-"Oh, baby. I'm so proud of you."

-"You go, girl!" - Donna yelled, hugging her as well.

They all laughed which eased Tara's nerves a bit. Though, she felt sick again. All this worry about Josh and now Wendy really affected her.

-"I'll just go freshen up."

Gemma frowned.

-"You ok?"

Tara gave her a weak smile.

-"Yeah. I'm just not used to slapping people."

-"You did good, momma. Really good. Don’t let what that bitch said get to you. You are more to Jax than she could ever be."

Gemma smiled at her and kissed her cheek in an endearing manner.

##############################

-“Fucking bitch.”

Wendy washed her face, then observed her reflection in the mirror. Sure enough, there was a red handprint on her face. It burnt like hell. She sniffed, containing her tears.

Wendy knew for weeks now that Jax was seeing some newbie, but she always hoped they would get back together.

They were meant to be, she just knew it.

She was the mother of his son. He was with her once. Who says that couldn’t happen again?

This whore he’s been fucking is just a pastime fling.

He’ll be with her. He has to.

#############################

After her altercation with Wendy, Tara went to kitchen and splashed some water on her face. She felt a wave of nausea coming up and a few seconds later, she emptied the content of her stomach into the sink.

After she'd rinsed her mouth, Tara sat at the kitchen table.

Certain suspicions filled her mind again. 

Rubbing her temple, she sighed.

She had been thinking about it a lot in the last few days, but would somehow always end up lying to herself and avoid doing anything to confirm those doubts.

Now, however, she felt like lying was not the answer.


	30. Surprise!

Sorry for typos and mistakes.

Happy reading :3

While Gemma, Donna and Tara hosted the party at TM, Jax was in Stockton, arranging some things at a brothel Diosa and signing a contract with MC's newest ally, a dirty ex-cop named Barosky.

The club was already in business with him for about six months, these were just some technicalities they had to go through.

It took them half a day to wrap things up and Jax couldn't wait to see Tara and Abel. It seemed to him that he only felt at ease when he was with them. The whole MC thing was starting to tire him.

Jax made a detour to one of the Sons' warehouses, to retrieve something his father had left for him years ago. Jax never thought that he would actually need it.

The idea was present in his mind for quite some time, but he never dared to act. However, after that asshole called and scared Tara to death, Jax knew what he wanted and had to do.

Tig and Bobby had done some digging and found a ton of information on Kohn.

To say that he was bad news would be an understatement.

He had several cases on stalking pending trial. He was arrested a few times for domestic violence; the last time was seven months ago, when he attacked and beat up Tara.

The guys managed to get their hands on Tara's medical file from that night.

Aside from the medical report, there were also pictures there. The pictures showed Tara with a broken nose and arm, her face and stomach covered in bruises.

Jax felt like vomiting. Seeing his old lady like that affected him. He cried for good half an hour, imagining what it must have been like for her.

He swore he would kill the fucker who dared to lay a hand on her. But not before he beat the shit out of him.

#################

Jax and the guys parked their bikes, and just as he took off his helmet and got off his bike, his son’s arms wrapped around his legs and he felt a smile stretching at the corner of his lips.

-"Daddy! Where were you?"

Jax took him in his arms and kissed his cheek.

-"Hi, kiddo. I had some stuff to take care of. Are you havin' fun?"

Abel nodded.

-"Jason and I raced and I won."

Jax chuckled and ruffled his hair.

-"Nice! I'm glad. Do you know where Tara is?"

-"I think she's with grandma. Daddy, can I talk to you?"

-"Sure, buddy."

Jax lowered Abel and they sat on the lawn chairs in front of the garage. Abel turned his chair to face his dad. He crossed his arms and gave Jax a stern look.

-"Is Tara my new mommy?"

Jax's eyes widened, eyebrows raised.

-"What?"

Abel repeated.

-"Is Tara my new mommy? Because I want her to be my mommy."

Jax smiled softly at his son. He leaned against the chair and observed Abel for a few moments before commenting.

-"Yeah? And why is that?"

Abel grinned widely, his eyes almost sparkling as he began talking.

-"Because I like Tara. She is nice to me. She kisses me and hugs me and plays with me and buys me toys and reads me goodnight stories. She takes care of me, makes me sandwiches for school, she visits me in my classroom, she takes me to the park."

Jax gulped, fighting his tears.

In a way, Abel read his mind. Since he met Tara, all Jax ever thought was how she gets along with Abel and how good of a mother she would be to him. And now his little man actually said he wanted Tara to be his mommy.

Well, Jax thought, I'll be damned if I don't make that happen.

He leaned forward and in a semi-whisper said:

-"Listen buddy, we'll have to talk to Tara about that first, ok? But I bet she'll say yes."

-"Yay! Thank you, daddy."

Abel hugged Jax and kept repeating thank you daddy, thank you daddy, making Jax's conscience stir in guilt for the umpteenth time. His little boy had been missing on so much.

But now that he had a chance to rectify his mistakes, Jax vowed to make things right this time.

########################

An hour before Jax came to TM, Tara had asked Kip to drive her to pharmacy.

When she got back, she locked herself in the bathroom, and spilled the content of the paper bag into the sink. Taking a deep breath, she took out the pregnancy test, dropped her panties and peed on the stick.  
.....

Fifteen minutes and three pregnancy tests later, Tara Knowles had no doubts. She was going to be a mother.

She was sitting in the TM office, still dazed by the news when the door opened and Jax appeared, in all his blonde Adonis glory, his lips curled in a smile as he sat next to her and started kissing her neck, his hand travelling under her shirt.

-"Mmm, I missed you." - he murmured against her skin.

Tara didn't move, looking straight ahead.

Jax stopped kissing her, worry creeping in.

-"Tara, what's wrong?"

-"I'm pregnant." - she deadpanned, sniffing.

Jax's eyes bulged, his heart skipping a beat. He thought he had heard it wrong.

-"What did you say?"

Tara's eyes finally met his and he saw that she was crying. Her eyes were red, her lips and nose puffy.

-"I'm pregnant, Jackson. We're having a baby."

Tara observed his reaction, fearing what this news could mean for their future.

Jax beamed, his eyes practically glowing as he chuckled at first then started laughing.

-"Oh, babe."

He pulled her to his lap and enveloped her in his arms. Tara wrapped her arms around him, as she too started laughing.

-"This is the best news you could've given me." - he spoke against her cheek.

He pulled away then cupped her face and kissed her with so much passion and love, that Tara thought she'd pass out from the intensity of the emotions.

When they broke their kiss, Jax leaned his forehead on hers, eyes closed as he got used to the news.

His heart was beating dangerously fast, as if it was going to jump out of his chest. His lips curved in a widest smiled as he inhaled the smell of Tara.

It was the same musky scent he smelled when he kissed her that day she was ill and Abel and he went to visit her. The same smell he would fall asleep to when snuggling her to his side. The same one he'd smell in his dreams.

When he opened his eyes, he met her worried gaze.

-"I love you so much, Tara. You’ve given me so much joy in my shitty life. Abel and you are my greatest gifts."

He gave her a soft peck on the lips then wiped her tears.

-"I love you too, Jackson. I love you so much."

He caressed her cheeks and Tara leaned her face into his hands, enjoying this sweet moment they were having.

-"Why were you crying?"

Tara sniffed again, meeting his gaze.

-"This was just too much. The news was so overwhelming. I kept thinking about the other baby, and what Josh did to me, and I just..."

She bowed her head, remembering everything that had happen to her.

Jax tucked the strands of her hair behind her ear, lifting her head slightly so that he could look her in her jade eyes.

-"Hey, stop that. This is different. We are different. Our baby is the proof of our love and I won't let anything happen to it or you. I'll do whatever it takes to protect you. Do you understand? Whatever it takes."

He said the last sentence slowly, letting the words sink in. Tara understood what that meant.

Tara inhaled deeply, calming herself. Jax kissed her forehead.

-"We're having a baby." - she said in almost a whisper, grinning.

-"Yes, we are. And it's going to be the most beautiful baby."

He hugged her tightly, fearing that this all might be a dream. 

If it was, Jackson Teller did not want to wake up.

#######################################

Tara and Jax walked out of the office with their hands entwined, beaming from ear to ear.

When Gemma approached them, she knew immediately that something had happened. She finished her cigarette then tossed the cigarette bud on the ground.

-"Hi, babies."- she said as she hugged them both.

-"Hi, ma."

Gemma hugged Tara, then held her at arm's length, assessing Tara's face. She too noticed that Tara was crying, but she jumped to the wrong conclusion.

-"Baby, you ok? I know that Wendy is a bitch and she shouldn't have been here in the first place."

Jax frowned at his mother.

-"Wendy was here?" - he almost screamed.

Gemma looked at him in confusion, then at Tara.

-"You didn't tell him."

Tara shrugged, rolling her eyes at Gemma.

-"There was nothing to tell him."

-"What did she do?" - Jax asked Tara

-"Nothing. She was just... "

Gemma interrupted her, sensing Tara wasn't going to tell the truth. Arms akimbo and her lips pouted, she answered.

-"She showed up her wanting to see you and Abel. She was a mess. I told her she can't, then she started yelling. Tara came and Wendy called her a whore and a bitch."

Jax's chest was heaving in obvious aggravation, his nostrils flared up.

-"That bitch." - he spat. "Why didn't you tell me? Did she do something to you?"

His tone was etched with concern, his eyes travelling up and down her body like he expected to find some evidence of Wendy's aggressive behaviour.

-"No. I'm fine.Don't worry." Tara kissed his cheek and Jax wrapped his arms protectively around her, kissing her temple.

Gemma looked at her son and it was like seeing him for the first time.

Both he and Tara were glowing. The shy smiles they shared with each other didn't go unnoticed by Gemma.

-"She did well, Jax. She put that junkie in her place." - said Gemma, rubbing Tara's shoulder in a motherly way.

-"What did you do?"

Tara smiled, remembering the event.

-"I slapped her after she told me you were just using me to warm you bed."

A pained expression flashed on his face.

-"You know that's not true."

She reached up and kissed him again, reassuring him that no matter what anyone said, she did know the truth.

-"I know, baby, I know."

After she found out she was pregnant, Tara contemplated what to do.

Abortion was never an option. Unlike the previous time (she shuddered at the memory), this baby was welcomed in her life.

It was the proof of the love Jax and she shared. It was the proof of the profundity of their feelings for one another.

Even if Jax didn't want the baby, she would have kept it. Tara already loved this little being growing inside her with all her heart, even before it was anything but an embryo.

Jax's excitement and the look of adoration in his eyes when she told him about the baby, was more than she could have ever hoped for.

All the suffering that she had gone through because of Josh seemed so little compared to the happiness she felt knowing that she was going to be a mum.

Pushing the thoughts of Wendy aside, Jax took Tara's hand.

-"Come. I want to share the good news with everyone."

Gemma was confused.

-"What good news?"

-"Ma, gather everyone. Tara and I will be right back, we just have to talk to Abel first." 

To be continued...


	31. You Are My Guiding Light, Tara

Sorry for typos and mistakes.

Happy reading :3

 

Jax led Tara to the bouncing castle. When Abel spotted them, he rushed to them and jumped into Tara's arms.

They kissed each other's cheeks.

-"Did daddy talk to you?" - Abel asked Tara.

-"About what, baby?"

Abel looked annoyingly at his father, his hands crossed on his chest.

-"You didn't ask her!"

Jax backed away slightly and lifted his hands up as if defending himself.

-"Now, wait a sec, little dude. We'll ask her now."

Jax led them behind the garage and sat them on a chair, Abel on Tara's lap. It was quieter here and Jax needed quiet to talk to his family in peace. After all, big things are supposed to be discussed and settled.

Tara turned to Jax.

-"What did you want to ask me?"

Jax sighed, leaning back on the chair, looking at his son.

-"Maybe Abel should ask you himself. What do you say, buddy?"

Tara looked at Abel and the boy blushed, dropping his gaze on his entwined fingers.

-"What is it, baby?"

-"Well, amm...T-Tara" - he stuttered.

Tara smiled fondly at him and caressed the back of his head.

-"Tell me, baby. Don't be shy with me."

-"Willyoubemymommy?" - he said it so fast that Tara barely managed to understand him. He had a pleading looking in his eyes.

-"Oh, baby."

Tara looked at Jax who had the same pleading look as Abel. He leaned forward and squeezed Tara's hand.

-"Babe, Tara. All my life, I’ve felt this void in my heart. It was there since the day I lost Thomas; it got even bigger with every life that was taken away from my family. My boy helped me fill it, but I always felt like something was missing.

And then you came and that purple dress of yours, your no-nonsense attitude and that cocked eyebrow of yours that let’s me know when I talk sh- “ – he paused looking at Abel then continued –“when what I say is stupid.”

Tara blushed at the mention of the purple dress, the one she wore the day Jax visited her in school and charmed her. Jax noticed it and his hold on her hand tightened just a bit, letting her know that they were thinking of the same thing.

“Since you came to my life, Abel's life, I have never felt so alive. I've never seen my little man happier than when he is with you. You’ve mended my and Abel’s hearts. I cannot thank you enough. You’ve changed our lives for better. I can't imagine a better person to raise my son than you."

He knelt, still holding her hand, and took out a velvet box out of his kutte pocket. He opened it and Tara gasped, looking back and forth between the ring and Jax, wide-eyed.

Jax took a deep breath, then beamed at Tara; his eyes meet hers and she felt a warm fuzzy feeling spreading through her body as Jax spoke, his voice trembling from all the emotions. He was so nervous, that he feared he wouldn’t be able to utter a single word. But her eyes were sparkling and looking at him with adoration and she just took his breath away. It assured him even more of the step he was about to take.

-"I want to wake up and fall asleep next to you. I want to know that my life has a purpose: protecting you and my kids. I love you with every fibre of my being, Tara. I know that I'm not the best choice for you. And you deserve so much more than a thug like me. But I promise you, this MC thing is almost over. And I promise you, I'll do anything to prove myself to you and earn your love. And I'm ready to do it for the rest of my life. The words cannot express what I feel for you. Tara Knowles, my guiding light, will you marry me?"

For a second there, he feared she might say no. It would break his heart, but he would have accepted it.

Tears of joy streamed down her face as she laughed and nodded.

Jax felt like fainting. One look at his beautiful Tara and his little and Jax Teller was in Heaven.

-"Does that mean you'll be my mommy?" - asked Abel, still uncertain of what was going on.

Tara laughed.

-"Yes, baby."

Abel grinned and clapped his hands, then wrapped his little hands around Tara's neck and hugged her. She hugged him tightly, overwhelmed by the events of the day.

-"Can I get a hug too?"

Jax was still kneeling before Tara, observing the scene in front of him.

He couldn't take the smile of his face even if he wanted to.

This day was one of the best in his life, along with the ones he became an uncle to Opie's kids and the days Abel was born and finally got out of hospital.

He felt like crying out of pure happiness.

Tara stood up with Abel in her arms and Jax followed. He enveloped them both in his arms, wishing he could freeze this moment forever.

Tara kissed him and he put a simple, yet beautiful ring with little black gem on her ring finger and kissed her hand.

-"I love you guys so much."

-'"We love you too, daddy. Don't we, mommy?"

Tara felt tears pooling in her eyes when Abel called her mommy. This happiness was too much.

-"Yes, baby. We love daddy."

Jax cleared his throat, getting his emotions in check.

-" Abel, we need to tell you something."

Abel looked back at Jax with his baby blue eyes.

-"What?"

-"Well, you know how Kenny and Ellie are brother and sister?"

Frowning, Abel answered slowly.

-"Yeah?"

-"What if I told you that you're gonna have a brother or a sister too? Would you like that?"

Abel's eyes widened in surprise. He turned to Tara.

-"Mommy?Are you gonna have a baby?"

Tara kissed his nose.

-"Abel, would you like to have a brother?"

Abel screamed in glee.

-"Yes, yes, yes! I'm gonna be his big brother!"

The three laughed and hugged one more time before heading back to the party.

##################

The crowd of bikers and their old ladies gathered outside the clubhouse, the old and the young. Children were left to play, with prospects looking after them.

Gemma, along with Unser and Donna stood close to the clubhouse's entrance.

The guys from Charming charter were near them, though they were engaged in conversations with the members of other charters, laughing and making some sexual jokes.

They all fell into silence when they saw the president of SAMCRO heading towards them with his son and a woman Gemma had introduced them to earlier as his old lady.

Tara spent the whole day with these people, though she was never faced with so many fierce looking bikers at once, all looking at Jax and her.

Admittedly, she was a bit intimidated.

Today was the first day she spent anywhere near these bikers. All this time she was with Jax, she had purposely avoided coming anywhere near Jax's MC brothers.

That kind of world scared her, which was ironic since she got involved with their president and was now carrying his child and was supposed to marry him.

Tara wondered what everyone's reaction was going to be. She was especially worried about Gemma.

She grew fond of the woman, but the stories that followed her were always present in Tara's mind.

In spite of that, Tara hoped with all her heart that there wouldn't be any problems. She liked Gemma.

-"Aye, Jackie boy, where were ya?"

An older man with freakish scars that gave his lips the resemblance to those of Joker, grey hair and, what Tara thought to had recognised as a Scottish accent, spoke.

-"I'm here, I'm here. Listen up, everyone."

As Jax spoke, everyone turned to look at him.

-"Thank you all for coming today. It means a lot. In the last few months we've been through some pretty serious s-"- Jax paused, remembering Abel at his side - "things which could have destroyed us. But they didn't. As always, SAMCRO stands tall against its enemies. I have some plans for us, and I know I have the support of my brothers."

Jax glanced at his MC charter and saw that all the guys were nodding in approval to his words.

He continued.

-"Today is a very special day and I'm glad you're all here to witness it."- he paused for a second before continuing.

He took Tara’s hand and kissed it, his eyes lingering on her for a few moments, making her blush because all eyes were on them.

-"This gorgeous woman standing beside me is Tara. We met a few months back and my life hasn't been the same since."

Jax entwined their fingers. His gaze was locked on her.

-"Today, I asked her to marry me. And she said yes."

At that, the entire crowd cheered, yelling congratulations at the happy couple. Jax and Tara laughed.

-"Wait!" - Jax yelled over their loud voices.

The lot became silent again as everyone waited for Jax's next announcement.

-"There' more!"

He stepped behind Tara and wrapped his arms around her, his hands on her belly. Tara covered his hands with hers.

He kissed her cheek, inhaling her intoxicating scent and nuzzling her neck.

-"WE ARE HAVING A BABY!"

If the first announcement yielded any attention, this one definitely outdid it. Gemma ran to their side, embracing Tara in her arms.

-"Oh, dear. I'm so happy. You are good for him. For them. Congratulations!"

Next she hugged her son, congratulating him as well, then took her grandson away from the commotion that had surged once everyone approached to congratulated Jax and Tara.

Donna beamed at Tara, hugging her.

-"I'm so happy for you! Why didn't you say anything earlier?!"

Tara grinned apologetically.

-"It literally just happened. I was surprised myself."

Next, the old ladies approached Tara and welcomed her into their family, wishing her and Jax all the best.

The Sons from other charters wished all the best as well.

Then the crowd scattered around the TM.

The only ones left to congratulate them were the SAMCRO guys.

-"Hey, man. Congratulations."

A chubby man with long curly hair and beard said, patting Jax shoulder then hugged Tara, to her utter surprise.

-"I'm Bobby. Congratulations."

-"H-hi. I'm Tara. And thank you."

Next, the guy with the accent came.

-"Aye, little lady. Nice job you did 'ere. Jackie boy talks about ya constantly. Congrats! I'm Chibs, by the way."

He too hugged her, as did all the guys whose names she fought to remember.

There were Tig, Happy, Kip whom she knew from before, Kozik, Phil and others, but the faces started blending in after meeting so many people at once.

Then, a man with long beard and his hair tied in a messy bun approached them slowly.

-"So this is the one you've been hidin' from us. Congratulations, brotha. Looks like you've got the winning ticket."

He let out a throaty laughter, followed by Jax. The two hugged, patting each other's backs.

-"Congrats, Tara. Jax has been talking my ear off with Tara this and Tara that. It's good to finally meet you."

Tara looked at Jax then at the man again. She didn't know if she should say anything. He hadn't said his name yet.

-"Am, thanks. Sorry, I don't know who you are."

The man smiled, the laughed again.

-"I'm Opie."

They shook hands and Tara smiled back, genuinely happy to finally meet Jax's best friend and Donna's husband.

-"Oh, I'm really glad to meet you. Jax told me so much about you."

For the next three hours, Tara talked and made jokes with SAMCRO guys. All of them had immediately taken her under their collective wing, considering Tara one of their own.

Gemma said that this was supposed to be a family day. For Tara, it really was that.

She had Jax and Abel, her friend Donna and her future mother-in-law at her side, and apparently, the whole MC too.

###############

While the MC family celebrated, Josh snuck out of TM parking lot, rage flooding his mind with wicked ideas.

He was furious that Tara had decided to keep the bastard that son of a bitch had begotten, yet she killed his child without second thought.

If she'd learnt nothing from the beating he'd given her before, what he had in mind now, would definitely teach her a lesson.

He got into his car and drove off, all the while cursing the bitch named Tara who dared to kill his child and sleep with that fucking white trash, betraying his love and his trust in her.

To his great luck, earlier that day he had witnessed the fight between Tara and another woman, who turned out to be the shit's ex-wife. A malicious smiled spread across his face as he came up with a plan.

#################################

Wendy leaned forward, eyes wide as she snorted another line. She sniffed a couple of times, making sure she had inhaled all the powder.

A half empty bottle of whiskey was next to her. She lit a cigarette and slowly inhaled that poison into her lungs, then leaned against her dirty old couch.

She was crying.

Today, she was supposed to speak to her son and her husband.

She was supposed to get her family back.

Her son was supposed to call her mommy and she was supposed to show him how much she had missed him.

Jax was supposed to be by her side.

Today was supposed to be her day.

Instead, she was yelled at and slapped by that bitch.

And now, she took her family. She took her husband and her kid and was going to give Jax another child.

That future was hers, but the teacher bitch got in the way.

If there was a person in this world who hated Tara more than Kohn, right now it was Wendy.


	32. Watch Your Back

Sorry for typos and mistakes.

Happy reading :3

 

Tara was sitting alone at the bar in the clubhouse, drinking some vitamin smoothie and nervously tapping at the wooden surface with her nails. The guys were sitting at the tables, drinking beer and arguing over something.

She wasn't paying attention to their conversation. Her mind was elsewhere. Her stomach was in knots, her nerves on guard all the time. She knew well she had nothing to worry about.

Being in the clubhouse, surrounded by half a dozen armed men who were aware of the danger she was facing with her ex boyfriend back, there was no need for her to worry about anything save for the tiny human growing in her belly.

Tara was seven weeks pregnant. The baby was the greatest gift God could have given her after all that she had gone through in her life. The happiness she felt over her pregnancy was augmented by Jax and Abel's presence in her life.

Thing were more than official now. Jax had already bought a house for them. It was close to Gemma so she could look after the kids while Tara was at work.

It was more to Gemma's insistence that they be close to her, but Tara didn't complain. She knew she would feel much safer if she was closer to her family. 

Knowing what having a family and people who cared about you was like, Tara couldn’t help but feel lucky. 

Lucky, because growing up without her mother and father, after wandering this world without a place to call her own, after never experiencing what true love was like, Charming provided her with everything she needed and wanted all her life.

It gave her family, a sense of security, friends, the love of her life. It gave her hope that life could be more than constant suffering. 

And that is what this baby was for Tara. Her hope, her dreams.

Her hand wandered reflexively to her belly and stroked it gently, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

Even though she had agreed with Jax that they would leave Charming as soon as the baby was old enough and Jax settled his MC dealings, so far Tara wasn't in any kind of rush.

Gemma, who had in this short time became like a second mother to her, was kind and caring, as was everybody else. The guys were at her beck and call, ready to help her with whatever she needed. They were nicer than she had thought, though she still harboured some fears and doubts about this whole club thing.

Nevertheless, life was wonderful for Tara in the past few months, and if there wasn't for a certain problem named Kohn, Tara was certain she would have felt a lot safer and wouldn't care if they left Charming or not.

Tara's thoughts drifted to Abel and her baby.

She could already imagine what her life would be like. 

Abel, Jax, and their baby living together in their own house.

Tara pictured herself cooking dinner for her boys, while Abel and the baby played. Jax would come home, and they would invite Donna, Opie, their kids, and Gemma and they would all have dinner together.

Tara's lips curved into a smile; the future was looking bright. After years of misery and suffering, things were finally looking up.

And that future was one of the rare things that kept her going in these gloomy days.

-"Tara, what do you think?"

At the mention of her name, Tara turned to find Tig standing beside her, a bottle of beer in his hand and a cigarette ready to be lit. His face bore an expression Tara wasn’t used to seeing on a guy like him.

She shook her head slightly, drawing her attention to the present time.

-"Sorry, what?"

Tig spoke again.

-"The guys were just pullin’ my leg here ‘cause of Venus. They say she would never go for me."

He was trying to turn the whole conversation the guys were having involving Venus and him into a joke, but Tara noticed a slight annoyance and hurt in his voice.

She beamed at him and put an arm around his back in a friendly manner.

-"Why do you pay any attention? Of course she would go for you. Why wouldn't she?"

-"Thanks, T."

He kissed her on the cheek.

Happy, Phil, Kip, and Bobby continued their talk, whereas Tig joined Tara at the bar.

He sighed and his whole body sank, like he was caring the weight of the world on his shoulders. He dropped his gaze.

Tara nudged his shoulder with hers.

-"What's up, buddy? You know you can tell me everything, right?"

Tig looked up and Tara saw tears in his eyes.

When he spoke, his voice was hoarse.

-"I don't know. It's this whole Venus thing. I called her and called her, but she won't answer. I don't think I did anything wrong. I respect her. I like her, you know. "

-"Hey! Maybe she just needs some space. Life can be difficult at times. I'm sure she'll eventually pick up."

-"You think so?"

Tara squeezed his hand and smiled reassuringly.

-"I'm sure of it. Just, don't push her. Give her some time."

-"Thanks."

-“Do you want me to talk to her for you or...?”

He shrugged.

-“Nah. I’ll take your advice and just give her some space. Maybe later.”

-“I’m here if you need me.”

Tig smiled and blinked a few times; the tears disappeared. He stood up and gave Tara another peck on the cheek.

-"I'm glad you're here, T. You do us all good."

He went to join his brothers and Tara sighed, shaking her head. She couldn't help but think that, even though he might not realise that, Tig was completely smitten by Venus.

Her phone rang and Tara rummaged through her purse, finally finding it after the fourth ring.

Tara frowned. The call came from an unknown number. She answered it reluctantly.

-"Hello?"

-"Hi, Tara? It's Wendy."

Tara was surprised and also confused. Why would Wendy call her? From their first and only encounter, Tara knew the woman hated her guts. So, why would she call her?

-"Hi, Wendy."

Her voice was faltering.

-"I was wondering if we could meet? I'd like to apologise and have a chat with you. Please?"

Tara frowned. Wendy didn't seem like the type to apologise. Then, Tara remembered that Wendy was Abel's mother and something in her didn’t let her dismiss Wendy that easily.

It was probably hard for her to know that she's a stranger to her own son and that she had no one by her side. Tara could definitely relate to that.

She didn't have the heart to say no.

-"Sure. Text me the address."

The phone call ended and in a few seconds, Wendy’s message arrived.

Tara tossed the phone into her bag and got up, heading out.

-"Hey, Tara! Where're you goin'?" – Happy asked.

-"Wendy called me. I'll be back soon."

-"You're not going alone. Rat, go with her."

Tara waved at them and headed out.

The young man followed Tara to her Impala. She got into her car and he hopped on his bike.  
....................

Twenty minutes later, Tara parked her car outside Wendy's house. She knocked on the purple door and a few moments later, Wendy opened the door.

She looked better than the first time Tara saw her. 

Her hair was tied in a messy bun, but at least her clothes seemed clean. She had no makeup on, and Tara could clearly see the bags under her eyes and the horrible effect the drugs had on her skin.

She looked older than she was, and her hands trembled. She gave Tara a weak smile and invited her in.

Tara looked back and told Rat to wait for her outside. Wendy stepped back to let Tara in.

The first thing Tara noticed upon entering the house was the mess. It was obvious that Wendy had tried to clean up, but the smell and overall look of interior was enough to make Tara sick.

The living room carpet appeared to have lost its original creamy colour. It had all sorts of stains on it, from that of coffee and food, to the ones Tara didn't want to guess the origin of. The little plant pots that were aligned under the window were all as dry as a bone.

The curtain was the sickest shade of yellow and had cigarette burns on it. The black leather couch seemed greasy under the dim light of the dusty lamp that sat in corner. Closing her eyes for a few seconds and taking a deep breath, Tara fought the urge to vomit.

The coffee table was the only remotely clean item in the room.

Tara turned to find Wendy smiling awkwardly.

-"Please, sit."

Wendy gestured to the only chair in the room, hurrying to clean it up by tossing her dirty clothes on the floor.

Hesitantly, Tara sat, nervously clutching her purse.

-"Can I get you something? Water, coffee?"

-"No, thanks. Why did you call me? How did you get my number?"

Wendy sat on the couch and stared at the coffee table before averting her attention to Tara.

-" I-I found it in Gemma's phonebook at TM. I'm sorry about what I said the other day."

Tara noticed how Wendy's gaze kept shifting to the side, a tell tale sign that she was lying. 

She was not sorry for her little outburst nor the insults directed at Tara. However, Tara didn't want to out her. In a way, she understood Wendy.

The blonde continued, her voice strained. 

-"Me and Jax... We were something, you know?” – she let out a nervous chuckle.

“I loved him. Still do. What happened with me and him was terrible. I regret I almost cost my son his life. I wish I could change everything."

Wendy was now crying. Tara sighed. The situation was too awkward for her. However, she took Wendy’s hand to draw her attention.

Wendy sniffed and gazed at Tara.

-"Wendy, you realising your mistakes is just a step forward in the right direction. You just need to get clean and maybe Jax will let you into Abel's life."

Wendy smiled, her eyes full of hope.

-"You think so?"

Tara gave her a reassuring smile.

-"I'll do what I can to make it happen. You just need to check into rehab. Jax needs to see that you're putting an effort before he lets you anywhere near Abel."

-"Thank you. I just want to hear my son call me mommy."

Tara bit the inside of her cheek, remembering the talk from the other day. In Abel's eyes, she was his mother now.

She felt like that for a while now. She loved Abel like he was her flesh and blood.

At the same time, she didn't want to hurt Wendy nor destroy the hope the woman had of one day being close to her son. Maybe she could work this out in some way that would end up being satisfying for the both of them.

-"You take care of yourself, I'll talk to Jax."

Tara got up and Wendy followed her to the door.

-"Thank you so much, Tara."

-"Call me if you need anything."

Tara smiled and got into her Impala and drove off, Rat following her on his bike.

############################

Wendy closed the door and smiled to herself.

She took her phone and dialled a number she got quite familiar with over the past few days.

-"Yes?"

-"She was just here. The bitch didn't even have the decency to tell me she robbed me of my son and husband."

-"You just do as we had agreed. Befriend her. That way, the revenge will be even sweeter." - said the voice on the other line.

Wendy leaned against the kitchen isle exasperated.

 

-"I don't know how much longer I can do this. I can hardly look at her fucking face without having the urge to kill her."

The voice sounded irritated.

-"Don't do anything on your own! Besides, this will last only a couple of days ‘till I figure out how to approach her without alerting the MC too soon. Until then, you need to keep up appearances."

Wendy let out an annoyed sigh and rolled her eyes.

-"Fine, fine."

The call ended and Wendy smiled to herself. She couldn't wait to get rid of the bitch who had taken her place.

She could only hope that this little charade would not last for long and that her partner had a good fucking plan against her.


	33. Of Confessions, True Intentions, and Love

Sorry for typos and mistakes.

Happy reading :3

 

Tara unlocked the door to Gemma's house and came in, putting her purse and her keys on the commode next to the door.

The house was empty, oddly enough. Tara glanced at the clock. It was almost three o'clock. Gemma must have gone to pick up Abel from school.

She texted Jax to ask him when he would come home, and in a few minutes she got the message that said he got hold up in Stockton and that he would be back in an hour or two.

Tara lay on the couch and tucked herself with a blanket, thinking about her talk with Wendy and some suspicions that had risen in her mind.

Something was off. Her words said one thing, her body language something completely different. Maybe she was going through a withdrawal...

Tara soon drifted to sleep.

She woke up three hours later. Without opening her eyes, she yawned and contemplated going back to sleep. Then she felt fingers massaging her feet.

It felt too good; Tara moaned.

-"You like?"- Jax asked, and Tara sensed him smirking.

-"You have no idea how good this is. Oh, my God!"

-"If you keep moaning and acting like that, I may have to take you upstairs and give you a real reason for that."

Tara opened her eyes and met his hooded gaze. She got up and kissed him softly, her fingers grazing at his stubble.

-"Hi, baby. How was your day?"

Jax wrapped his arms around her and leaned his forehead against hers.

-"It was shitty. But it's perfect now that I'm with you."

They stayed like that for a while, their arms wrapped around each other, their eyes closed, inhaling the scent of their loved one.

-"I brought the papers for you to sign."

Tara pulled back a bit, a confused look on her face.

-"What papers?"

-"For the house. I told you, babe. I bought the house for you and our kids."

-"Yeah, but..."

Jax smiled, pulling her closer and cupping her face, his thumbs brushing against her cheeks.

-"No buts. If anything were to happen, I want to know that you'll be taken care of. The house will be in your name, end of discussion."

He kissed her gently then with more passion. His fingers tangled in her hair as Tara's hands wrapped around his neck. Her body reacted naturally to his proximity, igniting every cell in her body. She wanted to wrap her legs around him and let him drive her into oblivion with his body. Wow, Tara thought, pregnancy was obviously turning her into a sex maniac.

-"How's the baby?" - he asked when they broke the kiss, much to Tara’s dismay.

Tara smiled, her hands resting on her tummy.

-"Good. Growing."

-"Babe, I can't wait to end this shit with SAMCRO. It's all coming together and it will all be over soon. Then, we can live our lives in peace."

He entwined his fingers with Tara's on her belly.

-"Don't worry, baby. I understand. We are fine. We're going to be fine. You know, I keep thinking about our baby. If it's a boy or a girl..."

Jax chuckled.

-"I bet it's a boy. He's gonna be a blond, with eyes as green as yours."

-"And if it's a girl?" - Tara teased him.

-"If it's a girl, she'll have your silky locks. And your gorgeous smile. But, it doesn't matter if it's boy or a girl as long as it's healthy.” – he kissed her cheek. – “Hey, we're supposed to order the furniture, right? I brought some catalogues and we can also look up online to see what you like."

 

Tara snuggled to his side, closing her eyes.

 

-"Later. I just want to rest now. With you."

 

Jax smiled, kissing her temple. He lay on the couch, pulling her on top of him. Her head rested on his chest. Jax took her hand and pressed a soft kiss on the finger that held her engagement ring.

 

Ever since Tara said she wanted more, he was preparing for that moment, to ask her to marry him. He hated that his marriage with Wendy fell through and that they had become different people, a mere shadows of their former selves.

He hated that Wendy destroyed her life just like that, never caring about Abel. Truth be told, she did care and Jax knew that. But she never cared enough to stop using for good.

But the blame was not solely on Wendy.

He hated himself for letting her use, for neglecting their relationship and cheating on her.

The day of the TM party, Jax stopped by one of the Sons’ warehouses, the one that belonged to his father.

All J.T.’s stuff was there: his journals, family and club pictures, Thomas’ and his old toys and other ‘junk’. 

In a letter his father had left him before he died and which he found on his closet shelf two nights after his father’s funeral, John explained his son just how toxic the MC life can be, without revealing too much information.

He instructed Jax to the warehouse. He told him to read his journals when he was old enough to understand what he had meant to say.

The envelope contained a key and an address to the warehouse storage unit.

Years later, after rummaging through his old man’s stuff, Jax would find a small round box with a ring in it, along with a note.

The note said that the ring belonged to Jax’s grandmother. It was one of family’s heirlooms that she had left him. One such ring was on his wife’s finger. He only hoped that when his son decided to get married, he would put that ring on his future wife’s finger.

Jax knew that Wendy wasn’t the one. He had always known that.

Just like he knew Tara was the one from the day he returned to Charming after being away from her for two damn weeks.

And he knew that the only woman he wanted to see that ring on was her.

And so, the ring had stayed in that storage unit, waiting for the right person.

Jax blinked a few times, pushing away the memories. He felt Tara’s scent enveloping him and just like it was always the case when he was with her, his heart filled with an immense love for this woman.

Her who has healed his heart, helped him see that there was more to life than MC, made him see the life for what it really was: invaluable, made him finally fully embrace the responsibility of being a father, and helped him see what his priorities really were.

He felt that he should tell her what was on his mind. His throat constricted as he started his confession, laying out his fears.

-"I love you, Tara. I never thought I would ever feel like this. Or that I would ever say ‘I love you’ to a woman and mean it. Like, actually mean it. This joy seems so unreal. I don’t deserve you, and yet, here you are. I thought I was completely lost in my darkness. God must’ve felt merciful the day you walked into the shop.”

He thought she'd fallen asleep since her breathing was even and she didn't say anything. She startled him when she lifted herself off him slightly, propping herself on her arms and scowling at him.

-“Don’t say things like that, Jax! Don’t say you don’t deserve me. I’m here because I want to be. In spite of my doubts and my initial fright, I gave you, us, a chance. I did it because I saw the good in you. You were just broken, like me. You are not a bad man. You just made some bad decision, but you are rectifying them and that’s what matters.”

For the first time since the beginning of their relationship, Tara saw Jax crying.

Those were real tears. She just didn’t know why he was crying. His tears stung her, ripping her heart to shreds.

Everything she said was true. Underneath all that fierce disguise, there was a man, a broken man. A boy really, whose life had been marked by a series of deaths and violence. And even though everyone feared him and his brothers, Tara knew that deep down, Jax feared himself more and this darkness he talked about.

But Tara also knew that Jax was blind to his own light.

If he hadn’t been a good person, he would never have listened to her when she warned him about Abel’s behaviour. He would have just shrugged and act like it was nothing. He wouldn’t be trying to lead his club in the right path, the way his father wanted. He wouldn’t care for her or the threat her ex posed for her if he wasn’t a good man. He wouldn’t be protecting her and their child like he was doing.

As smart as Jax Teller was, he was sometimes really blind and stupid.

A ghost of a smile appeared on his face, but the tears still streamed down his face. His voice was croaky, as if he was fighting his own words, his own feelings. His arms held her tight, fearing that if he held her looser, she would just slip and he would lose her.

-“It’s like I’ve been alone all my life, completely and utterly alone, living in this cold and colourless world. And then you came and it just... Everything got better, brighter, more vivid. I'm afraid I'll open my eyes one day and realise this was just a dream. I don’t want to wake up from this fairytale. “ – he looked into her eyes, and cupped he face, his thumbs brushing her cheeks. –“ don't think I could stand losing you. You're it for me. The one and only, Tara. You are unlike anyone else. Please, don’t leave me."

Tara gulped, tears already forming in her eyes. She knew well just how much it took him to admit his feelings. The pain was so visible in his eyes and on his face.

-"This isn't a dream, Jax, you will never lose me, baby. I won’t leave you. And I love you too. More than you'll ever know. And if this is a fairytale, we will make it a damn good one."

She leaned and kissed him, biting his lip playfully, feeling his stubble tickling her face. Then she returned to her previous position, nestled contentedly on his chest, her hand on the place where she knew his Abel tattoo was.

Jax sighed and hugged, then pulled the blanket over her body. He drew soothing circles on her back with his fingers. The sound of Jax's heart beating lulled her to sleep.

When Gemma came home with Abel, after they'd been to the playground and the ice cream shop, they found Tara and Jax sleeping. Their chests were rising and falling in the same rhythm.

-"Are mommy and daddy sleeping?" - Abel whispered to Gemma.

Gemma smiled.

-"Yeah, baby. Let’s leave them to rest."

Abel went to his room.

Gemma pulled another blanket out of the hallway closet and wrapped it around the two, her gaze lingering for a few seconds on the two lovers. Then she went upstairs, a smile never leaving her face.

###########################################

Weirdly enough, for the following week, Wendy called Tara almost every day and informed her of her progress with her rehab. She apparently decided to do everything on her own, wanting to prove to herself and Jax that she was strong enough to face her problems.

Tara served as a moral support. She would drive to Wendy’s whenever the latter had some crisis and helped her deal with it.

Wendy was nice to her, but ever since Kohn appeared, Tara had been very cautious with people and more perceptive. That is why she notice Wendy’s not so frank attitude, even though Wendy tried really hard to appear sincere in her intentions to get clean.

There was just something that bothered Tara, but she couldn’t pin point what it was exactly.

Maybe it was some weird question Wendy dropped every once in a while, like how often Jax away or if she spent a lot of time at the TM.

One of the prospects would follow her wherever she went and Tara was glad because to think that at any moment Kohn could show up and harm her again...

She was stronger now than she was months ago, at least mentally. Well, that was what Tara told herself to alleviate her tense nerves.

However, she feared the physical altercation that might ensue if Kohn ever succeeded in coming anywhere close to her. Tara wasn’t afraid for herself because she hoped that this time she wouldn’t be caught off guard and that she would be prepared for whatever came her way.

She feared for her baby. Kohn was ruthless, sick psycho who didn’t care for anything or anyone except himself and his deluded fantasies.

If he were to do anything to her baby, Tara was sure she wouldn’t be able to survive, to bear all that pain.

Another thing that worried her is how far was Jax willing to go to protect her. The last thing she wanted was to get him in trouble because of Kohn.

.............

Wendy’s boot tapped nervously against the asphalt of an abandoned lot. Her fingers were twitching, her body craving for another shot, but she pushed her craving down as she saw her ‘friend’ park his car and walk casually out of the car.

She shivered as the wave of cold wind brushed against her bare shoulders.

-“What did you get?”

He wasted no time and got right to the point. Wendy sighed, resigned. She pushed her hands into her pockets, hoping he wouldn’t notice just how jumpy she was.

-“Nothing. I keep asking her what you told me, but she’s so weird. She just kind of shrugs it off and doesn’t answer. She doesn’t give me any straight answers.”

Kohn closed his eyes, exasperated. He scratched his chin, looking at Wendy with a murderous glare.

-“Wendy, in order for me to approach her, I need to know when she’s alone. I can’t just barge into her house and risk being killed by a fucking prospect or that white piece of shit.”

Wendy cringed at Kohn’s remark, but opted not to say anything. She was afraid of this guy. She wouldn’t have accepted to help him, but he was the only way to get Tara away from Jax and Abel for good. As long as the brunette bitch was gone, Wendy didn’t care about her fear.

-“I’ll ask again when I see her.”

-“You could go to the TM and ask around.”

Wendy shook her head.

-“Gemma would have my head. No way. I’ll just call Tara and make something up again. I feel like she trusts me. I’ll get you that information.”

Kohn sneered, turning his back on Wendy and walking to his car. Before he drove off, he opened the window and said he would call her.

Wendy watched as the car became more and more distant. Her body was betraying her. She dug her phone out of her purse and called her dealer.

#########################################

Tara was lying on the couch in her living room, one arm under her head and the other in the popcorn bowl. She was watching her favourite TV show about a hooded vigilante when she heard someone opening the door.

She muted the television and stood up to find Jax standing a few feet away from her, smiling. His hair was tousled and he looked gorgeous.

He crossed those few steps that separated them and took her face into his hands, kissing her softly.

-“Hi. Where’s Abel?”

Tara stepped back and looked behind him.

-“I left him at Gemma’s.”

A mischievous smirk played on his lips and Tara knew exactly what he was thinking.

-“Kip?”

-“I sent him to the clubhouse.”

She bit her lip and cocked her eyebrow.

-“So... We’re alone?”

He beamed and pulled her closer, kissing her with more passion than any of the past few days. That was probably due to the fact that they were seldom alone.

Tara could feel his arousal through the fabric of his jeans and she smiled to herself.

His tongue just teases her mouth and she happily obliged, giving herself completely to that kiss. When they finally pulled back, they were both breathless.

-“I couldn’t wait to get home.”

Tara laughed tossing her head back, then wrapped her legs around his waist, her arms hugging him tightly as he led them to the bedroom.

.....

Jax and Tara went to bed and made love. It was wild and passionate. Her skin burned at his touch, the heat spreading from her face to her toes. It was all consuming and beautiful.

Her body responded to Jax's like it craved for him, wanted him so desperately.

Her nails dug into his back as he kissed her and eased himself in and out of her gently at first, then increasing his pace, until they were both panting like crazy.

He sucked her nipple and Tara moaned, her fingers tangled in his blond hair.

-“Oh, babe. I love hearing you moan for me.”

-“J-Jax.”

Their eyes locked.

-“ love you, Tara.”

-“I love you, Jax.”

His moves became faster and with one final thrust, Tara reached her peak. She fell into sweet oblivion as Jax followed her.

.....

Sweat glistened on their bodies under the moonlight as Jax her her forehead.

-“I missed our wild sex.”

They both chuckled.

-“Me too.”

-“I was just worried about the baby.”

Tara caressed his cheek.

-“Baby, we are fine. I’m not made of porcelain. You can love me any way you like.”

His hand drifted to her tummy.

-“I love you in every way possible, babe.”

She smirked.

-“Then prepare for round two.”

(I suck at writing smut, so bear with me, please.)


	34. I Just Wanna Protect Her

Sorry for any typos and mistakes.

Happy reading :3

 

Gemma sat on her bed, the files and pictures of Tara spread in front of her.

Gemma had fought back the tears, she really did. She wasn't the kind of person to easily cry just because some woman was beaten up. That had mostly to do with the fact that, in her years as the SAMCRO queen, Gemma had seen her fair share of croweater and sweetbutts being punched by the guys, their old ladies, or by those of their kind. Even she had thrown in a few of the punches over the years.

It was stupid, really, to feel like this, like her heart was breaking in thousands of pieces. So what if someone beat Tara up? It’s not like she was anything different than so many woman that Gemma had face in her lifetime.

But looking at Tara's beaten up face, reading all those reports on the abuse she had suffered, got to her.

Her lower lip trembled as she imagined, no, saw, the horror of young Tara's life. She could clearly see this scared little girl pulling away from her father’s violent clutches, her small frame shake with fear. She could hear her sobs and pleas as she lay in her bed at night, afraid that her own dad might come for another round of punches.

Then, Gemma saw a young woman, full of hopes and dreams in her future away from her father, only for it to be snatched away from her by the shit that was this Kohn guy.

And that is how Gemma finally understood Tara’s initial attitude towards her and her immediate affection towards Abel.

Somehow, Tara projected her own fears and sufferings from childhood onto Abel, she clearly feared that Jax was just like her father, who neglected her.

Gemma hated, hated herself for being such an obnoxious bitch towards Tara. She regretted every bad word she ever uttered against her.

A person who had gone through all this and made it out alive and kind, with no menace in her, was not weak, as Gemma had initially thought of Tara.

She was not weak. She was strong. She was a fighter.

Gemma's chest filled with pride for her daughter-in-law, this remarkable young woman who had endured so much in her life and still had it in her to love.

To love another woman's child as her own and be willing to raise him was not something that just anybody was capable of. The love Tara felt for Jax and Abel was visible in her every move, every smile, every glance.

In that moment, more than any time before, Gemma Teller swore she would protect Tara at all cost. She swore she would fight tooth and nail to protect her daughter and the baby she was bearing.

She wiped her tear-stained cheeks and sighed, then gathered the papers and photos in the envelope they were initially in and went downstairs.

Gemma burnt the files in her fireplace. There was no use of anyone seeing them.

####################################

The knock on his trailor door woke Unser up from his afternoon siesta. Yawning, he got up and slowly opened the door to find Gemma in all her queen bee glory at his doorstep.

-"Gemma, what are you doing here?"

-"I need to talk to you, Wayne."

Unser moved and Gemma went into his trailor, shutting the door behind her. She sat opposite Wayne, playing with her sunglasses.

Wayne sensed her unease.

-"What is it?"

She brushed her bangs off her forehead and pouted her lips before she spoke.

-"It's about Tara."

-"Oh. You read the files?"

Swallowing the lump that had formed in her throat at the mere mentioning of those damn files, she nodded.

Unser sighed, slightly bowing his head.

-"What are you gonna do?"

-"I'm going to do whatever it takes to protect my family. I won't let anyone lay a hand on my daughter ever again."

Her voice was stern, as if daring him or anyone else to try and come after Tara.

Unser gazed at her wide eyed. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

Gemma, noticing his reaction, raised her eyebrow in annoyance.

-"What? Did you expect me to cuss and threaten to chase her away?"

Unser tilted his head, watching her.

-"Honestly? Yeah. You don't have what we could call a good track record with Jax's other girls. Not even Wendy."

Gemma scoffed.

-"Tara is not just one of Jax's girls. She's the girl, understand? The one he loves, the mother of his children. I assume you read them?"

She referred to the files. He nodded, bowing his head slightly as if ashamed. He still couldn't shake those images out of his head.

He'd seen his fair share of gruesome picture of beaten, even killed women. But there was something else, something much more painful when that woman was someone you knew.

-"Then you get it. We are her family, Wayne. It is up to us to give her our full support. It is up to us to protect her. Now, I know something's goin' on with her. For weeks now, she's been acting tense and I'm worried. And Jax has assigned a prospect to watch over her. That just raises my suspicions. I need to know what's goin' on so I can act accordingly."

Unser shook his head.

-"Gemma, I-I think you should let the club handle this. If Jax had assigned her a prospect that means the club is aware of what's goin' on. There's no need for you to get involved."

Gemma let out an annoyed sigh.

-"I know, I know. I just want to see if I can help her."

Wayne patted her hand gently, smiling weakly.

-"Let Jax handle it, Gem. Please. You should focus on yourself."

Rolling her eyes, she stood up and opened the door. Before she left, she turned to Unser.

-"I need to know that my family is safe, Wayne. I need to know they're taken care of should anything happen to me. You of all people should understand that."

Unser gulped, tears filling his eyes.

A week ago, Gemma confide in him about her medical condition. They both cried their eyes out. Gemma told him about her fears.

She didn't want her son to hate her for keeping him away from the woman he loved. She didn't want to be the culprit for her son's and her grandson's unhappiness.

If Tara was his happiness, Gemma didn't want to stand in their way.

-"You should tell them."

-"I will. It just not the right time."

She left his trailor and headed to her TM office. 

#########################################

Jax couldn't believe he was doing this. 

However, this was for Tara. He would do anything for her. That included talking certain stuck up cop whom he harboured special dislike for.

He tossed the cigarette bud on the ground in front of him as he saw David's car approaching.

David turned off the engine and got out of the car, his hands at the hem of his belt as he walked towards Jax.

Jax was leaned against the fence of the Robinson ranch, situated not far from Charming.

He asked Hale to come here because it was a quiet place and there was no chance of someone eavesdropping. Jax knew he was paranoid, but all this fucking Kohn thing was tiring him. He couldn't wait for it to be over, to catch that bastard and get rid of him once and for all so that he could live with his family in peace.

-"Teller, what do you want?"

David's voice held obvious disdain towards the man in front of him.

Jax tilted his head and rolled his eyes. Some things never change.

-"I don't want to bicker, ok? I called you 'cause of Tara."

At the mention of her name, David's posture visibly shifted, his face acquiring a solemn look.

-"What about her?"

-"I know you don't like me. I don't really care for that. But I love Tara and you're her friend. You being a cop actually helps in this case."

This time David rolled his eyes.

-"Cut the crap, Teller. What happened?"

Jax lit a cigarette, his third in half an hour. His nerves were on the edge for the past few weeks.

David leaned on the fence next to Jax, waiting for his response.

-"I imagine you've noticed her behaviour in the last few weeks."

David nodded.

His wife and Tara became close friends, and Tara came to dinner at their house twice a week. Since his wife gave birth to their baby daughter, Tara would sometimes help out either with the baby, or with his other children.

She was always happy and full of energy, playing with the boys or tucking the baby to sleep.

However, her energy seemed to have faltered lately. David would have asked her about it, but he didn't want to intrude.

He just hoped it didn't have anything to do with Jax.

He warned her multiple times not to associate herself with him, but matters of heart are matters of heart.

Jax seemed to care a great deal about her, so David let it go. However, his mistrust and hate for anything MC related were still very present in the back of his mind. 

Jax continued with an angry look on his face.

-"She had a boyfriend in Chicago who liked to hit her. She escaped him by a hair's breadth, but he followed her back. He's been calling her and threatening her."

Jax gulped, tears pooling in his eyes. This was the first time he showed his vulnerability in front of Hale.

-"She's pregnant, Hale. This asshole has been messing with her head and I'm scared all this stress will... Will hurt her and the baby. I have my men looking out for her, but another set of eyes and ears wouldn't hurt."

David nodded, understanding what Jax meant by that.

-"I'll have my men run a check on everyone who came to town recently. I can also assign a patrol to drive by her house every couple of hours or so. "

Jax finished the cigarette and thanked Hale.

-"No need for that. I'm doing this for her, because I care about her like she was my sister. I wouldn't want anything to happen to her."

Hale went to his car and a few minutes later he drove off.

Jax wiped a stray tear then called Tig.

-"Have you found him yet?"

-"Nah, man. Sorry. We searched every motel in the area, every dump this shithead could've gone to, but nothing came up."

Jax punched the fence with full force of his fist. He felt a sharp pain spreading through his hand. He must have broken something, however he ignored it.

-"FUCKING HELL! FIND HIM ALREADY! He is new to this town. He can't know it better than us!" - he yelled then ended the call, shoving the phone in his pocket.

He ran his finger through his hair in an exasperated manner, sighing heavily.

Fucking Kohn, Jax thought.

Tara was a good person and she did not deserve to go through all this.

She hadn't slept well in days. Jax knew that because he was awake along with her, trying to sooth her worries and make her focus on other things.

Their new house was painted and the furniture was all there. Some minor changes had to be made and Gemma sought that they did. She wouldn't let Tara handle anything that had to do with the workmen or the general works in the house. 

She was to stay at home and take care of herself.

And she did, but she hardly went anywhere. She only went to school, TM, Gemma’s and their house. Tara pretended not to be as affected by Kohn’s threats, but Jax saw right through it and it pained him to see her like that. She was holding on for him and Abel, but...

He took a few moments to compose himself before he headed home.

Or better yet, to hospital, because he could barely move his left hand and his fingers were already swollen.

##########################################

When Jax came home, he was welcomed by a very domestic scene: Tara was cooking dinner with Abel as her helper. He was washing potatoes as Tara cut them into circles and put them into a pan.

The smell of minced meat and onions being braised invaded his nostrils and Tara and Abel’s chatter and laugh filled his ears. He felt a smile forming on his face and he didn't want to suppress it.

It seemed as though all the shit that he had to deal with during the day, just disappeared from his mind whenever he looked at her beautiful features.

He leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arms. They hadn't noticed him yet, so he used the time to look at her.

Her hair was tied in a messy ponytail, a few strands framing her face. She wore one of his SAMCRO hoodies, the sleeves were rolled up, exposing her arms, and leggings and Jax wondered if she even realised just how fucking gorgeous she was. Her ass was perfect and those tight leggings only accentuated it more, that Jax felt his hand reaching out to touch it.

Her hands worked fast while cutting and Jax caught a glimpse of her engagement ring. His heart swelled with pride; he had finally done the right thing after so many fuckups.

The prince of SAMCRO got his princess and she was the most amazing woman he had ever met. 

-“Babe, you're back!”

Her voice rang out with excitement and love Jax felt he didn't deserve. Not yet, at least. Not until he ridded her of demons from her past and gave her the future she deserved.

She dropped the knife and walked to him, tangling her fingers at the nape of his neck and giving him a long and teasing kiss. His arms came immediately around her waist, drawing her closer to him. He got lost in the moment. Her mouth was inviting and her tongue seductive, her lips as soft as velvet compared to his. Her familiar scent hit his nostrils, forever creating a memory of her. The kiss was something he was looking forward to the entire day, that for a moment he forgot they weren't alone in the room.

-“Hi.” – he said once they’d pulled back and started breathing again.

She chuckled.

-“Hi.” 

He caressed her cheek. He missed her, even if they were apart for just a few hours. She leaned into his touch, looking at him with those fierce, flirtatious, and kind eyes full of love for him.

It was so surreal and yet so genuine.

-“I missed you guys today.”

Abel ran towards him but stopped midway, his eyes wide in shock.

-“Daddy! What’s wrong with your hand?”

Tara took Jax’s arm that was around her waist and lifted it, meeting a cast on his hand. She frowned, her eyes widened in worry.

-“Jax, what happened?”

Jax shook his head.

-“Nothing, babe. Don't worry ‘bout it.”

Tara raised her eyebrow, waiting for an explanation.

-“Babe, it was nothing. I'll tell you later.”

She mumbled something under her breath, turning his hand and observing the cast.

-“How long will you have to-” 

He cut her off. 

-“A few weeks. It’s nothing really.”

He gave her a peck on the lips then hugged Abel and started asking him what he did that day.

Tara observed the two.

Jax sat at the table and Abel nested on his lap, speaking excitedly how he and mommy made muffins for uncle Piney and went to visit him at Kenny’s. He and Kenny played with marbles and their action figures while mommy talked to aunt Donna, her sister Lyla and uncle Piney.

Jax would nod and proceeded to ask more questions, engaging Abel more and more in their conversation.

Tara smiled and continued preparing the dinner, all the while listening to Abel’s happy chatter and Jax’s laughter at something Abel would say.

...........................................

After the dinner, Tara went to take out the trash in her backyard. When she opened the door, she saw fire and smoke coming for the front yard. Hastily, she ran to the front door, scaring Abel and Jax who were in the kitchen, stacking dishes.

As she opened the door, the sight that welcomed her froze her.

Her car was set on fire. A thick stocking of smoke was enveloping it, rising above it. The fire devoured her car as Tara watched helplessly. Her mind shut down for a few moments. She could feel the heat emanating from it.

Abel and Jax came right behind her. When Jax saw what was happening, he immediately yelled at Abel to go inside, and he wrapped his arms around her, trying to get her inside as well. 

Tara started breathing heavily, her throat constricting, making it hard for her to breathe properly. Her whole body trembled as tears came running down her, now, pale face.

-“J-Jax...” – she barely muttered. 

-“Shh, baby. Come inside. I’ll call the firemen.” 

Jax caressed her hair, pulling her inside, but her body gave up and she collapsed.

-“H-he d-id t-this.” 

-“Babe, babe. Look at me, look at me.”

Tara turned her head from the sight before her.

When she looked at Jax, he saw utter fear in her eyes. The kind he only saw on the faces of people who knew they were going to die. It was hopelessness, fear, pain.

The only time he had ever seen her like this was when Kohn called her.

Her hand grabbed onto his shirt as she pulled at it vigorously.

-“Ja-Jax.”

He felt a weight of hundreds of trucks fall on his chest when she called his name. He fought back his tears, concentrating on her.

-“Baby, baby look at me, please.”

She gasped for air powerlessly, then started sobbing. Her sobs became screams as Jax pulled her close to him and begged her to calm down. They were still on the threshold when Jax heard faint sounds of sirens.

-“Baby, we have to get you inside. You are breathing in smoke. Please, babe, please, calm down.”

He lifted her in his arms and carried her to their bedroom. Abel rushed to her side, crying.

-“Mommy, mommy, what’s wrong, mommy? Are you ok, mommy?”

Jax laid her on the bed, but Tara refused to let go of him.

-“Don't leave me! Don't leave me!”

Her words tore his heart.

-“I will never leave you, babe. Never.”

-“Mommy?”

Tara turned her head and saw her baby’s face stained with tears.

-“ Abel, honey. Don't cry.”

-“Mommy, don't cry. I’m here. I'll take care of you.“

He hugged her tightly and Tara hugged him back, as she fought another wave of tears and sobs to break out.

-“I'll be right back. I’m just gonna go talk to the firemen, ok? I'm not goin’ anywhere.”

He kissed her forehead and left the room, as Tara and Abel tried to calm each other.


	35. Babe, Are We Losing Our Baby?

 

Sorry for typos and mistakes.

Happy reading :3

 

 

A fire engine, an ambulance, and two police cars were parked in front of Tara’s house.

 

While Jax was outside giving his statement to Hale, who showed up immediately upon hearing what had happened, Gemma was inside with Tara. Donna came a few minutes before and took Abel to her house.

  
It was pretty difficult to separate him from Tara, since he didn't want to leave his mommy, but Tara managed to convince him to go.

Jax was giving his statement to Hale. He told him how he got home and sent Kip back to clubhouse, like he always did when he was home with Tara. No, he hadn’t seen anyone around the house. Yes, Tara was the first to see the fire.

 Then, Jax explained what had happened to Tara.

.....

Tara was in bed, her back pressed against the headboard. Her hands were still shaking, her eyes darting around the bedroom, as if she was expecting Kohn to pop out and kill her on the spot.

This was something she wasn’t sure if he was capable of. Though, he did rape her and beat her up many times, that she wondered why she even questioned anything Josh did. 

Tara realised that up to that moment, she had been living in a bubble. Although some thoughts of Josh did creep in sometimes, she mostly lived in a blissful present with Jax and Abel, pushing down that fear.

But now, everything had gone to hell. He broke her once again and he didn't even had to come anywhere near her to do that.

She could hear the chatter outside the house; people were shouting, giving orders, yelling at one another to move. She heard faint sounds of police sirens and scanners.

The smell of burnt leather penetrated the house and Tara felt like her lungs were going to explode. The smoke was still present. She could smell it on her clothes, in her hair, on her body. Her eyes stung because of and it was making it hard for her to fight back the tears.

She kept closing and opening her eyes, as if that could erase the image that had been seared into her mind.

She laughed at the absurdity of it all, but her laughter was a chocked one.

This situation was awfully similar to that of six and a half months ago.

She could see herself sitting in that waiting room, twirling her bracelet and praying that time was the last time Josh ever hit her.

She promised herself she wouldn't let him hurt her again.

But Josh just wouldn't let her go.

As she took a deep breath to calm herself, Tara felt a sharp pain slice through her abdomen. She jolted. A few seconds later the pain was back and it was even sharper. The cramps were like knives, stabbing through her. She screamed.

Gemma rushed into the room with a cup of tea in her hand. When she saw Tara's face she dropped the cup on the nightstand and sat next to her taking her hand in hers.

-"Baby, what's wrong?"

Tara answered with another scream, her body bending under a weird angle. A jolt of pain shot through her back.

Jax ran into the room, his face in panic.

-"Tara?" – he cried out.

Gemma tossed the covers off Tara, gasping in shock when she saw a blood stain on the sheets.

-"Jax, you have to take her to the hospital!"

He frowned, his gaze dropping on the bed. He felt his heart stop for a second before he reacted.

-"O-our baby." - Tara mouthed when she saw the blood.

Jax hurried, scooping her in his arms and rushing towards the ambulance which was still outside. His hand still hurt, but he ignored the pain.

-"She's pregnant! She's losing the baby!" - Jax shouted.

One of the EMTs turned and hastily opened the door as Jax climbed in and laid Tara on the stretchers.

The same EMT, a Hispanic girl, sat beside Jax and started checking Tara's vitals as her partner turned on the engine and drove as fast as she could to St. Thomas.

-"Tara, right? I'm Gabriela. You're gonna be ok."

Gabriela smiled weakly and proceeded doing something Jax didn't understand. His eyes were trained on Tara.

She was pale, her face stained with tears as she held Jax's hand like she was holding onto her child's life.

He kept kissing her hand and mumbling 'I love you'. He wasn't even aware that he was crying.

-"I'm right here, babe. You're gonna be fine."

Tara looked at him and saw the tears and wished nothing more but to stop them.

Because if she did, she would know that there was no danger, that her baby was safe, that she was safe.

But Jax was crying and that wasn't a good sign.

Maybe he knew they would lose this little hope they'd created. Maybe it was all in vain.

All this running, hiding from Josh, panicking that he would appear out of nowhere and finish what he had started in Chicago.

 Maybe there was no hope.

They had reached the hospital and Tara was rushed to her OBGYN, Jax by her side, still holding her hand.

-"I'm here, babe. I ain't goin' nowhere."  
..........

-"Tara, it's Doctor Shaw."

At the sound of her doctor's voice, Tara opened her eyes that had been shut since she came to the hospital.

She was in a hospital bed, barely aware of her surroundings.

-"I need you to put on the hospital gown. Let Mr. Teller help you. I'll be back in ten."

Tara nodded.

The doctor left and Jax helped her get up slowly, then stripped her down, one article of clothing at a time.  Neither one of them spoke.

Tara was still shaking, but managed to get herself under control. She didn't want to scare Jax even more.

He took off her bloody leggings and panties and tossed them aside, doing his best to ignore the blood.

When she was naked, he grabbed the gown and lifted her hands, then gently pulled it over her body.

His hands lingered on her hips, his thumbs brushing against her belly. The cast on Jax’s hand was cold against her skin.

She wanted to laugh at this ridiculous thought.

Here she was, losing her baby, and the one thought in her mind was how cold his cast felt.

He sat her down and knelt before her, his hands still on her belly, his head bowed.

Tara lifted his head and the pain she saw in his eyes clenched her heart.

-"I'm sorry, babe. I'm so sorry." - he spoke.

-"Shhh."

Tara brought her face closer to his and leaned her forehead on his.

-"We are going to be fine, baby."

She did her best to sound convincing, although her own hopelessness started to kick in.

The doctor came and put on her gloves, while the nurse prepared to wash Tara.

Jax kissed Tara on the forehead, and stood next to her as she lay on the bed, her legs up, so that the nurse could clean her.

She shut her eyes yet again as Jax drew soothing circles on her hand with his thumb.

When she was cleaned, the doctor sat on the chair in front of the bed, and started examining her.  
........

After that, the doctor performed the ultrasound.

Jax's face was plastered on the screen, Tara's head was buried in his shirt.

-"Everything looks fine."

Dr. Shaw moved the probe up and, left and right on Tara abdomen checking if there were any changes.

-"The bleeding was probably due to the stress you experienced tonight. But, I see no changes.  And here” – she pointed on the screen – “is your baby.”

Tara turned her head and saw her baby. A smile spread over her face as she gazed at the screen.

The baby was about the size of a raspberry. It wasn’t a baby yet, but Tara could already see what it would look like.

This was her baby. Her and Jax’s.  And she wouldn’t let anyone, let alone a sick fucker like Kohn hurt it.

In that moment, Tara Knowles decided that she would not be scared anymore. She would not let anyone threaten her or her baby. And if Kohn wanted to hurt her, he better be prepared because Tara Knowles would not go down without a fight.

-“I love you so much.”

Jax kissed her temple, bringing her back to present.

-“I love you too.”

The doctor printed the ultrasound image and gave it to Tara. Jax and she looked at it for a few moments, mesmerized by the little miracle they had created.

Then, Gemma came in, carrying a bag with clean clothes for Tara. Tara gave her the picture and Gemma smiled looking at it, lost in her own version of future with her family, while Jax helped Tara get dressed.

Twenty minutes later, they were at Gemma’s .

Jax tucked Tara in bed in his old room, promising her to come back as soon as he could.

-“Are you going to the club?”

Jax sighed, scratching his beard.

-“The fucker needs to go, Tara. I can’t have you in and out of hospital all the time. When I saw you today... When I thought we were losing our baby...  I need him gone!”

Tara grabbed his hand and kissed it.

-“I know, baby, I know. Go.”

#############################

-“Brother.” – Opie greeted him.

-“Church, now!” – Jax growled, walking in their brand new clubhouse and angrily sitting at the head of the Reaper table.

Tig, Happy, Opie, Chibs, Bobby, Rat, Phil, Kip, and others followed him and sat at the table.

They all had a pissed look on their faces.

Opie told them what happened since Abel was staying at their house tonight. The boy kept talking about Tara’s car, fire, and his mommy screaming and crying.

Later, Donna filed him in on everything.

-“That fucker set my Old Lady’s car on fire. Tara almost lost our baby because of that. I want him gone!”

A collective ‘aye’ was heard.

-“How is she?” – Kip asked, worried about his protégé. He felt guilty for leaving their house. Had he stayed, he might have prevented this from happening.

-“ Calmer. The baby is fine too." - he paused, then continued -  Where is he? How in the fuck are we unable to find him?” – Jax yelled furiously.

Tig cleared his throat, leaning forward and resting his hands on the table. He pushed some photos in Jax’s direction.

-“Where was this taken?”

-“I had some snitches be on the lookout for anyone fitting his description. Two hours ago, one of them called me and gave me these photos and the address where the fucker was staying at. Apparently, when he saw him, he followed him and that’s how he found out where he was.”

The pictures were of Kohn at a petrol station near Charming.

Jax felt the blood boil in his veins as he looked at the guy, who acted like he had no care in the world.

His lips were pressed in a hard line and he wanted to beat the crap out of this son if a bitch, bury him six feet under, or  set him on fire and watch him burn just like Tara’s Impala.

Jax could think of so many ways to make the shit suffer for ever laying a hand on Tara and threatening his unborn child.

-“Rat, Chibs. You stay on him tonight. If he so much as sneezes, I want to know. We’ll deal with him tomorrow.”

-“Don’t worry, Jax. Once we’ve taken him, I’ve got something special planned just for him.” – Happy assured Jax.

Jax laughed menacingly.

-“Oh, I’d be glad to let you take care of him. But he is my problem. He messed with  _my_  family and he is going to pay. ”

With that, Jax hit the gavel and stood up, leaving the clubhouse for the night.

##############################

-“Jax?” – Tara mumbled when she heard the door opening.

-“Yeah, babe.”

He took off his clothes, all but his boxers and lay down beside Tara. Wrapping his arms around her, he pulled her closer, burying his head in the crook of her neck.

-“You know I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe, right?”

Tara smiled weakly, lacing her fingers with his.

-“I know. I won’t let Kohn scare me anymore. I’m done being afraid.”

She sensed him grinning against the skin of her neck.

-“That’s my girl.”

He kissed her neck, and the sound of their breathing lulled her to sleep. 


	36. Sexy Time

Sorry for typos and mistakes.

Happy reading, I hope you’ll have fun :3

 

It was six a.m. and Tara was already awake, looking at the ceiling. Jax's arm was across her abdomen, his leg between hers.

She slept peacefully in Jax's arms. Although the moment she woke up, the events from the previous night struck her hard.

Kohn set her car on fire. He did it to send her a message. He wanted her to know that she wasn't safe as long as he was around.

She could have lost her baby because of him.

Tracing her fingers up and down her belly, tears welling in her eyes, she shuddered at the thought.

If she had lost her child, she was sure that nothing would have saved her from the darkness which she would have fallen into.

The pain and the agony of fear she felt last night would have been nothing in comparison to actually losing her little one.

She just couldn't fathom how a person could be so mean, full of hatred and loathing for someone who did nothing wrong.

What did she ever do to Kohn? What was so horrifying that she did that led him to become this crazy?

He was the one who hurt her. He was the one who raped her, who beat her up.

He took a year of her life while they dated, and another six months she spent worrying if he would find her and hurt her again.

He destroyed her self-confidence, her belief in men, and her trust in people.

Now that she had finally found someone who was a complete opposite, who loved her and wanted to protect her, someone whom she trusted enough to tell all her deepest and darkest secrets without fear of being mocked or pitied, Josh wanted to ruin it.

He probably thought she was weak, gullible.

When she saw her baby on that ultrasound, she was determined not to let Josh abuse her anymore, not physically, and not mentally. She was not going to let him intimidated her.

She had Abel, Jax, and her baby to think of and there was no chance in hell she was going to let him win.

Not this time.

Sighing, she got up slowly and paced to the bathroom.  
..........................

 

She was rinsing her mouth when she heard the door open. She looked up and saw Jax yawning.

He came behind her and his arms found their way around her waist. His hair was tousled, but she loved it.

He kissed her naked shoulder, her neck, that place behind her ear he knew all too well was far too sensitive. He nibbled at her earlobe, sending a wave of desire through her body.

-"How are you feeling?" – he asked, placing his hand on her belly.

-"We're ok." – her gaze fell on his hand.

She sensed his erection pressed against her behind and couldn't help but giggle. Tara lifted her head to find Jax's hooded eyes looking back at her from the mirror.

-"Well, good morning to you too, Mr. Teller."

He brushed his cheek against hers while his hand travelled south, into her panties, cupping her sex. His fingers stroked her softness, sending shivers from her head to her toes. Tara closed her eyes, biting her lip. A moan escaped her lips as she thrust her hips forward.

-"Fuck, Ms. Knowles. You look gorgeous."

She opened her eyes to find his eyes had darkened with lust. Tara arched an eyebrow at his reflection.

Her hair was uncombed, she was in some old pyjamas and a tank top Gemma found in her closet and brought to hospital. She had bags under her eyes and she felt tired. She doubted she looked anything but exhausted.

Turning, her hands rested on Jax's bare chest, her eyes lost in his blue ones.

-"You must be blind, Teller." – she whispered.

He swung her around, pinning her to the tiles. His hands were at either sides of her face, his groin pressed against her front. Tara's eyes were wide as she looked at Jax, waiting for his next move. She was already panting and he barely touched her.

-"My vision is just fine, babe. Though, I might be blinded by a certain brunette's beauty."

Their eyes were locked and it just made Tara hornier. She couldn’t wait for him to touch her.

-"Hahaha. Is that your pick up line?"

He smirked, inching his face closer to hers.

-"Maybe."

He brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear, his fingers grazing her jaw, then neck. Next, their lips crushed against each other. Her hands were already in his hair, pulling him closer.

Jax kissed her like it was the last thing he ever did.

He poured his every emotion into it, everything that had been piling up over these past few weeks.

The immense love her felt for her, his Old Lady.

The sheer lust and desire that would arouse every time he'd look at her, only to ignite when his fingers came in contact with her skin, her body.

The possessiveness he felt whenever he saw some shithead even glance in her direction.

The utter dread he felt when he thought they would lose their kid.

The anger at the mere thought of Kohn coming anywhere near her, of harming her.

He couldn’t understand how someone like her, so pure-hearted, could get mixed up with a man like her ex.

Granted, Jax knew he had done horrible, horrible things in the past. Some things he did even now. But he would never, ever lift a finger to hurt her.

He hated, hated knowing that she was somebody else's before she was his. Jax wished nothing more but to change their past.

Maybe if they had met earlier, when he wasn't head deep in SAMCRO and she wasn't hurt by men in her life; maybe when they were teenagers and all the shit from their lives wasn't as serious.

He would have taken her as his and his alone. He would have killed every guy that dared to look at her, speak to her, or even touch her hand.

He would have protected her with everything he got.

He would have married her as soon as possible and made a bunch of kids with her.

He would have given her the life she deserved.

Jax hoped it wasn’t too late to give her that life now.

Her lips felt so right on his. So tender, perfectly shaped for his.

When he kissed her, it was like a whole new world opened up to him over and over again.

All the girls he ever fucked, kissed, or did anything with didn't feel as good as Tara and what they did.

Their lips weren't as soft as hers or as demanding. He wondered how she was able to go from innocent kissing to full blown mouth fuck within seconds. She would tease him with her tongue, kissing him slowly, and then she would attack with everything she had, consuming him with her mouth.

Their skin didn't burn at his touch nor did their moans and screams wake a sex maniac in him like Tara did with just her gasp when he touched her pussy or when she pushed against him, letting him know just how ready she was for him.

Their bodies didn’t offer him the comfort that hers did. He never felt the warmth of their skin pressed against his. Their bodies didn’t fit perfectly against his like Tara’s did.

It was like he was alone all this time, lost in this world. He used to ridicule the pussies that said how they felt incomplete without their better half.

But now he understood what they were saying.

It was like a part of him was missing, until she came along and wrapped her tiny body around his, making him whole for the first time in his life.

He never looked at croweater's, Wendy's or any of the faces of the random chicks he fucked.  It never felt right. They all looked the same to him, all made of the same material.

But with Tara...

He adored looking into her eyes as he thrust, spilled himself into her.

They would become the darkest shade of emerald as he increased his pace or slowed down, letting her enjoy herself completely.

And he would lose himself in her every time. In that moment, nothing existed but the two of them.

There were so many little things he loved about her.

Her hands on his back, her fingers raking his Reaper tattoo, grabbing his ass, or teasing his cock.

The way she'd arch her back whenever he hit that spot deep within her, giving him full access to her breasts.

The shivers that would pass through her body when he’d close his mouth over her nipples and suck them.

They way her eyes would roll as she came under him, on top of him...

The screams of pure pleasure that would fill his ears and mind as she came in his arms.

His own satisfaction knowing that he was the one that made her feel like that.

Her shy smile, her giggle, her laughter, her small hands in his.

Her long silky hair tied in a ponytail, loose around her shoulders or scattered on the pillow.

And then, there were some bigger things he adored about her, like here smart mouth, her bravery, her honesty.

Her love for Abel. Her trust in him. Her strength to face everything and everyone that threatened her family.

The fact that she could have said no to their relationship, that she could have rejected him, was something that was his constant fear.

If it hadn’t been for her... She made him a better man, a better father to his son. She was offering him a better life. She accepted Abel as her own and gave him the love and care he needed.

Jax was still afraid that this woman standing before him was unreal, that any moment now she would be snatched out of his arms.

It would kill him to lose her.

He loved, adored every part of her, everything that made Tara _Tara_.

His Tara. His Old Lady. The love of his life. His saviour. His light.

When they were almost breathless, he withdrew slightly, closing his eyes because he knew what was coming.

He licked her lip then bit it, ravishing at the sound of her moaning.

He loved to hear her moan. It was one of his favourite sounds when it came to her.

Jax opened his eyes to find Tara, all flushed, her lips swollen, her mouth agape. She was panting, nails still buried in his back.

He swallowed hard. She looked beautiful. And to think that she was like this because of him...

He could already see her legs wrapped around him as he thrust into her, her hips moving forward to meet his. He could feel his cock hardening in his boxers at the mere thought of her coming right there, pinned against those tiles, her screams echoing the bathroom.

Her eyes were trained on his, waiting for him to continue.

Her skin itched to be touched, her cunt was already pulsating and she just wanted him to fuck her. She dropped her gaze to his crotch and her eyes widened with lust. She licked her lip.

Jax growled, speaking through his teeth.

-"When you look at me like that, it takes every fucking ounce of my strength not to take you, right here."

He took off her tank top and was glad to see that she had no bra on.

-"Oh, what a charmer." - was all she could say because her mind went blank.

He just smiled mischievously, his lips already on her throat, leaving wet kisses and love bites along the way. His hand skimmed down her body, her hip, into her panties again.

Tara was panting, all coherent thoughts leaving her mind.

Just when his  mouth reached her breast and his fingers rubbed against her cunt, there was a loud knock on the door.

-"Kids, breakfast! Leave your sexy time for later."

_Dammit, mom._

He sighed against Tara's nipple and licked it just to provoke her before her stepped back to observe her.

Tara was all but ready, and he knew that if he reached for her, she would be wet.

And it was all because of him. He smirked triumphantly as Tara stood still leaned against the tiles, trying to get her breathing under control.

She picked up her shirt off the floor and quickly put it on.

-"You owe me." - Tara said croakily, splashing cold water on her face.

He took off his boxers and entered the shower, but not before giving Tara the opportunity to assess him from head to toe, noticing just how aroused he was that morning.

_Oh, how she wished she could have had him in her..._

-"Fuck you, Jax."

He chuckled, drawing the shower curtain on. Next, his head peeped behind it.

-"Babe, it's for the best."

His gaze dropped to her belly, and she instinctively wrapped her arms around her midsection.

She knew he was referring to the ‘almost miscarriage’, and she was thankful that he was looking out for her.

Although that didn't mean she wasn't thoroughly pissed and sexually frustrated.

-"I know. I'm going downstairs. I love you."

She blew him a kiss and just as she was about to walk out, she turned and with a smug grin on her face cried out:

-"You better think of me while you jerk off."

She heard him laugh.

-"Always, babe, always."

Satisfied with his answer, she left the bathroom.

 

(To be continued...)


	37. And We’re Talking About...

Sorry for typos and mistakes.

Happy reading :3

 

When Tara came downstairs, she saw that Gemma had already set the table.

There was a jug of orange juice, two cups of coffee, some fruit, waffles, pancakes, and three plates with omelettes and bacon on it.

Gemma was standing in front of  the living room the window with her back to Tara, her hand on her hip, talking to someone on the phone.

-"I know Doc. But we're having a crisis here and I can't come today... No, I can't... I'll call you later."

She ended the call, pinching the bridge of her nose and exhaling loudly. She turned to find Tara looking at her with a confused and worried look on her face.

-"Gemma?" - Tara approached her.

Gemma smiled weakly, wondering just how much of the conversation did Tara hear.

-"Yes, sweetie?"

-"Is something wrong?"

Tara stood in front of her, her hand resting on Gemma's arm.

-"No, honey. Everythin's fine."

Tara didn't look convinced.

-"Gemma, I know that with everything that happened recently, last night especially, you might feel-"

Gemma shook her head, rubbing Tara's hand.

-"This isn't about that, sweetie."

-"You can tell me things, you know that, right?"

And looking at Tara, Gemma knew she could. And she felt an unbelievable urge to tell someone about her illness.

She was Gemma Teller, strong and confident matriarch. But she was also a person whose body was failing her and it was taking ever greater strength to keep her condition to herself. She wanted, _needed_ , to tell someone. The weight of it all was pressing her chest more and more each day.

After all, she was human just like everyone else. Even though she had spent all her life fighting pain, defying death, trying to push down the ache of losing her son and her husband, it struck her hard to know that she wasn't as indestructible and as invincible as she had thought.

Sighing, she sat on the couch and Tara sat beside her, holding her hand.

-"I have breast cancer, baby."

Tara gasped, but didn't say anything. She waited for Gemma to continue.

Gemma's chest heaved and she found it difficult to breathe. She fought back the tears. Her hands trembled as she began telling Tara all that had been burdening her mind.

-"I don't want to die. I have too much work to do. I need to know that you and Jax will be together. I need to know that Abel is happy. I need to see my grandkid born alive and well. I need to know that you're all goin' to be safe. We have to buy furniture your new house. We have to buy things for the nursery. And now we have to get you a new car. I-I can just leave things undone."

Tara enveloped Gemma in her arms, as Gemma sobbed in her neck.

-"I want to get well. I need to get well. I can't leave my boys alone. I-I don’t want to die."

It was unlike Gemma to cry. However, she was sick of being strong all the time. She need a moment for herself, a moment to be weak, a moment to accept her condition. It overwhelmed her the sheer amount of, what she saw as irrational, fear that had been present since the doctor confirmed her doubts.

-"I'm here for you, Gemma. You are not alone. You’re not going to die."

Tara's words meant a lot to Gemma. In spite of her nature, after so many years of  offering the comfort to others, this time she needed someone to tell her that she was going to be ok, that she isn't alone. And Tara gave her that.

-"Thank you, sweetie. Don't tell Jax. Not yet." - she said, wiping her tears and composing herself.

-"I won't. It's not my secret to tell. Just know that I'm here if you need to talk to someone."

-"I know, baby, I know."

-"Can you tell me something about your treatment? Are they going to perform a surgery?"

-"Yes. They scheduled my operation in a month's time. They have to do all sorts of tests."

Gemma told Tara about her diagnosis and what it all meant, about the kind of surgery that was supposed to be performed and the chemo.

-"Have you told anyone else?"

Gemma nodded.

-"Wayne."

Tara hugged her again, this time more tightly.

-"Well, I'm here too now. I don't want you going through this alone."

Gemma patted Tara’s hand.

-"Let's eat." - said Gemma, taking Tara's hand and pulling her towards the kitchen.

Tara sat on a chair and Gemma pecked her on the cheek, sitting at the head of the table.

-"I didn't get to ask you. Did you sleep well, baby?"

Tara nodded, giving her a weak smile.

-"I couldn't sleep until Jax came back. When I saw my car on fire... And that trip to the hospital... It was too much."

Gemma sipped her coffee, looking worriedly at Tara.

-"Mind telling me what that was all about?"

Tara crossed her hands on the table, looking in front of herself, before she spoke.

She told Gemma about Kohn.

Gemma listened, never interrupting her. She only held Tara's hand, offering her support and understanding, just like Tara did a few minutes ago. Tara didn’t cry, although Gemma noticed that it was hard for her to speak about it.

_To think that she could have almost lost her grandchild because of some psycho..._

-"Baby, I'm here if you need me. We are all here. Tara, we are family now, and family protects their own."

Gemma had no idea just how much her words meant to Tara, who hardly had anyone care for her.

-"Thank you, Gemma." - she said, tears welling in her eyes.

Gemma stood up and enveloped her in a strong embrace.

-"No need to thank me. I see what you've done for Abel and Jax. And I know I was a bitch to you. I regret it, honey. I really do. I wish you could forgive me."

Tara was shocked at Gemma's words. She knew how much it cost her to say them.

-"Water under the bridge, Gemma. Water under the bridge."

She hugged her tightly.

Then Jax came down just as Gemma’s phone rang. She went into the living room.

Jax came behind Tara and kissed her on the cheek.

-“Mmm, you smell good.” – Tara said as she turned and pulled him by his shirt to give him another kiss.

-“You smell even better.” – he replied, smiling against her lips.

-“Did you have fun in the shower?” – she asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

-“I did. But not as much as when you’re with me.” – Jax whispered in her ear, then kissed her neck, his hand caressing her bare arm. He felt the goosebumps on her skin and heard her gasp.

-“Jax, sit and eat your breakfast.”

Jax closed his eyes and groaned at his mother’s order, kissing Tara one more time before sitting next to her.

-“What happened to your hand?”

Gemma sat at the table and was going to lit a cigarette, before remembering Tara’s condition. Changing her mind she put the cigarette box away.

-“I hit a fence.”

Both Tara and Gemma scowled at him.

-“I was angry.” – was all he said, implying that he won’t share more.

Jax drank his coffee, avoiding their gazes. He heard Tara sigh next to him.

-“Did you talk to Abel this morning?” – Tara asked Gemma, swallowing a delicious bite of  a waffle.

-“I called Donna. She says he hardly slept and kept asking about you and his brother, if you were ok.”

Tara gulped. Her poor baby got scared. And all because of that son of a bitch.

-“I need to talk to him.” – she was about to get up when Jax pulled her back to her seat.

-“Babe, wait. I just called Ope. Abel’s fine. He’s just a bit shaken up.”

-“But, he’s scared. He needs me.” – Tara whispered looking at Jax, unable to talk louder.

She wanted to cry. Abel was so young and he didn’t need these kinds of things in his life. He didn’t need some psycho scaring him to death. He wasn’t supposed to spend restless nights in a foreign bed. Her poor baby need her.

-“Listen, Tara. I was supposed to go visit my father today, but I changed my mind after last night. But, I think it would do Abel good to go away for a little while, just until this all settles. How about I take him with me?”

Gemma waited for Tara’s answer, but she couldn’t speak. Her heart hurt from all the pain. _Was she supposed to feel like this? Was this what being a mother felt like?_

She couldn’t imagine being away from Abel. And yet she knew it was for the best to keep him away from Charming, at least until this Kohn thing was resolved. The last thing she wanted was for him to get hurt in any way. She dreaded even thinking of something happening to her little boy.

She  took a deep breath before saying yes.

They continued breakfasting in silence for some time, when Tara spoke.

-“I need to talk to you two about something.”

Both Jax and Gemma  looked at her.

-“What about, babe?”

Tara knew she should have done this earlier. Or maybe later. Just not at this moment. However, she was delaying talking to Jax and Gemma because she feared what they might say about the subject.  After what happened last night, she decide she should risk and do as she had promised.

-“I talked to Wendy.” – she deadpanned.

-“What? Why?” – Jax asked, dropping his fork and turning to look at her.

Tara lifted her gaze and met his, what she could only describe as, displeased and almost angry face. If he was already like this, Tara could only imagine what he would be like once she told him about Wendy.

-“A few days after that party at the TM, she called me. She wanted to see me and-”

-“What?” – he raised his voice. – “Tell me you didn’t go there. Tell me, Tara.”

Tara chewed on her lip and fidgeted, desperately trying to gather her thoughts in a coherent sentence that wouldn’t make Jax fly off the handle.

-“Jax, just listen to me.” – she said. – “I went there because I wanted to see how she was doing and what she wanted. I talked to her and... And she... She’s hurting, Jax. She wants to be with her son.”

-“Absolutely fucking no! No! What the fucking hell, Tara?”

He got up and paced furiously up and down the kitchen, his hands buried in his damp hair. He was fuming.

-“She said she would go to rehab. She’s already doing much better. She misses Abel.” – Tara hurried to explain.

His chest was heaving, the look on his face said he was barely holding on.

-“Why  are you doing this, Tara? I thought we talked about this.”

Tara dropped her head, avoiding his gaze.

-“Because... I don’t want her to think I was talking behind her back, preventing her from seeing her son.”

Jax looked at her, his face already softening. He knelt before her, took her hands in his and kissed them.

-“Babe, the story with Wendy is over. She had every chance to get better and be in Abel’s life and she blew it. Every single one of those chances.”

She lifted her head. His hand caressed her cheek as he gave her a grin.

-“But, she’s his mom.”

Her throat burnt as she said those words, but she knew she was saying the truth.

-“No, she’s not. She wasn’t his mother when she used while pregnant, when Abel was dying because of her. In all these years, she proved what she cared about and that sure as hell wasn’t Abel.” – he said sincerely.

He played with the ring on her finger.

-“Babe, you are his mother. You did more for Abel in these few months than Wendy did in all these years. Wendy gave birth to him, but Abel chose you. He chose you as his mommy, not her.  Remember that, always.”

He kissed her cheek and wiped a stray tear from her face.

-“This ring... It doesn’t just tie you to me, forever. It ties you to Abel as well. He is your son. He chose you and you chose him. There’s nothing more important than that. Don’t you ever let Wendy play with your head and talk shit. You’re are my and Abel’s family, not her.”

-“B-but Jax, I don’t want her to think that I took her place in this family.”

-“Tara, baby.” – came Gemma’s voice from behind, -“She was never family. She fucked up every chance she got. Jax’s right. Abel wants you, not her. _You_ are our family. That crack whore can say what she wants, but facts can’t be changed.”

Jax added:

-“You can’t take her place in this family because you have your own place here. In our family, in our lives, in our hearts. So please, just forget about her. And don’t ever talk to her again.”

He kissed her tear-stained lips and wiped the remaining tears. He sat beside her and kissed her hand one more time, sending her a look full of love.

-“Ok. I won’t.” - she said eventually.

They continued eating, but all the while, Tara felt like she was betraying the promise she gave to Wendy.  But, she felt an immense satisfaction that Jax and Gemma  were so adamant in their statements that she was their family. Because, truth be told, she felt like they had been her family all her life. That’s how much she loved these people.

After they finished eating, Tara called school and explained the situation. They gave her some time off. Next, Jax left to take care of something club relates (he was vague regarding it). Tara and Gemma got dressed and Gemma packed some of Abel's things which he would be needing on their trip, locked the house and they went to her car.

 

To be continued...

 


	38. The Storm Is Coming

Sorry for typos and mistakes.  I made Chibs talk like that on purpose, so if you see some letters missing, it's 'cause of that.

Happy reading :3

Tara was surprised to see Kip outside. The prospect was leaning against his bike in front of Gemma's house. Gemma went to put the bags in the trunk.

-"Morning, Kip." - said Tara as she approached and hugged him.

The young man smiled.

-"Mornin', Tara. How are you two doing this mornin’?"

He nodded towards her belly. He had a pained look on his face, still feeling guilty because he didn’t stay the previous night outside her house, like he always did. He knew he wasn’t actually guilty, because Jax had sent him away. But he kept thinking that, had he stayed, he might have seen that piece of shit and maybe he could have stopped him.

Tara smiled, placing a hand on her belly.

-" Better. I thought you were at the club."

He scratched the back of his head.

-"Nah, Jax told me to stay and look after you."

-"I'm sorry if that's boring you. Feel free to go whenever you want. I wouldn't want to burden you."

Kip raised his eyebrows.

-"Are you crazy? Jax would chop off the only good ball I have left.  After last night, he's not taking any chances. Besides, I like hanging out with you."

They chuckled and Tara kissed his cheek, then hopped into Gemma's car and they drove to Donna's. Kip followed them on his bike.

**#######################################################**

When Jax finished his breakfast that morning and said goodbye to Tara and his mother, he drove to a motel a few miles away from Charming. He found Chibs and Rat in the back of the motel.

They had spent the entire night surveying the halls and the area around the motel, just in case the bastard noticed them and decided to escape.

Jax trotted towards them, his fingers playing with a cigarette in his hand. He nodded towards them and they nodded back.

-“Where’s his room?”

Chibs was the one who answered, already pulling the gun from the back of his jeans.

-“Las’ doo’ on the right. We  made sure the manage’ looked the othe’ way.”

Jax put the cigarette back into his pocket and pulled out his gun. He walked through the short hallway with determination, Chibs and Rat right behind him.

When they’d reached the door, Jax slammed the door forcefully with his leg, his arm outstretched, holding the gun.

He quickly surveyed the room. His eyes fought to adjust to the sick sight before him.

  Chibs went to the small bathroom and soon, a wave of swears was heard from it.

-“Chibs!” – Jax yelled, already pissed.

-“The window’s open. Fucker ran.” – said Chibs, walking out of the bathroom.

Now that they knew there was no one to kill, the three men looked around the room, searching for any clue as to where Kohn might have gone.

Jax’s eyes were plastered on the wall across the bed. Picture of Tara were glues to the wallpapers, as if Kohn expected them to stay there forever.

In some of them she was smiling. In some of them she was still sleeping, her hair covering half of her beautiful face. In some of them she was half naked, in some of them completely dressed.

Most of the photos were however taken from a great distance, like the ones in which she was carrying grocery bags, crossing the street, or waiting for a taxi.

Then there was a photo of her tattoo. Another one with Tara’s hand in which her bracelet was enhanced for a better view.

Then there were the ones in with her in her Impala.

Outside her house, outside Gemma’s, parked at the TM, in front of Hale’s house, outside the school.

It was only then that the fusty smell of the room and sheets hit his nostrils.

He wanted to vomit.

His Tara was with this sicko. He followed her, stalked her. She wasn’t even aware that he was monitoring her every move.

Flashes of Tara’s bruised and bloodied face and body invaded his mind and Jax collapsed on his knees, his hands reaching for his throbbing head. He closed his eyes to compose himself, to erase those images, but it was futile.

His heart clenched in his chest and he could hardly breathe. He was already gasping for air.

The bastard, this piece of shit dared to come after her, to threaten her.

Now, he saw Tara screaming and crying at the threshold, pulling his shirt and begging him not to leave her. He could feel her small body shaking in his arms and hear her wailing sobs. He could clearly see her panties soaked with blood.

Their baby.

A shrilling growl came out of his throat as Jax got up and started taking down the photos, shredding them to pieces as he went. He started trashing the room as Rat and Chibs moved to the door, letting him blow off steam.

Jax threw the TV and the lamp that were on the commode, his face red in fury. He tossed and threw everything he could find, screaming and cursing in the process.

He didn’t even feel his cast breaking.

When he was done, he dropped to the floor, leaning against the wall. He just looked straight ahead, not saying a word, like he was in some sort of a trance. His behaviour went from one extreme to another.

Chibs approached him and shook his shoulder slightly, bringing him back to reality. Jax lifted his head.

-“I’m sorry, lad.”

-“ **He is dead**.” – was all Jax said.

Jax got up, pushing away Chibs’s hand and slicking back his hair which was sticking out in all directions. He took a deep breath before he headed out of the room.

Chibs left some money for the damages to the scared motel manger, a young man in his late twenties.

-“Maybe we should call Hale.” – said Rat.

Jax didn’t even turn to look at him as he straddled his bike and turned it on.

-“I’m not calling him or anyone. He could’ve found this motel just like we did. They aren’t doing shit. We are taking care of this.”

Rat just nodded and the three of them headed to the clubhouse. Jax stopped by the hospital to get a new cast before he joined his brothers.

**##########################################################**

The moment Tara stepped into Donna’s house, Abel rushed to her and held onto her legs.

-"Mommy, mommy! Are you ok?"

Tara scooped him up in her arms and gave him a loud kiss on the cheek, pressing his soft childish face to hers and inhaling his scent. It calmed her in the way nothing else ever did.

-"Yes, baby. I'm ok."

His small hands cupped her face as if he was assessing if she was lying or not.

-"And my brother?"

Tara giggled.

-"He is fine too. Don't worry, baby."

Donna watched their interaction, amused and glad that they both seemed so happy to be with each other.

Tara looked at Donna then asked Abel to go play outside and said that she would come soon. He was reluctant to let her go, scared that she might leave him there without saying goodbye.

Tara assured him that she would never do that to him, and only then did he go to play with Kenny.

Donna, Gemma, and Tara sat in the living room. Dona took Tara's hand and rubbed it.

-"How are you feeling?"

Sighing, Tara shrugged.

-"Ok, I guess. Though last night, both Jax and I thought we were going to lose our baby. It was..." - she gulped.

-"Tara, you don't have to talk about it. I understand how you felt, I do. But, have faith in Jax. He and the club will protect you. I might not like what they do, but they protect their own."

Wanting to change the subject, Tara asked about Piney and his health, her sister Lyla and her studies, and about the kids. The three women talked for another hour. Gemma said she was going to ask Wayne to come with her and Abel.

Then Tara called for Abel and the boy came running to her. He sat on her lap and held her hand, twirling the engagement ring.

-"Baby, I'm gonna ask you to do something and I want you to do as I say."

He looked up, his blue eyes so much like Jax's.

-"What?"

-"Grandma is going to visit her daddy. I want you to go with her, ok?"

She brushed his hair with her fingers.

-"But, mommy, if I go, who will take care of you?"

The three women chuckled at his words. Tara kissed his cheek and Abel kissed her back.

-"Oh, baby. Don't worry about me. Daddy will take a great care of me."

Abel didn't look convinced, but after some persuasion, he was ok with going with Gemma.

**.....**

Tara, Donna, and Kip stood on the driveway, while Abel sat in the backseat, looking a bit sad. Gemma put on her sunglasses and turned on the engine.

As they were about to leave, Gemma cracked the window open.

-"Shit, I forgot to go grocery shopping because of all the mess."

-"Don't worry. Kip and I'll go." -  Tara said, stealing glances at her baby boy.

Her heart hurt because they were supposed to be a few days apart, but it was for the best, she assured herself. Abel needed to forget that night and recover, be out of harm’s way. The further away he was from Charming, the better.

-"Don't go anywhere alone, you hear me?"

Tara nodded and Gemma drove off to pick up Wayne, while Abel waved frantically at Tara from the backseat.

Tara sighed and turned to say goodbye to Donna.

-"Can I borrow your car?" - she asked her.

-"Sure.” – said Donna. -“The keys are in the kitchen. I'll be right back."

To be continued...


	39. The Devil Is Here

Sorry for typos and mistakes. 

Happy reading :3

Wendy was woken up by loud knocking on her door. Lazily, she got up and paced to the door, still yawning. She opened the door to find none other than Kohn on her doorstep.

He was panting, holding a small bag in his hand.

Wendy was immediately wide awake.

-“Wh-what are you doing here?” – she stuttered in utter shock.

He walked past her and came into her house. Wendy closed the door, still unsure what this man was doing there.

-“Why are you here?”

Kohn dropped the bag next to the couch and sat, wrapping his hands around his head.

-“Those fucker’s men were watching the motel I was in the entire night. I escaped by a hair’s breadth.”

Wendy sighed, sitting on a chair and crossing her legs.

-“Now what?”

He lifted his head, a wicked smile on his face.

-“Now? The plan’s changed. Here’s what you’re gonna do.”

**#########################################**

Before she went home, Tara stopped by the grocery store. After ten minute shopping, she found herself at the register. Kip was by her side, never leaving her alone. She liked the kid.

The same girl that was on the register the second time Tara ran into Jax was again there. As Tara noticed, the bored look on girl's face was apparently her permanent feature.

The girl lifted her gaze from the game she was playing on her phone and when she saw it was Tara, she cocked her eyebrow and gave her the once-over.

Tara was already used to that. Ever since Jax and she became a couple, the girls kept looking daggers at her. This one was no exception.

She hinted a few times that Jax and she had had a thing, wanting to make Tara jealous or to suggest that Tara was just like any other fling.

Tara was already used to girls talking shit and belittling her and her relationship with Jax, and she was used to putting them in their place.

However, since the news of her pregnancy and engagement broke out, all these bimbos started being even meaner to her. Tara heard talks around town. People thought she was like all the other skanks Jax used to hang around with.

She would usually just shrug at the stupidity of others, though that didn't mean she wasn't hurt by their words.

The girl was still looking at her with disdain. Tara's words brought the girl back to present time.

-"Do you mind not ogling me and just charge?"

-"You know," - the girl started, making a face,-"Jax used to do this thing with his tongue... I don't know if he still does it... But he was damn fine-"

If the bitch had said this any other day, Tara would just roll her eyes and ignore whatever was that she had said.

However, last night her car was set on fire, she almost lost her baby, her son was scared to death, her fiancé and she barely managed to spend any time together that morning, and she was sick and tired of whores who thought they were better than her and a better match for Jax.

Tara reached forward and grabbed her blond hair, pulling her head back. The blond yelped and tried to push Tara's hand away, but Tara just grabbed her more forcefully, yanking a few strands of her hair.

-"Listen, _blondie_ ," - she spat the word, annoyance clear in her voice -"I'm tired, pregnant, and not in the mood to walk down the memory lane with you. Whatever you had with Jax, it’s over. He's with me now and we are going to have a family soon. So get this through your thick fucking skull: _Do not ever_ try to be condescending to me again! Do not ever try to tell me how Jax does this and Jax does that in bed, because _bitch_ , I know what he does with every part of his body better than any of you stupid whores. It's me who he fucks, makes love to, falls asleep with and wakes up next to. I am the one who's having his child, I'm the one he's marrying. If I so much as hear you mention his name or see you or any of your friends looking in his direction, I'll yank every fake hair you have on your head."

The blondie was crying and Tara let go of her hair. She cleared her throat and glanced at the watch.

-"Now, hurry up, I don't want to waste any more of my time."

With trembling hands and a scared look in her eyes, the girl charged Tara and not once looked in her direction as she left the store.

-"Shit, Tara. Gemma would be proud." – Kip said through laughter.

Tara blushed.

-"Shut up, Kip."

The two laughed as they put the grocery bags into the trunk.  
 **######################################################**

Tara was driving towards the house, feeling remorseful for her outburst. The girl had it coming, with her bitchy attitude and horrible timing. Nevertheless, Tara should have known better, she should have kept her cool and not fly off the handle like that.

The pregnancy and the stress were getting to her and she didn't like it.

Once she got to Gemma’s, she parked the car and got out. Kip helped her with the grocery bags and she invited him in to stay with her. 

They spent the day watching movies and joking. Kip told Tara about a girl he liked, Cherry. Tara cooked them lunch, and later, dinner.

Jax called her a few times to ask how she was doing. He said he wouldn’t be back until late in the evening. He wouldn’t tell what kept him so busy, but Tara assumed it had something to do with Kohn.

**..........**

Later in the evening, Kip was snoring in his sleep on the couch, while Tara was washing the dishes.

She heard her phone ringing. Drying her hands with a hand towel, she paced to the table and glancing at the caller ID, answered the call.

-“Hi, Wendy.”

-“Tara. Tara, please come. I-I don’t feel well.” - her voice was shaky.

Tara panicked.

-“Wendy, what’s wrong?”

-“I don’t know. Please come. I have no one else but you.”

She didn’t know what to do. She debated whether or not she should break her promise to Jax she gave him just that morning.

 She wanted to hang up, she really did. However, she was scared that Wendy was in a bad place and that something might happen to her.

-“I’m coming.”

-“Thank you.” – the voice on the other line answered hoarsely.

Tara hung up and grabbed her purse, which held the gun that Gemma had given to her a while back, and went to wake up Kip.

She tried waking him up, but it was useless. He was sleeping like a log.

 She quickly scrawled a note saying where she was going and went to Wendy’s, leaving Kip alone in the house.  
 **#######################################################################**

Tara parked Donna’s car outside Wendy’s house. She knocked a few times, but there was no answer.

She knocked again and this time the door opened slightly.

-“Wendy?”

No answer.

Tara stepped in cautiously, looking around but there was no sight of Wendy. The room was filled with deadly silence, the lights in it dimmed.

-“Wendy?” – Tara called again.

The voice that greeted her sent chills down her spine.

-“Hi, Tar Tar.”

Tara turned slowly and met the eyes of the man who had been tormenting her for the past months.

-“Kohn.”  -Tara gasped in horror.


	40. Alas, She is No More

**Warning: Contains depiction of violence!**

Sorry for mistakes and typos.

Happy reading :3

 

Tara parked Donna’s car outside Wendy’s house. She knocked a few times, but there was no answer.

She knocked again and this time the door opened slightly.

-“Wendy?”

No answer.

Tara stepped in cautiously, looking around but there was no sight of Wendy. The room was filled with deadly silence, the lights in it dimmed.

-“Wendy?” – Tara called again.

The voice that greeted her sent chills down her spine.

-“Hi, Tar Tar.”

Tara turned slowly and met the eyes of the man who had been tormenting her for the past months.

 -“Kohn.”  -Tara gasped in horror.

She watched him wide-eyed as he closed the door and locked it all the while not taking his eyes off her. Tara wanted to scream but before she could his voice cut her off.

-“Don’t yell. No one will help you.”

His voice was her worst nightmare.

He wore his usual white shirt and black suit pants. He looked almost normal. The sight returned Tara back to that night a year and a half before, when she first met him. If she only knew that he would turn out to be more dangerous than that mugger...

Back then, he was offering her his help. Now, he was the one threatening her.

_Think of your baby._

-“W-where’s Wendy? What did you do to her?” – she stuttered, backing away from him, her body already shaking.

The most menacing laughed she had ever heard came from his mouth as he approached her, step by step, pushing the sleeves of his shirt up his arms.

-“Tar Tar. Are you really that dumb?” – he said with a raised brow.

She gulped, fear written all over her face, tears threatening to fall down.

_Don’t cry. Don’t cry._

No, she wasn’t dumb. She was just stupidly naive. _Why did she come here by herself?_

-“So, everything she said to me, why she called me... It was because of you.”

She said it matter-of-factly, just to make sure that she was indeed tricked. Her voice was filled with anger and rage. It was too much. She wanted to help Wendy, she went behind Jax’s back and came here to help her, and it turned out to be nothing more but an easy trick.

-“Let’s just say Wendy’s not a big fan of yours.”

Tara made another step back, tripping and falling down. Kohn threw himself at her, pinning her to the floor while Tara started kicking him and yelling of the top of her lungs.

-“Let me go! Let me go!”

He put his hand over her mouth, but Tara bit him hard, tasting his blood on her lips, and punched him in the face. He stumbled back, shouting curses. Even though her hand hurt like hell, Tara turned and crawled to her purse to get her phone, but Kohn grabbed her leg and pulled her towards him.

Just feeling his hands on her made her insides sick. Tara shifted her body and outstretched her leg and kicked him in the chest and he fell back again. She quickly grabbed her purse and shuffled through it until she found her phone. Just as she was about to dial Jax’s number, Kohn grabbed her by her hair and yelling – “Stupid whore!” punched her, knocking her out completely.

################################################

It was nine o’clock in the evening when Jax came home, a brand new cast on his hand. The people at the hospital looked at him like he was some sort of a lunatic, coming into the hospital three times in just two days.

He spent the entire day trying to track down Kohn, but that piece of shit seemed to have fallen off the face of the earth. He was angry the entire day, snapping at his brothers even thought they weren’t t fault for anything.

The images from that morning in the motel came rushing back into his mind and he felt his jaw clench at the mere thought of that bastard still being out there somewhere, just lurking around, waiting for the opportunity to hurt his wife.

Jax shook his head. The last thing he wanted was to come home like that and worry Tara. She had enough on her plate as it was.

The house was clouded in almost complete darkness, save for the light that was coming from the TV. He entered the living room and found Kip peacefully sleeping and snoring, wrapped in a soft blanket.

Jax snickered. Kip almost looked like a baby.

He walked back into the kitchen. There were some pots and plates in the kitchen sink, but it seemed as thought Tara had left the dishes there abruptly, since only half of it was washed. Jax frowned. Tara never did anything halfway.

-“Babe?” – he called out, but there was no answer. A slight wave of panic washed over him. _Relax, Jax._

-“Babe?” – he called out again, and still no answer. He climbed up the stair and checked Abel’s room, their room, even Gemma’s. There was no sign of Tara.

His heart was now punching his chest as Jax ran down the stair and into the living room

-“Half Sack! Half Sack, get up!” – Jax shook him violently.

-“Ha, ha? What?”

The young man opened his eyes abruptly, blinking a few times before he came to his senses. He frowned when he saw Jax’s enraged face.

-“Jax?”

“Where’s Tara?!” – his voice was etched with worry.

Kip was confused. Tara and he were watching a movie. Then she went to wash the dishes, and he lay on the couch and was out in matter of seconds. Next thing he knew, there was a furious face of Jax Teller looking at him like he could rip him in two.

-“I-I don’t know. She was here, washing the dishes. I-I-”

Jax let go of his shirt and pushed him away, causing Kip to fall back on the couch. He almost rolled down on the floor, which is how he noticed the note that was on the table.

-“Jax...”

-“What?!” – Jax snapped.

Kip pointed with his trembling finger at the note. Jax quickly grabbed it, his eyes darting over the paper. Sighing, he took out his phone and dialled her number.

She wasn’t picking up. He tried again, and again, and again. No answer.

-“What does the note say?”

Jax looked back at the prospect, looking even more irritated than a few minutes before.

-“She went to Wendy. Why the fuck did you let her go alone?!” –he growled.

There weren’t many things that Kip was scared off. After all, he had faced death many times since he joined SAMCRO. But the one thing that could cause blood in his veins to freeze, his vocal cords to stop working, and his brain to completely shutdown out of pure freight, was the mad look on his president’s face and his eyes that seemed to be on fire out of pure rage.

-“I-I”

Jax shook his head and gestured Kip to follow him. The each straddled their bikes and headed to Wendy’s. Jax felt a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. _Why did she go alone?_

_####################################################_

The lights were on in Wendy’s house when Jax and Kip parked outside. Jax ran up the stair and knocked violently, almost knocking the door down.

-“Wendy! Wendy! Open the fucking door!”

A few moments later he heard the lock turn and the door opened. Behind them was Wendy in a white shirt with yellow stains, a shorts and a messy bun. She was barefoot, her eyes barely open. Clearly, she was high as fuck.

-“Oh, baby. You came.”

She reached out to touch Jax’s cheek put he grabbed her arm and pushed her inside.

-“Where’s Tara?”

Wendy raised her brow.

-“Who?”

Jax closed his eyes, willing himself not to do something stupid. His grip on her arm tightened. When he opened his eyes, the anger in them abated. He did all he could to control himself.

-“Don’t play dumb with me. Where’s Tara?”

Wendy tilted her head to the side and chuckled.

-“She’s long gone. She’s no longer a problem.”

Jax frowned, pushing Wendy against the wall. The panic in him rose again. He really didn’t like where this was going.

-“What are you sayin’? Where is she?”

-“Hopefully, far away from here. ”

Jax’s hand was on her throat in matter of seconds. Wendy’s eyes bulged, as she tried to free herself from his grip. The look in Jax’s eyes was the one she’d never seen before.

-“WHERE IS TARA? WHERE IS SHE? TELL ME?” – he kept hitting her head against the wall, already seeing black. The control was long gone.

-“S-s-she’s wi-with Kohn.”

Jax’s heart stopped beating for a few seconds. He couldn’t breathe as his mind became clouded with the most horrendous thoughts. He kept gasping for air as Wendy finally managed to push his hand away and free herself. She began coughing in order to catch her breath. Her head was pounding and she fell on the floor.

She glanced up at Jax and saw his jaw twitching, the anger in him boiling. His hands were tangled in his hair as he crouched, breathing heavily.

Then, before she even knew what was happening, Jax grabbed her by her shoulders and started shaking her. Wendy yelled at him to stop, but Jax wasn’t listening.

-“WHERE DID HE TAKE HER? TELL ME?”

-“You’re hurting me!”

That only caused Jax to slap her then continue shaking her.

-“WHERE IS SHE?”

-“She’s gone for good.”

Jax tossed her against the wall then turned his back and walked out.

-“You! Keep an eye on her! She’s not to call or text or do anything until I come! If she yells, cries, you don’t do anything. I’ll call Tig to come and stay with you. ”

With that, Jax rode to the clubhouse as fast as he could. The wind kept tousling his hair and brushing the stray tears off his cheek. He gripped the handles of his bike as his hands began to tremble. The ache in his heart was so strong, that he was afraid he would collapse before he even got to the clubhouse.

_God knows what that bastard will do to her... Maybe he already harmed her... Maybe..._

_No_ , he yelled at himself. _Do not think like that. She is ok. She will be ok. The baby is going to be ok._


	41. Goodnight Moon, I Want the Son

Sorry for typos and mistakes.

Happy reading :3

 **Chapter Title reference: Goodnight Moon by Shivaree** (you should definitely listen to it)

 

 

As Tara Knowles came to her senses, she became aware of the insufferable pounding in her head. She opened her eyes slowly, not really sure where she was.

She was lying in a small bed that smelled of mould, a thin blanket covering her body. Slowly, she got up, leaning against the headboard. Her eyes darted across the dark room she was in.

The curtains were drawn, allowing only some stray sunrays to come inside.

The room itself was not all that big. It only had the bed she was in, a small TV propped on a commode, and a lamp next to it.

There was no sound in the room.

The pounding in her head didn't show signs of stopping anytime soon. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, willing herself to remember where she was.

Her lip and her cheek hurt.

She touched her cheek and winced when her fingers came in contact with the cut on her skin, the flesh around it already swollen. Her fingers then brushed against her lips, and when she looked down at them, there was something sticky on them. Tracing her tongue along her lower lip, the unmistakable metal taste of blood filled her mouth.

Tara blinked a few times trying to remember what happened.

Her mind seemed to be cloaked with some dark drape that prevented her from seeing anything. She massaged her temples with her index fingers, forcing her brain to react.

_Think, Tara, think._

_She was at home. Alone. No! She was with Kip. He fell asleep. She was in the kitchen. Then... Then..._

_Her phone rang! Wendy called her and..._

Suddenly, sheer panic overcame her. Josh!

_He was there! He hit her!_

She quickly got out of the bed and searched the room for her purse. It wasn't there.

 _Shit!_ She didn't have her phone or her gun.

Next, she started kicking the door, screaming at the top of her lungs, but there was no answer from the other side.

With her dry throat burning, she coughed a few times. She was dizzy and had to lean on the commode so she wouldn't fall down. When she felt better, she walked up to the window and drew back the curtains. What she saw before her was...

There was just some remote road which seemed hidden enough so that people would have to try really hard to find it, unless the stumbled upon it by accident.

A wave of nausea rose from her stomach and Tara rushed to the bathroom, emptying her entire dinner into the toilet.

She rinsed her mouth and washed her face and hands. Taking a few deep breaths, she leaned against the tiles, her hands resting protectively over her abdomen.

-"We're going to be ok, baby. Momma promises you that. And daddy will come for us."

The words of encouragement were meant to ease her tense nerves, but nothing could subside that bad feeling in her gut.

Running her trembling hands through her hair, she tried to come up with some idea.

It was already day, so Jax definitely knew something was wrong. Hopefully, with the note she left him, he would put two and two together.

For now, though, she was alone.

Calming herself, she inspected the bathroom.

It was decent, with crème coloured walls, one toilet and a sink which was chipped on one side. Her gaze stopped at the mirror.

Tara observed her reflection in the mirror, horrified by what she was seeing.

Her hair was completely dishevelled, her face was pale. Her wounded cheek had a crust of dried blood on it, with the flesh around it all red. Her lip didn't look anything better.

Recalling the last time she was in this condition, she felt tears welling in her eyes.

Her throat constricted making it hard to breathe. Immediately, her heart started to beat like crazy against her chest, its rhythm increasing by the second, that she thought it was going to explode for sure.

She was futilely gasping for air, her hands clasping her throat as to ease the lump that seemed to be suffocating her.

_Relax, relax._

She almost fainted. But then her mind finally managed to work and she held onto the sink with her shaking hands, looking up and taking shallow breaths, then deep ones.

As she started to breathe normally again, her legs gave up and she dropped the toilet seat lid and sat on it, grasping her head in her hands.

She wiped a few tears off her face and looked up.

A thought crossed her mind. _What if she broke the mirror? No_.

There was no way she could break it without Kohn noticing it. Still, there was nothing else she could use do defend herself.

The room was devoided of any objects that could be use as a weapon, as far as she could tell.

When she felt well enough, she walked back into the room and paced nervously. She was biting her lip with such force that soon she could taste blood again.

Then she heard the door open. She sat on the far end of the bed just as Kohn got in, carrying some takeout food in two plastic bags.

He smiled at her but her face was impassive.

-“What is it, Tar Tar? You don’t like it here?” – he asked, placing the bags on the bed and sitting beside her.

Tara’s immediate reaction was to back away from him, which almost made her fall off the bed.

-“Where are we?”

-“It doesn’t matter. We’ll be leaving this place soon enough anyway.” – he dismissed her question with a wave of his hand. –“ I brought you some food.”

Tara was hungry like a wolf. However, she was too afraid to eat. _What if he put something in the food?_

As if hearing her thoughts, Kohn said:

-“It’s just food. I promise I didn’t spike it with anything.”

Tara looked at him in disbelief.

-“I didn’t.”

He took out the plastic container out of the bag and handed it to her. Tara regarded the container with caution, before taking it.

-“Oh, and by the way, you’ll have to eat with your hands. Wouldn’t want you around any sharp objects. You might hurt yourself.” – he smirked, sitting on the only chair in the room, next to the commode and across from Tara.

 _Or you,_ Tara thought.

Kohn opened his container and began eating the hamburger.

Tara looked down at her own container and opened it. She was practically drooling over the hamburger, but she just couldn’t trust Kohn.

-“I’m not hungry.”

-“Suit yourself.”

Kohn continued eating for the following twenty minutes, not taking his eyes off Tara, making her extremely uncomfortable.

Tara hated the sounds he was making while eating, it gave her goosebumps. She didn’t dare get up, fear paralysed her.

Her mind worked like crazy trying to calm her down and think of something to save her at the same time.

When he finished, he drank some water, cleaned his hands with a handkerchief, and put the remainder of the hamburger and the bottle in the bag and tossed it aside.

His gaze fell on her again as he got up and started walking up to her.

-“Wh-what are you doing, Josh?”

He snickered.

-“I want to you, Tar Tar.”

Tara got up and tried to run towards the bathroom, but he grabbed her shirt from behind and pulled her forward, then pushed her on the bed.

Tara started flapping her arms and hitting him in the chest, even managing to scratch his face but he was too strong for her.

-“No, no! Get away from me! No, please!”

########################################################

-“I DON’T FUCKING CARE, HALE! IT’S MY OLD LADY HE KIDNAPPED! ”

Jax was standing outside the clubhouse, Hale standing in front of him trying to calm him down.

That morning, Hale followed Jax to the motel. He knew that he wouldn’t rest until he found Tara’s psycho ex and he also knew that the guy would be dead as soon as Teller got his hands on him.

Luckily, or not, the man wasn’t at the motel.

Hale alerted his man to keep an eye on all the suspicions activities in town, but there was only so much he could do. After that he went back to the station.

Hours later, a call came in. It was Jax.

He sounded like a lunatic, yelling curses and something about Tara. Hale couldn’t understand a word he was saying, so he decided to drive to TM and see what was happening.

When he came into the clubhouse, the sight that welcomed him was something he did not expect.

All the tables and the chairs that were once whole were now scattered in wooden pieces all over the clubhouse floor. Cue sticks were all broken in half, the balls gliding in different directions. The pool table was missing two legs and was tilted to the side. On the right, the shelves that once contained bottles and bottles of alcohol were all broken, the liquid dripping from the broken glass bottles.

Even the SAMCRO Wall of Pride that once held the mug shots of its members was gone. Few of the picture frames that were left were barely hanging, threatening to fall down any moment now.

The room itself was cloaked in deadly silence. The smell of alcohol was smothering.

Hale looked around, meeting the eyes of SAMCRO guys who looked like someone had died. None of them spoke. Happy just nodded in the direction of the Church.

Hale knew that no one save for the SAMCRO members was allowed to enter. So, if they were allowing him to go in there, something bad must have happened.

Hale walked to the Church slowly, his hand on his gun that was in the holster.

When he opened the door, he found Jax Teller sitting at the head of the Reaper table. An ashtray full of cigarette buds was in front of him, a cigarette in between his fingers. The hand that was in the cast was on the table as if reaching for something.

Jax glanced up when he saw Hale. His face was solemn, his eyes icy cold, his hair tousled.

Hale removed his hand away from his gun.

-“What the fuck, Teller?”

-“He took Tara.” – his voice was stern.

Hale frowned, carefully approaching him, like he was some wounded animal.

Jax finished his cigarette and put it in the ashtray, puffing out the smoke.

-“He took her.” -  he repeated, as if in disbelief.

Hale mouthed to say something but he was cut off when Jax suddenly got up and headed towards the parking lot.

-“Teller, wait. What is going on?”

Hale ran after him, catching up with him just outside the clubhouse.

-“THAT COCK SUCKER TOOK MY WIFE! HE KIDNAPPED HER! ”

Hale looked at him with his mouth open, his eyes wide. He immediately knew what Jax was going to do.

-“Teller, wait, man, wait. We can work together. I’ll task my guys-”

Jax yelled again, his voice echoing through the night.

-“I CAN’T WAIT! WHO KNOWS WHAT HE WILL DO TO HER!”

He started walking towards his bike, but Hale grabbed his arm. Jax’s immediate reaction was to swing at him. Hale quickly ducked, successfully avoiding the punch.

-“Wait, man! You’ll do something stupid!” – he tried to calm him down, but there was no use.

-“I DON’T FUCKING CARE, HALE! IT’S MY OLD LADY HE KIDNAPPED! ”

Hale shook his head. This was not going to be easy. If he let Jax go, the man would most probably go on a killing spree. He grabbed Jax by the shoulders and spoke loudly.

-“Jax, listen to me. We’ll find her. I’ll do everything I can to help you find her. Please, calm down. If you do something stupid, do you think Tara will tolerate that? She’ll drop your ass in a minute.”

That seemed to calm Jax down. The fire in his eyes subsided, his shoulders relaxed.

-“You called me for a reason. Let’s go inside and you’ll tell me what happened, ok?”

-“I’m not a fucking idiot, Hale.” – he said, then marched back inside, Hale following him.


	42. She Was a Brave Woman

**Warning: Depiction of violence!**

Sorry for typos and mistakes.

Happy reading :3

 

Tara saw that there was no way of stopping Kohn by force. The more she struggled, the more she resisted, the more aggressive he got with her. He pushed her down on the bed, trying to hold her arms above her head so that she couldn't defend herself.

Tara was trying to come up with something that would buy her time. Then, a thought occurred to her.

-"Josh. Josh, honey. Baby."

He stopped in his tracks, hovering over her. His eyes went wide as he stared at her almost in shock.

Tara's heart was pounding hard against her chest as she tried to get her breathing under control.

The grip on her hands loosened as Josh brought his hand to her cheek and caressed it gently. Tara winced when his fingers got in contact with the wound on her cheek.

-"Tar Tar?"- his voice broke.

Tara gulped, collecting her wits and deciding to play the part.

-"Yes, baby. It's me. I-I love you, Josh." - she felt sick just by saying it, the words burning her tongue.

_Don't worry, baby. Momma will save you._

She took the hand that was on her cheek and drew it to her lips. She pressed a kiss on his palm, all the while looking at him.

-"Tara, my Tara."

He fell on his knees and Tara immediately sat up, fearing what he might do next. _She managed to calm him, but for how long?_

He put his hands on her thighs and rubbed them. His eyes had some kind of insane glow as he stared at her.

The hairs on her skin rose at his touch, but Tara willed herself to continue.

-"I'm sorry Josh. I'm sorry I hurt you." - the words came out of her mouth. She did everything she could to sound genuine and believable.

-"You are?"- Josh sounded surprised.

Tara looked him in the eyes wanting to make him believe her completely. Hesitantly, she outstretched her hand and cupped his cheek.

-"I am. It was all my fault. I hurt when you did nothing but love me." - she told him what she  knew he wanted desperately to hear.

-"Oh, Tar Tar." - he took her by surprise when he  reached up and kissed her.

The kiss was sloppy, wet, and disgusting, and Tara wanted to cry.

She felt disgusted with herself, with Kohn, with the perversity of that kiss.

His fingers got tangled in her hair as he pushed his tongue in her mouth.

Her gag reflex was strong and Tara was trying to calm her nerves to stop herself from vomiting as his saliva mixed with her own.

Her own screams were choking her, but she wouldn't let them out.

_I need to be strong. I need to be strong._

When he pulled back, the look in his eyes made her skin crawl. He looked at her with some horrifying admiration, one she remembered from their past.

-"That was what I needed to hear. That was all I ever wanted to hear. That you love me, that you admit your mistakes."

Kohn was definitely delusional. Thankfully, that was one advantage Tara could explore.

-" I was ungrateful and stupid. I shouldn't have behaved the way I did. I deserved everything you did to me."

-"Oh Tar Tar. That is all I wanted. For you to realise that everything I did, I did it for you. The love for you blinded me and I couldn't think straight. I got so jealous. And when you left me, I was heartbroken. But now, I'm happy I found you. We can start over, be happy again."- he spoke with such insane hope that Tara found herself questioning whether she should continue with her plan or not.

However, if she backed down now, she knew there would be no second chance.

-"Yes, I'd like that." - her smile was forced.

Kohn stood up and pulled her up as well, then wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her hair.

Tara felt trapped by his hairy arms, nauseated by his smell, horrified with the thought of his hands on her ever again, with his lips on her body.

This time she couldn't hold back the tears and they started streaming down her cheeks.

-"Why are crying?"- Kohn asked with concern, wiping her tears.

-"I'm just overwhelmed with this." - she replied quickly, even though she could barely breathe since her memories started flashing in her mind, fear gripping her heart.

-"I want you, Tara. I waited a long time for this. And when I saw you with that white trash, I wanted to kill you. But now you're here with me and nothing else matters." - he hugged her again.

Tara withdrew, then placed her hands on his chest and smiled.

-"How about you take that off and we could have some fun?" - she suggested, biting her lip.

Kohn smiled and kissed her cheek then proceeded unbuttoning his shirt, then his pants.

Tara took off her top and tossed it on the floor near the bed. Kohn watched her mesmerized as she took off her jeans, grinning like a maniac.

He took off his watch and turned to place it on the nightstand.

Tara swiftly grabbed the lamp that was on the commode next to the TV and hit him with it with all her strength.

Kohn fell forward, hitting his head on the nightstand.

-"You stupid bitch!"- he growled, his hands already on his bleeding head.

Tara stood there in her underwear, shaking with fear.

 She ran to the bathroom, wanting to lock herself to at least break that goddamn mirror and use it as a weapon, but Kohn grabbed her ankle and pulled it.

Tara fell face first, and sharp pain surged through her nose. She turned to hit him, but he was faster.

-"You fucking bitch!" - Kohn's bloody hands wrapped around her throat. His grip became tighter as Tara started flapping her hands, her mouth agape as she struggled for air.

-"You whore! I believed you! I loved you! And you betrayed me!"

Tara hit his hands with his trying to break free, but he was much stronger than her.

Despair washed over her as her lungs tried to fill themselves with air that couldn't pass her oesophagus.

Tears sprung to her eyes and Tara knew these were her last moments.

She fought Kohn, but after a while, her body got tired. Her arms fell on the sides of her body as she slowly lost conscience.

The last images that flashed through her mind were the day Abel called her mommy, her first kiss with Jax in the school's ladies' room, and the day she found out she was pregnant and Jax proposed to her.

She heard faint sound of Kohn's voice cursing her, his hands still on her throat.

But the last thing she willed herself to feel was Jax's lips on hers as the darkness consumed her.

 


	43. Breath of Life

Timeline: Jax called Hale a few hours after he got back from Wendy’s. They went in search for Tara early in the morning. The same morning that Tara woke up in that room.

Sorry for typos and mistakes. It seems that no matter how many times I read, grammatical or spelling errors happen :/ Also, I’m not feeling well so if there are more mistakes than usually, I apologise.

Happy reading :3

 

Jax and David sat in the chapel, since that was the only place in the clubhouse not destroyed by Jax's outburst.

Jax was on his third cigarette since they sat down, nervously tapping with his foot. David's expression was blank, but under his cool exterior he too was panicking.

He was quiet, giving Jax time to calm down and collect his already scattered wits.

David noticed just how much Tara's disappearance affected the notorious biker.

Wrinkles were etched into his young forehead. His eyes seemed hollow, as if the light that was once in them had been put out. His beard and his hair were unkempt, whereas his clothes was wrinkled and smelled badly of alcohol.

David assumed that it was due to his outburst, when he shattered all those bottles, rather than him drinking. Somehow, he didn't see Jax getting himself drunk when the life of the woman he loved was in danger.

-“Can you tell me what happened?” – David’s voice was calm, but had a note of worry in it.

Jax gulped as if holding back a sob.

-“I came to Gemma’s around nine. Ta-Tara was supposed to be there with Kip. But she wasn’t. Kip was asleep...” – Jax told Hale everything that happened at Gemma’s. How he searched the house, called Tara’s cell phone. Until he found the note about Wendy.

“When I got there and asked for Tara, that stupid junkie bitch told me that Kohn took her. And she helped him. Fuck, she thought I’ll get back with her if Tara was gone.” – he let out a nervous chuckle, then took a drag of the cigarette. His hands were shaking.

David looked at him in confusion.

-“Wendy was in on it?”

-“Yeah. Tig managed to get some information out of her.” – the small smile that played on his face was filled with enough malice to wake David’s cop instinct.

-“Jax, what did you do to her?”

Jax took another drag, raking his fingers through his chair.

-“Nothing. Tig just talked to her. Honest.” – he crossed his heart, but  David was no fool. He knew Teller well enough to assume that he order his men to beat her up or worse.

-“If you did something to her-”- Hale began with his cop talk but Jax interrupted him.

-“Don’t worry about her, Hale. Tara is more important than some whore.”

David was about to reply that everyone matters, but stopped himself.

Indeed, Tara was more important in this situation. She was pregnant, in the hands of a lunatic. Hale knew he had to prioritise.

-“I’ll send a patrol to her house. Now tell me, what did she tell you?”

Jax put out his cigarette and stroked his beard. He put his hands on the table, tangling his fingers.

-“She told him that Kohn took Tara to some remote place. One that isn’t easily found. She doesn’t know what he wants with her. But she said he wasn’t going to leave so soon because he had some unfinished business.”

Hale closed his eyes for a brief moment, his mind trying to come up with some sort of strategy. Then he opened them and looked at Jax.

-“So, remote place, right? ”

Jax nodded, frowning. He wasn’t sure where Hale was headed with this.

-“There aren’t that many isolated places in Charming. Not since my brother started with his building projects.”

A ghost of a smiled appeared on Jax’s face.

-“Right. So the only places he could’ve gone to are the ones just outside Charming.”

Hale nodded, already dialling his deputy and organising a task force. They were to divide and search the areas around the town border, specifically, abandoned houses and building alike.

Jax was on his feet, talking to his brothers, who had divided among themselves to go and look for Tara too.

Hale brought the town map out of his car and laid it on the table. Jax and he analysed it, finding the most probable places that Kohn might have taken Tara to, then organised groups and each was assigned with a specific location.

 

Hale and Jax decided to go together, along with two more police officers. They chose to go to one of the few motels outside Charming that were still open after Jacob Hale built two within the town itself, which were more appealing to the occasional tourists.

The motel was a dump, but those who wished to hide or to stay away from the town could definitely find peace there. It was a few miles from the highway, and didn’t even have a sign that said it was a motel.

The road that led to it was obscured by some construction equipment and scattered road signs.

They parked close enough to the motel, but also far enough not to be seen, then walked up to the motel.

Not far from there, they could see a hint of the decrepit building. As they approached slowly, they had the opportunity to asses it better.

It wasn’t very big. The windows were all dirty, and some of doors seemed to be missing room numbers.

Hale motioned towards, what seemed like, the main entrance.

When they got in, they met an older gentleman who greeted them. Hale gave him some vague explanation as to why the police were there. He showed him the picture of Kohn and the man instructed them to room 7.

Jax’s heartbeat rose with every step he took. His kept convincing himself that everything was going to be ok, but in the deepest part of his psyche, he feared the worst.

Hale and the two police officers pulled out their guns. Jax took out his gun, earning a raised eyebrow from Hale.

-“What exactly do you think you’re doing?”

-“Come on, man.” – Jax pleaded.

Hale shook his head.

-“Put that back and I’ll pretend I didn’t see anything. I have enough on my plate as it is.”

Jax growled, but he did as he was told.

Just as they were approaching the door, they heard a string of curses. Jax didn’t think for a second. He ran to the door and started kicking the door with his foot. Adrenaline course through his body and he couldn’t think straight.

His only thought was Tara.

After a few kicks the door opened and they were faced with a scene from Jax’s nightmares.

Kohn was sitting on Tara’s seemingly lifeless body, his hands on her throat as he yelled _bitch._

Jax’s jaw clenched and he immediately ran to them, pulling Kohn away from Tara and throwing him against the wall. Hale and his officers approached the crazed man, while Jax knelt beside Tara’s body.

Hale dialled 911 while the officers cuffed Kohn and read him his rights, But he was out of his mind, it was doubtful he even understood them.

Jax’s heart skipped a beat as he took her hand to feel her pulse. He started doing CPR, yelling _NO, NO NO!_. He performed chest compressions and gave her mouth to mouth, but there was no sign of life.

-“No, Tara. You can’t leave me, babe. Babe, wake up!”

He didn’t hear anything or anyone and his only focus was Tara.

-“Babe. Babe, come on!”

Suddenly, he felt her react.

 


	44. The Consequences

I have absolutely no knowledge of medicine. The little I mentioned here was what I gathered from the Internet. I apologise for any mistakes regarding that.

Sorry for typos and mistakes.

Happy reading :3

Following her kidnapping and subsequent rescue, Tara spent two days under observation. Doctors had examined her carefully, especially since she was pregnant and they feared the worst.

Luckily, she had no injuries to the cervical spine. Her hyoid wasn’t broken, though her throat did hurt. It was swollen and she had trouble speaking. She was overall exhausted from the emotional trauma she had suffered.

After they discharged her, Jax took her back to Gemma’s. She needed to rest and Jax wouldn’t even let her go to the bathroom by herself. He would scoop her up in his arms and carry her to the toilet, wait patiently until she was done, and then help her get dressed.

When she needed to shower, Jax would wash her, his rough hands gently massaging her aching body. He would even comb her hair afterwards.

During the day, they didn’t speak a word. Tara withdrew in her shattered psyche, leaving Jax to fight his own demons.

It was only during the night that she sought the warmth of his body and protection of his familiar, strong embrace.

She would wake up in sweat, still feeling Kohn’s hands wrapped around her neck, still hearing his curses.

 Jax would call her name times and times until she would wake from her trance. Pulling her closer to him, his arms would wrap protectively around her tiny frame. He would stroke her hair gently and whisper how much he loved her and how much he was sorry.

Tara would bury her face in his chest and sob quietly, wishing her pain and Jax’s to go away. Her fingers would curl around his neck and that was the only she was able to go back to sleep.

Jax was trying to be strong for her, his old lady. But even his strength had its limits. He couldn’t bear to watch her torture herself with thoughts of that sick fucker. He wanted to cry every time his gaze froze on her bruised neck that still bore impression of Kohn’s fingers.

Her lovely face was still pale and she could barely eat anything. He noticed that she avoided looking at him, her eyes always fixed on something in front of her, her hands resting protectively over her belly.

He never left the house. He talked to Gemma on the phone every day, but he never told her what happened. Lying to her became a habit, just like smoking at least two packs of cigarettes a day.

Instead of punching someone, Jax smoked almost non-stop. In spite of constant coughing, he just couldn’t get rid of it. He would smoke to prevent himself from cry, from screaming, from beating someone to a pulp, from trashing his mother’s house.

Abel was ok, happy to spend some time with Nate, and Jax was glad that at least he and Gemma managed to save themselves from this suffering.

The distance that was being created between him and Tara terrified him. He dreaded losing her. Her nightmares were his nightmares. Jax often wondered what would have happened if they hadn’t come when they did.

Would she still be alive? What if he had lost her and their baby? What would have become of him?

He was already losing it when she was gone for less than a day. If he had lost her forever, what would have happened?

The silence between them was deafening. The situation went on for five days before Jax decided he couldn’t take it any longer.

Tara was lying in bed, curled on her side. Jax was sitting in an armchair, the words he wanted to speak but never did choking him. He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and his hands wrapping around his head. Finally, he decided to speak, his voice etched with pain and sorrow.

-“Babe. I’m lost here, Tara. I’m trying to put us back together, but I don’t know if I can. I don’t know what to do here.” – his voice broke.

He was surprised when she spoke, her voice hoarse.

-“I know, Jax.” – Tara sat up, pulling her legs to her chest and leaning her head on her knees.

Jax began crying as he looked at her eyes that held no life in them.

-“ I just feel so far away from you now. I need you, Tara. And I know you need me. I can’t do this without you. We’ve been growing apart and that’s killing me. I see you falling apart and you won’t let me help you.”

Jax got up, his face wet with tears. He walked slowly to her, the floorboards screeching with every step he took. He fell on his knees next to the bed, his hands reaching up to take Tara’s. Hesitantly, she took them, tears pooling in her eyes.

-“I keep seeing his face, Jax. I feel his hands on me. I hear his voice. I can’t forget the way he looked at me. I’m disgusted with myself.” – she spoke quietly before she started coughing.

Jax got up and poured her a glass of water. She drank it thirstily. He sat beside her on the bed.

-“You never told me what he did to you.”

She cleared her throat, still feeling uncomfortable to speak about anything. But this was Jax. The man she loved.

Tara was well aware of the agony that he was going through as well. His hair was tousled, his goatee a bit longer. His expression was etched with concern for her, his eyes bloodshot from hardly ever sleeping.

She knew that this whole situation was taking a great toll on him too and she wished she could wave with some magic wand and erase it all. But it was impossible.

-“It wasn’t so much what he did. It was what he said, how he said it. It just... returned me to that time when I felt weak. Before I met you. And I truly felt I was over it. But after this, it’s like I can’t forget it no matter how much I try.”

-“I want to help you, babe. I’ll help you forget it all. We have to be strong for our kid. She’s gonna need her mommy.” – Jax caressed her cheek.

Tara leaned into his touch, holding back a sob. She cupped his face and wiped his tears.

-“I’m sorry, Jackson. I’m sorry this happened. I feel like shit for going behind your back, listening to Wendy and wanting to help her. Look where it got us.” – the guilt was clear in her voice.

-“Babe, this was not your fault. None of it. She’s a fucking deranged junkie. You’re too good to see the bad in people. But that bitch and that sick psycho will pay for everything. He’s won’t ever come anywhere near you again.”

Tara wrapped her arms around his shoulders, her face buried in his neck, inhaling the scent of cigarettes. As weird as it was, she didn’t mind. It was familiar and comforting. It was Jax.

-“I love you, baby.”

-“I love you, babe.”


	45. How I Worry about You

**Chapter title reference: Strings by MS MR** (Seriously, listen to this song, it’s amazing!!!)

Sorry for typos and mistakes.

Happy reading :3

-“Mommy! ” – Abel exclaimed happily over the phone.

Tara’s heart skipped a beat when she heard her son’s voice for the first time in days.

Most of the time, she was either just lying in bed or trying to sleep, but failing. She didn’t have the energy for anything. Also, she feared that Gemma or Abel might sense something was wrong and come back earlier, and Tara didn’t want to scare them.

Jax talked to Gemma and Abel regularly to make sure that everything was all right. They were great, but with every phone call, Abel was getting angrier at Jax because he couldn’t talk to his mommy. So this morning, Tara decided to call  them.

Instead of Gemma, Abel picked up the phone. Tara’s lips curved into a smile as she struggled not to cry.

-“Hi, baby. How are you?”

-“I’m ok. But I miss you this much.”

Tara chuckled, imaging him spreading his little arms to show her how much he missed her.

-“I know, baby. I know. I missed you even more. How is grandma?”

-“Ok. She helping papa Nate now. When are we coming back home? I want to see you.” – Abel whined.

-“Soon, very soon. Listen, mommy has to go now. I love you, Abel. Be a good boy and listen to your grandma.” – Tara knew that she wouldn’t be able to speak to him without crying.

-“I love you too, mommy. And I love my brother. Say hi to him from me.” – the boy said enthusiastically, sending a kiss through the phone.

-“I will, baby. I love you. Take care.” – she sent him a kiss too, then hung up.

Sniffing, she placed her cell phone on the table and poured herself some orange juice that Jax had bought for her. She was sitting alone in the kitchen in her pyjama pants and Jax's white SAMCRO shirt that was too big for her.

It had been ten days since she parted from her son. Ten days since she was kidnapped. Ten days since she was almost raped for the second time. Ten days since she almost died.

Enough time had passed for Tara to have a clear picture of what happened and why. She thought about that day a lot, replaying that night and morning in her mind over and over again, trying to piece together her memories of those horrendous events.

Firstly, she detested herself for being so gullible and trusting Wendy. Jax and Gemma had warned her enough times. She was aware of Wendy’s life and her history of drug use. Her appearance alone was enough for anyone to turn on their heel and run away as fast as they could.

And yet, Tara saw herself as the dumbest person in the entire universe.

 How could she possibly be so blind as not to see right through Wendy?

From that very first day that she called to apologise and ask her about Abel, she should have known. And later, when she kept asking her about Abel and Jax, and how often was he away... She should have known Wendy was trying to get information out of her to feed them to Kohn.

But who in their right mind would ever associate Wendy and Kohn? He was a psychopath and she a junkie.

Even after her first encounter with Wendy at the TM party, Tara never saw Wendy as an evil person. To Tara, she was just a broken soul that needed someone to help her heal again.

_Good thinking, Knowles. You wanted to play a peacemaker? And look where that brought you._

And Kohn.

 How in the world did he manage to be released from police custody? True, she hadn’t heard anything about him nor was she contacted by anyone since she left Chicago and came to Charming. Maybe it was her fault he was released in the first place. If she hadn’t left so abruptly, maybe they would have held him in jail or something. Maybe it was because she never gave her official statement. It was probably because of that.

But after Kohn came into her apartment wanting to kill her, there wasn’t much time to think of anything. She fought for her life, just like she did ten days ago.

 Only this time, she fought for her child’s life too. Tentatively, she wrapped her arms around her abdomen.

And later that night, after she left the ER with that officer, the only thing she wanted to do was get away from that toxic city and that maniac. Now, of course, she regretted not giving her statement.

But then again, she wondered if Jax and she would have even happened. Probably not.

The decision to leave Chicago was made unexpectedly, out of pure fear of what might happen next.

In a way, Tara was glad she decided to run. In some perverse way she was glad for that night.

If Kohn hadn’t come, she wouldn’t have left Chicago. There would be no accidental meetings with Jax. She wouldn’t have met Abel. And lastly, she wouldn’t be pregnant.

-“Babe?” – Jax called her.

She turned to see him running down the stair in his boxers, looking completely out of his mind. He stopped at the end of the stairs, holding onto the handrail.

-“What happened?” – she asked worriedly, walking up to him and placing her hand on his.

His voice was gruff and he was panting. I woke up and you weren’t there.”

Tara gasped, taking in his pained expression. The tormented look in his eyes broke her heart a bit. The hand under hers began to tremble.

-“I’m here, baby. I’m here.” - she said, reaching up to caress his cheek. He closed his eyes as her small hand came in contact with his face.

He missed her touch. She was gone only a day, but it felt like years to Jax.

 _Funny,_ he thought. Usually he couldn’t wait for the girl to leave. But with Tara he always wanted more, so much more.

He felt like dying while she was gone. His chest was too small and his lungs could never quite fill with enough oxygen for him to breathe. Only with her by his side again was he able to breathe normally again.

The image of Tara’s lifeless body lying on the floor of that motel room haunted him at night. So much that he thought he was going crazy.

In his dreams he was always late to her rescue. He would try to revive her, but it wouldn’t work. She didn’t open her eyes. Her body was as cold as ice under his touch. He would scream and scream at her to wake up, that he couldn’t be without her. There was never any response.

He would wake up with his heart beating hard against his chest, gasping for air. When he would turn his head to Tara’s side of the bed, relief would wash over him. _She was there, with him. She was ok. She was alive._

He opened his eyes and the warmth of her gaze calmed him. His fingers brushed gently against the already healing scar on her cheek, then her still slightly bruised lip. His eyes were trained on hers.

He was too afraid to touch her, fearing that he might evoke those painful memories. Jax waited for her to make the first move. He wanted her to feel safe with him.

However, he felt like he had disappointed her by promising her that Kohn wouldn’t hurt her, and she was a hair’s breadth away from dying.

-“I’m so sorry, Tara. I’m sorry.” – he sat on the stairs and covered his face with his hands as he broke down in tears.

-“I was supposed to protect you. None of this should have happened. That fire, you being kidnapped. Fuck. Why didn’t I find him sooner? I should have sent Tig to kill him the moment we knew his address. I shouldn’t have waited. Or I should have gone there myself and end it.”

-“You were going to kill him?”- Tara asked in wonder, sitting beside him.

-“Yeah, ‘cause, you know. Nothing says endless love like capital murder.” – he said jokingly, turning to face her.

Tara chuckled, and Jax did too.

-“Fuck, I shouldn’t be laughing at this. This isn’t normal.” - Tara said, raking her fingers through her hair. -“This was all so... sick. I feel like I need to punch someone just to get this anger out of me. I feel like an idiot.” – she laughed nervously.

-“You’re not an idiot. I want to punch someone as well. I’ve been smoking constantly to stop myself from running outside and attacking the first fucker that comes my way.”

He wanted to hug her, to kiss her, to hold her in his arms again. Tara seemed to pick up on that. She leaned in slowly, her eyes never leaving his as her lips touched his for the first time in ten days.

Jax didn’t react, waiting for her to make the move. A second later, she parted her lips, allowing his tongue to slide inside her mouth.

The kiss was slow and gentle, a kiss of two lovers who missed each other too much. But the kiss became more intense with every second, and Jax cupped her face, enjoying the sensation of her tongue gliding against his. He tasted the orange juice she had been drinking before and the salty taste of his own tears against their lips.

Tara’s hands were wrapped around his neck, her fingers pulling at his hair. She moaned against his lips and his cock twitched. His hands ached to skim down her body, exploring it over and over again.

Jax wanted her. He wanted her so badly. He wanted to know that they were ok, that Kohn and Wendy didn’t succeed in separating them.

And so, he pulled back.

They were both breathing heavily, Tara’s eyes wide in confusion.

-“Why did you stop?”

He stroked her hair gently.

-“I don’t want to rush things. You need to recover. You need time. That’s more important. And I’m gonna be here for you.” - he kissed her cheek, then whispered, -“” And when you’re ready I’m gonna fuck you senseless.”

Tara nudged him playfully and they both laughed. He sighed deeply and wrapped his arm around her waist pulling her closer, as she rested her head on his shoulder.

-“I was never into blonds, just so you know.” – she teased him.

Jax intertwined their hands, then turned hers to look at her engagement ring.

-“This right here says you are now. Forever and always. I won’t even let you change your mind.” – said Jax in what was supposed to sound like a threatening tone, kissing her hand.

Tara rolled her eyes and grinned, admiring her ring.

-“I wasn’t going to. You’re stuck with me, Teller. Forever and always.”

-“Forever and always, Mrs. Teller.” – he kissed the top of her head.

-“Soon-to-be.” – Tara emphasised, lifting her head to meet his gaze.

-“No. You are Mrs. Teller. The wedding is just goin’ to make it official.”

Tara bit her lip, trying to hide her grin. She couldn’t. Beaming widely at Jax, she felt her stomach flutter as his lips widened in his notorious Teller smirk.

-“I’m so lucky to have you, baby.”

-“I’m the lucky one, Tara.”

They sat on the stairs a little while longer, before Tara asked Jax to take her to the clubhouse. She wanted to get out of the house. She felt like a prisoner for the last ten days. Some company wouldn’t hurt her.

Jax agreed and they went up to their room to get dressed, then Jax drove them to the TM in Donna’s car.


	46. Just a lot of Love

This chapter is meant to kind of show you some changes Tara and Jax have gone through over the course of this story. They are being more open to one another and there’s a lot of fluff and a bit of smut I manage to squeeze in lol. I hope you’ll like it.

Sorry for typos and mistakes.

Happy reading :3

\------------------------------

 

Jax and Tara were on their way to TM. Tara leaned her head against the window, seemingly lost in her thoughts. Her eyes kept opening and closing, as if warding off bad memories. Her chest kept rising and falling, that Jax feared she was having a panic attack.

-"Babe, are you ok?"

 -"Yeah. Positive thoughts, remember?" - she turned and smiled at him, though still not over all the 'drama'.

 There was still some unfinished business she needed to sort out, and she knew that there would be no peace for her until that was resolved. The hate and anger in her heart were unlike anything Tara had felt before. Too much damage was done to her and to her family. There was no way she would turn the other cheek.

 However, her plans would have to wait. For the next few hours, Tara decided to focus on people she loved and who cared about her.

 -"Are you sure? 'cause, we don't have to go there if you don't think you can do it. I can-"

-"I'm sure, Jax. I need some normalcy after all this. I think we both need it."

 -“I’m... I’m just afraid that all this could be overwhelming for you. I mean, you spent ten days isolated from everyone. Maybe we should’ve invited Donna and Lyla to come over and you guys could hang out. And then, maybe later we could go to the clubhouse.” – he turned to look at her with concern in his eyes.

 Tara was more than glad to see that Jax cared that much about her. It surprised her day after day just how loving and caring he was towards her. Even when she was all cranky, when she would cry, wake up screaming, or when she had no desire to talk about anything, Jax always knew what to do.

 They didn’t know each other that long, but the bond that was created between them was so strong, that Tara sometimes feared her feelings for Jax were more intense than she could handle.

 -“I’ll be fine. I understand your worry, but it’s better this way. I want to see my friends. I want to know that nothing changed. After everything that happened, I want to prove myself that I am still Tara. There’s no way I’ll let Josh or Wendy win.”

 Her response was followed by Jax’s laugher. Keeping his eyes on the road, he took her hand and drew it to his lips and kissed it.

 -“My girl. I love you, babe.”

 -“I love you too.”

-“And you’ll tell me if it’s too much for you, right? We’ll go straight back home.”

 Tara smiled and nodded. Jax parked the car, turned off the engine and unbuckled his seatbelt, then turned to Tara. He took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, while he looked her in the eyes. Exhaling loudly, he said:

 -"I’m sorry if I’m being overbearing. I just want to be sure that you’ll be ok. These days were like hell and you’re finally better and I just... I don’t want to see you like that ever again. I was so scared, Tara. Abel, you, our baby. You mean the world to me."

 Tara smiled broadly. She unbuckled her seatbelt and turned back to him, then wrapped her hands around his neck and drew his face closer to hers.

 -"I love you so much. I love it when you get so protective." - she grinned, kissing him.

 His hand immediately rested on her hip, then slowly going under her black top. His other hand cupped her cheek as his mouth hungrily ravished hers.

 Tara’s tongue was more forceful as she fidgeted with the buttons on his flannel shirt, her fingers trembling slightly. When she finally unbuttoned his shirt, she grinned contently as her hands came in contact with his bare chest.

 Jax’s hand moved up to her bra, then under it as he cupped her breast and squeezed it gently. Tara moaned against his lips and that was more than enough to send Jax in complete overload.

 And it took all his strength to pull back this time. Both of them were panting. Tara had an almost angry look on her face, disappointed that their sexy time was halted again.

 -"Babe, you have to stop doing that. I won't be able to control myself the next time."

 Tara threw her head back and giggled, as Jax tried to keep a straight face, pushing her slightly away from himself.

 -"I'm not kiddin'. You're like walking sex and I can't help but want you, babe. And this is not the time for that."

 Tara licked her lip, then bit it, her eyes glowing with a mischievous spark as she arched her eyebrow. Jax gulped, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat.

 -"Fuck! Don't do that, Tara." - he growled, leaning his head on the steering wheel, his hands covering his midsection.

 Tara laughed, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. It felt good knowing they could still be playful and want each other.

 -"I'm sorry. Now come on, people are waiting." - she opened the door and got out, but as she was closing them, she noticed that Jax was still sitting in the same position.

 She frowned, resting her hand on the roof of the car as she leaned her head inside.

 -"Jax, are you ok?" - she asked worriedly.

 -"Are you fucking kidding me right now? You get me hard when you know we can't do anything, and you dare ask me if I'm ok!" - he wanted to sound angry, but one look at her would always render him completely horny, and that definitely did not help his current situation.

She wore black skinny jeans with a black top and black leather jacket. Her hair was down and she had no makeup on. Her choice of attire was odd, but fuck, it did things to him.

 The jeans emphasised her curves and her ass in such a way, that there was no way of erasing that image out of his mind. As she leaned her head inside, she gave him a clear view of her cleavage.

 Jax sighed, drawing his eyes away from her.

 -"Tara, for fuck sake, just... Just get out of my sight. You're making me hard."

 Tara blushed and bit the inside of her cheek as not to burst out laughing.

 -"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'll go inside. You come when you-" - she pointed at his obvious erection, but Jax yelled at her not to go inside without him. He asked her to wait, preferably somewhere where he couldn't see her.

 He pressed his legs together, and closed his eyes, thinking of the most disgusting things in the world, hoping that his erection would soon pass.

 Meanwhile, Tara sat on a bench in the playground area. She took out her phone and dialled David.

 After she was released from the hospital, David came by Gemma's house for her statement. Tara only gave him some brief summary of what happened, before she was all in tears and screaming at him to go, because she wasn't able to think of Kohn or anything that happened without bursting into tears and having anxiety attacks.

 She remembered Jax pushing Hale out of the room, even though David was more than willing to go on his own. She remembered Jax cussing at him for being so insensitive and making Tara recall all those horrible events.

 In that moment she didn't care much about anything or anyone save for herself and her baby. But now, she was sorry for acting liked that, although her behaviour was justifiable.

 -"Hi, Tara." - David answered cheerfully.

 Tara smiled, happy to hear the voice of her friend.

 -"Hi, David. How are you, how are Jennie and the kids?"

 -"They're all well. How are you doing? I called several times, but Teller wouldn't let me talk to you."

 Tara's heart swelled at David's words. She knew that Jax's intentions were pure.

 -"Don't be mad at him. I was in a bad place and he was just trying to protect me. If it's any consolation, he didn't let anyone bother me. Not Gemma, not Donna, no one. But thank you so much for your concern."

 She heard loud noise in the background and assumed he was still at the station.

 -"I feel better now."- he chuckled.-"I'm glad you're ok."

 Tara asked him about his kids, how they were doing at school, and how the baby was. After some small talk, Tara cut to the chase.

 -"Listen. The reason I was calling you is that I was wondering if I could come and give you my statement? In about two hours? I really want to end this story as soon as possible."

 -"Sure. I'll be here."

 -"Great. Also... Is Wendy still in jail?" - she asked cautiously, drawing circles on the table with her index finger.

 -"No. She's in the hospital. Apparently, the day you were kidnapped, she overdosed. I have a feeling that _someone_ "- he emphasised the last word-" made her overdose. She's kept under observation for now."

 Tara glanced in the direction of the car and a sly smile spread across her face.

As crazy as it sounded, she knew it was Jax and she loved him for it. Knowing that he loved her so much, that he was ready to do whatever it takes for her, filled her with immense love and lust for him.

She never had anyone that cared about her. And as much as she feared Jax in the beginning, that feeling was long gone now. It was replaced with something much sweeter and more beautiful. It was love, but far stronger than that.

They were family now. He was her soul mate, the man that helped her forget the pain and horrors she had endured before she met him.

Was she happy that Wendy was in hospital? Honestly, yes. She deserved far worse than that. Tara used to pity her, but after everything that she had been through, she learnt one thing. Wendy did not deserve to be pitied. She didn’t deserve anyone’s compassion of care or anything. She was a selfish bitch.

And Tara was more than willing to let her know that.

 -"Oh. I didn’t know that. Well, I gotta go now. See you later, David. Bye."

 -"See you."

 Tara ended the call just as Jax came behind her, kissing her cheek.

 -"Let's go."

 Tara stood up, eyes fixed on Jax’s. Then, she closed the small distance between them as she wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head on his chest and closing her eyes, stubbornly holding back tears.

 Jax wrapped his arms around her, kissing the top of her head and stroking her hair. He heard her inhale sharply.

 -“Babe?” – in that one word he conveyed his reemerging worry about this whole idea.

 -“I’m ok, Jax. I’m just scared of how much I love you.” – she let out a nervous chuckle.

 -“Why are you scared of that?” – he asked, somewhat confused.

 -“Because I’ve never felt like this before. This need to be with someone, this overwhelming urge to give myself to someone completely. I’ve always felt so alone. And now I have you.” – she lifted her head and looked into his eyes. –“It’s so unbelievable to me that you love me, but I know that you do. I see it in your eyes, I feel it in every kiss, in every touch. I hear it in your words. And when you call me _babe_ , I feel like my chest is going to burst from all the happiness that that one word gives me.”

 Jax stroked her hair and cupped her face. His expression was serious.

 -“You’re not alone. You won’t ever be alone again. And I do love you. It’s the kind of love that people think is crazy. That "I gotta be with you every minute or I'm gonna kill myself" type of crazy. Because, when you were gone, I really thought I was going crazy. I thought I was dying. I couldn’t breathe without you. I couldn’t sleep because I kept thinking what if... You know that shit people say, how there is a hole in their hearts that only that one person can fill? Well, you’re that someone for me, babe. And don’t ever doubt that I’ll do anything for you. Anything.” – he paused for a moment to gather his thoughts, then continued. –“I’ve never had anyone encourage me to be a better person like you did. I’m glad you were Abel’s teacher. I don’t think I would’ve gotten my shit together and become the person I am now. I don’t even want to think everything bad that could’ve happened with Abel and me. I was a terrible father, and if it weren’t for you... Good thing you showed up, Knowles, to show me the way. And that’s why you’re my babe.” – he smiled lovingly at her.

-“Watch what you’re saying, Teller. People might say you’re pussy whipped.” – she teased him.

Jax laughed then kissed her passionately one last time before wrapping his arm around her waist and leading her to the clubhouse.

 

 


	47. My Friends

Sorry for typos and mistakes.

Happy reading :3

**\--------------------**

Jax and Tara had been in the clubhouse for an hour now, each in a different part of it. Jax was at the bar talking to Tig, Chibs, and Opie, whereas Tara sat at one of the tables with Donna, Lyla, and Venus.

The girls were incredibly supportive of her, offering their encouragement and kind words that made Tara very happy. If she was being frank, she missed girl talks immensely, more so because it offered her an opportunity to unwind in a way she wasn’t able to do when she was with Jax.

Jax was the most important person in her life, aside from their children. However, it hadn’t escaped Tara’s eye that Jax seemed more shaken by the events than she was.

Though, living in the kind of world that he did, surrounded by violence and blood, one could easily that Jax Teller was a strong man. He, of course, was by all means a strong man, but sometimes life can give you unexpected and horrific tests, that with all your willpower and mental strength, you aren’t able to cope with them.

And just like she needed her friends, Jax needed his brothers.

Focusing on the faces in front of her, Tara related her story to her friends, and it seemed as if the weight had been lifted off her chest. The uneasy feeling of unresolved issues was still lingering in her mind, but for the moment, it was good to feel normal, to have a normal conversation without thinking that Kohn would appear out of nowhere and try to hurt her.

She noticed their shocked expressions and wondered what was going through their minds. Were they pitting her? Did they think her weak and stupid, like she often thought of herself after she’d returned home for the hospital? Were they going to tiptoe around her, afraid of saying something wrong?

The girls surprised Tara by stating how strong she was for enduring so much, for fighting for her and her child’s life. Venus, who was always positive, took Tara’s hands in hers manicured ones and gave them a gentle squeeze, before saying that she knew how Tara felt and what she must be thinking. But, as Venus kindly observed, the shame was completely on the scumbag and not Tara. And, as a woman, she ought to feel more powerful than ever for managing to defeat a man who thought violence was the right way to show a woman how much he loved her.

Tears appeared in her eyes as she spoke, but after she blinked they disappeared, and were replaced by a wide smile.

Donna, as well as Lyla, agreed with Venus.

The conversation was steered towards more cheerful topics, such as Kenny’s recent crush on a girl from his class. Donna told Tara about Opie’s advice to his son regarding this girl, which proved to be effective, since Kenny couldn’t stop thanking his dad nor talking about the said girl, whose name was Sara.

-“Two days ago, Opie took them to see some movie, I can’t remember which. He said he sat behind them the whole time and was bored to death with the movie, but that he was proud of Kenny since he apparently had what he called a ‘seductive gene’, inherited from him. I’m telling you, my eyes hurt from all the rolling.” – at that, all the women laughed, and Donna continued. -“Anyway, Opie said Kenny let the girl eat all the popcorn, he held her hand, walked her to her house, and even gave her a kiss on the cheek. I wish I was there. You should have seen the grin on his face when they came home.”

Donna’s story reminded Tara once more how much she missed her own little ray of sunshine.

Upon noticing her saddened expression, hesitantly Lyla asked her if she was ok.

“I am. I just miss Abel.” – she answered with a weak smile. “He’s angry at Jax and me for keeping him away from home for so long. I called him this morning and when I heard his voice... I never thought I could be this attached to a child. He’s so smart, so kind, so cute. My little man.” – she smiled. –“I love him so much. I wish I was his real mom. Just hearing his voice makes me smile and fills my heart with so much comfort and I know that he’s my world. Being apart from him this long has made me realise how blessed I am for having him in my life, for having Jax and all of you by my side. I love you all so so much. I never had a family, but I know that with you, I do have one. Thank you for everything.”

By the time Tara finished her confession, all of them were crying.

-“Damn, Tara. Don’t make me cry. I love you so much, girl. We’re all glad that Jax found someone like you. And I know that we’re all happy for you guys. And no matter what happens, we’re here for you. And you are Abel’s mom. Don’t let anything convince you of otherwise.” – said Lyla, wiping her cheeks.

After a few moments, they resumed their conversation, the topic being Lyla’s soon graduation from college.

Tara listened to her friend, but couldn’t help but glance at Jax every once in a while. She noticed that his stance changed when he was with his brothers, and even his expression. She also noticed that he smoked at least ten cigarettes over the course of one hour. She made a mental note to talk to him about that.

 

While Tara talked about her son, Jax talked about darker things that just wouldn’t leave him alone, no matter how much he wanted it.

Chibs and Tig left him and Opie alone and joined some croweaters, and Jax was glad to have the opportunity to talk to his brother in peace for the first time in ten days.

-“I’m constantly afraid, man. Like, I know the bastard’s in prison, but I can’t forget what happened. When I look at Tara and see the scar on her face, when I remember the look on that guy’s face... It’s insane. It’s some fucked up shit, Ope and it makes me mad. How could they let him go? How could anyone let this fucker out of jail knowing what he did to her?”

Opie shook his head. Kohn was currently in prison in Stockton, but it seemed that even so, he was capable of hurting people Opie cared about. Knowing his brother to the core, Opie said:

-“Look, man. I know that this is destroying you. I see it. And it’s not doing you any good, or Tara. So, tell me what you need. What will make you feel better?”

Jax looked his friend in the eyes and some unspoken understanding passed between them.

-“When do you want it done?” – was all Opie asked.

-“Yesterday. I want him unrecognisable by the time I manage to visit him.”-  Jax answered with determination in his voice and a menacing look in his blue eyes.

-“Done. Don’t think about it anymore. Take care of your old lady.”

And so, Kohn’s destiny was sealed with no more than a few words and a nod.

Next, they talked about club business. In a few weeks, they will finally be done with guns, which made Jax more at ease.

The only problem he had was _Diosa._ According to Opie, the woman that was in charge of it kept complaining that some clients were reluctant about the prices and she demanded to talk to Jax personally.

As if he didn’t have other things to do.

Jax turned his head when he noticed Tara coming. He smiled at her and put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close and kissing her forehead.

-“How are you feeling?”  - his eyes searched her expression, fearing that they made a mistake by coming. Her words, however, proved him wrong.

-“Better. Talking to the girls helped me a lot. But I have to go now. I told David I’d come to the station to give my official statement.” – Tara said, pulling away from his hug.

-“Ok. I’ll just check something with the guys about _Diosa_.”  -he put out the cigarette and was ready to go with Tara, but she stopped him, placing her hand gently on his chest.

-“No need, baby. You take care of your business. I’ll ask Tig to take me.”

As if he heard his name being mentioned, Tig appeared right behind Tara. She turned and smiled at him, then asked him to accompany her to the station, which he happily accepted.

Jax seemed hurt by Tara’s refusal to accompany her, but tried to mask it. He eyed Tig with a warning look, then kissed Tara hard on the lips before letting her go.

She said she would be back in an hour or so, and that he had no reason to worry.

......

When they were out of clubhouse and heading towards the car that Donna lent to Tara, Tig couldn’t help but ask Tara why she wanted him to go with her and not Jax.

-“Because I’m angry and hurt. I was tricked in the most horrible way possible, and I need to blow off steam.”

As if sensing what she meant, Tig smiled widely.

-“Wendy?”

“Yes. That bitch is going to pay for what she did. And I don’t want Jax to see me like that.”

-“Where is she?”

Tara opened the passenger door and got into the car, followed by Tig.

-“In the hospital. The junkie OD’ed.” – she cast a knowing look in his direction. –“And as far as I recall, Jax left you to be with her after he left her place.” – she arched her brow at him.

Tig fought to keep a straight face, but just couldn’t. He started laughing.

-“Damn. Guilty as charged.” – he raised his hands in defeat.

Tara chuckled.

-“Well, I say we pay her a little visit. To see how she’s doing.” – she said with mock concern, furrowing her eyebrows.

-“Whatever you say, T.”


	48. Words as Weapons

Happy reading :3

\--------------------------

While they were driving to the Sheriff's department, Tig told Tara everything that happened after they found out she was kidnapped. Tara wanted to hear about it from someone other than Jax. Jax had already told her the majority of events, but what struck Tara was something that Jax never told her about. His breakdown.

Tara's throat became dry, dark thoughts enveloping her mind as Tig informed her how Jax trashed the clubhouse and almost got into a fight with Happy and Chibs when they tried to stop him from going after her alone.

Tig was not aware that Tara knew nothing about it and so he just kept talking and talking, his attention focused on the road ahead. Only when he heard her sobs did he turn, and one glance at her was enough to make him pull over.

-“Oh, shit. Darlin’, I didn’t mean to make you cry. Fuck.” – Tig started apologising, taking Tara’s hand.

She sniffed a few times, wiping tears off her face and forcing a smile.

-“No, it’s ok. I just... I ... He didn’t tell me about that.” – the words were barely audible.

Tig shook his head, regretting ever opening his mouth.

-“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you anything.”

Tara squeezed his hand.

– “No, it’s good that you did. I know that everything that happened was... Fuck!” – she exhaled, closing her eyes and fighting another wave of tears. – “I’m sacred, Tig. I’m scared that whatever’s going on in his head is eating away at him. I see guilt in his eyes, fear. It’s crippling him. He keeps telling me how he’d die without me. And I just... Fuck! Fucking Josh! Look what he did to us. ”

Tears streamed down her face, her shoulders shaking. The sight cut straight through Tig’s heart. He unbuckled his seatbelt then wrapped his arms around Tara’s frame and pulled her closer.

-“It’s all right, darlin’. Just let it out. It’ll be easier.” – he said, stroking her hair.

-“Why did this have to happen? I feel like this is all my fault. I did this to him. I made him feel lie this. I’m scared that something will happen to him, Tig.” – She pulled out of his embrace and started yelling hysterically, her face all red, her eyes puffy.

Tig had a hard time watching her struggle like that and not knowing how to help her. In the short time that Tara entered Jax’s and their lives, it wasn’t hard to accept Tara as one of their own. She joked with them, helped Gemma around TM, was all natural with Abel, and always ready to help and give advice.

Tig considered her a sister, and seeing her breaking down made him want to set that fucking bastard on fire. But he already knew that Opie was going to take care of it, and so he focused on the woman before him. Pushing his anger aside, he tried to cheer her up.

-“Tara, come on. You can’t blame yourself. Don’t do that. It’s that asshole’s fault for going mental. And yeah, Jax is going through this shit, but so are you. You guys just need to be there for each other. I see how much he loves you, and how much you love him. That kid is crazy about you and that’s why he’s so worried and why he trashed the clubhouse. He doesn’t know any other way to let all that shit that’s bothering him out.”

Tara took a few long breaths before calming down.

-“I want us to be like before, when everything was great, when all we were thinking of was our family, our new house.”

Tig hugged her again. –“It will be, T, it will. Just try not to stress yourself out. You gotta think of that baby, hun.”

Tara smiled, and wiped her face then asked him about Venus.

-“Don’t think I didn’t see those glances and the way your face lights up when she looks at you. You’re done, Tig. She’s got you.” – Tara teased him, and Tig looked almost embarrassed, but couldn’t help but grin.

-“Yeah. I took your advice and gave her some space. Then one day, she just called me out of the blue and asked to meet. We had a talk, and now we’re cool. We’re not there yet, but we’re gettin’ there.” – He finished with a beam.

-“I’m glad. She’s really nice and I like her. I think she’s the one for you.”

They both smiled, and after establishing that she was indeed ok, Tig started the car and they were once again on their way to meet with Hale.

####################################

It took about an hour for Tara to recount her story, all the while holding onto Tig’s hand, and gripping it every time she got to the most difficult parts. David was patient, giving her time to relax and not rushing her.

After they wrapped things up, Tara changed the subject. Gulping hard, she cleared her throat and asked him about Wendy.

-“She’s in St. Thomas. They say she’s slowly recovering. It might take some time though.”

Bowing her head, Tara pretended to think before she asked:

-Would it be a problem if I visited her?“ – she asked sheepishly, fidgeting with her zipper.

-“Tara, I don’t think-”

-“Please, David. I just need to speak to her. Please. After that, I’ll be done. I swear.” – she begged, puppy dog eyes and all.

Eventually, David caved in. He said he would call the officer that was stationed outside Wendy’s room and tell him to let Tara in the room. But Tig was not to enter the room under any circumstances. Tara thanked him with a hug, then headed to the hospital, resolute to show Wendy just how grateful she was to her.

.............

-“What do you need me for?” – Tig asked as they were walking the white hallway leading to Wendy’s room.

-“Just stand outside the room. Be sure that your face is visible through the glass on the door.”

He frowned, suspecting what she had in mind, but still wanting to confirm it.

-“So, I’m a scare tactic?”

Tara chuckled, her walk becoming more determined with every step she took.

-“One of many.”

After a few moments, they were standing in front of the room. Tara smiled to the officer and chatted with him, before he let her into the room, but not before he cast a warning look in Tig’s direction. The latter folded his arms on his chest and stood in front of the door, ignoring the cop.

............

When Tara walked into the room, Wendy appeared to be sleeping. Her face was pale, her hair tangled. Wrinkles adorned her eyes but in a way that made her look at least ten years older.

Tara looked around the room, noticing only white walls, a small closet, and a chair set beside Wendy’s bed. There were no personal items on the nightstand, and no one seemed to had been visiting her.

Tara would feel sorry for her, she really would. But then she remembered every lie that Wendy ever told her and her face became stern. She approached the bed slowly, then shook Wendy’s arm and called her name.

It took her a few moments to wake the woman up who seemed to be lost in dreamland. She stirred in her bed before opening her eyes.

-“Hi, Wendy.” – Tara grinned maliciously.

Utter fear flashed in her eyes and it was more than enough to satisfy Tara. But she wanted more. She was out for blood and Wendy was her ultimate target.

-“What-”

Wendy tried to speak but Tara wouldn’t let her. In matter of seconds, her fingers curled around Wendy’s throat. Wendy’s eyes bulged and she was trying to get Tara’s hand off her, but it was futile. Tara was stronger than she was. She was weakened by the medication they had been giving her.

-“How do you like that, Wendy?” – Tara asked, squeezing her throat tighter. –“How do you like that feeling? Can you see your life, your miserable fucking life flashing before your eyes?” – The calmness in her voice spoke volumes about her actual state of mind.

Wendy’s eyes were fixed on Tara as if begging her with her gaze to let her go, but Tara was enjoying too much.

-“You whore. I wanted to help you. I thought you were the victim, that somehow Jax and Gemma made a mistake. But no. They were right all along. You are nothing. A fucked up loser who wasted every chance she had to have a family. And then you wanted to ruin mine. ”

-“Le- m- go.” - -Wendy gargled, having no strength to fend Tara off. The look in Tara’s eyes paralysed her.

-“Oh, I will. But you see, I have to make sure that you don’t have any more stupid ideas.” – Tara let her go, but she still towered over her. –“You see my friend over there?” – She nodded in the direction of the door.

Wendy massaged her throat, slowly turning her head towards the door. She almost screamed when she saw Tig smiling at her, but Tara’s threatening voice stopped her.

-“Don’t even think about it. You see, Tig had a lot of fun the last time he was with you.” – Tara leaned against the wall and crossed her arms. –“And I bet that he would just loooove to do it again.”

The sheer gratification she felt just seeing Wendy like this, scared to death, fuelled Tara’s rage even more. The weight seemed to be lifting off her shoulders. She felt evil for torturing Wendy, but after all she had been through, how could anyone blame her.

-“I-I-” – Wendy started, but her thoughts were scrambled and she just couldn’t think of anything to say.

-“I came here to tell you that you will never see Abel or Jax again. I will make sure you rot in prison for what you did to me and my baby. And if you think that this is the end, you just wait to get there. I can promise you that you’ll wish you never met me.”

Then, she opened the door and casually walked out, as if she didn’t just threat someone. Before she could close the door, Tig leaned forward and waved at Wendy, which caused the latter to start crying and whispering ‘No, no,no’. Tara thanked the officer then her and Tig left the hospital, feeling much better than when they came.

-“Remind me never to mess with you.”

-“Oh, come on. I’m not _that_ scary.”

-“Like fuck you’re not. If you could see your face as you were choking her... Man!”

They laughed at the absurdity. She, Tara Knowles soon-to-be Teller, a History professor, was just choking a person.

-“I doubt I’ll be doing that again anytime soon. And don’t tell Jax about this.”

#################################################

Instead of going back to the clubhouse, Tara asked Tig to drive her to her house. He dropped her off then went his way on foot.

She roamed the house for some time, feeling out of place. The house was no longer a home. Tara could still smell the smoke even though the house was thoroughly ventilated.

The memories of smoke, fire, ambulance, and sirens flashed in her mind and she wished nothing more but to erase them all.

She went to the bedroom and packed some of her clothes and other necessities. She paused when her eyes caught the sight of a small silver box that was on the top shelf in her closet. Her breath caught in her throat and it took her a few seconds to collect her thoughts. With trembling hand, Tara picked up the box slowly and opened it.

................

An hour later, Jax found her on the swing in the backyard.

-“Babe. I thought you’d be coming back to the clubhouse.” – he said as he walked towards her.

Once he was in front of her he knelt, taking her hands in his and kissing them. She caressed his stubble as his eyes bore into hers.

-“How did go with Hale?”

She sighed, shrugging. –“Fine, I guess. I’m just sick of it all. I want it to end.”

Jax pulled her face to his and kissed her. The kiss was slow and gentle, and it was over before Tara had time to properly react. He moved to sit on the swing next to hers, bowing his head. He was reaching for a cigarette but Tara stopped him.

-“Do not dare to smoke another cigarette, Teller.” – she practically shouted.

Jax looked at her with his mouth agape.

-“Don’t think I haven’t noticed how much you’ve been smoking lately. It’s not good for you, baby.” – She took his hand. –“You have to stop. It’s not healthy. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

Jax squeezed her hand and smiled.

-“My wifey is worried about me, ha?” – he said jokingly, but there’s was  a note of disbelief in his voice.

-“Of course I am. I love you and I don’t want anything to happen to you. I need you here, with me and our babies.”

Tara noticed how he was looking at her which made her slightly suspicious.

-“Something’s on your mind. Spit it out.”

He licked his lips, a nervous habit, before he spoke.

-“Why didn’t you want me to come with you? I thought that we were ok.”

Tara gasped, surprised by his words. _It’s his damn insecurities again._  She made sure to look him in the eyes as she spoke.

-“I didn’t want you to come with me because I wanted you to spend some time with your brothers. You’ve been stuck with me all this time and I knew it was for the best to let you relax a bit. Don’t ever doubt that we’re ok. We’re more than ok. I thought I made that clear today. You, Abel, this family. You’re all I have, all I want.”

-“So, you’re not trying to push me away?” – his eyes were filled with tears and it broke Tara’s heart.

-“No. Absolutely not. I would never do that. I told you, you’re stuck with me. I just wanted you to have fun with the guys without worrying about me. Oh, baby. I love you too much to let you go.”

He turned on the swing so that he was facing her. She did the same.

-“It’s this fucking fear. I know that it’s all over now. You’re with me, safe. Our baby is safe. But I just...”

-“I know, baby. But there is nothing to be worried about. Now, tell me what you did today.” – she said, changing the subject.

Jax told her about the madam in the brothel SAMCRO owned and how annoying she was about her imaginary problems. Tara laughed at Jax’s impressions of the woman, unaware that the woman was soon going to become a problem for her.

They talked about the baby for a bit, Jax insisting that it was going to be a girl and Tara just rolling her eyes at him. Then they went back into the house and Jax took Tara’s bag with her clothes, then went to Gemma’s.

That night, they slept cuddle together. And even thought they still hadn’t had sex, Tara felt that they were closer than ever. It was just the matter of time before they would finally be comfortable enough to make that last step towards recovery.


	49. This Is What We Feel Like, Babe

**A/N** : There is SMUT in this chapter! I did my best and I sure as hell hope it’s good ‘cause I don’t think I can write better than this.

Read Chapter One if you need to remind yourself of the bracelet I mentioned in the previous chapter, and also Chapters  five and eight, just those parts with flashbacks and Josh. Its importance is explained in this chapter and it will make appearances in the future as well.

Thank you for reading and I hope you’ll like this chapter. Excuse the mistakes and typos.

Happy reading :3

\------------------------------------

When Jax got out of the shower, he found Tara lying in their bed at Gemma's, holding a piece of jewellery in her hand. Her attention was focused on that item that she didn’t even hear him come into the room or lie beside her.

He observed her quietly for a few moments, trying to figure out what exactly could the silver bracelet mean to her. Judging from her tear-stained cheeks it was obvious it meant a lot. Her fingers traced the engraving on the inside of the bracelet.

-“Babe?”

His voice startled her and she jumped slightly when she noticed him beside her.

-“Jax.” – she said with relief, closing her eyes for a moment. –“I didn’t hear you come out.”

Jax smiled fondly at her, leaning to gently kiss her cheek, staying like that for a moment as his hand cupped her face and she leaned into his touch.

-“Why are you cryin’?” – he asked, sliding his arm over her shoulder and pulling her closer, then leaning his back against the headboard. Her head nested on his naked chest, her hand still gripping the thin metal piece.

-“This... This was the last thing my father gave to me.” – she paused to wipe her cheek and took a deep breath, her voice shaky.

 Jax kissed the top of her head, his hand moving slowly up and down her arm, soothing her upset nerves. He didn’t say anything, but rather let her vent her emotions.

-“It was my mom’s. When I told him I was leaving town, he flew off the handle. He started smashing empty bottles and yelling ‘you can’t leave me, you can’t’. I was so scared, I thought he was going to hit me or something. But he just started crying and stormed out of the house. Later, when he returned ... I was in my room, packing. He sat me on the bed and he sat beside me. His eyes were puffy and... He was holding something in his hand. ” – she sniffed, -“That was the first time in a long time that he actually took time to speak to me. He said... He said he knew how bad of a father he was to me. He told me how much he loved my mom and how her death destroyed him, that the pain made him go crazy. Then he gave me this.” – she lifted her hand to show it to Jax,-“He told me that it was his wedding gift to her. He never looked me in the eyes. He just placed this in my hand and told me that I should go and be happy somewhere else. And then he just left my room. The next morning he was out of the house before I even woke up. He never came back to say goodbye. ”

She broke into sobs, her whole body shaking as she spoke out loud the thoughts and feelings that had been haunting her for years. Even after such a long time, it was incomprehensible to her that she should harbour such feelings of resentment and hate. Had she not grown out of it? Still, she couldn’t stop the flood of words that came out of her mouth.

-“Why didn’t he say he loved me? Why couldn’t he just hug me and tell me he loved me? Was his hatred for me so strong that he couldn’t even say goodbye to me? He only ever cared for himself, and for her. He blamed me for her death, he blamed me I know it. I just know.” – at this point she was screaming, the pain eating her from the inside.

Jax hugged her tightly. –“Oh, babe. But don’t you see? He did love you. He loved you so much. That’s why he gave you that bracelet. He wanted you to have it as a token of his love. He was saying sorry and goodbye at the same time.”

Tara looked up at him, her brows furrowing in disbelief. –“But he didn’t look even at me.”

Jax kissed her forehead, smiling knowingly against her hair. –“He couldn’t.  He was abashed. He knew that you were leaving and that you wouldn’t be coming back. I hate that guy for how he treated you. And if he were alive I would beat the living shit out of him for hurting you .. But from what you just told me... I can tell that he did love you, and that’s why he never said goodbye or hugged you. His guilt was consuming him and he was ashamed. And the bracelet... It was his way of giving you his blessing and a piece of the memory of your mom back.”

-“You think so?” – asked Tara with obvious doubt, still unconvinced by Jax’s words.

-“Yeah, I do. I think that in the end, he realised all the time he wasted and he couldn’t’ take it. You were leaving him, and the old man realised that he had nothing left. Still, he did one good thing: he let you go.”

Tara put the bracelet on the nightstand and snuggled closer to him, kissing his chest then wiping her wet cheeks.

-“That makes me feel better. Thank you.”

-“I’m here, babe whenever you need me. And don’t think about it anymore. Don’t let the past ruin your future, our future.”

-“Ok. You’re right.” – she replied quietly, running her fingers up and down his chest, every time moving her fingers a little further down his abdomen, to his happy trail.

She bit her lip and tipped her head back, assessing his reaction. Jax sucked in a sharp breath as her fingers danced around his groin covered only by a towel draped around his hips.

Flashing her his Teller smirk that would have made her take off her panties immediately had she not been naked already, wearing only his oversized SAMCRO shirt, he pulled her on top of him in one swift motion, his hands sliding up her thighs, cupping her butt and giving it a slight squeeze.

-“What are you doing?” – Tara sat up, her hands resting on his chest, her dishevelled chestnut hair cascading over her shoulders.

-“Oh, nothing. I just missed you.” – he said simply.

Tara knew what he meant by that. It had been so long, too long since she felt his hands and his lips on her body, too long since he indulged in her fantasies and made her fall apart from sheer intensity of their desire for each other.

His eyes were locked with hers as his hands started moving up slowly, taking of her shirt and tossing it haphazardly on the floor, exposing her completely to his hungry gaze. They were like that for a while, just looking at each other in silence.

It was an unvoiced appreciation for one another, a kind of unspoken admiration that they could see in each other’s eyes.

Then Tara leaned forward and dropped a kiss on his lips, and from there things exploded.

His mouth was everywhere: on her lips, her throat, her breasts, her stomach. It was rough and slow and fast and she couldn’t seem to find time to catch her breath before Jax made her forget to breathe all together.

It was like kissing him for the first time, because it definitely seemed like that. There was some raw energy which drove her crazy and made her want to surrender completely to him, body and soul.

Her mind went blank and she couldn’t think of anything else but him, their proximity, the way he knew each and every part of her so well, how perfect they were together, and she liked to think it would always be like that.

Her fingers curled around his biceps as his lips trailed down her neck to her shoulder, biting gently, just enough to leave his mark on her skin. She moaned, feeling his lips stretch into a smile.

She shuddered every time his damp hair came in contact with her skin, doing nothing to put out the fire within her as his goatee scratched her, a feeling she missed like everything else involving Jax and any part of him.

Days of strained relations had taken a toll on them. Nonetheless, this was their territory; this was where they were themselves, with nothing holding them back.

There was no Kohn, no Wendy; there was nothing and no one that came between them. No past, no future.

There was just this moment. Him and her, in their little world, in this bed that felt too big without him, in the room that was nothing like Jax because he’d somehow moved almost all his stuff to her house without her even being aware of it, baring the walls and the closet and everything in it of his existence, but that was entirely him because it smelled just like him and had the aura of his omnipresence even when he wasn’t there.

It made her feel safe and loved and it was all she ever wanted.

Her heart rammed against her chest and those butterflies in her stomach seemed to have gone mad; it was like they turned into acrobats or gymnasts, having the most exhilarating performance of their lives in her stomach.

His hand made its way down her body, his finger moving inwards and finding her clit as his lips curled around her nipple, sucking it. She gasped, her senses going in overdrive. He palmed her other breast, pinching her nipple. It hardened momentarily and Tara whimpered.

-“Oh, babe. The things you do to me...” – his voice was raspy and he was out of breath.

She threw her head back, closing her eyes and gasping in pleasure, relishing in the torturous pace of his finger going in and out, his hot breath against her ear as he whispered how much he loved her.

She arched her hips to meet the pace of his finger as he inserted one more and another wave of arousal washed over her. Jax pressed his fingers harder against her clit, wanting, no, _demanding_ more of her. They slid over her sensitive area and she could swear she was about to combust as his strokes became deeper, stretching her for him.

-“You like that, ha?” – he asked, sucking her earlobe.

Tara couldn’t speak, the intensity of it all being too much for her. Instead she whined, lacing her fingers around his neck.

Just then, when she was almost ready, he withdrew his fingers and slid his cock inside slowly. She opened her eyes and met his dark blue orbs looking at her like she was the most precious thing in this world. They shared a smile as he slid a bit more then withdrew. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, eagerly waiting for him to continue.

 Each time he would push deeper and Tara would start falling into ecstasy. And then he started to move, really really move. She would meet his every thrust with her hips, and soon they were perfectly in sync and she could swear that there was nothing better in this world but Jax Teller worshipping your body like only he could.

-“Ja-Jax -”

-“Oh, babe.” – he breathed, rocking his hips, -“you’re so fucking gorgeous.”

He was watching her, watching as her eyes widened at his words and a shy smile spread across her face; a smile that would brighten even the darkest of the rooms and warm even the coldest of hearts.

-“This. Is. Us. Babe.” – he spoke in between the thrusts, kissing her. –“We’re one. Tara.”

-“Yes. Always.” – her lips brushed across his jaw.

Her moans were all he could hear as he concentrated completely on her, sensing that they would soon reach their climax.

-“Ready, babe?”

He pounded harder and faster, and as he withdrew and thrust for the last time, Tara came with a loud cry, her whole body convulsing and Jax followed.

They were both out of breath, sweaty and flushed, but it didn’t matter. Jax moved slowly, pulling himself out of her and rolling off her.

-“This was fun.” – she finally said, after a long silence.

Jax’s throaty laughter filled the room as he kissed her temple.

-“You ok?”

Tara looked at him. –“Yeah. I missed this. I missed us.”

Jax caressed her belly. -“I’ve missed this too. I missed you.” He leaned down and kissed her stomach. –“I can’t wait for our girl to be born.”

Tara laughed. –“Why are you so sure it’s a girl? I don’t understand.”

He smiled, looking at her from under his lashes. –“I have this feeling... I don’t think I’m wrong. Besides, I’d love to have a daughter. My princess.”

Her words melted Tara’s heart.

-“Oh, Jax. Do you think we’ll ever ... you know... get tired of each other?”

He rolled his eyes. –“Are you serious? Fuck, no! I could kiss you, make love to you, and fuck you senseless times and times over and I could never get enough of you. Do you honestly think I would survive without you now? I meant what I said. We’re one, Tara. You came into my life when I doubted I could make right decisions with the club. And you showed me what was really important. My son. My family. You showed me that nothing comes before that. You’ve healed me. I could never get tired of you. But I sure as hell could get tired with you. And I can think of a way... ”

He grinned and started kissing her stomach and even thought she was exhausted from their first session, she was ready to go one more time.


	50. A Mother’s Love

As always, excuse the mistakes and typos.

Happy reading :3

 --------------------------

The street outside Gemma’s house was unusually empty, not a soul could be seen on this cold and windy day. Some of her neighbours were probably at work, others running errands while the children were at school.

Unlike them, Tara was standing on the driveway, yawning every few minutes since she didn’t get much sleep last night. She was too excited and kept tossing and turning in bed, that she even managed to wake Jax up several times. Thankfully, he wasn’t all that grumpy and could fall back to sleep easily.

Her arms were crossed as she tapped nervously with her foot against the pavers. She wrapped her grey robe tighter around herself and re-tied her hair in a high ponytail, letting out a deep sigh.

 Every few seconds she would crane her neck, trying to catch a glimpse of the car, but so far she had no luck. She was already getting anxious and pulling her phone out of her pocket when she heard the roar of the car engine.

Her lips widened in smile as the car came slowly towards her, then parked in front of Gemma’s house.

Before Gemma exited the car, she turned and said something to the person sitting in the back seat. She then got out, moving her bangs off her forehead and embracing Tara in a tight and warm hug, stroking her back.

-“Oh, sweetheart. You look beautiful. But don’t think for a second you and Jax fooled me. We’re gonna have a long talk after I rest.” – she threatened, pointing her finger at Tara.

Tara smiled sheepishly as she pulled back. –“I’m sorry, Gemma. We just didn’t want to burden you even more. You’ve had your hands full with Nate and Abel.”

Gemma stood with her hand propped on her hip and her brow cocked, looking as intimidating as only Gemma could. –“Don’t give me that crap. Like I could-” – her words were cut off by Abel’s slamming the door and running to Tara, his face puffy and wet with tears, his eyes red.

-“Mama! Mama, mama!” – he cried, wrapping his tiny arms around her legs.

Tara was taken by surprise, but she soon recovered, kneeling in front of him and collecting him into her arms. She nuzzled his neck, inhaling the sweet scent of her baby boy.

-“Mama, I’ve missed you and grandma wouldn’t take me home!” – he complained bitterly, his arms wrapped around her neck as tightly as he could managed, sniffing.

-“Oh, my baby. Mommy missed you too.” – Tara kissed his wet cheeks, wiping away his tears with both her hands as she cradled his face, smiling fondly at her son. In the meantime, some tears had already formed in her eyes as well, but she did her best not to cry in front of him.

-“He’s been crying for an hour now. I couldn’t make him stop.” – Gemma said with a defeated tone as she walked to the trunk.

Tara looked at her in wonder, her heart clenching at the thought of her son suffering because of her. She felt guilty for leaving him with Gemma and Nate for a month now, but it was for the best. If Abel had been in Charming during her recovery, she feared what could have happened.

It was a difficult period for both her and Jax. They were emotionally exhausted, psychologically damaged, and they had barely managed to connect physically again. It was a long and difficult process; Abel being there wouldn’t have made things any easier.

Her gaze dropped to the now silent boy in her arms, and a small, mournful smile appeared on her face.

-“Oh, my poor baby boy. Don’t cry anymore, ok? You’re home now. I’m so sorry, Abel.” – Tara caressed his golden hair, noticing that it had grown quite a bit.

Abel kissed her cheek, pressing his small palm against it, beaming. –“I love you, mama.”

-“I love you too, baby.”

At that moment Jax opened the door and walked up to Tara and smiling outstretched his arms to embrace his son.

-“Hi, Abel.”

The boy just cast him a venomous glare and hid his face in the crook of his mother’s neck. Tara looked apologetically at Jax.

-“Aren’t you gonna say hi to your dad, Abel? He’s missed you.” – Tara tried to persuade him.

-“No!”-  he said with determination.

 Tara sighed and picked him up in her arms carrying him into the house, leaving Jax standing alone on the driveway.

He stood shocked for a few moments, confused about what had just happened. He knew that his son was angry at him for keeping him away from his mom, but he most certainly did not expect this kind of behaviour.  He’d be lying if he said that at that moment he wasn’t jealous of Tara.

He missed Abel, missed the time together they used to spend at TM and this just hurt him more than he would like to admit. A month was a long time they had spent away from each other and to see Abel so angry at him...

-“Don’t just stand there, Jackson. Help me with these bags.” – Gemma called out, interrupting his thoughts.

Jax shook his head. –“Coming, ma.”

For the rest of the day, Abel adamantly refused to separate from Tara, so he followed her around the house, holding her hand and talking to her and her alone. He wouldn’t talk to Gemma or Jax.

And later, when Tara bathed him and dressed him, she lay next to him and read him his favourite stories. They fell asleep in Abel’s bed while Jax and Gemma were catching up.

##############################################

-“He did what? How was it even possible? Why weren’t you there if you knew the threat that son of a bitch was for her?” – Gemma paced the kitchen with her cigarette nestled firmly between her fingers.

Her voice was unusually raised and with one stare she pinned Jax to the chair. He felt like a ten-year-old again being scolded by his mother. Only this time it was worse, like a thousand times worse. There was his own guilt already affecting him, making it impossible to concentrate on anything else other than how to punish that fucker. There was no need for Gemma to add to his guilt because it made him feel small and helpless.

Couldn’t she see that he already hated himself for ever letting Kohn near their home, for allowing him to breathe the same air as Tara? But he knew that Gemma was right. He should have been by her side 24/7. If he had been, none of it would’ve happened, of that he was sure.

-“Ma-”

-“Don’t ‘ma’ me!  If only I hadn’t left...”

Jax assured her it was better that she wasn’t because having her and Abel home would’ve only put them in danger too. He told her everything more or less, save for few conversations Tara and he had over the past month. She didn’t need to know what had been going on between them.

Gemma retreated to her room later, but not before she checked on Tara and Abel. Smiling contently at the sight of Abel nestled into his momma’s safe embrace, she felt satisfied to know that things were alright now.

When she washed up and dressed for bed, instead of going to sleep, she dialled Wayne. There was a problem she needed to solve for her family’s sake. The problem’s name being Wendy fucking Case.

If there was anything Gemma Teller hated it was people messing with her family. It was high time Wendy learned that.


	51. The Blonde is a Trouble

Excuse my mistakes and typos.

Happy reading :3

**\----------------------**

It had been a week since Abel and Gemma came back; a whole week of Abel not talking to his dad or grandma and clinging onto Tara like she was the only person in his life. It was she who drove him to school because he refused to go with Gemma and he didn’t want to go to TM with Jax, even though his dad tried times and times to re-connect with him.  He only ate what Tara cooked and only went to sleep when Tara would tuck him in.

To say that the situation in the house was strained would be an understatement. Jax seemed to be losing his patience, but Tara could see the effort he was putting in not losing his temper around Abel. At night, they would have long talks about how to handle the situation without pressuring Abel. The boy was stubborn and it was taking a lot longer than Tara had thought to ease the tensions.

Tara used her time with Abel to soften him a bit, to persuade him that he shouldn’t be mad at his dad because she was the one who asked his grandma to prolong their visit to Nate. -“It was because mommy wasn’t feeling well and I didn’t want you to worry, baby. That’s all. Your dad was worried about me and he was afraid you’d be worried too. He wanted to take care of me and he knew you were in good hands with grandma. So, please, please, Abel, don’t be like that to either of them.” - she would say, and it looked like she was getting through to him slowly.

###########################################

After coming home from work, Tara went up to their bedroom to change. Her whole body ached since she got out of habit of standing during her classes since she spent the last month at home binge watching movies and TV shows, and she didn’t like to just sit and give her lectures. And with her little bump that was growing with each passing day, she knew she would eventually have to go easy on herself.

She opened the door ready to fall into her comfortable bed and fall asleep immediately. Imagine her surprise when she saw Jax there, looking lost in thoughts.

-“Hey.” – she said softly, unbuttoning her coat, then shrugging it off and placing it over the chair.

Jax was standing beside the window overlooking the street. Upon hearing her voice he turned his head, then smiled at her, the frown that was previously etched on his face disappearing.

 _God, she is so beautiful_ , he thought as he took in her appearance. Her cheeks were red since it was cold outside, her hair was a mass of brown curls framing her face and falling in waves over her shoulders. She wore a black pencil skirt that showed off her perfect figure and a white blouse tucked into the skirt. Her baby bump was showing and a wave of pride and love washed over him.

-“Hi.” – his breath caught in his throat as she wrapped her arms around his waist and nuzzled his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, kissing her hair and breathing in the familiar scent of her perfume that drove him crazy.

-“You ok? It’s strange you’re home this early.”

He sighed, gathering his thoughts. For a second he contemplated lying. However, this was Tara. Lying to her was never an option. And he loved how she always knew when something was wrong.

–“This situation with Abel is horrible. I understand why he’s acting like this, why he’s rejecting me. But it hurts, Tara. I feel terrible, like I’m the worst kind of father for separating him from you.” – he replied, voicing his concerns.

She looked up, her hand immediately reaching up to caress his cheek. Her eyes were locked with his as she tried to think what to say that wouldn’t cause him more ache.

 –“He is mad because we isolated him from everything. He wanted to be with us, but it was like we’ve pushed him away and now he’s doing this to cope with his own hurt. I’m just as much at fault as you and Gemma are. We were thinking of some big picture without taking him into account. He’s just a kid. We can’t expect him to understand adults.”- she paused, closing her eyes for a brief second before continuing, her hand now resting over his heart. –“He told me that I should’ve let him come back because he could have helped me. He’s in that superhero phase when he thinks he can fix everything. Give him some time, ok? I promise you he loves you. I know for a fact he’s been eyeing your bike this entire week wishing to go with you, but his anger won’t let him. I say we just wait until he feels comfortable enough to speak to us all openly. In the meantime, I’ll do what I can to make this easier for him.”

Jax was quiet for a few moments, processing what his wife just said. She was definitely right. Ever since Kohn sat Tara’s car on fire, Abel had been so attentive of her, and he didn’t even want to leave with Gemma in the first place. It was only when Tara practically begged him to go with his grandma that he agreed, as unwilling as he was. Their phone calls always ended with him asking when he would come back because he was afraid someone would hurt his mommy.

Jax drew her face to his, leaning his forehead against hers, looking into her green orbs. -“I just miss talking to him, having him helping me around the shop...  I remember him being like this before you came. He would keep himself to himself and I always wondered how to get through to him, how to talk to him. And even now... I’m kind of lost here, I don’t know what to say to make him forgive me. I know he’s just a kid, but he’s my kid. I can’t have him be mad at me, I can’t take it. But you’re right, we shouldn’t push him. I... I’ll give him time to readjust. I love that you’re so wise, Miss Knowles soon-to-be Teller.”

-“Well Mr Teller, I’m not just my looks. I tend to be smart as well.”

She grinned at him and pulled him into a deep kiss, moaning softly as his teeth sank gently into her lower lip.

-“So, is everything else ok? It’s still weird you’re home early...”

Jax closed his eyes and sighed, leaning his forehead on her shoulder, his arms wrapped tightly around her.

-“Remember the chick I told you about, Colette?”

-“The one from the... the brothel?” – asked Tara through gritted teeth, barely controlling her temper at the mention of said woman.

Jax told her about that woman on more than one occasion. It was fun for a while to hear about her unsuccessful attempts to woo Jax, but seriously, it stopped being funny once Tara realised how resolute the woman was to get Jax. Damn it, wasn’t she aware he was in a happy relationship and that he had a family? _A child_ on the way with his girlfriend, _his fiancée_?

Tara was a nice person, or so she thought of herself. Case and point being the fact that her future husband was a co-owner of a brothel and she never reproached him or said anything about it. Because really, it wasn’t her place to say anything. And it was way better than him continuing with shady business of SAMCRO. Besides, since Jax and she became a couple, there hadn’t been anyone else for him or her, and she most definitely did not see any woman going for her man. However, this woman was something else...

-“Yeah. “– he breathed out. –“I’m seriously getting tired of her. I’ve told her times and times to stop coming at me and she just won’t listen. I never thought it’d be this difficult to get rid of someone.” – annoyance was clear in his voice and Tara actually felt sorry for him.  _Damn woman._

-“Do you want me to kick her ass? ‘cause I think  I could totally do it and I wouldn’t bat a lash.” – she sounded sincere and serious that Jax had to laugh. The expression on her face told him she was, indeed, serious. He loved her all the more for it.

-“Oh, babe. I love you so much. But no. No ass kicking. I’ll try to take care of it. It’s just so exhausting to have to run away from someone all the time.” – he observed her expression as she cocked an eyebrow at him like she was saying ‘yeah, I see how you’re taking care of it’ and he felt bad for ever telling her about Colette.

But Jax didn’t want to lie to her nor did he want to risk anyone telling her about Colette and Tara thinking he was actually up for whatever the blonde wanted. Honestly was the way to go.

He kissed her eyebrow, whispering her not to worry about it, that he only had eyes for one woman who was, in fact, a brunette.

-“Your mother?” – Tara joked but Jax’s face immediately hardened.

-“Not funny, Tara. Not funny.”

She giggled and apologised and he resumed kissing her. Her hands somehow found their way under his hoodie and as she raked her fingers over his abs he made a loud growl, making her smile against his lips.

Ever since that night, when they finally made love after such a long time, she felt like things were looking up for them. And it seemed like every situation and every conversation made sense, and that they were Jax and Tar again.

She no longer saw herself as Kohn’s victim. For a while she kept replaying the events in her head. But the memory of him was forgotten every time she’d think of Jax and Abel and the beautiful family they have that would welcome a new member in a few months. Letting Kohn and the memory of her destroy her life would mean letting him win, and that was never an option. Not when she was surrounded by amazing people that made her immensely happy.

His hands skimmed down to unbutton her blouse, his fingers brushing over her bra. Even so, it was like he was already touching her. Her hands fell to his jeans as she struggled to take off his belt.

-“Jax.”

-“Yeah, babe?” – he was kissing her jaw and Tara all but combusted. They managed to have some fun in the shower that morning, but her body could never get enough of him.  She shivered as his lips trailed down her neck, leaving feather-like kisses on her skin.

-“Wait. Just a sec. I have an idea.”

He drew back to look at her, but he kept his hands on her now already visible baby bump. She was flushed and he couldn’t help but grin at how adorable she looked. Jax wanted her in that moment, and he couldn’t wait to get her out of that skirt. No matter how fine her ass looked in it, seeing it naked was even better.

-“Plese don’t tell me it’s about Colette.”

Tara rolled her eyes in annoyance. -“No, of course not. So, you know Abel’s birthday’s coming up?” – he nodded absentmindedly, tracing circles on her back with his fingers, his eyes on her lips he so desperately wanted to taste again.

Tara really had the habit of picking the worst kind of moments to have serious talks. And all he wanted was to kiss her senseless and bury himself in her sweet-

-“Hey, listen to me.” – She smacked his arm playfully and he gave her that adorable confused look that she couldn’t help but smile.

-“I’m listening, I’m listening.” – his hands moved up her back, managing to unclasp her bra.

She rolled her eyes again but this time it was more because she too couldn’t wait to be with him. Pulling him towards the bed, she took off her shoes and tossed them aside. Her back hit the bed and Jax fell on her, his mouth already on hers.

 -“ So, I..I... Oooh, do that again.” – said she as Jax nibbled at her earlobe. –“I was thinking we... we can organise something at TM, you know, like, bike-themed party.... And, and... Oh my, that feels, oh..-“ her  thought came out in broken sentences, Tara being breathless and barely able to think properly.

Jax took off her blouse and her bra as Tara struggled to make her sentences coherent. Which was difficult seeing how turned on she was at the moment and the only think she could think of was having him inside her right now. -“We’ll... we’ll invite his friend and, and they can plaaaaaay! Oh, Jax! – he licked her nipple, his goatee scratching her breast creating friction,  his hands cupping her ass to unzip her skirt. She threw her head back letting out a loud moan, arching her back.

-“And I can make the cake. It could be awesome and I think he would really like it- ” – she rushed to say what she wanted before her mind went blank.

-“Yeah. Let’s talk about that later, ‘key?  I can only think with one head at the time and this one on my shoulders is currently not in charge.” – he smirked playfully before pulling her skirt down.

-“Oookay...”

##################################################

After their love making, Tara finally talked to Jax about the idea she had and he was totally on board. He said he even knew what he was going to get him, sharing with her some of his ideas for that day. Later that evening, Tara and Gemma planned everything and Gemma was beyond enthusiastic about everything.

-“I think this will give Jax and him, and you, the opportunity to mend your relationship. He’ll see how much we all care about him.”  -Tara said with hope in her voice.

-“I hope so, sweetie. I don’t think I can take this situation any longer.” –Gemma replied with a hint of defeat.

-“This will work, I know it.”

After a moment of silence, Tara gathered up courage to ask Gemma something that’d been on her mind ever since Gemma told her Abel and she were coming back.

-“So... When are you going to tell Jax about your cancer, and operation?”

Gemma froze for a second, her face impassive before Tara noticed her lips trembling.

-“I don’t know. It was all so crazy and chaotic and I thought I have time, you know. But know, it, it is all so fucked up.”

Tara clasped her hand giving it a soft squeeze. –“Gemma, please. He needs to know. I understand how big of a deal this is. That’s why you need us, that’s why you need your son. You can’t be going through all of this alone. Because you’re not alone. You told me we’re  a family. And family’s there for each other.”

Gemma surprised Tara as she wrapped her arms around her, sniffing into her shoulder.

-“I know. But if I tell him, it will mean it’s real, you know. And Jax... He will be, oh god.  But you’re right. I’ll tell him. Just, after Abel’s party. I don’t want to ruin that.”

Tara shook her head, but kept her arms around Gemma. “No. You have to tell him now. He’ll be mad you haven’t told him earlier. If you wait any longer he’ll be pissed. Please, tell him. Tomorrow, before he goes to the clubhouse.”

Gemma drew back, thinking about what Tara said. –“You’re right. He’ll be seriously pissed. Ok, tomorrow then.”

Tara gave her a half smile, her heart still clenching just thinking about Gemma and her illness, and how Jax would react.

-“He will be there for you. As will I, as will Abel, and everyone else. You’re not doing this alone, Gemma.”

The older woman smiled at Tara. –“Thank you, baby. You’re always the voice of reason.”

##################################

And so, Gemma told Jax everything and he was shocked. At first he was in denial, then he was angry he wasn’t told soon, and then he started crying. Gemma explained everything to him, even the procedure she was supposed to undergo. He listened patiently, not taking his eyes off her as he held her hands,  fearing she might be taken from him.

She only asked him to keep this to himself, until Abel’s party was over. Then she’ll tell the guys. Jax agreed with her, though in the following days he kept an eye on her, making sure she was ok.

The following week was spent in organising everything, buying presents, inviting Abel’s friends, and making sure everything ran smoothly.

Abel was beyond happy and excited when he saw all his friends on the TM playground, waiting for him. He ran towards them giggling contently and Jax was so happy to see him like that. His broody boy wasn’t angry with him anymore and that made his heart lighter.

Later they cut the bike-shaped cake which Tara made with Donna and Lyla’s help, and Abel opened his presents. He apologised to his dad and his grandma when he saw how much effort they put in organising his party.

His dad bought him a mini bike and Abel was over the moon for it. The guys bought him a custom made leather kutte with a bike patched on the back. Tara and Gemma bought him some children’s books which he seemed to be obsessed with and Donna and Lyla, with the help of Ellie and Kenny chose little leather boots to go with his new kutte.

Abel hugged them all and thanked them then went to play as adults resumed their talks. Children’s laughter rang out and the Tellers decided to enjoy in this beautiful day, before the reality of Gemma’s condition was needed to be faced.

All was great, everyone had fun, and love was in the air until an uninvited guest joined the party.

-“Um, Jax?” –it was Juice who called out his name.

Jax was grinning at Tara and trying to persuade her to go to the back room for a quickie. He really hated Juice in that moment.

And as he turned to tell him to fuck off, his mind became clouded with rage.

-“The fuck is she doing here?”

There, at the club’s threshold stood Colette, dressed in a tight black dress with her boobs almost seeping out of it.

He felt Tara stiffen next to him as she tightened her hold on his hand.

-“Please tell me this is not happening.”-  her voice was quiet and shaky.

Oh, Jax wished it was. He so wished it was.


	52. Trouble in Paradise

Happy reading :3

\----------------------------------

_This is not happening. This is not happening. This is not happening._

It was the mantra Tara repeated to herself as she swallowed the lump formed in her throat, holding one of her trembling hands on her belly, the other pulling Jax closer to herself, fearing he might leave her there to go speak to the woman.

She was blinking quickly, willing the image of Colette to go away, to disappear just as fast as it had appeared, but to her disappointment and growing discomfort, the woman was still there when she opened her eyes.

Tara's breathing quickened as she struggled to keep calm, but her mind worked like crazy trying to process the sight before her. The blonde was all fake boobs, too much makeup, and obvious sense of self importance as she stood close to the clubhouse's entrance with her head held high and something about her immediately bothered Tara.

The woman glanced around the clubhouse, clearly looking for someone. When her eyes met Jax's, Tara did all she could to control herself and not gouge the blonde's eyes out.

The look in Colette's eyes told her more than she ever wanted or needed to know: she was there to see Jax,  _her_  Jax.

Her eyes had a strange glow to them, and that's when Tara realised what had bothered her in the first place: Colette was all too comfortable in a place that was supposed to be Tara's, purposely dressed like that for her fiancé.

"So, that's Colette, I assume?" – Tara asked Jax, though she didn't need his answer because that was more than obvious.

Her gaze drifted back and forth between him and the blonde, assessing Jax's reaction to the unwelcome newcomer. Tara was aware that Gemma, Lyla, Venus, Donna, and some of the guys surrounded her, creating a human shield in front of Jax and her, and although she was more than thankful for that, it made her feel weak in front of, what looked like to Tara in that moment, a woman oozing with confidence.

One look at Jax's clenched jaw and a mad look on his handsome face made her feel a bit better because it told her he wasn't happy to see her there either.

Jax bowed his head towards Tara, his eyes searching her face as his fingers entwined with hers, pulling her to his chest. His features softened as he focused his blue orbs on her green ones, an unsure smile on his lips.

-"Babe, I swear I had no idea she was gonna come here."- It was all too clear by the way he bit his lip nervously and held her flushed against his chest, their hands between them, how bad he wanted her to believe him.

Tara pushed down the feeling of uneasiness and drew his face closer, brushing her lips against his and at the same time fighting back tears. - I know. Go see what she wants then come back. Don't let her stay here long.

Nodding, he kissed her fervently, holding her gaze a second longer before he reluctantly let go of her hand and went to deal with Colette.

Tara's eyes were glued to Jax's back as he began talking to the blonde, who was more than glad to see him. He stance immediately changed, a full blown smile appearing on her face, clearly intended for Jax and him alone.

In spite of her wish to stay there and show the blonde who was in charge, her insecurities crept in and Tara all but rushed to the back room, wrapping her arms protectively around her body. She just couldn't stand to watch Colette flaunt her perfect body in front of him. Not when she felt so vulnerable with everything that had happened lately. She'll let him deal with her, even though the last thing she wanted was to leave him to her.

When Tara got into the room, she silently closed the door behind her and fell on the floor, her small frame trembling. She could hear the music blasting from the speakers and the vivid chatter of her family and friends in the front.

Her flawless face was already wet with tears, ones she knew were unnecessary because, really, Jax loved her. He told her a million times, he showed her that in more ways than one. They were perfect together. There was no doubt in her mind about him or their relationship.

However, something deep inside her psyche wouldn't leave her alone. God, she wanted,  _needed_ , to be strong, to be the old Tara. Her heart ached, so she massaged the spot to ease her pain but it wouldn't go away.

There, on the floor of the back room, she recollected all the times she got into a fight with Barbie wannabes during her high school years, all the times she confronted her father about his drunkenness and irresponsibility, and some recent events when her courage and her will to survive gave her the strength needed to save herself and her unborn child.

So, why was she letting something as stupid as this affect her, make her feel fragile? Why did she give Colette the satisfaction of seeing her walk away?

Choking down her sobs, Tara wondered why she just couldn't confront the damn woman. It's not like she was any better than her, that's for sure.

The babe in her belly kicked lightly and Tara unconsciously started rubbing her bump in order to calm it. She wiped her tears quickly when she heard a knock on the door.

-"Tara?"

It was Gemma. Shaking her head slightly to come to her sense, Tara got up and opened the door, avoiding Gemma's stare.

-"Sweetheart, why did you leave?"

Tara could clearly hear the worry in Gemma's voice so she plastered a fake smile on her face in an effort to hide her true feelings. She told Gemma she wasn't feeling well with all the crowdedness and that she just wanted to be alone for a moment. That excuse however was futile since Gemma could always see right through everyone.

Taking Tara's hand, she led her to the leather couch situated at the far end of the room. They sat, but Gemma didn't let go of her hand. Instead, she held onto it, patting it to encourage Tara to speak.

-"It's that woman, right?" - she didn't wait for Tara to respond, but rather continued talking, sensing hesitation on Tara's side. - "Sweetheart, you're a smart, beautiful, accomplished woman. There's no need for you to run away and hide every time some forty-year-old bimbo decides to show up unannounced here."

Tara sighed, exhausted, pinching the bridge of her nose to keep the incoming headache at bay. - "It's hard, Gemma. I've been listening to Jax talking about this woman for more than a month now, telling me about her advances. I know I have nothing to worry about, I know he loves me. it's just...-"

Tara's gaze darted around the room, her mind working, trying to make her thoughts reasonable. Gemma wrapped her arm around Tara's shoulder and smiled knowingly when she refocused her attention on Gemma.

-"You can tell me."

Tara chewed on her bottom lip, nervously picking at her bright blue nail polish, her voice raising with every sentence she spoke. -"I'm pregnant and I can't deal with stupid things like this one, I don't want to. Why should I, anyway? But seeing her, here... I ... I realised that I've been avoiding this... problem, because I never, in my wildest dreams, thought it possible that she would dare to openly challenge me. Because that's what her coming to the clubhouse today meant: she's challenging me To see if I'm.. I don't know. Maybe good enough of opponent or whatever. Maybe she wants to see just how serious things between Jax and me are so she could decide how to act." - she ran a shaking hand through her hair, her throat hurting from all the yelling.

Her face was red with fury, but it was clear to Gemma that Tara was doing her best not to explode as the next stream of sentences came out of her mouth, her brows furrowing.

-"And that's why she came all dolled up, just to piss me off! Dumb slut! God, I hate her!"- she took Gemma by surprise when she leaped up and started pacing up and down the room, her hands flying in all directions as she explained to Gemma what it was that bothered her.

Gemma sat back, listening carefully, though this wasn't anything new to her. Matter of fact, she'd listened to so many old ladies and girlfriends talking about the same things Tara was now.

Gemma was used to this life and it's rules and responsibilities. It is because of that that she managed helped so any woman and was never cheap when it came to giving advice or two. Gemma Teller knew all the ins and outs of biker's old lady's life, and no wonder she was considered the Queen of SAMCRO.

However, Tara wasn't used to this. She was still green in most of the stuff related to the club, and it was too much to ask her to pay closer attention to that, when she had more important issues to worry about, like her health and pregnancy. Gemma shielded her from the ugly side of this life as far as women were concerned.

However, it was now that Gemma realised how wrong she had been. If she had warned Tara before, maybe she would have taken some precaution or shown more teeth to sweetbutts and these whores.

And that is why Gemma decided to give Tara the same advice she gave to Donna and all other club ladies.

Getting up, she walked up to Tara, making her stop in her tracks and took her face in her hands. Tara's eyes were now focused on Gemma's, although the tempest of anger was still present in them.

When she spoke, Gemma's voice was stern, resolute, and her words bore some kind of an ultimatum.

-'I love you, darlin'. And it is because I love you that I’m telling you this.

You are a nice lady. But nice ladies don't always end up at the top. It's a dangerous world for our men, and it's a dangerous world for us as well. Their competition are other bikers, gangsters, better businessmen and handlers than they are. They have their own shit to take care of. But we? We gotta take care of the kids, our home, and our men. And in old ladies’ world, we have other women to worry about. Our men have us branded and there's no sane person who would ever dare to lay a finger on us. Men on the other hand? They can do what they want, when they want, and with whomever they fucking want. There ain't no tattoo on them that says 'property of'. So we, we gotta let every woman know that she can't mess with us and our family. Do you understand?

Tara blinked a few times, processing Gemma's words, then nodded in confirmation.

-"How do I do that?"

Gemma smirked, reminding Tara of Jax. - "You're a smart woman. I'm sure you can think of a way."- she kissed Tara's cheek and winked before leaving her alone once more.

Although now, Tara didn't feel the despair like some ten minutes ago.

No. There was only one thing on her mind right now, and it was to come up with a plan to get rid of Colette and all other women alike for good.

 _No one messes with my family and me. No one_.


	53. Asserting Her Territory

A/N: Read chapter 8 after the second break because there's mentioning of something from that chapter here.

\---------------------------------

Tara stood in front of the mirror in the bedroom she shared with Jax at Gemma's. She had already showered, curled her hair, got dressed, and in spite of looking fabulous, she was feeling doubtful of herself. And for the tenth time in the last hour, she contemplated whether or not she should go ahead with her plan.

Three hours ago, she called Juice to make sure nothing had changed from what he told her the previous day. As luck would have it, nothing did. So, Tara asked him to come pick her up because there was no way she would be driving herself there. She still had no car and she didn't want to borrow Gemma's. Also, there was something comforting in the fact that at least one Son was involved in her plan (to some extent at least) and that he was more than willing to help her.

Her mind told her it was a stupid and vain idea, though her heart pressed for her to not give up. This was, after all, her future husband she was doing all this for. And herself too, because she most definitely noticed the look of utter contempt Colette gave her when she saw her.

After her short, but fruitful talk with Gemma a few days before and in spite of Jax's repeated reassurances that Colette would not be making any surprise visits to the clubhouse or anywhere else for that matter because he 'had taken care of it', Tara still decided she should listen to Gemma. Her soon-to-be mother-in-law was way wiser in matters that were MC related seeing how she spent half of her existence within such society. Tara on the other hand was inexperienced as far as old lady duties were concerned, so she was glad to have someone to show her the ropes.

Jax was good-intentioned but he was a man and saw everything from a male's perspective. He wanted to resolve these kind of 'problems' the way he would handle problems within the MC and this just didn't work that way.

After careful deliberation and some sleepless nights when she would lay next to Jax while he was asleep, observing his handsome features and replaying the last few months in her head, Tara decided to act. She was going to show that bitch who Jax Teller really belonged to.

At least, that was what she wanted to do. But now, standing in front of the mirror and observing her ever growing figure, old doubts crept in and she almost caved.

Could she pull this off? Is she this person? Initially, the idea she came up with seemed great. Now however, it all seemed petty. It was just one woman, she told herself. One fucking woman whom Jax couldn't care less about, and neither should she.

Then Gemma's words came to mind (again!) and Tara let out a breath, straightening the creases on her dress, then put on her coat and her heels, walking out of the house with a goal firmly set.

##############################

-"Good luck and have fun." - Juice said as he helped her out of the car, kissing her cheek then winking.

Tara blushed at his words because the smirk on his young face made it obvious he knew what she was doing there even though she wasn't at all specific when she asked him for a favour earlier. -"Thanks. I hope I will."

Turning on her heel, Tara pinched her cheeks and fixed her hair then started towards the grand door as the roar of the engine in the background let her know that Juice was leaving.

-"Here goes nothing." - she murmured to herself as she opened the door and stepped into the mansion.

..............

Tara gasped as she walked into the lobby, her eyes darting from one corner of the place to another, a bit shocked at the sight before her.

The lobby she was standing in was vast, with white walls and great marble staircase she assumed lead to the rooms upstairs. Crimson curtains were hung on the both sides of the lobby, semi-obscuring the happenings behind them.

Tara counted at least ten women there, most of them scarcely dressed and in company of men whose faces showed clear lust. Gulping, she wrapped her coat tighter, willing herself to move from where she stood albeit still surprised by everything.

She jumped slightly when a girl in short red dress approached her, a small smile on her face.

-"Hello. May I help you?"- her tone was friendly, her face welcoming.

Tara returned the smile, her confidence returning. -" Yes. I'm looking for Jax, Jax Teller."

-"May I know who's asking for him?"

With a mischievous smirk, she said -"Tell him it's Ms Knowles."

The girl nodded and disappeared behind the crimson curtain on Tara's right. As she waited for Jax to arrive, Tara's thoughts wandered to the curtain and whatever might be happening there. Faint noises that could be heard made it more than obvious it wasn't something innocent at play. Closing her eyes for a brief moment, she let herself be drown in the sounds as she felt a familiar pulsation in her core.

-"Ms Knowles?"

Jax's voice brought her back from her reverie as she opened her eyes to see an amused smirk play on his lips as he strode towards her.

-"Mr Teller. Lovely to see you." -Tara said, straightening her posture, her eyes fixed on Jax's. She hoped she sounded sexy.

By the look on his face she knew he was happy to see her, but he was obviously confused to see her there. He started towards her, his arms already outstretched to embrace her when she stepped back.

-"Tara?" - a flash of hurt crossed his face and Tara felt a pang of guilt. But there was no time to think of that as she unbuckled the belt on her coat and slowly opened it, keeping eye contact with Jax.

-"I came to give you a lesson, Mr Teller." - her voice was sweet and teasing at the same time, her arms on her hips as she struck a pose. A wicked smile was playing on her lips as she gauged Jax's reaction.

Jax inhaled sharply, his eyes bulging as he registered what she was wearing. Licking his lips, his gaze travelled from her hair, her bright red lipstick until it finally took in her clothes.

-"Fuck. It's that dress." - he breathed out, raking his finger through his hair, his eyes alight. His breathing quickened as he remembered the first time he saw her in it and all the dirty thoughts that were on his mind then.

It was the dress she wore that time he came to her classroom to give her back the money for the ice cream. The purple colour suited her perfectly and the dress hugged her every curve, more so now that she was pregnant and that he could see the outline of the baby bump. A swell of pride blossomed in his chest just by looking at her. Her legs seemed to go on for days thanks to the heels she was wearing.

She wore it on purpose, he thought, and was definitely right.

-"Ms Knowles," - he growled, yes, growled!, -" I'm more than welcome to take your advance class." - Jax crossed the small distance between them and grabbed her hand, effectively pulling her to his chest. -"Jenna! We need a room!"


	54. You Need a Bad Girl to Blow Your Mind

Happy reading :3

\--------------- **\---------------**

Tara never felt more nervous in her life then now as she was climbing up the stairs, her hand in Jax's. A slight wave of panic washed over her, as she was still somewhat doubtful this was the right way to set things straight. But then she saw the looks some of the girls gave to Jax and she became determined to end them for good (the looks, not the girls because that was so not her style).

Her mind was filled with various scenarios of how things could unfold, ranging from hopefully smutty and hot to Jax thinking she was being desperate and ridiculing her. Of course, she knew he wouldn't ever make fun of her. However she was still too concentrated on doing things right than thinking about the outcome of it all.

-"They have clean sheets here, right?" - she asked suddenly, panic obvious in her voice.

To her surprise, Jax laughed and kissed her knuckles. -"Yeah, babe. Don't worry."

One of the free rooms Jax was leading her to (per Jenny's instructions - given with a sneaky smile and a wink aimed at Tara) was on the first floor. He surprised her by practically pulling her into the room, slamming the door behind them with his heel. Her heart beat like crazy within the confinements of her chest as Jax spun her around and pinned her to the wall, immediately crashing their lips together with such force, as if he was waiting to do it the entire day. His strong arm went around her waist, drawing her closer.

It felt nice to be so wanted, to know she had that kind of power over him. Because to her, rendering him speechless and so aroused with the way she dressed counted as a special skill.

His hot breath tickled her as his lips skimmed along the skin of her neck making he giggle, his big warm hand travelling up her leg. She closed here eyes and let herself enjoy this little moment, imagining what it was leading to, the thought making her smile against Jax's lips.

-"You know, ever since I saw you in this dress, I've been wondering what it would be like to rip it off of you. Do you have any idea how hard I got that day, just by looking at you?"

-"Do you know how many times I had to make myself come because I dreamed of you? - Tara spoke through pants, losing her breath every time he ran his tongue along her skin.

-"Oh yeah? And what is with your calling me Mr Teller that's making me want to take you right now, against this wall until I hear you scream my name?"

His voice was low and seductive and fuck if it didn't make her all hot and bothered. Especially when his thumb brushed against her wet heat and she gasped, opening her eyes only to meet his, darkened with lust.

-"You're-you're not wearing any panties!"

The surprise in his voice almost made Tara laugh, but she managed to keep her facade intact. Instead, she smirked mischievously, putting her hand on his chest and pushing him slightly in order to take off his kutte, tossing it on the floor. Jax wrapped his arms around her, obviously to take off her dress, but she wouldn't let him touch her just to prolong the hunger in his eyes.

So, he surrendered to her, waiting to see what would happen.

Next, licking her lips, she let her fingers skim along the hem of his jeans, brushing lightly against his happy trail, her eyes never leaving his. She felt him stiffen for a moment, his breathing shallow before he pulled his shirt over his head and let it join his kutte on the floor.

-"You know, I wanted you too that day, baby. And every other day for that matter. It's this whole biker persona." - she said as she pushed him on the bed and straddle him, a sly smile never leaving her face.

He was propped on his elbows now, his eyes sparkling as he gazed at her. Her hair cascaded down her left shoulder as she adjusted herself on top of him using Jax's chest for support.

-"I know why you're here, Tara."- Jax teased her as he pushed her dress up her legs inch by inch, his fingers playfully massaging the inside if her thighs. Biting her lip, she closed her eyes and moaned lightly when he pushed his finger inside her.

But before she fully gave into the marvellous sensation, she drew his finger out, exhaling loudly and kissing his hand.

Then, leaning forward, Tara started kissing his abdomen and unzipping his jeans. -"Oh, baby. I know you know. But I want them to know it too." - her lips brushed his chest before moving up, trailing kisses up his collarbone, his throat as if marking him until finally reaching his lips.

When she opened her eyes, some unspoken communication passed between them before Jax reached up and cradled her face. The sincerity in his voice warmed her chest and his words almost made her cry.

-"You know there's nothing to worry about, right? Tara, there's no one and nothing in this world that could ever make me cheat on you or leave you. These girls here? Just doing their job. None of them has anything to do with me. Never have, never will."

Her soft palm caressed his cheek, her thumb pulling slightly at his lower lip. -" You're my family Jax. I have no one aside from you. And when little bitches like that blonde bimbo come into my home and openly challenge me, thinking she can tear us apart... I have to show them what we're like. I told you I'll stop being afraid and that's what I'm doing. I am done being afraid of my past, of Josh, of your past, of all these stupid unimportant people who keep messing in our lives, who have nothing and want to take what's not theirs. Because you're mine just as I'm yours. And we are one, Jax. We're one."

With that, Tara felt her doubts melt away and infinite love envelop her as Jax beamed and pulled her down, kissing her fervently like there's no tomorrow. He was already rock hard and Tara's words full of determination and bravery just served to fuel his never ending desire for her.

-"Babe, I won't lie to you. Yeah, there are beautiful girls here, just like there are beautiful girls all over the world. But they've got nothing on you, babe. Absolutely fucking nothing."

Tara knew his words were meant to be reassuring and romantic, but she couldn't help it. A laugh escaped her lips as Jax frowned and looked at her in wonder.

-"Are you quoting Bruno Mars?" - she asked through fits of giggle.

-"Who?"

She shook her head, still smiling. -" Nothing."

His pants and boxers were gone in matter of seconds just like Tara's dress. They never broke their kiss, not even as Tara shifted, positioning her pulsating heat against his tip. She gasped as she slowly took him in, inch by inch, savouring the sensation of being so close with the love of her life.

-"Fuck, Tara!"

Hearing him say her name in that moment, in that room was so erotic. There was just something about the fact that there were many others there too, in that mansion, doing the same things she was going to do with Jax.

It took her a few moments to get used to her new position, especially since her belly was somehow keeping her from fully engaging in this moment. She wanted to be cautious.

Jax was already on the edge, barely keeping himself under control.

Tara pressed her forehead against his, breathing heavily. -" Just give me a sec." She rotated her hips to accommodate her small yet already round belly, and rose slowly, her hands entwined with Jax's on his naked chest.

-You ok?"- he asked in concern, brows furrowed.

Smiling, she nodded, then started moving, slowly at first before picking up pace and with Jax meeting her with every thrust.

##############################################

It was definitely not her day. First some client called to complain about one of her girls, then she had to call a plumber because some pipe broke in one of the suite bathrooms, and to top it all, Jenny just told her Jax had gone to one of the rooms with some brunette, who didn't even work there!

After all her tries and efforts, some bitch from the street felt free to come in and, just like that, Jax went with her?

No fucking way!

Stomping upstairs, her blood boiling in her veins with every loud sigh and cry she heard, it made her sick to know Jax was with someone else in her own home, per say.

It took her months to get somewhat closer to him, seeing how e was so loyal to that

uptight teacher he talked so much about every time she tried to steer their conversation in a more not so innocent territory.

He was young, masculine, and soooo fine. So what if he had a fiancée at home? Colette could beat she could give him more action in one night than that poor little thing in her entire life. Colette wanted him and she did everything she could to draw him to her, to no avail.

And now, he was having sex with some chick just like that, after ignoring her? How dare he?

No way, buddy. No way. And especially not here.

She almost knocked the door down as she opened them, eyes wide in shock when she realised what she was seeing.

Jax was lying on his back, gloriously naked, his eyes focused on the sight before him. To be more precise, on the person on him, because there, on top of him was his fiancée, completely naked as well, her breasts hopping every time Jax thrust into her and she met his onslaught. And when they both closed their eyes, they appeared to be in some sort of a sex trance, moving in sync, feeling every part of each other's bodies.

Jax hand was between Tara's legs and the were both moaning until all of a sudden the woman's eyes met Colette's and a look of utter triumph appeared on her face. It was then that Colette realised the whole scene was set for her.

And just as she closed the door, Jax called out Tara's name in his climax, the latter joining him, screaming his name.

Not able to take this humiliation any further, Colette stormed down the stairs, her face red with anger. Heads turned as she slammed the door of her office behind her, yelling for everyone to leave her alone.

She was sure everyone already knew and heard the pair since they were anything but discrete. Many of her girls were aware that she wanted Jax. Now she was sure they would make fun of her and talk about her behind her back.

Damn Jax TELLER!  
########################################

Jax and Tara were lying on their fronts, too tired to move. Eyes shut, skin listening with sweat, and Jax's deft fingers tracing patterns on her lower back: Tara felt like she was in heaven.

-"She saw us. And heard." - Jax finally spoke.

-"Mhmmm." - Tara mumbled. -" That was kind of the whole point."

-"I told you nothing was going on." - he insisted.

-"And I believe you, Jax. It's her I don't trust. Maybe now she'll learn to keep her filthy paws off other women's men."

He moved some strand of her hair off her face, stroking her cheek. -" You've changed. You're not the woman I met all those months ago."

Opening her eyes, her gaze met his, searching her face as if trying to find something. Or maybe someone. Gulping hard, she spoke worriedly.

-"Is that bad? Do you not like me the way I am now?"

Jax rushed to assure her. -"No, babe. I love you no matter what. It's just... You seemed so scared in the beginning. But look how far you've come. And I never for a second doubted you. My badass fiancée."

Tara wrapped her arm around his back, her face only inches from his.

-" I was scared, and I admit I felt lost and weak at times. And when I met you... I thought you were another idiot wanting to get into my pants. And I had people telling me you were a criminal, a bad person, a killer." - she paused for a second when she saw the look on his face.

It haunted him, the life he was leading before her met her. She was aware of blood on his hands, of horrible things he did for the sake of his club, his legacy. She knew it all and she still loved him.

When he told her the truth about himself, night after night when he came to visit her and ended up spending the night in her bed, talking until wee hours of the morning, Tara decided she could either leave him or stay and try to help him, just like his company was helping her.

And so she stayed, not out of pity or fear he might do something to her, not even because she liked him so much.

It was because she realised they were the same; haunted souls seeking comfort and understanding. They completed each other so well, both physically and mentally. However, what Tara cherished the most was the emotional bond her nights with Jax provided.

They didn't need sex to feel close. All they needed was for the other to listen.

-"Jax,-" she spoke slowly so he could hear her perfectly clear, -" You did some bad things. And you repented. You've done so many good things in your life too. I know this is your burden and you will have to carry it for the rest of your life. Just know I will be there every step of the way. I'm with you."

-"You're an angel, Tara. A devil like me couldn't have possibly deserved you." - his smile was weak, a tear threatening to fall from the corner of his eye.

-"No. We're not talking about devils and angels now. There's just the two of us here, and well, a guest in my belly."

Tara shifted so she was lying on her back, her hand coming to rest on her bump. Cocking his eyebrow, Jax kissed her stomach.

-" Speaking of, I think I know a perfect name for our baby girl."

Rolling her eyes and sighing, Tara finally gave in. -" Ok, fine. I have no idea what makes you think our baby's going to be a girl, but fine. Go ahead. What would be the perfect name?"

Tossing his head back and laughing, he kissed her before turning his head, his eyes on her dress lying on the floor. A wholehearted smile appeared on his as he said:

-"Violet."

 


	55. No Drama

Jax and Tara had just pulled over at the TM when Gemma saw them. She left a mountain of paperwork she was dealing with on the desk and went to greet them. Jax was helping Tara off her seat, her hand firmly clasped in his.

“Careful. We wouldn’t want to shake the baby inside, right?” Jax joked making Tara roll her eyes.

“I’m pregnant. It doesn’t mean I’ll pop this kid out the minute I make a step or two. You gotta ease a bit with all this or we’re gonna have a problem,” she raised her brow to indicate how serious she was.

In response, he pulled her flush against him, kissing her cheek then peppering his way down her jaw. His words were spoken so quietly she almost didn’t hear them, “I’m just so scared, babe.”

Tara cupped his face, making him look her in the eye. His hands immediately landed on her hips.

“I know you are. I am too. But we have to try and get past everything that happened. For us, for Abel, for this baby.”

For the last two months, ever since she had another miscarriage scare, Jax had been overly protective of her, even through his jokes. As much as she appreciated the attention and care, sometimes it was overwhelming to have not just Jax but everyone else telling her what to do and how to behave. It wasn’t like she wanted to harm her baby, for God’s sake. Nonetheless, all her protests and little speeches of independence, it being her body and womb, were in vain.

The guys went out of their way to accommodate her whenever she would come by the clubhouse by, say, turning down the volume of the music at few parties she attended, or making sure they had extra food and sweets in storage just for her.

Donna, Lyla, and Venus went shopping with her for baby clothes, not wanting to leave her alone for a second lest something happened and she didn’t have anyone by her side, and Jax worked with the builders extra hard just to finish their house in time before the baby was born.

Gemma forbade all the croweaters - except some of the ones she trusted the most – to show their asses, pussies, and faces at the clubhouse or they would have to face her wrath. Since Tara didn’t know Gemma that long, nor did she see her ‘scariest side’, she didn’t exactly know what that entailed. But Donna knew very well and assured Tara croweaters knew it too – that’s why none of them dared to even set a foot on the TM soil.

“Hi! Where are you guys goin’?” Gemma asked as she approached them, wrapping her arms around Tara and giving her a kiss before rubbing her well-rounded belly.

“We have an appointment with Tara’s ob/gyn. Just a regular ultrasound to see if the baby’s ok. We’re gonna find out the sex today,” Jax answered, pulling Tara to his side, his palm wrapping around hers.

Tara laughed before adding, “Jax is pretty sure it’s a girl. And I can’t wait to see him proven wrong.”

“I’m not _pretty_ sure it’s a girl. It _is_ a girl, how many times do we need to have this discussion?”

Tara arched her brow at him, “Until the doctor says otherwise, I’m gonna keep spiting you.”

“Fine, but I know I’m right,” he answered with a smirk before giving her a peck on the cheek, “I’ll just go check on the guys real quick. Be right back”.

Jax went inside the clubhouse, leaving Gemma and Tara alone. With her hands on her hips, Gemma cocked her head to the side and asked Tara, “Is it a girl?”

Tara chuckled, hands caressing her bump.” I don’t know, Gemma. But he’s hell bent on it definitely being a girl. You heard him. He even has a name,” Tara added exasperatedly, but in reality, she was beyond glad Jax was so invested in this pregnancy.

“Yeah? What is it?”

“Violet.”

Gemma seemed to ponder a few moments before replying, “Hmmm, it’s a nice name. Wonder where he got it.”

Tara grinned, recollecting their moment at the wretched brothel and Jax telling her how much he loved seeing her in that dress. “It was the dress I wore earlier, when we first met. It was purple and Jax said he really liked it.”

“Was it the real tight one? The one that came from dry cleaning the other day?” Gemma inquired.

“Yeah, that one. Good memories,” Tara beamed, covering her mouth with her hand feeling slightly bashful.

Gemma shook her head in amusement, “Yeah, yeah, I got it. Will you be back in time for the party?”

Tara looked at her in confusion. “What party?”

“Seems like all this alone time with Jax has made your memory a goo,” Gemma joked. “Lyla’s going away party. Remember now?”

Tara gasped, brows furrowing, “Oh my god, I totally forgot. I’m so sorry. Yeah I think we’ll be back by then. Do you need my help with anything? Should we buy something while we’re in town?

“Chucky’s in the shop. He’s already prepared all the cakes and whatnots. Just swing by when you’re done.”

“Sure thing.”

Just then, Abel came rushing to them huffing. He looked pleadingly at Tara, “Can I come too?”

Jax was coming right behind him, wrapping his arms around Tara and smiling sweetly at his son.

“He went nuts when he heard me telling the guys where we’re going.

Tara crouched, careful of her bump, so she was at eye level with Abel. She caressed his cheek, taking his hands in hers. “You wanna go with us, baby?”

Abel nodded excitedly, grinning widely at both Tara and his dad. Gemma regarded them all with amusement, caressing the top of Abel’s head.

“Yes, pleaseeee. I want to see my brother! Can I come?”

“Yes, honey of course you can,” Tara hugged him and Abel wrapped his small arms around her, kissing her cheek all the while giggling happily.

Jax helped Tara stand up, holding her arms. She swayed a little but thankfully, she was holding onto him tightly so she managed to recover her balance.

“Key, then let’s go,” Jax lead Tara around the car and opened the passenger doo for her. He waited until she settled and put on the seat belt before closing the door. He then made sure Abel was secured in his car seat before sitting in the driver’s seat and starting the car and pulling out of the parking lot.

“Drive carefully!” Gemma yelled after them, waving.

*   *    *

The visit to her ob/gyn was as eventful as Tara hoped and Jax predicted. The second the doctor told them they were expecting a girl, Jax made an air fist bump, shouting ‘yes!’ and laughing like crazy. Abel stared in wonderment at the screen of the ultrasound before he asked “But how can you tell? It’s all just a smudge!” His parents and the doctor laughed at his cuteness before the doctor explained to him, in very simple terms, how they were able to tell whether it was a boy or a girl. Abel listened intently, eyes-wide. Jax took a moment to kiss Tara’s forehead, whispering “told you so,” with a shit-eating grin on his face. Damn fool couldn’t wait to gloat, Tara thought, amused, but she was glad the baby was healthy, no matter what sex it was.

After that, they drove to the shop to pick up the cakes as Gemma asked, then went back to the clubhouse to celebrate Lyla going away party.

The crowd was rowdy, the music blasted from the speakers and everyone was having a good time. Jax couldn’t wait to tell his brothers he was right about the sex of the baby and everyone who bet on it being a boy had to pay him up. Tara acted offended they were betting on her child’s sex, until they all crowded around her and gave her a group hug. It felt amazing to feel so much support and love from so many people. She was truly blessed.

Abel sat in one of the booths, holding the ultrasound in his hands. He couldn’t quite grasp that this was a baby, a real baby, his sister. Nonetheless, he knew he loved her now, even before she was born. He couldn’t wait for her to be born because that would mean he wasn’t alone anymore. In his mind, he was already planning what books he was going to read to the baby and all the toys he would fill the nursery with and how he would help his mom and dad take care of his baby sister.

Tara already explained to him that babies are quite handful and that they would have to be paying more attention to her, just until she was old enough. Abel understood and was glad they included him in plans regarding the baby.

Gemma came over and sat beside him to check if he was ok.

“Yeah, grandma. I’m just really looking forward to the baby being born.”

“Oh sweetheart. We all are. And you are going to be an amazing older brother, I can already tell.”

“Yeah, I am,” he said with confidence, smiling at the ultrasound.

*  *  *

Tara was sleeping contently. She had been sleeping contently for months now, without worrying about Kohn, Collette, or anything else but her family. She was no longer scared her life would be ruined by anyone. She was really, truly happy.

Happy and... She stirred in her sleep as a she felt hot air being blown south of her belly and her skin prickled at the contact of someone's hands on her thighs. Smiling, she opened her eyes slightly, her lashes fluttering as she groggily spoke, “Jax?”

A second later, his head peek from under the cover, a smirk plastered on his lips, his hair sticking in all directions and his eyes twinkling, “Hi, beautiful.”

She was still half-asleep, knackered and not all that aware of her surroundings. _Was it still night?_

“What are you doing?” she asked as she made to turn and continue her adventures in the dreamland.

Jax kissed Tara’s stomach, huffing a laugh when the baby inside seemed to stir. He slowly crawled up her body until he reached her sleepy face.

“Waking you up,” he kissed her lips, then her cheek.

Tara pulled the cover over her head, still refusing to open her eyes.

“But I don’t want to get up. What time is it?”

Jax lay sideways, his drawing circles around her belly button with his finger. “Does it matter? I just wanted to wake you up.”

“Have you no mercy, waking up a pregnant woman?” Tara chided but couldn’t help the smile appearing on her face.

“I don’t remember you complaining last night. Matter of fact, I clearly remember that same pregnant woman being insatiable and making me work overtime” Jax trailed kisses along her jaw, behind her ear, waking goosebumps along her skin.

“Are you complaining?” Tara asked jokingly, pushing her bum against him. Jax nuzzled her neck before his hand found its way to her clit and she gasped, squirming against him.

“No complaint here. I just love waking you up like this.”

“I love being woken up this way.”

Tara forgave Jax for waking her up after he was so generous in his apology.

 

**Author's Note:**

> So, what do you think? Leave me comments and suggestions...


End file.
